


Whatever the Night May Bring

by Egypt18015



Category: Backstreet Boys, Numb3rs
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Science Fiction, Suspense, post apocalyptic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:48:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 47
Words: 108,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24090838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Egypt18015/pseuds/Egypt18015
Summary: The week before Millennium is released, the Backstreet Boys are on top of the world. They can sense their lives are never going to be the same, but unfortunately, they didn't intend for it to happen quite the way it did. Once they board a small private plane to take them to do some press in Philly, things take a drastic turn.*I wrote this in 2011, long before Trump became President, sorry this is kind of ending up pretty accurate!
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi There!
> 
> I wanted to say, even though I mentioned Numb3rs at the top as a genre, only one or two characters appear from that series and not until later into this story.
> 
> There is also death and violence but nothing really graphic which is why I didn’t click those warnings, but this is not a sunshine and roses type of story. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

****

****

****

**~ 1 ~**

**~ New Millennium ~**

**Date: May 28th, 1999**

**Time: 10:53 AM**

**Place: Nazareth, Pa (8 days after the emergency landing.)**

**\+ Howie +**

I’m huddled down here in a small shack with Nick and two other people we don’t know. We managed to get separated from the other guys after the last explosion. My only hope is that they are alive. We were much too close for comfort when that last bomb fell from the sky. Just when I thought that Brian was getting really good at sensing when they were about to be dropped, this one made an entirely different sound.

They are getting better at these attacks. At least that’s what this small resistance group told us when we stumbled upon them just two days ago. The last blast supposedly killed about 40 people. They are bombing in the middle of the night when they think everyone is sleeping. I’m not sure how much longer we have.

“How you holding up buddy?” I placed my hand on Nick’s shoulder. He’s stopped talking, ever since the last set of attacks. I can’t blame him. I’m not sure how much more of this I can take and I’m supposedly an adult.

He’s just sitting here next to me with his arms wrapped around his legs, rocking back and forth with his eyes wide open. I don’t know how to calm him down and I’ve given up on telling him that everything will be okay. He knows I don’t even believe that anymore.

“We’ll get out of this. I promise.” Of course I still have to try.

I feel so helpless. What if the others are dead? I’m not sure what I would do. In the last place we were in, a completely unrecognizable Philadelphia, they said that the President had given up on negotiations. He decided to flee the country and let the survivors fend for themselves.

Kevin and I had looked at each other at that moment knowing that we were pretty much toast, unless we could figure out a way to get ourselves back home, we didn’t have much longer. The clock was ticking and Charlie told us we only had a certain window of opportunity to find the portal that took us here in the first place. I wish I was better at math and science. None of us had a clue what the hell he was talking about.

At that point, before we parted ways, Charlie gave Kevin a vile of pills. He told him that he should hold onto them and be ready to hand them to us if we got caught by one of the mobs hunting celebrities down. It would be quick and painless.

I heard they caught Him and his family shortly after. He was tried as a traitor just for helping celebrities and hung in the middle of the square as a message to the rest of the people in the city.

Seems like the logo, ‘The City of Brotherly Love’ has been replaced with, ‘You help people escape and we will kill you!’ 

“I’m going to go check to see if there are any survivors out there.” The nice older man who helped the two of us to safety said.

I nodded and stood up, ready to help. He quickly pushed me back down though, “You stay with the boy. He seems to need you more than I do at the moment.” I nodded.

I don’t think he knows who we are. After the last attack, we really took extra precautions in making sure we looked as ordinary as possible. With how dirty and tattered we look, we do just blend in with the rest of the crowd now.

A really nice woman came and bent down beside me, handing me a bottle of water, and then gently patting Nick’s hair, fixing a few that were out of place.

She smiled, “How are you holding up?”

“I’m okay.”

“My name’s Clara by the way.”

I wasn’t sure whether to use my real name or not but I had a feeling by now it didn’t much matter, “Howie.”

“Nice to meet you.”

Clara was about 55 or so. She actually reminded me a lot of my mom. She had this maternal look in her eyes that made the really cold shack we were in, feel like a warm cabin by the lake.

“Please let me know if there’s anything else I can do for the both of you.” She stood up to leave.

“Thank you for helping us.” I felt the need to keep talking to her because honestly, I didn’t want her to walk away. I needed the company and Nick wasn’t really much in the way of that at the moment.

She must have sensed this because she turned and sat down beside Nick and across from me. “I haven’t seen you around, are you from here originally?”

I shook my head, “No, we’re from Florida.” That has been our go to tag line since we arrived here.

“I hear there’s not much left down that way.” She turned her eyes towards the floor.

“I heard the same.”

She looked over at Nick and then started moving her arm slowly up and down his, “And what about you honey?”

Nick didn’t say anything. He didn’t even look at her.

“He doesn’t feel much like talking at the moment.”

“Sadly, we’ve seen it a lot with the younger ones. I’m surprised he’s made it this far. We haven’t seen anyone under 21 pass this way in quite a long time.”

“You can tell he’s that young?”

She nodded, “You need to make him look older. You can stand to look older too. You’re just a baby yourself.” She then moved her hand from Nick to me and placed it on my face. “You actually remind me of my son. He was at NYU studying Law when it happened.”

“I’m sorry.”

She took a deep breath and smiled, “I’m almost glad he didn’t live to see this.”

The man came back in and bolted the door shut behind him. “I didn’t see anyone moving out there.” He then gave me a sympathetic smile, “That doesn’t mean they didn’t survive though, son. They could have been taken in by someone else.”

I nodded, trying to stay hopeful at least for Nick’s sake. He let out the tiniest whimper after the man said that. “Thanks for looking.”

“Sure thing, we’ll go back out after lunch.”

He walked over to Clara and gave her a kiss on the cheek and then he held his hand out to me, “My names Randy, I’m sorry I haven’t properly introduced myself to you.”

“I’m Howie and this is Nick.”

“Nice to meet you both.” He looked over at Clara, “I’m going to go wash up before lunch.”

“We’ll be here sweetheart.” She stood up and wiped the dust from her pants. “I better go get some soup warming on the stove. I remember when May used to be warm. I miss those days.”

“Me too.” 

I glanced over at Nick and placed my hand on his head. “We’ll find them Nicky, I promise. Like Randy said, I’m sure they found shelter.”

“I just want to go home.” He said in the smallest of voices. “This place is horrible.”

“We’ll find a way home. Charlie was helpful. We just need to get back to New York and find that guy Matt he told us about.”

“He’s probably dead.”

Nick was probably right but I wasn’t about to say that, now that he was finally talking again. “You have to have faith.”

“Faith is what started this whole mess in the first place, isn’t it?” He looked me in the eyes, his were pooling with tears.

“I’m still kind of unclear about what happened.” And that was the truth. No matter how many times people explained this to me, I was baffled. We all sat and listened to stories of how this war got started acting as if we were just trying to confirm information instead of letting them know we hadn’t been around to witness it for ourselves.

Charlie and his family are the only ones we actually confessed to. No one else would have believed us. I’m still not entirely sure I believe us and I was there. I saw with my own eyes what happened although I kind of keep hoping I’ll wake up and see it was all just a giant nightmare. Like Ebenezer Scrooge, maybe this is some kind of message from above that I have to change my ways otherwise this will actually happen one day.

If this is a dream, it’s the most realistic one I’ve ever had.

Nick’s coughing fit broke me out of my thoughts, which is the other thing that’s concerned me for a few days. I handed him my water bottle, “Drink this.”

“I’m not thirsty.”

“It doesn’t matter, just drink it.”

He grabbed the bottle and took a swig, coughing as soon as he swallowed. This kid has always been prone to getting sick but now was not the time for this to happen. I stood up and walked over to the very dirty window by the door. It was the only window in this place. It was never meant to be a house. It really is only a shack. The house which is directly in front of us was completely destroyed by fire. No idea how long ago. Now there were only two folding chairs, a table and an old, burnt mattress lying on the ground covered with bright quilts that didn’t fit the grim décor of the place.

Clara had a pot boiling on a make shift fire in the middle of the room and their fridge was nothing more than a big cooler they probably used for tailgating before football became illegal.

“We make do with what we have.” It was then I realized she caught me staring at our dismal surroundings. I felt bad.

“How long ago did that happen?” I asked, pointing at the house.

She sighed, “A few months.”

“Come and sit.” She said motioning for me to take one of the chairs at the table.

She ladled out some soup into a bowl and handed it to me. Despite the fact that we were in a shack, the soup smelled incredible. Maybe it was also because we hadn’t really eaten anything of real substance for a few days now. “Eat up while it’s warm!”

She walked over to Nick and handed him a bowl as well as a huge piece of bread. “You boys need your strength.”

“Thank you so much!” I said, not knowing how we were ever going to pay these people back for their generosity. Maybe we could take them with us. Let them see what things were like had they not elected Donald Trump as President.

Randy came back in to the shed with his hair all wet. A hose in the back served as the shower he was talking about. “It’s freezing out there!” He said as he placed his coat back on before taking a seat at the table.

Clara handed him a bowl of soup and then poured one out for herself and sat on a milk crate.

“I think it might snow again tonight.”

“Who would have ever thought we’d get snow in May?”

“That’s what happens when you interrupt the natural order of things. It’s good, isn’t it? My wife is an amazing cook, especially given the little she has to work with.”

I nodded at Randy, “It’s wonderful, thank you so much for feeding us.”

“Our pleasure.”

I paused before continuing. I have wanted to talk about the other guys for a while now but I’ve been so concerned about Nick and his mental state I kind of avoided the issue, but the later it got, the less chance we had of finding them. “After we eat, I was wondering if it would be okay if I left Nicky with you guys and went looking for the rest of our friends.”

“Of course, in fact, I’ll go with you. Clara wouldn’t mind watching the boy.”

“I should go too.” Nick said from the floor. I knew that was going to happen. I was hoping he’d fall asleep in the meantime.

I looked over at him, “I think you should stay here.”

He stood up and walked over to the table, stopping to cough along the way. He coughed so hard he dropped his bowl of soup all over the floor. “I’m so sorry.” I swear he looked like he was going to cry. Something was going on with him. I wish Kevin was here. He’d know what to do about this.

“It’s okay honey.” Clara said running to clean up the mess with the damp towel Randy had used for his shower.

“This is why you need to stay, Nick. You’re sick. You need to rest.”

“What if you don’t come back?”

“I’ll make sure he gets back to you, okay?” Randy said with so much assurance in his voice, even I believed him.

Nick nodded and then sat back down on the newly cleaned floor. “We should maybe head out now, before people start coming out looking for food. Not saying anyone is going to hurt anyone but desperate times…”

“Good idea.” I stood up and handed my bowl to Clara.

“I’ll take good care of Nick while you’re gone. How long has he been coughing like that?”

“For about a week but it’s gotten worse the last few days.”

She looked concerned. “And how do you feel?”

“As well as can be expected I suppose.”

I didn’t like the look she gave her husband. I felt like they weren’t telling me something. For the first time since they rescued us, I felt uneasy. Maybe I should take Nick with me.

“Come on son, let’s get going.” Randy placed his arm on my shoulder and opened the door to the shack. I glanced back at Nick who had the same look as a kid whose parents are leaving him at school for the first time.

“I’ll be back and hopefully with the rest of the guys!” I smiled at him.

He nodded and then went back to his original position of cradling his legs in his arms and rocking back and forth.

This area before the bombs hit was probably a cute little cul-de-sac. All the homes most likely looked the same. My parents lived in a community very similar to this one. Now it looks like a tornado ripped through. Just about all the homes are gone, except for one smoldering wall here and there. Randy nodded to a family who were sitting outside by where their garage used to be.

“They don’t know what to do with themselves. They just come and go through the rubble everyday as if maybe they’ll find what they’re looking for.”

“And what is that?”

“Their little girl.”

“Oh.” What more can you say?

We walked all the way down the street for about a mile and a half to where we were when the bomb actually hit. The street was all but gone and my heart dropped. There was no way they could have made it. We would have seen them if they did.

“There are some places where people go to hide around here, after the sun goes down. We can try to hit that first thing in the morning, but for now we best head back. We need to get some sleep.”

I wanted to stay and look around a little more, they had to be just within reach, but it was so eerily quiet and deserted that I wasn’t sure I’d like what I found if we did keep searching.

When we got back to the shack, Nick was lying on the floor covered in a layer of blankets and Clara was sitting at the table humming a song to herself.

“Did you find them?” He asked sitting up in anticipation only to fall back to the ground when he visibly saw the answer.

“We’ll try again tomorrow.” Randy said locking the shack door with a combination lock you’d find on a high school locker.

“Time to go to bed.” 

I looked at my watch and saw it was only 2 in the afternoon. He kept going, “We don’t sleep at night here which is why we have survived as long as we have. Now that the attacks happen at night we sleep during the day so we are ready for whatever the night may bring.

“Good idea.” I was tired anyway and honestly not really feeling all that well myself.

I went and lay down next to Nick who rolled over to face me, “They’re dead Howie, aren’t they?”

“I don’t know, Nicky.” I gulped, trying to avoid the tears. I had been holding them in for a long time but now they started to fall freely.

Nick wasn’t sure what to do with that so he grabbed me in a hug and then turned to give me some time.

“It was only a couple of weeks ago that we were celebrating the release of our album.” Nick said after a few minutes of silence.

“Yeah.” I said wiping away the tears, and closing my eyes to remember just as another bomb went off.


	2. Chapter 2

**~ 2 ~**

**A Nervous Energy**

**Date: May 17th, 1999**

**Time: 7:15 PM**

**Place: New York City (4 days before the emergency landing)**

**\+ Nick +**

I can’t seem to sit still, yeah I know…big shocker! But tonight it’s even worse than usual. Our album comes out tomorrow and I can’t wait! I am so excited about it. It feels different this time around. That’s what everyone is saying. There’s a different kind of vibe.

“Get here already!!”

The talking in the room stopped and everyone stared at me. I guess I said that out loud. Brian looked particularly amused. “Who are you talking to?”

“Tomorrow!”

Everyone laughed.

The room was filled with people, most of which I had never even seen before. Most of them were from our new management company The Firm, but some I swear just came out of nowhere. We were having a pre-release party.

I don’t really enjoy these things. I find them incredibly boring. Maybe if I was allowed to get shit faced drunk and pee on the plants or something I’d find this a little more entertaining, but I have an image to maintain or so I’m told. So, I’m just kind of counting down the minutes when I can go back to my hotel room and play some videogames with Brian who looks equally bored out of his mind.

Once the attention was turned away from me, B-Rok made his way over. “So, you a little excited there?” He gave me one of his sarcastic smiles. Not many people realize how sarcastic Brian can be. His humor can be as dry as they come but he’s really good at hiding that from people.

“Do you think they’d notice if we left?”

“Uh…no, I mean it’s only a party thrown in our honor. Why would they miss us?”

See? That’s what I mean!

Howie was standing off to the side talking to three random women who looked a lot like hookers. “Let’s throw something at Howie!” I suddenly felt impulsive and took what I think was a crab cake off a tray and flung it at D’s head.

It hit him on his forehead and his expression was priceless. He looked over at me with his ‘I’m going to kill you’ look.

“Wow that was random.” Brian laughed.

I waved at Howie as he gave me the finger. I’m hoping no one saw me being… quotey fingers, bad. The last thing I want is a lecture tonight. Instinctively I looked around the room for Kevin and when I didn’t see him I smirked. Mission accomplished!

“How much longer do you think this shmooze fest is going to last?”

Brian shrugged at me, “No idea.”

“I want to go back to the room! It looks like Kevin ducked out and I don’t see AJ either.”

“They might have gone outside for some air.”

I grabbed Brian’s arm and yanked him out of the room, “Sounds like a plan, lets do that!”

“Ow! Good lord child, you just about yanked my arm out of its socket!”

“Sorry!”

“No you’re not!”

“Okay, I lied, so sue me!” I started running down the hall, “Bet I can beat you out there!”

I left him before I could hear his answer but soon enough he had managed to catch me and of course blew right by me and out the door.

“What the hell are you guys doing?” Can you guess who that is?

“Hey Kevin…” I paused to take catch my breath, “We were having a race.”

“I wish the two of you would grow up!”

He shook his head and turned to Kristin and asked her to get him another drink. She smiled at me. I’m convinced she is secretly in love with me and one day we’re going to run away together. She’s hot, much too hot for Kevin.

AJ walked over to us carrying his own little tray of mini wieners. “This is cool, isn’t it?”

I grabbed a hot dog and nodded, “Now this isn’t too bad. Maybe we should just hang out here for the rest of the night.”

Brian grabbed a mini dog as well, “Sounds like a plan to me.”

We were on the roof of the hotel which was set up to look like a garden. Quite a few partygoers were out here as well but it wasn’t nearly as claustrophobic as it was inside. Hopefully no one will realize this is here. I walked over to the edge and peered out into the night. New York is always so loud but you could also hear the dimmest sound of cheering coming from below. “There are people down there waiting for us.” I said, motioning for Brian to come join me by the ledge.

He put his hands out in front of him, “No thanks, I’m good.”

“Don’t be a chicken Brian. It’s not that far up!”

“Nick we’re about 30 stories up.”

“Pfft!”

He shook his head and laughed at me. “How many people do you think are out there?”

“I don’t know.”

“Guess.”

“Um…50.”

“Wow, you suck at guessing.”

He laughed again, “Okay wise ass, how many people do you think are down there?”

I moved closer to the ledge and actually placed one leg over as if I was going to stand on the small railing. He immediately came over and grabbed my arm, “Get off of there!”

“Relax Brian, it’s not like I’ll jump or anything.”

“Yeah but you’re so klutzy you’d accidentally fall to your death, then who would I always beat at basketball?”

I felt a small pinch on my shoulder, “Will you try to calm yourself down please?” Kevin said through gritted teeth. The guy really needs to relax. I need to calm down? He is the one that needs to take, like, fifteen chill pills.

“Sorry, I’m just excited and have a ton of nervous energy.”

He let go of me and pat my shoulder this time, “I know Nick, but you falling off the hotel roof won’t do much for our career.”

“I don’t know, dead pretty boys are always a good seller.”

AJ cares so much, it’s touching, really.

“I would feel a whole lot better if you all backed away from the ledge.”

Poor scared of heights Brian.

We all moved closer to him and away from the crowd of fans screaming below. “Are you guys ready for what’s coming tomorrow?” Kevin asked all reflective and Kevin-ish.

“You’re making it sound like the plague, Kevin.” I can smart ass with the best of them!

He gave me a look of utter annoyance. I think I shall name that the Kevin look. “You know what I mean. Are you ready for the whirlwind? It feels different this time, doesn’t it?”

“I have a feeling after this album comes out things will never be the same.” Brian said in earnest.

Kristin came back with a glass of champagne for Kevin and one for herself. “Hi boys.” She winked at me. I’m telling you…she TOTALLY wants me!

“Brian, where’s Leighanne?” She asked as she took a sip.

“She had a headache so she decided to skip the party. She’ll be around all day tomorrow though.”

“Good, I’ll need someone to pal around with.”

Yeah, pal around with miss needy neederson so this way I can have my best friend on one of the most important days of our lives!

I was kind of bummed that I didn’t really have anyone around to share the album release with. Howie’s sister Polly was coming up tomorrow and AJ’s mom was already in town. Kevin had Kris and Brian had big boobs McGee. My mother was going to come, but we ended up having a fight about Aaron and publicity and she backed out. Told me if I didn’t appreciate my family I can celebrate with my fake one. She’s jealous of the guys because she knows I care about them and love them about as much as I care and love her. The only difference is, the guys love me back.

Anyway, enough about that, I refuse to get all down. Tomorrow is a day I’ve been looking forward to ever since we started to record for this album. A waitress walked by and I took a glass of champagne right off the tray and held it up, “Let’s drink a toast!” I said holding the glass in the air.

AJ and Brian grabbed glasses and held theirs out as well as Kevin and Kris, “What are we toasting?”

“To Millennium!”

We clinked glasses and just as I was about to take a sip, my glass was taken away.

“Seriously dude? It’s only champagne. My parents let me drink it when I was 4 for New Years.”

“That explains so much.” Kevin said under his breath as he chugged MY champagne as if it was a beer bong or something. When he was done he smiled and winked at me. Talk about smartasses!

Howie came outside shortly after our toast, looking a little drunk himself, “So, this is where you all disappeared to. The party is breaking up so you can stop hiding now.”

“We weren’t hiding. We all just needed some air.”

He looked at me, “Uh huh, well anyway…I’m heading to bed because we have a big day ahead of us tomorrow!”

I think he still might be mad at me, ah well, he’ll get over it. He always does.

I glanced at Brian who had made his way over the ledge. The sound of screaming fans was intoxicating. Just as he was about to look over, I gave him a small push. He actually screamed like a little girl and I couldn’t help but crack up!

“Brian dude, we need to seriously get you over your fear of heights. Think of all the fun we’d have like Bungee jumping and shit?”

He placed his hand on his heart, “How about I just watch you bungee jump?”

I shrugged, “Sounds good to me.”

With that being said we made our way back inside and off to bed where I didn’t sleep at all! Not even one wink!


	3. Chapter 3

**~ 3 ~**

**Survival Mode**

**Date: May 28th, 1999**

**Time: 1:23 PM**

**Place: Nazareth, PA (8 days after the emergency landing)**

**\+ Brian +**

I can’t do this! I can’t do this…

“Yes you can, Brian!”

I shook my head, still refusing to open my eyes, “I can’t, Kevin!”

“Damn it! Yes you can…you have to, you don’t have any choice!”

There’s always a choice. Maybe this is my destiny. Maybe this is how I’m meant to die? Hanging here on a huge tree branch above a hole that most likely was someone’s house can’t just be a coincidence, can it? I knew I shouldn’t have gotten on that plane. Every bone in my body was screaming that it was a bad idea and Leigh walking off all mad at me should have been the icing on the cake.

_“Don’t be that way!”_

_“What way?”_

_“Leigh, it’s out of my hands.”_

_“Only because you chose to make it someone else’s problem.”_

_“It’s just a day!”_

_“I came out here just for you!”_

_“I want you to come!”_

_“Then say something!”_

_“No one else is arguing.”_

_“I knew it! Well, have fun then. I guess I’ll see you when you get back!”_

_“Kris is here to keep you company.”_

She turned and walked away from me then, leaving me high and dry on the tarmac. I wanted to run after her but we were already late for the flight. I should have at least said something to her. I’ll probably never see her again. Thank God she didn’t come with us.

“Brian, you really need to get up here before another bomb hits and you fall!”

“If you’re trying to make me feel better, it’s not working.”

“I just want you to move your ass!”

The sense of urgency in his voice only escalated my own level of panic. I can’t help it if this was my biggest fear. We all have them and mine is heights. It always has been. I tend to downplay it when it comes to interviews and things. I even joke about how irrational it is and play it up as a fear that isn’t all that bad, but in reality there’s not much that terrifies me except for this.

I actually feel the skin on my arms being slowly cut away by the bark on the tree. That’s how tightly I am clinging to this branch at the moment. When the bomb hit, this was pretty much the only direction available to us. Either climb this tree to safety, which was in the form of a highway overpass, or fall to our deaths since the crater separating us from the street was at least over a mile wide.

Kevin started climbing instantly, without even a second thought. I on the other hand kept hesitating, looking for any other way to get around the inevitable. The ground quaking under my feet made me realize I had to follow my cousin up the tree. He warned me not to look down, only focus on watching him climb up ahead of me, but halfway to the top I heard the street collapse and made the mistake of looking at the damage. It froze me in place and that’s where I’ve been ever since.

“Bri, just a little further and then you can reach up and I can pull you the rest of the way. You’re too far away for me to do that right now.” His tone became softer when he realized the yelling wasn’t getting him or me anywhere.

I nodded and actually opened my eyes and looked up at him. His arm was just out of my reach. I moved my arms slightly upward and winced when I felt the scraping. I did manage to move a little bit though so I decided to try moving both of my legs together in one swoop. I have done it millions of times on very small trees at home in my backyard.

“Just like picking apples Brian, you can do this.” I said to myself as I moved up a notch.

“Yes, that’s right…just like picking apples at home. Just a little further kiddo, you can do it!”

I nodded and moved a little more, repeating the same motion as before.

“Okay good, now reach up and take my hand. I won’t let you fall, I promise.”

I knew he wouldn’t. If there was anyone besides my parents and brother I could trust with my life, it would be my cousin. He would never let anything happen to me so I took a deep breath, said a little prayer and held up my right arm to him.

He grabbed me at around my elbow and yanked with all his might and the next thing I knew I was over the railing and on the pavement. I don’t know how he managed to do it, now allowing myself to look at where he was perched trying to rescue me. I guess that’s what adrenaline will do to someone. Once he saw me safely on the ground, he leapt over the railing himself from the small ledge.

“Are you okay?” He asked while looking me up and down to make sure nothing was broken.

“I scratched myself up pretty badly.” I said showing him my tattered sleeves covered with blood.

“Your leg is bleeding as well.” He said pointing to my knee where there was another gaping hole in my very expensive pants.

“Oh, I didn’t even feel that.” I said, moving my hand down to my knee and gently patting it as my cousin got up and looked over the railing.

“Are you okay?” I asked him. “You didn’t hurt yourself did you?”

He didn’t answer right away. I knew he was thinking about the other guys. I was too, but neither of us could even bring ourselves to say it out loud. “What?” He turned back towards me, “I’m okay.” He answered as he extended his hand to me to help me off the ground. “We better get moving. I’m not sure how stable this overpass is and I’d like to be on solid ground if another attack happens.”

I nodded and tried to ignore the pain in my leg as I stood up. “We should go back the way we came.” I said pointing to the other side of the overpass where at least five cars sat in various stages of disarray on the bridge. One was completely upside down.

“What is going on here?” I couldn’t help but ask. I felt like we had been dropped in the middle of a Terminator movie.

“I don’t know, but we have to keep moving.” He almost sounded mechanical himself. I had my very own T-1,000. That thought made my mind go directly to Nick. We would have had to yell jinx because chances are he would have been thinking the same thing. I hope he’s okay. He has to be okay, they all do.

As we passed the cars I tried not to look in them. I was too afraid I’d see people in there. The odds of getting out of the cars before the blast were not good. As evidence of this someone was lying right outside of one of the cars in a pool of blood. Kevin looked away and I did the same.

Before this last week, I had only ever seen two dead bodies. Kevin’s dad was one and someone my father used to work with was another. In fact, this week has made me realize how sheltered I have been to so many things. I feel like I’ve grown up ten years in less than ten days.

“We need to find shelter before nightfall.” Kevin said, turning to me as if to say I was walking to slow.

“I really think we should try to find the guys.”

“Brian, we need to find shelter first.”

“But what if they’re hurt?”

“Don’t…we can’t talk about this right now.”

And there it was. Kevin Richardson was officially in survival mode and that scared the living shit out of me. When he got like this, which wasn’t very often, there wasn’t much you could do or say to change his mind.

“Okay.” I decided to jog to catch up to him just as we got off the bridge and back onto solid ground. “They must be using different bombs. I can’t hear them as well anymore.”

“And they seem to be attacking more frequently.” He added.

“I’m sure if we stay on this road for a little bit we’ll find a place to cut across and back down to where we think the guys will be.”

He glanced over at me, in that one motion I read so much in his eyes and face. He thought they were dead. That because they didn’t show up after the initial blast that separated us, there was no way we’d ever find them. I could tell he was thinking all of that because otherwise we’d be running to find them. Walking with Kevin now was a lot like seeing an ambulance pass by with no sirens on. You know there was an emergency, but you also know help arrived too late.

“They’re alive, you know.” I felt the need to say.

“Brian, we can’t think about that now.”

“When is a good time to think about it?”

“We need to find somewhere safe to rest for the night and then we’ll come up with some kind of game plan.”

“The longer we wait Kevin…I mean you remember how Nick was after…”

He stopped dead and I walked right into him, “I know Brian! All right, I know and I love and care about them too! But they aren’t here right now. It’s just you and I and us being out in the cold unprotected is not going to help them at all so please stop!”

I nodded. The profound sadness in his eyes made me want to just drop to the ground and call it quits.

He pulled his hands through his hair and took a calming breath, “It actually looks like there’s a few houses still standing over there. Maybe we can hide out in one of those.”

I nodded again, not wanting to bring to his attention that they are standing for now…who knows what will happen when the sun goes down. Would holding up in a house be the safest thing to do? Maybe just camping out at the side of the road would be the smartest way to go.

I made the mistake of looking up just then. I froze in place, not believing my eyes. When Kevin noticed me staring he did the same. Neither of us knew what to do or say. It was a huge Billboard. The kind that record companies would pay a million dollars for and in our case, they did. They were all over Manhattan before our album was released. Even the buses had our posters.

This one was different though.

On this billboard were three different acts. One picture showed them alive and well, the second not so much. First one was of Britney all smiles and happy in her little cheerleader outfit. Beside that picture was Britney impaled on a spear. Blink 182 running around the streets naked and then another shot of them hanging from a tree. Eminem was rapping in one picture and then laying on his side, dead in another.

Underneath the pictures it said, “Three down, so many more to go…! Remember turn in a celebrity and earn $10,000.”

“Jesus Christ.” Was all Kevin said as he grabbed me by my shoulder, “We need to get out of here, now.”

We both picked up our pace considerably no longer feeling very safe in the open. “I don’t think going to a house is the best idea so close to that billboard.” I said as we turned the corner into a small neighborhood where there were at least 6 houses still standing.

He stopped a few seconds to think about it, “Maybe we can find one abandoned.”

“What are the odds of that happening?”

“I don’t know Bri, but we have to at least try. We’re running out of options here.”

He was right, if we stayed outside all night who knew what could happen. All it would take was one person to recognize our faces, one person who needs money. Everyone needs money nowadays.

We slowly and cautiously made our way into the neighborhood where it seemed there were no signs of life at all. If you overlooked all the burnt down houses and trees and just focused on this one little area, you would think it was any ordinary day. It seemed as if people were just out at work minding their own business while they left their houses unattended.

A few snow flakes began to fall and I shivered, “Let’s try the one at the end of the block.” I suggested but Kevin had other ideas. He walked over to the very first house. It was a baby blue ranch style home with a nice garden in the front and a two car garage and everything.

“Sometimes it’s best to hide in plain site. Chances are other people were thinking the same thing as you and went to that one.”

We bypassed the front of the house and went directly to the backyard. It was so weird how in tact this place was. It’s almost as if there was a shield protecting it from harm. I could use one of those shields about now.

When we got to the back, he slowly climbed up the three steps leading to the deck and peered into the kitchen window. “All the lights are off. I don’t think anyone is here.” He then went to the back door and actually smiled when it opened. I think that’s the first smile I’ve seen on his face for days now. Not that we have had a lot to smile about recently.

He motioned for me to stay put while he went in to check things out and a few minutes later he gave me the all clear. I bolted the door shut behind me. “We should close all the curtains.” He said as he walked around the kitchen and living room doing just that, making it very dark. “Look for candles or flashlights.”

I made my way around the kitchen, opening and closing drawers hoping to find anything useful and was happy to see they were well stocked with candles and flashlights. Also they had a pantry full of canned food and even some stuff in the fridge, even though the electricity was out at the moment, the things were still cold and I instinctively grabbed a Coke and chugged it. It wasn’t until then that I realized how hungry and thirsty I was.

He came back and saw me holding the empty can and just when I thought he was going to yell at me, he grabbed one and did the same. He sat down at the kitchen table and once again pulled his hands through his hair. “This seems to be a good place to stay tonight. I have a feeling these people aren’t coming back.”

“You think they’re dead?”

He nodded, “I know it sounds horrible for me to say this, but I hope so. We need time to rest and regain our strength.”

“What are the chances of finding that guy Charlie told us about?”

I sat down at the table across from Kevin and opened a box of cookies I had found in the pantry. This felt an awful lot like stealing, but in a case like this, I think God would understand.

“I don’t know, but if we don’t find him…”

I was glad he stopped. I didn’t much feel like hearing the rest of what he had to say.

“You think the other guys are together?”

“I hope so.”

“Me too.”

“Why do you think everyone hates celebrities so much?”

He shrugged, taking three cookies out of the box and handing it back to me, “I have no idea.”

“Think it’s because of Trump and what he did to this place?”

“That would be a good guess.”

“Kevin, we have to get out of here.”

“I know.”

“How on earth are we going to find the guys and then get to New York in time?”

He looked me in the eyes, “Let’s not think about that right now. I’m going to see if I can find us something substantial to eat and then I think we’ll need to get some sleep. We’ll plan more tomorrow.”

I nodded at him, suddenly beyond exhausted. “Hopefully the snow won’t accumulate.”

“Yeah, it does look like it’s picking up though.” He said peeking from behind the curtain.

After having a dinner of Beef Stew and Spaghetti-o-s out of a can, we headed into the living room and decided to sleep on the floor in front of the fire place. It probably wasn’t the smartest decision to light it, but it was freezing in the house and we needed warmth.

“I hope wherever the guys are, they are inside and warm.” I said to my cousin just as I closed my eyes to sleep.

“Me too.” He answered as we both sat up when we heard the front doorknob jiggle.


	4. Chapter 4

**~ 4 ~**

**Drinking it All In.**

**Date: May 18th, 1999**

**Time: 1:45 pm**

**Place: New York City (3 days before the emergency landing)**

**\+ Kevin +**

I really wish I could just allow myself some time to relax. Today is supposed to be one of the biggest days of my life. A brand new album, new management and basically new lease on life, but yet, here I sit not allowing myself to drink it all in. I hate being this way. I can’t help it though. For every congratulations we get I hear someone say, “Wow, these guys are still around?” And for every what a fantastic album, the “It could have been betters” Are what sticks in my ear.

My eyes glance over to our youngest member, who is as opposite of me as they come. I don’t think Nick has a single worry in the world half the time. In fact, I’m pretty sure if the end of the world came tomorrow, as long as he had his videogames and a pizza close by he’d be set. My cousin too, he’d definitely need Brian to keep him company.

He saw me staring at him so he stuck his tongue out at me and winked. How does one respond to that? I have known this kid for such a long time now but sometimes I’m still stumped with how to communicate with him. It’s kind of like talking to a baboon.

“Kevin, I need you to sign these.” Another girl from our new team said. I am getting tired of having things shoved in my face too. I’m grouchy. I didn’t get much sleep last night and ever since 6 this morning, we’ve been on the go, non stop.

I signed the posters and smiled, trying not to show how annoyed I was. “Is everything okay?” I heard from behind me. “You look like you pooped in your pants.”

I turned to a smiling Kristin, “Why is it that everyone else is having so much fun and you look like you’d rather be stabbed?”

I grabbed her in a hug, “Is it that obvious?”

“Only to the people who love you, by the way… that is most of the free world these days.” After kissing me on the cheek she moved away from me and sat down beside Howie, who looked tired but managed to stay upbeat. I needed to borrow that gene from D.

“I’m sorry. I’m just tired and I guess I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed.”

“I don’t blame you honey. I feel it too and I’m not even one of you!”

I smiled at her and then turned my attention to AJ who was sitting quietly in the corner. “How you holding up?”

“I have a headache the size of Toronto.”

“Do you have any idea how big that is?”

He laughed, “Bigger than this room.”

“That’s a start.”

“What is next on the agenda?”

It’s funny how they all asked me instead of management. One day I’m going to throw them all off by saying I had no clue, but of course that would be a lie. “We are actually getting a lunch break.”

“Did someone say lunch?” Nick came bounding next to me and gave me a hug.

“All you have to say is food and this one comes running.”

“I just want to get out of here!”

“Agreed.”

Here, was MTV studios where we did a small meet and greet plus some promos for the station. This place always gives me the creeps. It’s all the things I hated about high school all rolled into one place. They love you to your face and the minute your back is turned, they hate you.

The feeling is mutual.

“I hear they booked us a three hour tour around the Statue of Liberty. Isn’t that how Gilligan’s Island got started?” I thought I was funny. 

“What’s Gilligan’s Island?”

Jesus, Nick makes me feel old about once every fifteen seconds. I swear he does it for spite too. He probably knows half the things we talk about.

“It was a show.”

“Oh.”

I rolled my eyes at him and I saw him smile. I knew it!

AJ stood up, “Well, let’s get out of here then! Although I friggin’ hate boats!”

“Yes, we all know!” I had to say, rolling my eyes again. The two of them drive me crazy but both in completely different ways.

My relationship with Nick is no big secret. You can tell ours is a love/hate one but mostly love. Sometimes the age difference between us is blaringly obvious. Every year it gets easier though. Maybe one day in the not so distant future we will actually be able to be friends instead of big brother/little brother or dad and son.

AJ is more complex. There is a pretty big age difference between the two of us as well but he’s a bit more mature so it doesn’t quite feel like it. There are days when I can sit and talk to AJ as if he’s my age and we’ve been friends forever. He has this likable quality that not many people get to see. Those of us, who know him well, see past all the poser-ish things he does for the fans and the cameras. That AJ drives me crazy. There’s no reason to wear sunglasses at night or inside. There’s no reason to get a million tattoos. Just be yourself.

The layers to that boy are hard to peel away and sometimes it’s easier to just let him be. The other side to AJ is the never happy, always complaining about everything side. I like to call him the Jewish Grandmother of the group. He can out whine the best of them. We always accuse Nick of being whiny but AJ is hands down the champ when it comes to that.

He’s too hot when we are in the south. He’s too cold when we are in Canada. He hates boats when we do fun stuff like we are doing today. He hates fancy food when we are treated to the best four star restaurants around. So on and so forth. When he is nervous or tired, he’s unbearable to be around. I even think his mother feels the same way. She helps when he’s like that. She tells him to stop complaining and suck it up.

I do have to remind myself that the two of them are just kids. Although AJ’s legal now, even still, 21 is young. I barely remember being 21 and it’s not like it was all that long ago.

The ride to the boat was pretty quiet. We split up as we usually have to do when huge crowds of screaming fans are around. Nick, Howie and Brian went in one van and AJ, Kris, Denise and I were in this one.

“I hope it’s not too rocky on the water.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, honey.”

“Because the last thing I want to do is upchuck in front of a crowd of fans.”

“It’s going to be a big boat. You won’t get sick.”

I felt Kris grab my hand. She could tell I was getting ready to bitch slap AJ as I listened to the half hearted conversation with him and his mother happening.

“I really could just go for some Micky D’s.”

“You just had that yesterday.”

“It’ll beat whatever they plan on giving us on this boat. Why are we doing this again?”

Kris squeezed my hand really tightly when she saw me open my mouth to speak. I actually sounded like a caveman, ready to talk. All I managed to get out was a grunt which made both AJ and his mom look at me like I was insane.

“This is pretty spectacular, isn’t it?” Denise asked me, smiling.

“It is. I can’t believe all the love.”

“All the love is giving me a headache. Does anyone have any aspirin?”

Good lord I want to kill him! I glanced over at Kris and she had the most beautiful smile on her face. I’m glad she found this so amusing. I’ll have to take this issue up with her tonight.

“Why are you smirking like that? You have the stupidest look on your face.”

I guess while daydreaming about my girlfriend, we ended up at our destination because when I looked up it was Nick who had asked me that question, peering into the window like I was an animal at the zoo.

“Sorry, I know that title usually belongs to you.” I smiled at him and had to laugh when he really looked confused by what I said. Ah, gotta love the blondness sometimes.

“That’s a pretty big boat.” Howie said as he took a picture of all of us standing right next to it.

“This will be nice.” Brian said jumping up and down like he had to pee really badly. He’s weird. They’re all weird.

“I hope there’s shrimp. Me like shrimp!” Do I even have to say who that was?

“If we drown…”

Oh my God, kill me now!

Kris and I found a place to sit away from everyone, looking out at the water as we sped around the Statue. It was breezy but because it was hot, it felt really good. I closed my eyes and tried to smell the water. I love the smell of the ocean. This to me was peace at its best. Everything seemed to make more sense on the water.

“You seem calmer now.”

I opened my eyes and took a sip of the champagne we were given. “I am.”

“Good, because you should take this time and enjoy today. Don’t let anyone get to you.”

I nodded, she was right. Of course she was. She’s always right, that’s one of the many reasons why I love her. Before I could tell her that, AJ came and plopped down beside me, wearing his overly too big hat and a pair of sunglasses that looked like he bedazzled them himself. I sighed.

“It’s nice out here.” He said which kind of surprised me. Although I noticed he had an almost empty beer bottle with him. Wonder how many of them he downed.

“Yup.”

“This is a really big deal, isn’t it?”

I nodded at him and finished up my champagne.

“It’s kind of terrifying.” He said not looking at me but out at the water. “I always wanted to be a big star, but I never saw myself being this big.” Then he turned to me, “Do you sometimes feel like it’s too much and one day it’ll all go away?”

Of course I did. That’s how I lived my life. That’s why I wouldn’t allow myself to drink it all in. I am too afraid of drowning. For some reason, I didn’t want to share that with him. So, instead I told him what I thought he needed to hear. “I don’t think we have to worry about that for awhile AJ. For now, I think we need to enjoy every moment. Let’s make it all count.”

I placed my hand on his shoulder and we both sat in silence staring at the skyline of New York City.


	5. Chapter 5

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**~ 5 ~**

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**Running Up that Hill**

**Date: May 28th 1999**

**Time: 3 PM**

**Place: Nazareth, PA (8 days after the emergency landing)**

**\+ AJ +**

I’m not sure what to do. I really am lost. I must have stayed in this one spot for about an hour, not sure if I should move forward or try to retrace my steps. What I really need is guidance. Someone to tell me what the hell I’m supposed to do!

“Hello?” I screamed for about the ten thousandth time. “Can anyone hear me?”

By this time, I already knew no one was around and if they were, they couldn’t hear me at all. Not sure why I even kept trying. When the blast hit, we were all separated. You would think we would have been able to find each other by now, but the way the bomb hit, made it pretty impossible. They went up and I went down, simple as that.

I was pretty sure I was a goner. Nothing is scarier than feeling the ground beneath your feet suddenly give way and the next thing you know you’re just free falling. Not even sure where or what to expect when you finally hit the ground. It’s a feeling I’ll never adequately be able to describe. I was sure I was about to die. When that time came, I always thought I’d be a little more reflective. Maybe say a quick prayer and watch as my life flashed right before my eyes, but all that really happens is a lot of screaming and cursing. It’s a good thing I didn’t die because I would hate to have to explain to whoever met me at the pearly gates why my last word was “FUCK!!!!”

I actually laughed at myself. What else was there to do? Since being all alone I have run the gamete of emotions. Now I guess I’m at the let me pretend this is all a big joke that I’ll look back on and laugh at, phase. It beats all the other phases.

“Hello?” I screamed once more.

At least I was out of the hole. I never thought I’d get out of there. When I finally did land, it hurt like hell. I’m pretty sure I managed to sprain my ankle. It’s a little swollen now. But since the fall I took was so big, I guess I should just be amazed that I made it out of there alive.

I had to hope the others were as lucky.

I was in charge of taking care of Nick right before the attack. I had just reached out for his arm when the ground collapsed. I frantically looked around hoping he had fallen right beside me, but he was nowhere to be found. None of them were. How was that even possible? They can’t be dead, because things like that don’t happen in real life. There was no way I would be the only one to survive this.

No way!

“Hello?” I screamed louder still. So loud in fact that I could swear I heard my own voice echoing down the abandoned street I was on. I was hoping that by now I would have encountered someone. I can’t be the only person alive.

I took a deep breath because once again I felt the urge to have a mental breakdown. This was all a little too much for me. I am one of those people that cannot be left alone with their thoughts. I know some consider that a healthy thing, taking time for yourself, not me though. Solitude and I are arch enemies. In fact, this really is my version of hell.

“Maybe I’m dead. Jesus is that it? Am I fucking dead?”

“You’re not dead!”

I quickly turned when I heard the voice.

“Hello?” maybe I’m losing my mind. Maybe this was a figment of my imagination talking to me or something.

“You need to stop screaming.” She said in barely a whisper.

“Where are you?”

“Didn’t you just hear what I said, God what a dumbass.”

“Excuse me?” Okay I know this wasn’t a figment of my imagination because my brain wouldn’t insult me.

She stepped out from behind a tree. “I said you need to stop screaming. The last thing you want to do is draw attention to yourself out here.”

“I’m looking for my friends.”

“If they didn’t answer you by now, they won’t be answering you at all.”

“Have you been following me?”

She nodded. “I wanted to make sure you didn’t get yourself killed.”

“Well thanks, I think. I’m AJ by the way.”

She walked closer to me and I was able to size her up. She was a little shorter than me. I couldn’t really tell the color of her hair because it was up and tucked under a very dirty baseball cap, but it looked like maybe it was a light sandy blonde. She was kind of petite in her jeans but the flannel shirt she was wearing along with the vest and gloves made her look a bit rugged. I think she was my age, but again it was pretty hard to tell.

I extended my hand to her but she only looked at it, so I awkwardly put it down. “What are you doing out here by yourself?”

She rolled her eyes at me, “Follow me.” She turned and went back behind the tree where she started climbing a pretty big hill.

I just stood there not really sure if I should go with her or not. I mean, she wasn’t exactly exuding a friendly unicorn and rainbows type feeling. For all I knew, she was one of the people who wanted to kill us.

When she figured out I wasn’t moving she turned her head towards me, “What are you waiting for?”

“Maybe an explanation?”

“How about, if you don’t hide now you’re going to die? Is that a good enough explanation for you?”

“Why would I die?”

She shook her head and continued to climb. “Your funeral, I’m only trying to help.”

I looked all around the street just once more, making sure I wasn’t leaving any of the guys behind. If Kevin was here, would he go with her? My feet answered that question by making their way to the hill and climbing. “Shit!” I said only a few steps up the steep incline. My ankle was really killing me.

Once again she turned, “Would you please stop being so loud!”

“I hurt my ankle. I think it’s broken.”

“Trust me, if it was broken you’d know.”

Well, she wasn’t the nursing you back to health type that was for damn sure. I grabbed on to a branch of one of the trees and tried pulling myself up that way but it hurt just as bad. I almost fell. “Please…”

She turned around and started heading back down towards me. “Hang on.”

When she got to me she put my arm around her shoulders, “Just treat me like a crutch I guess.” She said as she started to climb again. I was kind of amazed at how strong she was. I had to outweigh her by at least 50 pounds. We managed to get up to the top of the hill in record time. We ended up on another road.

After we managed to jump over the guardrail, she let go of me so abruptly that I fell. “Jesus.” She muttered under her breath as she bent down with her hands on her knees trying to catch hers.

“Thanks for helping me. Do you know who I am?”

She turned her head towards me while she was still bent over, “Is this a quiz? You said your name is AJ.”

I wasn’t sure if I should tell her who I really was or not. It seemed like she didn’t know I was famous. “What is your name?”

She stood up straight and leaned up against the guard rail, “That’s not important.”

“I guess, but it would be nice to know who helped save my life.”

“The reason I have survived this long is because I keep to myself.”

“Obviously you don’t.”

She glared over at me as I continued, “I mean…you came out and helped me.”

“Keeping to yourself doesn’t mean you let someone who seems to be dumb, die.”

“I’m not dumb.”

She laughed. She had a really pretty smile. “Well, whatever.”

I managed to stand up by myself, without asking her for help. I needed to show this girl that I wasn’t totally helpless or dumb. “So, where are we going?”

She pointed in a random direction, “Somewhere safe before dark and before the snow really starts falling hard.”

Funny, up until she said that, I hadn’t even really noticed it was snowing. Now that I was aware, I found myself getting cold. I wrapped my arms around myself and started to walk in place to warm up.

“You said I was in danger, why? I don’t see or hear anyone out here.”

“That’s because you’re not really looking or listening.”

I looked around and there really was no one anywhere in sight. “Nope, still not seeing or hearing anyone.”

“You didn’t see or hear me either, but I had been watching for at least two hours.”

“What took you so long to come to my aide then?”

Just as I said that she placed her finger up to her mouth, motioning for me to shut up and listen. It sounded like thunder almost but the ground was quaking a little and that’s when I saw it turn the corner. It was a huge army tank. We ran partway down the hill using the trees to hide us and then lay down on our bellies as it came closer. The snowy ground bit at my bones and I actually groaned which caused her to give me a very angry and annoyed look. My heart was beating so fast in my chest I thought I was going to die. What if they saw us?

“Keep your head down.” She said just as the thing was about a half mile away.

It stopped suddenly and the gun on top slid back and forth as if it was looking for something to shoot at. “Do you think it saw us?” I whispered.

“Shut up.”

A few minutes later the top propped open and a soldier stuck his head out. “This is not good.” She whispered to me as we continued to watch the scene unfold.

He was holding a pair of binoculars and looking up and down the street, luckily he wasn’t focusing on the guardrail or the trees we were hiding behind. If he looked this way we were sitting ducks. What seemed like hours went by, although it was probably only minutes before he stuck his head back into the tank. A few seconds after that it started to move down the street and right past where we were hiding.

“Is that the Canadian flag?” I was expecting to see the American flag on the back.

“Yeah, who puts a leaf on their flag, morons!”

“Why are they here?”

She laughed again, “You can’t be serious?”

When she saw the baffled look on my face she quickly stopped the laughter, “You are serious?”

I nodded.

“They’re rounding up survivors like we are stray dogs.”

I let out a sigh of relief, “Maybe that’s where my friends are. Maybe the Canadians are helping them out. I moved from my hiding spot and started to head back up the hill, ready to flag the tank down when she literally tackled me to the ground.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Get off of me! They can help us maybe.”

“Help us?”

She pushed herself off of me, “That isn’t even remotely funny.”

“I’m not trying to be funny.”

“Why would they help us? They are the ones that started this stupid war in the first place!”

“What?”

She gave me a look as if I was the most ignorant person on the planet. I admit I was beginning to feel like it. “How can you not know that? Have you been living under a rock this past year?”

As much as I would have loved to tell her the truth about where I really did come from, I just kind of played up my ignorance. “I don’t really read much when it comes to current events.”

She took off her baseball cap and scratched at her hair. It was actually a shade darker than I thought it was and a lot longer as well, even a little curly. “They attacked us when we least expected it. Took us by surprise, you know they want to be the super power and all.”

“Canada? Like the ones who say “Eh? And zed, those people?”

“Yeah.”

“They did all of this?”

“Yeah, how can you not know that? Who are you?” Her mood suddenly switched and she stood up quickly looking me up and down as if she just realized she was hanging with a serial killer.

“Look, I think I’m just in shock after the last explosion. I lost my friends.”

“Haven’t’ we all.” She said unsympathetically.

“Why are they rounding us up? What are they doing?”

She shrugged at me, “I have no idea, all I know is when they take you away, you don’t come back.”

I bit on my bottom lip, “Are they the ones hunting down the celebrities too?”

“No, those are the Star Troopers. Call it justice. I hope I catch one of those fuckers myself!”

Well, that wasn’t a very encouraging thing to hear. At least she doesn’t know who I am. I tried to calm myself down after she said that though. Last thing I need is to draw attention to myself.

“Star Troopers, really, they couldn’t come up with a better title?”

She stood up and motioned for me to do the same and together we once again jumped over the guardrail and as much as it hurt, I didn’t even wince.

Suddenly my little sprain didn’t mean as much to me anymore when I started to consider that maybe the guys were in the hands of our enemy, the place that made us super famous here in the USA in the first place. How could Canada be behind this? It made no sense, but did any of this really make any sense?

“So, where are we going now?”

She rolled her hair back into a semi bun and placed her dirty Mets cap back on. “Our plan was to go that way. I have a hiding place in a sub division about a half mile down, but my guess is that’s where they are going.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s one of the few places that was untouched and see that over there,” She asked pointing to a smoke flume in the distance. I nodded as she continued, “Some idiot was dumb enough to start a fire in their fire place. They might has well have sent out a flare!”

“So where are we going instead?”

“To a friend’s place.” She once again jumped over the guardrail. Come on.”

I sighed and followed my new unnamed friend down the hill as we continued to hear the roar of the tank in the background.


	6. Chapter 6

**~ 6~**

**Canada** **, Actually**

**Date: May 19th 1999**

**Time: 10:56 AM**

**Place: New York City (2 days before the emergency landing)**

**\+ AJ +**

I really hate hangovers. Not that I had them a whole lot. In fact, I rarely even used to drink at all. This week kind of changed all that. I have never had so much champagne shoved in my face ever. I think I’ll be peeing champagne for weeks! I don’t even like the taste all that much. I’m a simple man with simple tastes. Give me beer or maybe a Jack and a Coke and I’m a happy camper.

By the time our party was over it was about 4 in the morning. We had been on the go since 6 so we were clearly all awake for about 24 hours. I don’t really remember much after midnight hit. There was a whole hell of a lot of laughing, dancing, and lord knows what else. I did wake up alone so that was a failure. But I guess on the plus side, there wasn’t like a fucking donkey in my bed or anything.

There was a knock on my door and I shook my head, “Who is it?”

“Me.”

I opened the door to a very clean shaven and refreshed looking Howie. How the hell does he do that? He parties harder than all five of us combined. After I went to bed he was still dancing around.

“What time did you go to bed?”

He looked at his watch, “It hasn’t happened yet.”

“You know what? Fuck you!” That was my way of telling him he looked too good to still be going strong.

He laughed, luckily he knew AJ-ese. “Are you ready for the interviews?”

“Jesus, how many magazines exist out there? I swear we have been interviewed by everything, even Fucking Cat Fancy.”

“Lucky for you they are just magazine interviews because you’re looking a little rough.”

I guess I deserved that.

“I don’t quite hold my liquor as well as you do.”

“Yeah, well practice makes perfect I guess.” He pat my head which was throbbing.

I almost thought I should go and try to throw up anything else that was left in my stomach before heading out but I didn’t much feel like walking into the bathroom. It still had that you drank too much stink.

“We are supposed to pick up Nick before heading to the lobby.”

“That little shit better be up and ready.”

“I’m sure he isn’t.”

“I thought Brian was rooming with him.”

He shook his head, “Leighanne.”

“Oh Christ, he isn’t going to be ready then.” I shook my head already knowing what to expect when we knocked on Nick’s door. I’m surprised I didn’t end up rooming with him. As a general rule, we don’t leave Nick alone in hotel rooms. Good things do not happen when Nick is left alone. I’m surprised he didn’t come and knock on my door with some lame ass excuse about why he needed to spend the night in my room.

We knocked and knocked and knocked and…well you get the picture.

Finally the door opened a crack and before we even entered the room he was back in his bed. The room looked like a tornado had blown threw in the middle of the night. There were clothes and trash everywhere. “How does one even get a room this messy in this short amount of time? There could be a dead body buried underneath all this crap and we’d never know.”

He had the covers pulled up above his head “Go away….need sleep.”

Howie walked over to the shades and opened them, I winced like a vampire. It didn’t have any effect on Nick because he was still hidden under the blankets. “Time to wake up Nicky, we have a fun day of interviews ahead of us!”

“Go away!” He sounded muffled.

I, being in the wonderful mood I am, went over and ripped the covers right off of him “Get the hell up. If I have to go then you do too!”

You know what he did? He actually spit at me like he was a friggin’ llama or something. “What are you, nine?”

I wiped his drool off of my face. Luckily it wasn’t real spit. He’s too dumb to know how to do that I guess. “I am tired.”

“Oh boo freaking hoo, we all are tired. I didn’t get to bed until after 4 and Howie still hasn’t gone to bed.”

He actually had a frowny face on. A fucking frowny face! “I can’t do this anymore. I’m too tired!”

“I promise I’ll cry for you later now get your ass up!”

Howie laughed at me and then gave Nick a sympathetic look, “Come on Nicky, it won’t be that bad. It’s only a few print interviews and then a dinner with some contest winners later tonight. You’ll have an hour or two to yourself to come up and take a quick nap.”

He rolled his eyes and then finally got out of bed. Howie, he is miraculous in every way possible.

“Sorry for spitting at you.” Nick whispered as he walked past me.

I knew that was coming. He does stupid things and then apologizes minutes after. “Yeah, whatever kid, just hurry or you get to explain to Kevin why we’re late!”

Thirty minutes later we were in the lobby waiting on Kevin of all people. “Nice to know I could have slept another thirty or so minutes.” I shared with Howie who I’m pretty sure had fallen asleep standing against the wall. “D?” I patted his arm and he jerked awake. Howie could fall asleep anywhere.

“I am slowly beginning to hit the wall.” He said as he rubbed at his tired eyes.

“Literally.” I decided to add in a half snort, laugh.

Just before I had a chance to bitch some more, Kevin darted out of the elevator as if he was on fire. “Sorry I’m late!” He screamed so loud that I swear everyone in the lobby stopped and stared at him. We didn’t really need to draw anymore attention to ourselves.

I know I was doing my best to ignore the huge crowd that managed to gather outside waiting for us. How do they always know where we are? The thought of having to go past a gaggle of screaming fans wasn’t on my list of fun activities for today. Usually I live for shit like that but not when I am hung over.

“It’s no problem, we just got here ourselves.” Said an overly too chipper must have gotten laid last night Brian.

You know, if that had been one of us coming in last, Kevin would have had the biggest fit ever! Why is it okay that he shows up late? I don’t know why that bothered me so much but it did. Oh yeah, the fact that I’m hung over and feel like I have someone’s hairy ass in my mouth. That explains why I said what I did.

“I don’t fucking forgive you! You know you’re the first one to complain if we are late, you’d be bitching up and down at us like we were fucking two years old but for you, oh it’s no big deal, well you know what? It IS a big deal!”

The look on not only his face, but those of the rest of the band was priceless. I actually started laughing. Nick’s mouth was opened so wide I was pretty sure a humming bird could have landed inside. Howie’s eyes looked like they were about to pop right out of his head. Brian just kept shifting his eyes from me to Kevin wondering what would happen next and Kevin, well he just kind of looked like he was searching for the perfect comeback. I had rendered him speechless, now that’s not something that happens every day.

“Okay, well what do you want me to do about it then?”

Hrmm…didn’t expect to hear that. I shrugged, “Fuck a duck, I don’t care.”

“I’d pay to see that!” Nick, need I say more?

“I just love it when you are hung over. You’re so pleasant to be around. This should be a terrific day.” Kevin said as he walked past me and put on his sunglasses. As he opened the hotel door, security rushed to his side and led us out one by one. The crowd was screaming their heads off.

I wish I could explain what it feels like to be clawed at while you are just trying to get to a car. People who say it’s a great feeling are lying through their teeth. Even on my best day, it’s something I don’t enjoy. It’s actually a horrifying feeling to have so many people trying to grab at you. All it takes is one to pull you down and you’re sunk.

I ended up being sandwiched with Nick in front of me and Brian behind me. I know it sounds bad, but I hate being next to Nick in crowds. I don’t know what it is about him, but the girls go ape shit when he’s around and the shoving and pushing escalate to really scary levels. What’s worse is he’s completely oblivious to it. He’ll like bend down and try to tie his shoe or answer his phone. I’m like “Dude, these girls will kill your ass if you keep stopping like this!” and he’d be all “Huh? What?” I shook my head and for some reason decided to give him a friendly shove to move him along faster.

“Where’s the fire, dude?” See what I mean?

Since we were going without our posse, we all ended up going in the same van and since the universe supposedly hates me, I ended up sitting right next to Kevin. Yeah, this will be a fun ride.

It started out nice enough. No one said much of anything until about ten minutes into the ride when suddenly a soft snoring sound came from Howie. Since Kevin was wearing sunglasses I wasn’t sure if he was asleep or not. I guess people were wondering about me too. I should have just pretended I was sleeping. I was a master at that, but for some reason I felt compelled to stop Nick from putting a piece of candy in D’s mouth.

“Don’t man, let him sleep.”

Nick looked over at me with a dejected look on his face, “You are no fun!”

“Is Kevin awake?”

“You try to put that candy in my mouth and I’ll eat your hand.”

“I guess that’s a yes and nice to know you’re Cannibal Lector.”

“That’s Hannibal, moron.”

“I feel the love in this van.” Brian said as he looked out the window, no doubt trying to relive the hot sex he most likely had last night. Nice to know one of us was in a good mood.

“I am tired of answering the same stupid questions every interview!” I grumbled, now sitting back and folding my arms in front of each other. I might as well commit to the bad mood I was in full force. Embrace the crappiness AJ, embrace the crappiness!

“I think for fun we should change our answers up. If they ask us how we got together we can say a crack whore introduced us!” I shook my head at Nick but had to smile at that one.

“And when they ask about N’sync we could say of course we hate them. We don’t wish them well, in fact we’re hoping they’ll take a wrong turn somewhere and end up in East Jesus.” Of course Brian had to get Jesus in there somewhere.

“And when they ask us if we like each other? We can admit that Howie and Kevin are in love and have a secret child on the side!”

“Why do you always make me the gay one?” Howie asked with one eye now opened.

Nick shrugged at Howie, “Seems to fit.”

Luckily Frick and Frack spent the entire car ride going back and forth with all the ways we should answer the questions the interviewers asked. Some were pretty freaking hilarious but I refrained from laughing. Not sure why. I guess I didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of knowing I was enjoying myself. I even saw Kevin crack a small smile now and again before going back to the sour puss face.

***

Howie sighed, “I need coffee.” He yawned and gave a small stretch as we sat at our table waiting for the next interviewer. We had done five in the span of about 20 minutes. They gave each magazine enough time to ask about three questions. Our management was actually using an egg timer and when that thing buzzed, even if we were in mid-sentence, the one person was kicked out and a new person took their place.

“I’m sure if you ask, you shall receive.”

“Coffee!” He actually just decided to scream it out to the masses maybe hoping that a cup of java would magically fall from the sky.

A lady from some Travel magazine sat down. Why the fuck do we have to be interviewed by a travel magazine? She asked some generic question about where was our favorite place to visit. Yeah, another one we answered about a thousand times. What was it that Brian had said for that one? I think something about a toilet in Vermont or something.

While I was busy thinking about that I felt a very friendly ‘jab’ at my back. That’s of course when I realized that she was looking at me, anxiously awaiting my answer.

“Toilet.” Damn it!

“Excuse me?” She looked confused, “Did you just say toilet?”

As I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment, no pun intended, I heard Nick let out a huge laugh.

“Uh, yeah, just thinking out loud, sorry.”

“About toilets?” Help… this ship is sinking fast and hard.

“Canada, actually.”

I could see out of the corner of my eyes Kevin shaking his head and placing his hands on his eyes. I could also hear Homer Simpson Saying “D’oh!” in the background.

She smiled, “So you were thinking out loud about Canadian toilets?”

“Uh…yeah, well no…I mean they were two separate thoughts.”

“Okay…”

“I meant Canada is my favorite place to go visit because they have always shown us nothing but love. If it weren’t for the Canadian fans, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation.”

“About toilets.” She added.

In between every single interview after that one, I was mocked relentlessly by all of them, Nick being the worst. I WAS Nick. I had turned into Nick. Kill me now!

The ride back to the hotel was oddly quiet. I think everyone was just so exhausted by that point, no one felt the need to talk. Howie was passed out and snoring on Nick’s shoulder who was also sleeping. Brian was staring out the window in a zombie like trance.

“I should have said Canada too.” I glanced over at Kevin who seemed to be staring at Nick and Howie as they slept. “We owe them everything, you were right.”

“Yeah.” I said as I lay my head back on the headrest and closed my eyes and let sleep take me over.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**Superman**

**Date: May 28th 1999**

**Time: 7:14 P.M.**

**Place: Nazareth, PA (8 days after the emergency landing)**

**\+ Kevin +**

My palms were not only sweating but also clammy. That’s how I knew I wasn’t quite right, not that anything about this situation was quite right anyway but ever since we landed in this godforsaken place, I have felt slightly off kilter. I am the one everyone looks to for guidance. I’m supposed to have all the answers and make everyone else feel at ease. It’s always been my job, even when I was a kid. Even in my own family. When things fell apart everyone looked to me. When my dad died, even though I was the youngest of my family, it was me who helped with all the funeral plans while my older siblings stood by trying to cope with their grief. My mother tried to be strong but in the end, it was all me. I’m not bitter about it at all, in fact it kind of helped me heal since I wasn’t really around to slowly watch my father die like the rest of them were. Anyway, what I’m getting at is it’s my job to make people feel safe.

I haven’t been able to take on that role for days now. When the guys looked at me for guidance right after we got here, all I could do was shrug. There was no reassurance. Not here. As I saw things happen, people dying, bombs exploding around us as if we were in some mid-east country, celebrities and younger people being hunted down for no good reason, I found myself scared and hiding just like the others. They all looked confused when I cried that first night. What else was I supposed to do?

And now we are all separated. I don’t know if any of them made it or not. Part of me hopes that maybe they didn’t. That maybe they were lucky enough to die a nice quick death. I’m even a little jealous that maybe they did manage to cash out early. That doesn’t sound like me at all. I can’t help it though.

Everyone thinks of me as Superman. Why for the life of me can’t I take on that role right now when I need to the most? Our lives are literally at stake here and I feel like crawling under the table and calling it quits. I can see the fear in my cousin’s eyes and I can’t think of a single word to say to ease his mind.

That’s why when the doorknob jiggled and it became clear that someone was trying to break in. I went into action.

I sat up and immediately put my fingers to my lips so this way Brian wouldn’t say anything. I stood up and walked slowly to the door, looking for anything I could use as a weapon along the way. Luckily there was a fire poker right beside the fireplace. I picked it up and motioned for my cousin to stay where he was.

I admit that I wanted to run and hide when I saw that door knob move. That’s the clammy, sweaty palmed me. The new me that I wasn’t really much enjoying. I forced that version of myself down into the depths of my brain knowing he’d pop up again soon enough. For now I needed to be the Kevin everyone counted on.

Whoever was outside also had a flashlight and they tried shining it into the window. Luckily, we had thought to close the blinds although the stupidity of lighting a fire overshadowed that fact. They knew someone was inside. It’s not like the house just suddenly decided to warm itself, although who knows, in this place it could be a possibility.

It sounded like the person at the door finally gave up and walked away. Thank God for small favors. I had already almost killed once since ending up here and didn’t much feel like doing it again. Brian stood up and finally allowed himself to breath. He had been holding his breath since the knob jiggled as if that would magically stop time.

“Are they gone?” He whispered to me as if I would know.

“I think so. I don’t hear them anymore.” I whispered back and lowered the fire poker to my side.

“Maybe it was the people who live here.”

“If it was they would have just let themselves in, don’t you think?”

“We should probably get the hell out of here before they come back.”

I nodded at my cousin, but was unsure of where exactly we should go. It was snowing outside and growing darker by the hour. I knew we didn’t want to be outside when night finally fell.

Suddenly there was a crash in the kitchen. It sounded as if a window broke into a million pieces. I looked at Brian, tightened my grip on the poker and stood frozen in place. I know I should have moved to the kitchen but why would I do that? Instead I motioned for Brian to climb up the stairs. We would go hide in a bedroom until whoever it was, was gone.

Brian took off like a shot up those stairs and I have to say I followed pretty quickly but it was too late, whoever had broken in were quickly on our tails and I felt a hand on my leg as I started up the steps.

“Hey!” The person shouted as he grabbed on to me. I tried to shake him off but lost my footing and toppled down the few steps I had managed to climb.

Brian stood at the top of the staircase watching the scene unfold and seemed unsure of what to do. I was hoping he’d just go and hide but I knew that wouldn’t happen, so he made his way down the steps to help me.

In the meantime the other two people who had entered the house were now crowded around the two of us squirming on the floor. One of them grabbed my poker while the other helped his friend to his feet.

“Are you morons or something?” The guy I was wrestling with asked.

I felt a little bit of relief, knowing that maybe they weren’t the bad guys after all. “What?”

“You lit a fire! You might as well put up some neon signs saying come on in and kill us!”

One of the guys had already extinguished the flames from the fireplace. “I hope it’s not too late.” He said as he made his way back towards the rest of us. Brian now all the way back downstairs.

“We were cold.”

“It’s always cold.” One of the men was quick to answer.

I was trying to access our new company as quickly as possible. I’ve always been a pretty good judge of character and I could tell these men meant us no harm. If I had to guess I would say they were related. One of them was at least in his mid to late fifties and the other two looked to be about late to early thirties. A father and his two sons was my guess.

The older one was looking out the window while the younger two were just staring at us. “Let me see your arm.” One of them said as he grabbed me and pulled up my sleeve before I could say anything. “He’s not one of them.” Then he looked over at Brian, “Let’s see yours.” Before he could forcefully do the same to my cousin, Brian showed the guy his arm. We were both confused.

“They’re both clean, just idiots I guess.”

“Why did you want to see our arms?” Brian asked. We always tried not to ask too many questions so as not to look too suspicious.

“You’re not from around here huh?”

We both shook our heads.

“They brand themselves now with a little maple leaf, it’s a badge of honor for them, but it’s also made it easier for us as well. We managed to catch three of them just the other day.”

“What did you do with them?” Brian asked in barely a whisper.

“What do you think we did with them? Take them to the prom? Who is this idiot?” The younger of the two siblings asked. Maybe in another time and place, I would have liked these guys.

“I’m Kevin and this is my cousin Brian.” I’m sure he wasn’t being literal when he asked his question but I found that as good a place as any to make my introduction. I held out my hand for him to shake but instead he just looked over at me and rolled his eyes.

“I’m Ralph, that’s my brother Scott and our uncle Matt and because of you two, we’re probably going to have to move on. It’s no longer safe here.”

“Why?”

“It’s only a matter of time before someone reports that they saw a fire coming from this chimney.”

“Wouldn’t they just come in and attack if they saw?”

“They don’t have to see. Not when people are willing to tell on each other.”

I looked over at my cousin with shock. “Are you saying that neighbors are tattling on each other to the enemy?”

Ralph nodded, “It’s how most of us are surviving. If we spy on our neighbors and turn them in, they tend to leave us alone.”

I was looking around for my fire poker again. There was no way I was going to let these guys turn Brian and I in to anyone. “Is that what you plan on doing to us?” I asked trying to sound as brave as possible.

“No, we are in hiding ourselves which is why we came in here to make sure you put your stupid fire out, jackass!”

“Where were you hiding?” I asked, deciding to ignore the insults being rained upon us.

“Up the street. We found this block virtually untouched about a month ago and have been hiding out here, until now.”

“So, you didn’t live here originally then?”

Scott walked towards his father and looked out the window as Ralph continued to be the family spokesman, “No, our homes were destroyed in the initial attack. We’ve been roaming around ever since.”

I wanted to ask about the initial attack, why it happened, who did it etc… but once again that would draw too much attention to ourselves. When we first got here, I asked one too many questions and it almost got us killed. I wasn’t going to make the same mistake.

“So, is it just the two of you? What’s your story?” Ralph sat down on a couch and helped himself to some of the cookies we were munching on earlier.

Brian looked at me to talk. He was a really bad liar by trade so I kind of nodded at him, “We’re from Florida.”

“Wow, you’re a long way from home.”

“We were on a vacation to Philly when it happened.”

We decided to just use the term ‘when it happened’ because that’s what we heard everyone else say.

He nodded in sympathy. “That sucks, so you were never able to make your way back then?”

I shook my head, “We are trying to make it to New York though.”

“I heard it’s really bad there.” Ralph said glancing over at his family, “Anything going on out there?”

The uncle turned, “It’s quiet…a little too quiet.”

“I thought quiet was a good thing.” Scott said now looking at his uncle clearly concerned.

“Not anymore. That last attack….”

“We didn’t hear it coming like the others.” Brian was quick to add.

Matt looked over at Brian and nodded. “We need to get out of here soon. Are there any supplies we can take from this place?” He asked me.

“There’s food in the pantry and flashlights.”

“What about weapons?”

The question made me want to gag. I hadn’t thought about looking for guns or anything when we broke in. “Didn’t see any, but there was an entire drawer full of knives.”

That made all three of our visitors crack up.

“Scott, go check upstairs and see if you find anything useful. Ralph is going to go check the basement. You two best go round up the food and I’ll keep an eye out for any signs of trouble.”

I found myself just nodding to this man who was barking orders at us as if we were part of his battalion.

“Are we going with them?” Brian asked once inside the kitchen and out of earshot.

Once again I wasn’t sure. Every ounce of my being told me to say no, we’d manage just fine on our own, but honestly, I didn’t believe that to be true. I didn’t see us surviving the night if we left on our own. This was a new world where knives were considered laughable weapons and neighbors tattled on each other as if they were in kindergarten. Brian and I didn’t stand a chance out there.

“I guess maybe we should, if they ask us.”

“Well if they don’t we shouldn’t let them take all this stuff.”

He had a good point. We were basically letting them ransack the place only to leave us with nothing if they abandoned us. I found a garbage bag and quickly put as much food as I could into it, thinking about taking some of the sodas from the fridge as well just as Ralph came up from the basement carrying a shotgun.

“I found this and a few rounds of ammo.” He took the ammo and placed it in the bag with the groceries as if it naturally belonged there.

When he left the kitchen both Brian and I followed. Scott was just coming down the stairs with his hands empty. “There was nothing up there at all besides some blankets and pillows.”

“Maybe we should take those just in case we can’t find a place to stay tonight.” I suggested, also hinting at us going with them to see the reaction I would get.

“I’m sure Clara and Randy have plenty of blankets.” Matt said with certainty.

“Who are they?”

“Friends.”

“They wouldn’t mind taking my cousin and me in?” I hated the way I sounded. I felt like a homeless guy begging for a place to stay for the night.

“They live in a shack but they’ll always make room for anyone in need.” Ralph said just as we heard a rumbling coming from somewhere off in the distance. It was faint but definitely there.

“Did you hear that?” Scott asked his uncle who quickly looked out the window.

“What was that?” Brian asked me.

The small ceramic bud vase that was on the coffee table fell off as the earth started to quake just slightly.

“We’re too late!” Ralph said accusingly, “They found us!”

The roar became almost deafening as Matt went to look out the window.

“It’s a tank!” he warned. “We better get down in the basement.”

He motioned for us to move quickly as it settled right in front of the house, gun aimed right at us. I could see it from the small crack in the blind left opened by Matt. It was aiming for the very window I was looking through.

“We’re going to die.” I said as someone grabbed a hold of my arm and ushered me away from the window and towards the basement door leaving my Superman suit behind.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Standing My Ground**

**Date: May 20th 1999**

**Time: 8 p.m.**

**Place: New York City (1 day before the emergency landing)**

**\+ Howie +**

I am so happy we’ll be leaving tomorrow. Don’t get me wrong, I love New York City, but this place is really starting to get the best of me. I partied a little too hard the last few nights and now I’m really paying the price. I would give anything to just be able to crawl under the table we’re sitting around and go to sleep.

“So, what do you think, D?”

I looked up at Kevin as he smiled at me. He knew I was zoning out. He’s one of the only people that can really tell when I mentally check out. I do a pretty good job of not making it obvious.

“Whatever you want is fine by me.”

He got a kick out of that answer which made me realize it was the entirely wrong one. Shit!

“Thanks D!” That’s never a good thing either, when Nick is happy about what I just said.

I nodded at the blonde and then once again looked over to Kevin who rolled his eyes at the both of us as our management finally got up from the table. Great, meeting adjourned. Now maybe I can go back to my room and crash for the night.

After all the handshaking and ass kissing was over and our ‘team’ left, I gave a stretch and started to say my goodbyes for the night. 

“So we meet back here in like an hour?” Nick asked as he looked at his blank wrist. I swear the kid sees a watch that no one else does. He has never worn a watch as long as I’ve known him yet he consults his wrist almost thirty times a day as if it tells him to do things.

“What do you mean?” I asked knowing full well it had to do with whatever I had just blindly agreed to whilst zoned out.

“Our last night in N.Y.C. and we’re gonna party hard!”

“Totally dude!” AJ answered Nick by giving him a high five.

“How are we going to do that exactly?”

I made the mistake of glancing over at Kevin who seemed to really be enjoying this.

“Weren’t you listening to my epic plan?” Oh dear God.

“Remind me, you know how my brain is.”

Nick rolled his eyes at me as if we didn’t have to repeat things to him ten thousand times a day before they stuck in his mind.

“We are going to this brand new club that P. Diddy just opened. It’s really exclusive but he said he’d let us in.”

“Even you?”

“Yeah, especially me.”

“Especially you.” I repeated in my sarcastic tone that everyone loves.

“Age knows no bounds when you are me, Howard. My fabulousness far outweighs my age.”

“So does your ego.” Brian added while giving me a friendly nudge.

Brian! He was my last chance. I’m sure he was going to weasel out of going, especially because his girlfriend was in town. They always bail on us when they are together. Maybe I could say I was going with them and then sneak back into my room and go to bed.

“What are your plans for tonight?” I asked him hopeful that he’d pick up on my cue.

“We are double dating with Kevin and Kristin. We have reservations.” Oh, great help.

“Fantastic.” I smiled, “Well, I guess I’ll see you guys in an hour or so.”

I guess maybe an hour of sleep was better than no sleep at all. I could bounce back after an hour nap. I have done it before.

I swear ten seconds later I heard a knock on my door. I barely had even closed my eyes once dropping onto my bed, at least that’s what it felt like. I sat up and sighed. Yup, an hour had come and gone. So much for the power nap theory.

“Howard!!”

I went into the bathroom and splashed some cold water on my face before letting Nick in. By the time I finally opened my door, he looked annoyed. Like I was supposed to care? How many times did he make me wait in this very same scenario?

“It took you long enough.” He said once again pointing to his invisible watch. “Man, you look like crap. Are you going out dressed like that?”

He had a point. I was wearing what I was wearing before I took my ten second nap. He on the other hand looked really good. Nick, for the slob he is when the cameras aren’t rolling, tends to clean himself up really good when he wants to.

“I should change, tell you what. Why don’t I just meet you in the lobby?”

He actually looked disappointed, not sure why that is. “I’ll wait here.” He said while making himself comfortable on my bed and putting on the TV.

I started for the bathroom and then something made me stop. I turned to him, “Actually Nicky, I think I’m just going to stay here tonight. I’m really tired and we have a pretty early flight tomorrow morning. I want to just crash.”

You would think I just ran over his puppy or told him there was no such thing as Santa the way he looked at me.

“What? Are you kidding me? You’re going to blow off friggin’ P. Diddy?”

“He’s not even going to care. He’s probably not even going to be there.”

“But, it’s our last night in town. Don’t you want to go out with a bang?”

“I got it out of my system last night.”

“But I didn’t.”

“Well, it makes sense that you’re going out then.”

“D, I need someone to hang out with me.”

“What about AJ?”

“He always ditches me.”

“What makes you so sure that I won’t ditch you?”

“Because you never ditch me.”

“There’s always a first.” I yawned and pushed him over as I lay down on my bed.

“Please D? I hate going to these things alone.”

“AJ is going, you won’t be alone.”

“Actually he changed his mind. He’s hanging with his mom instead.”

I had to smile at him. Underneath the façade of this huge ego’d, party boy was the one that he only let us see. The shy kid who hated being by himself and actually had full blown anxiety attacks when it came to going to clubs like this.

“Nicky, one thing I’m sure of is you will not be alone. Ten seconds in that club and you’ll be surrounded by a ton of girls.”

“Come on D! If I were Kevin, you wouldn’t be saying no. Hell, if I were AJ you wouldn’t be saying no.”

“That’s not true. I would say no to all of you.”

He sighed, “I never get to go out with you guys. Only once in a great while.”

“Or anytime we’re in Europe or Canada.”

“Okay fine, but still…this is a big night!”

“Nicky, go and have fun...”

He stood up and walked toward the door. “Fine, but you’ll feel really bad once you hear what a great time I had last night. Or worse yet, if something bad were to happen to me now that I’m going all by myself.”

“I’ll deal with it when it happens.”

“Then I’ll get to say I told you so.”

“Not if something bad happens to you.”

“I’ll haunt you.”

“Fine.”

“Please Howie, for me?”

He almost got me. I almost caved, even sat up and scratched my head which gave him a glimmer of hope. He had a way of guilting me into things. Not sure why but when it comes to Nicky, even though he drives me insane, I still end up doing what he wants me to do. Everyone is always telling me I’m too nice to the kid because by all accounts it’s not reciprocated often. It’s my mother’s fault, always insisting that at the end of the day, he’s just a kid.

But this kid wasn’t going to win today. “I’m not going…sorry kiddo!”

There will be some major payback waiting for me. Whether it’s a prank or just an entire day of him picking on me for stupid things, but I was willing to deal with it. I needed my beauty sleep.

“Fine, see ya!” He said as he walked out the door in a huff.

“Kids.” I muttered under my breath before running to the door and opening it. “Nicky, make sure you bring a bodyguard.”

He turned and rolled his eyes at me, “Whatever.”

“He’s not going to make me feel guilty for this…you’re not going to cave Howie…go back to the bed…” I actually had to chant to myself as I placed the chain on my door and called it a night.

Not like anything bad would ever happen to that kid. He’s one of the luckiest people I know.

Thirty minutes later I was showered and heading to that stupid club to go find him though.

Yeah, I know…


	9. Chapter 9

**~ 9 ~**

**I wish I could Stop Shaking**

**Date: May 28th, 1999**

**Time: 10: 54 P.M.**

**Place: Nazareth Pennsylvania (8 days after emergency landing)**

\+ Nick +

I wish I could stop shaking.

I have been trying to will my body to stop for about an hour now. Closing my eyes and telling myself this is all some kind of horrible nightmare. When I was a little kid, I used to have the worst nightmares ever. I mean just gut wrenching dreams where I would be chased by faceless people with huge knives and guns. My mother would yell at my dad and tell him it was his fault for letting me watch so many violent movies. She was probably right. I never thought that stuff would come true though. I was wrong.

I swear I’ve had this dream before, the one with the bombs exploding all around me while I am helpless to do anything about it. Yet, when I close my eyes and open them again, it doesn’t end. It’s really happening and it won’t stop.

I wish I could stop shaking.

I also wish I had the ability to will Howie awake. He’s been sleeping for over an hour already. How anyone could sleep with all the noise outside is beyond me. I thought we were going to die just a few short hours ago. A bomb hit so close to us that the entire shed shook. A little tiny bit of the roof fell not ten yards from me as we all did nothing but look up in horror. No one even screamed.

I am shaking so fiercely that trying to form one single word with my mouth is taking all the energy I can muster. I need to wake him up though. I can’t go through this alone.

“D…dddddd…..ddddd….” is all I can manage to get out. He didn’t even move an inch.

I take my hand that is trembling as bad as someone who has Parkinson’s and pull the one blanket Howie and I are sharing closer to me. I would love to cover my eyes but it doesn’t reach and I’m not lying all the way down on the ground. It’s too cold. Snow is coming in from the small hole in the roof. It doesn’t seem to bother anyone else. The nice old couple is huddled together on their mattress on the floor with one huge quilt between them. I feel sorry for even taking this blanket away. They are being too nice to us and are going to end up paying for it.

Everyone ends up paying in the end. That’s the last thing Laura said to me before she died. I don’t want to think about that though. It’s all I see when I close my eyes and have any time at all to myself. I see her laying there helpless and shaking, just like I am now. I haven’t told anyone about her. When we were separated right after we landed in this terrible place, the guys asked me if I met anyone or if anything bad happened, but I didn’t answer. There were no words for what I saw, so I just stopped talking. Now I wish I had said something.

Brian sat with his arm around me as if we were back in those early days of Backstreet. He could tell there was something I was hiding. I said nothing and he didn’t press. Now I might never see him again. He’s probably dead. I don’t really know what to do with that.

I wish I could stop shaking.

I look over at Howie again who shifted slightly as if he just picked up my negative energy on the back end of the small breeze blowing through the shed. I don’t feel well so I start to take deep breathes, hoping that maybe I’ll be able to calm myself down enough to fall asleep for a little bit.

My thoughts race back to Brian, Kevin and AJ. I’m not sure how we got separated. I wish I was paying more attention when it happened. AJ was calling my name just as the whistling occurred and the next thing I knew I was in the air. I wanted to scream, but I just couldn’t do it so instead I closed my eyes and hoped for the best. How I ended up in this house with these nice people I’m still a little confused about. I vaguely remember Howie pulling me off of the ground and practically carrying me on his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. I’m not sure how he did that exactly. It couldn’t have been easy since I outweigh him by at least 70 pounds.

“Ddddddd…” I try again, hoping this time I’ll actually get his name out but still no luck. I’m a little worried about how crappy I feel. It started out feeling a bit like a head cold but as the days have gone by, I am just feeling more and more weak. I think I might be running a fever now.

I was just about to give up and try closing my eyes again when Howie’s eyes opened.

“Nicky?” I nod to him and he suddenly sits up, “What’s wrong?”

He sees me shaking violently and instantly removes the blanket off of himself and throws it over my shoulders, trying to bundle me up like a baby. “You’re that cold? Jesus, you’re shivering.”

Uh…yeah.

“Do you feel okay?”

I think about it just a second too long before I nod to him. He knows I’m lying. “What hurts?” He asks as his hand goes to my forehead, “Shit! You’re burning up. I think you might have a fever buddy. This isn’t good. Now is not the time to get sick.”

The feeling of safety is completely replaced by guilt. I now feel bad for feeling bad. He’s making me feel like I’m doing it on purpose or something. Suddenly I wish I had never tried to wake Howie up.

He stands up, “Let me go see if Clara has anything you can take.”

I try to stop him. The last thing I want is to bother these nice people again, but it’s too late. He’s over there whispering in her ear. A minute later she gets up and starts shuffling around; frantically looking for what I imagine is a bottle of aspirin. Howie sees me staring and gives me a very sympathetic smile. One of those, “Everything’s going to be okay,” type of looks.

I hear her pouring some water and I start to feel a little relief. Maybe some aspirin is all I need to help me feel better. They both come over and squat down beside me.

“I’m sorry you don’t feel well sweetheart.” She says in a very motherly way. She reminds me a lot of my grandmother. She even looks like her a little bit.

Just like Howie did, she also puts her hand on my forehead and gives D a concerning glance. He returns her gaze with an ‘I told you so,’ look. Smiling, she hands me two pills and a very small glass of water. “Take these and I’m going to get you another blanket and a nice wet rag to put on your head.”

I nod and smile as she hands me the drugs. I am shaking so violently that I almost drop the water. Luckily Howie sees this and grabs it from me. I choke down the pills and then he holds the water as I take a sip. I can tell he’s worried and once again I feel bad. I am the last thing anyone should have to worry about.

He holds out the glass to me, “Do you want more?”

I shake my head so he places the water on the ground beside me. “Hopefully that’ll help get your fever down.”

I want to say what would really help is to be staying somewhere that doesn’t have a gaping hole in the roof while it’s snowing outside, but that would be childish, immature and selfish. The old me from just a few short weeks ago wouldn’t have thought that way but things have changed. I have grown up about ten years in ten days.

Clara came back holding a small, damp towel and promptly placed it on my head. It was cold and I recoiled at the touch of it. “I know it’s not the most comfortable thing, but it’ll help bring that fever down sweetie.”

I manage to say the first word without stuttering in well over an hour, “Thanks.”

She nods but there is a look in her eyes that wasn’t there before. I would like to say it was concern or care but it was a deeper, darker look. One that said she was hiding something. I have quickly learned not to trust people here, even if they are super nice. It seems like everyone in this place is harboring a secret.

Once she moves away and back to her spot on the mattress I sit myself all the way up, feeling the smallest of aches in my back as I do.

“Feeling any better?” Howie asks as if aspirin should work instantaneously. It never does for me but I still feel obliged to answer him with a nod and a smile. He deserves some good news, even if it’s of the fake variety.

He smiled optimistically even though I know he knows I’m not being honest with him. “It’s probably just a little cold or something, you’ll feel loads better in the morning and then we can go out and find the guys and get ourselves out of here. How does that sound Nicky?”

It sounds like an impossible task, but yet I manage a, “Good to me.”

He lovingly places his arm around my shoulder, a gesture he would never dare to do in public for fear of being called gay. Howie has a thing about that. For some reason he always thinks any sign of affection is grounds for the press to call us gay. Since there are no cameras or press here he has no problem with it. I place my head on that same shoulder as I hear mutters coming from Clara and Randy’s bed. She’s probably filling him in on what happened.

I am still shaking like crazy but just the body heat from D and the blankets to myself is helping a little bit. I am even finding myself getting sleepy. I’m afraid to close my eyes though especially when I hear the conversation taking an unpleasant turn.

We can’t really make out what is being said but it’s clear that Randy isn’t happy. He’s quietly scolding Clara. I feel Howie’s body tense up and that is what makes me move my head off of him and sit up straight.

“Do you think everything’s all right?”

“Yeah, he’s probably annoyed at being woken up.” I can tell he doesn’t believe what he’s saying. I can also tell he’s trying his best to eavesdrop without getting up from his spot. The shed is small enough that we can really hear what’s being said. The fact that they’re whispering isn’t a good sign.

“Think they’ll want us to leave?”

“No.”

I wish I had that much faith, but I don’t. On the plus side, I am finally able to speak again without shivering. Howie seems happy that I’m even saying anything at all. Funny how much that has changed from a few weeks ago when he would have literally paid me to keep my mouth shut.

“Feeling better?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. Try to get some sleep, Nicky. I’ll keep watch.”

“You need your sleep too.” I want to finish by saying, “Because most likely we’re getting kicked out of here come morning.” But I decide to leave that as a nasty thought in my head.

“I’ll sleep later. You first, you can lean on me if you want.”

I place my head back on his shoulder, “Thanks.” I manage before closing my eyes.

I’m no sure whether or not I actually fell asleep but I keep my eyes closed when I hear Clara softly whispering to Howie.

“I am so sorry about this. We’ll make sure you have plenty of food and you can take that blanket and any medicine I can find.”

I knew we were getting kicked out. I’m really mad but Howie doesn’t seem upset at all. In fact, he sounds downright apologetic. “We’ll take whatever you can give us. Thanks so much Clara.”

“I’m going to try to get him to change his mind but he’s just too afraid we’ll get sick. The risk of infection at our age…”

“I know. You don’t have to explain. It was nice of you to even do this much for us.”

“Don’t fret sweetheart, I’m going to try to talk my man out of it.”

“Thanks.”

I heard her walk away and then I felt Howie’s eyes on me. He was staring. I’m hoping it was concern and not contempt because if I wasn’t with him, he’d still have a place to stay. Maybe I should just offer to leave, make the ultimate grown up decision and sacrifice myself for the good of my friend. I wish I was brave enough to do that, but I’m not and honestly at this point I’m too afraid that maybe he’d take me up on that offer. So instead I just pretend I’m still sleeping. The longer I fake sleep the more time it buys us here. I know we’d have until the morning. They’d never kick us out at night.

I feel my shaking start up again, and instantly feel Howie’s arm on my back, rubbing in concentric circles. “Everything will work out Nicky, I promise. I’m going to get us home safe and sound. We’ll find the rest of the guys and this will all be over soon.”

The way he says it sounds like he’s reciting an “Our Father.”

I want to believe him, I really do.

I also wish I could stop shaking….


	10. Chapter 10

**I’m Taking Off**

**Date: May 22nd 1999**

**Time: 7:15 A.M.**

**Place: New York City (The day of the emergency landing)**

**\+ Brian +**

I woke up in the most foul of moods today. I just think the last few days with barely any sleep have finally caught up with me. It really doesn’t help that my girlfriend and I had a huge fight right before going to bed.

It all started last night while we were out to dinner with Kevin and Kristin. They made the mistake of mentioning an event we had went to about a month and a half ago. It should have been no big deal except, Leighanne had wanted very much to go to this event and I had flat out lied to her and said no wives or girlfriends were allowed. Once it was brought up, I literally broke out in a sweat trying my best to change the topic but it was too late. Kris kept going on and on about how much fun it was and then as a final nail in my coffin, she asked Leigh why she couldn’t make it.

The look I was shot actually stung me. I was half expecting her to get up from the table and stalk off but luckily she didn’t let it show how much it bothered her until after we left. God, did I not want this dinner to end because I knew I was the walking dead.

She didn’t say one word to me at all during the car ride home and even up the elevators. She hugged Kris and gave Kevin a kiss on the cheek as if she was fine and then the second we entered our room she took off one of her high heels and threw it at me. If I didn’t duck she would have hit me with the thing!

I have to admit, I didn’t see that coming.

The other thing I didn’t really expect was the stream of tears that came shooting out of her eyes by the bucketful. Being mad and screaming at me I could take, even throwing of the shoes but not the crying. I felt helpless when she cried. She knew it was my one weakness. Damn her!

“You don’t love me.” She had said as she sat on the bed hysterically crying.

“Of course I do.”

“Then why did you lie to me?”

Here’s where I could have been honest. I should have been honest. It was Nick’s fault. He convinced me to not ask her to come. He rationalized it as something that wasn’t really meant for other people to share in. He was right, really. It’s not like it was something where I would have gotten to spend any time with her anyway. We were doing a meet and greet with some radio contest winners and then going to an amusement park and riding on rides with them. So even if she came, we wouldn’t have spent any time together. She would have just ended up following me around like the unlucky fans who didn’t win.

_“This way you and I can just kind of hang out, come on Frick…we haven’t hung out just the two of us in a long time!”_

_“It won’t be just the two of us.” I reminded him. I could see him trying to ditch the fans so we could just have fun._

_“I know, that’s my point, it’s never just us anymore.” The change in his expression is what really convinced me to do it._

So, I sucked it up and lied to her when she asked if she could come. I figured it wouldn’t be a big deal because none of the other girlfriends were going. I love my girlfriend but she does tend to want my life to become her life and it’s the one and only thing that bugs me about her. Fame is an odd beast, she handles it well for the most part, but sometimes I’m alarmed at her reactions to things.

When we were about to leave for the event and I saw Kris enter the van I remember thinking “I hope this doesn’t come back to bite me on the ass.” And alas my ass has just been bitten.

I did have a good time with Nick that day though. I have to say I didn’t once think “I wish Leighanne was here with me.” I guess now’s not the time to mention that part.

“I honestly didn’t think that any of the girlfriends were going.”

“You told me it wasn’t even an option.”

“I didn’t think it was. Kris was the only one who went.”

“Did you lie about tomorrow too?”

“What do you mean?”

She looked up and wiped at her tears, “You said no girlfriends tomorrow on the plane either. Was that another lie?”

“No, it’s a small private plane. We’re being flown in special for the interview and there was only a limited amount of seats. It’s just the five of us and some people from management. I don’t even think our bodyguards are coming with us on this flight. I think they’ll be traveling with you.”

She stood there staring at me. I felt like at any minute she was going to ask me something else but instead she turned, walked into the bathroom and shut and locked the door. This is something that wasn’t in the handbook of what to do after pissing off your woman. Do I knock on the door and make sure she’s okay or do I just leave it be?

I should have knocked on the door.

I woke up to her throwing things around the room. It was early. The sun hadn’t come out but was toying with the idea and I found myself dreading the day ahead. Nothing was worse than realizing that someone you loved was mad at you and there was not enough time in the day to sit down and just resolve things. It wasn’t as simple as kissing and making up. Not when every second of every day of your life is catalogued and planned.

I sat up and picked at one of my crusty morning eyes. “Hey babe.”

She didn’t look at me at all, “You should get up. You slept right through your wake up call.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“I tried.”

Her icy tone sent chills down my back. Yup, this is not going to be a good day. I sighed and made my way into the shower. Hoping that maybe by the time I got out, Leighanne would be ready to forgive me.

No such luck. In fact, when I came out of the bathroom she had already left for the lobby, leaving me a note that simply said:

_I guess I’ll see you at the airport._

_~ L_

“Great”

About fifteen minutes later I knew the knock on the door was Nick, even before I answered it. It’s like he had some kind of sensor when it came to fights between my girlfriend and I. He doesn’t like her and I try my best to ignore that fact. It kind of bothers me that someone I consider my best friend so readily wishes that this relationship will fail. No matter how many times I tell him that she’s the one. He always tells me I’m thinking with my downstairs brain and not my real one.

“You ready to go?” He seemed tired and less than energetic.

“I guess, are you? You kind of look like hell.”

“Howie and I had a really long night, fun, but long.”

I smiled, “I forgot about that.”

He nodded and yawned. “I guess I can always sleep on the plane ride.”

“Right buddy, you keep thinking that.” I tousled his hair.

“Bye Leigh!” He yelled into my empty room oblivious to the fact that she wasn’t in there. I wasn’t about to correct him.

The trip to the airport was uneventful. All of us looked worse for wear, except for Kevin who looked surprisingly upbeat and happy. AJ had his shades on and Howie was asleep. Luckily since we were going to be on a small private plane, we could bypass the real airport and just go into the smaller tarmac where the plane was waiting for us.

Our family members were waiting. AJ’s Mom, Kristin, Howie’s sister and Leighanne were standing there. We all exchanged goodbyes. Everyone’s seemed to be nice and warm except for mine.

We had a stupid little argument about her wanting to come on the plane with me and how that would prove to her that I felt like she was worth my time. I thought it was dumb and just ridiculous. I made the mistake of rolling my eyes at her. That was the end. I told her she’d have Kris to keep her company and she turned and walked away from me. I actually took one step towards her before stopping.

“She’s going to apologize to me this time.” I whispered to myself and I turned away from her and walked towards the plane.

I am not a fan of tiny planes. My cousin on the other hand, seemed a little too excited. If he could knock out the pilot and take over he would.

“Wow, this is like…really small.” Nick said when we finally got inside.

The word small didn’t do this plane justice. Tiny is more like it. When you climbed inside it was more like a flying minivan than a plane. There were three rows of two seats, just enough for the five of us and whoever decided to come with us from Jive. They were trying to figure that out. I wish I had a camera so I could take a picture and show Leighanne how small this plane was. Yeah, I’m totally winning this argument and she’ll be apologizing to me.

“Guess we won’t be getting peanuts and champagne on this flight.” Howie added as he plopped down in one of the seats at the back. AJ sat in the seat in front of him. I decided I wanted to be closer to the front so I sat on the first seat and Nick came and sat next to me. Kevin took the middle with AJ leaving the last seat for whoever Jive chose to be our babysitter on this journey.

“We are going to die in this thing.” AJ said as he put his seatbelt on.

“Shut up AJ, can we not complain for this entire ride you think?”

Both Nick and I looked at each other and laughed, so much for my cousin’s upbeat mood.

About ten minutes later, Matt boarded the plane. He didn’t seem happy. I guess he lost the bet. Why was it I got the impression that no one from Jive really enjoyed our company much? “Okay, let’s get this show on the road, shall we?” He said to the two pilots hidden behind a tiny curtain in front of us.

Just a few minutes later, we were off and running. It was pretty loud in the plane. I didn’t realize how much noise the engines made but I guess when you don’t have that much steel to buffer the sound, you can’t help but hear it.

“Looks like sleeping is out of the question.” Nick shifted in his seat and tried to get comfortable. His long legs had nowhere to go. “This thing is built for Ewoks not full grown people.”

Of course he smirked as he looked down at my legs and how much room I seemed to have. “Well maybe you should stop growing like a weed then.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

I looked out the window and down at the ground as it became smaller and smaller. My ears were popping so I grabbed a piece of gum out of my pocket and offered one to my friend who declined.

“Leigh and I had a huge fight last night.”

I’m not sure why I felt compelled to tell him about it. I knew in the end his response was going to make me mad. I guess I just had to get it out.

“See? If you had come out with Howie and I you wouldn’t have fought.”

I shook my head and was about to answer when the plane suddenly started to shake. “Shit!” I heard from behind me, “What the hell is that all about?”

“Relax AJ, its just turbulence.” Kevin answered as he sat up straight. Make sure you are all buckled in.” He glanced over at Nick when he said that knowing full well that he wasn’t. “Nick!”

He sat up and wrapped the belt around his waist. “Relax I was just about to do it. God, you’re so intense.”

Just as quickly as is started it stopped and we all let out a sigh of relief. Nick looked over at me, “I hate turbu…” Once again the plane started to violently shake this time so much so that the oxygen masks fell from above and a weird buzzing sound started to come from the front of the plane.

By instinct I reached over and opened the curtain from my seat to see pure panic and chaos coming from the cockpit. “What’s going on guys?” I asked over the beeping of the equipment.

At first they didn’t answer and were instead talking to each other about what to do. The co-pilot was shouting mayday and for the first time I felt like I might die. Nick’s face was pale and so were Howie, Kevin, AJ and Matt’s as we all sat helpless.

“We are going to have to make an emergency landing…” The pilot shouted to us without bothering to turn around.

“We need you to put your heads down to your knees and be prepared for a crash landing.”

“Brian, I’m scared!” was the last thing I heard before placing my head in my own lap.

I wanted to tell him it would be all right but I couldn’t find my voice. It was so eerily quiet in the minute’s right before we landed that I thought maybe we had already died. Then what felt like hours later we finally hit the ground. I had to put my hands in front of me to avoid hitting the wall and Nick did the same. We were going very fast and the tires below us were screeching. I started to pray over and over again. My eyes remained closed even after the plane came to a stop. I was afraid that if I opened them, the plane would explode. It wasn’t until I felt a hand on my shoulder that I finally allowed myself to look.

“Are you okay?”

It was my cousin who was bleeding a little bit from his head.

I nodded at him and then we both looked over at Nick, “What about you?”

He didn’t say anything but he looked fine. I quickly glanced over to Howie and AJ who both looked shaken but otherwise okay. Matt was getting up and walking towards the cockpit where the voice of one of the pilots was still trying to talk to anyone who would listen.

“I think we should get off the plane.” AJ said as he unbuckled himself and stood up.

“It’s weird that I haven’t heard any sirens or anything. You’d think that they’d be all over this by now.”

I looked out the window and Nick was right, there was no one coming. “That’s odd.”

“I really need off of this plane.” AJ said as he walked towards the door. “Does anyone know how to open this?”

The Co-pilot who was also bleeding from his head walked over and unlatched the door. “Normally I would say we should wait, but I think it’s a good idea to de-board the plane.”

I nodded at him as I helped Nick up off his chair and move to the door. I needed fresh air and to touch the ground.

Once down the few steps and on the ground the five of us looked at each other still in disbelief. “Did that just happen?” I asked no one in particular as the pilot walked back into the plane.

“Why is it so quiet here?” Kevin asked just as the faintest whistling sound came out of nowhere.

“What is that?” I asked just as a burst of heat filled the air and knocked us all off of our feet.


	11. Chapter 11

**~ 11 ~**

**Minutes Away from Dead**

**Date: May 22nd 1999**

**Time: sometime around 9 in the morning.**

**Place: Just outside of Philadelphia, Pa**

**\+ Kevin +**

I thought for sure we were going to die right in that moment. The explosion was so loud that my ears were not only ringing but actually hurt. I couldn’t hear a thing. The heat coming off the now barely recognizable plane was unbearable. Every muscle in my body was telling me to move but my brain was preventing it from happening. We all just laid there on the ground as the plane continued to burn. I’m not sure if anyone said anything because I couldn’t hear, but one thing was clear, they all looked as shell shocked as I felt.

It was Howie who was the first to move. He stood up and slowly made his way over to me mouthing something as he lent a hand and helped me off the ground.

“I can’t hear you!” I couldn’t even hear myself.

We then both went and grabbed for AJ who was sitting up and staring at the plane. As Howie was helping him to his feet, I walked over to Brian as he was slowly getting himself up.

I grabbed his shoulder and for the second time in the span of about fifteen minutes, asked him if he was all right.

“Think so….” I was grateful to hear.

My attention immediately went to Nick who was still laying there motionless. Maybe he was hurt. My pulse started to rise as I tried running toward him but since my ears were still off kilter, so was my balance and I went sailing back to the ground.

“You okay?” Howie asked, quickly by my side.

“Yes.” Brian and AJ were both sitting by Nick now. “Is he okay?” I asked as they both looked at me.

“I think so, he’s not saying anything.” AJ answered.

I found myself looking in the same direction as Nick and instantly understood why he was speechless. There about three feet away from him was clearly a part of one of the pilots. It looked like an arm, charred and smoldering. The only way I knew it was one of the crew was the white sleeve. 

“Jesus Christ.”

Everyone was looking now, all with intense expressions on their faces. “Maybe we should get away from here.” I said when there was still no help anywhere to be found, the whistling before the explosion suddenly coming back to me. The plane didn’t just blow up by itself.

“Good idea.” Brian said while helping his best friend to his feet.

Nick still didn’t say a word as we all kind of huddled together and started walking away from the accident scene. There was really nowhere to go. It looked as though we landed in a field of some kind but nothing was growing in it.

“Think this is someone’s farm?”

I turned towards AJ and nodded, “Maybe but…”

“More fire.”

We all turned to Nick who was pointing at a house in the distance.

“What’s going on?”

I turned to Howie and shrugged. I wish I had a clue as to what was happening. Something was definitely wrong. It was too quiet for two huge fires blazing out of control.

“We really should get out of here. I feel like we’re too out in the open.”

I agreed with him. I felt the same way. Glancing around quickly I tried to find a place for us to hide until we could figure out what the hell was going on. I noticed a barn not far from the house that was on fire.

“Over there.” I started walking towards the barn at a fast pace and heard the rest of them following behind.

As we were walking, my brain was slowly processing all that had happened in such a short amount of time. Why did the pilots suddenly lose control of the plane? It’s not like there was bad weather. Not bad, but cold. “Is anyone else cold?”

I stopped briefly and turned to my band mates. “It feels like winter, or is it just me?”

“It is kind of chilly.” AJ pulled his arms around himself and let out a breath which we were all able to see.

“Doesn’t that only happen in the winter? Why can I see my breath? What the hell is going on here?”

“I am having a bad feeling.”

“Me too.” I placed my hand on AJ’s shoulder and continued to walk closer to the barn, hoping it would provide some safety.

The smoke from the house was slowly making its way across the field like a fog you’d see in a horror movie. “Something hit that house. That’s not just a regular fire.” My cousin said.

The house was almost split in half and ash was starting to slowly fall around us. For some reason I felt the need to pick up my pace to a slow jog. I felt like a kid inching closer and closer to base before getting pegged at tag.

Once we got close to the barn, I hesitated before walking in. I hadn’t really thought about something being in there we wouldn’t want to encounter, until it was too late to do anything about it. Luckily, the barn was empty. It looked like it hadn’t been used as a barn in a really long time.

There were a few bales of hay sitting around as well as what looked like old chicken feed or cow feed. There used to be living things in here once upon a time.

“Matt is dead too, isn’t he?” We all looked over to Nick who had taken a seat on one of the bales of hay and was running his hand through his hair staring off at nothing in particular.

Ever since seeing the pilot’s arm, I hadn’t allowed myself time to think about it, but yes, he was right. Matt was dead. We were almost dead as well. Really we were only minutes away from dead.

“That could have been us.” He continued as if reading my mind.

Brian went and hugged him, “But it wasn’t.”

Nick wiped a tear from his face as I walked passed him and looked out the window. Still no one was coming while two huge fires blazed around us. In addition to ash falling, so was snow. Snow in May in Philly? It’s not like Pennsylvania was so far away from New York which was pretty hot and muggy when we left.

I wanted to shield the guys from it but it was too late, “Is that snow?” my cousin asked.

“Yes.”

“My cell phone isn’t working.” Howie tapped on his phone and held it up as high as he could, hoping to get a signal.

“Did you say it was snowing?” I heard AJ ask in the background as I took out my own phone and tried it only to get the same result as D.

“I don’t understand why help hasn’t come yet.” I was starting to go from worry to panic. Things were not right. Here we were, a huge music group that just crash landed by a pretty large city. There should have been help by now. I found myself opening the barn doors and looking out at the house again that was still smoldering as was the plane. They were like catastrophic bookends. Squinting, I saw that there was another house a little past the one that was on fire and just past that, a small dirt road.

“I wonder how far away from Philly we are.”

“I have no idea Brian.”

“I can’t get reception either. None of us can.”

I bit on my bottom lip trying to figure out what we should do. Every bone in my body was telling me to just stay where we were. Help would come eventually and then we’d be back on track. Something else was telling me to get us the hell out of here and as far away as possible. I knew the questions would be coming soon, the look for guidance and assurance. I needed to be ready for them.

“Okay, here’s what we’re going to do. We’ll just sit and wait for a little bit. I’m sure we’ll be rescued in no time.”

“I think we should get out of here.” Nick whispered. “I’m getting a really bad feeling. I don’t feel safe here.”

“It’s snowing out there and none of us are really prepared for that.” AJ said, pointing to his outfit which was luckily more ‘fall’ than ‘spring’ but still not nearly warm enough for a trek through the snow to God knows where. Howie was dressed similar to AJ, but Nick, Brian and I were in spring clothes. Nick was in shorts for God’s sake.

Still, I was inclined to agree with Nick, as scary as that sounds. Maybe we sensed the same thing. “I haven’t even heard any birds or anything since we’ve been here. It’s too quiet.”

He was right about that as well. In fact, there wasn’t a bird to be seen anywhere and considering how we seemed to be on a farm in the middle of the country, there was not a single animal at all.

“Maybe we should go. Get closer to a main road and maybe try to flag a car or something.”

I nodded at Howie. “Good idea.” I let out a long breath, trying to calm myself and think clearly, “Let’s go guys.” 

We walked outside and headed diagonally across the field towards the small dirt road. Hopefully we’d find a car to help us out. As we got closer to the road and further away from the accident, I allowed myself to look back at the plane. It was completely enveloped in a cloud of smoke that was billowing for miles up into the snowy sky.

“This whole thing doesn’t seem real.” I found myself saying out loud.

“Maybe it’s some kind of psychic dream we’re all sharing.” Yeah, that does sound like AJ logic.

There were two cars parked by the house and I allowed myself to breath normally for the first time since we landed. “Should we try the house first?” before I could answer him, Brian ran up to the front door and rang the doorbell.

I was trying not to let the chill in the air start to psych me out. I rubbed my arms as Brian rang the bell again. “Maybe they left to go get help already.” Howie said with a hopeful tone.

“Maybe,” I answered even though I was doubtful. I was beginning to think that we managed to land in the middle of a ghost town or something.

Nick peered into the window, “It looks like there are plates and food on the table. Do you think they hid when they heard the doorbell?”

“I have no idea what to think, but we’d better just get going.” I led the guys off of the porch and back into the cold weather. I was perplexed to the point of getting angry. I couldn’t let my emotions get the best of me though. There was something going on here and it was bigger than any of us could handle. I just wish I had a clue what it was.

We began walking down the dirt road hoping that we’d run into someone who could help us out. I kept finding myself glancing at the trees hoping I’d catch a bird sighting or see a bunny hopping by. Hell at this point, I’d even be grateful for a millipede scurrying across the road. Yet, there was nothing, not a single sign of any living creature.

“Look, pavement!” Brian said pointing ahead to what looked like a real road up maybe a mile or so ahead of us. It also looked like there were both a stop and street sign. Once we got on a main road, things would be better.

I was wrong.

Once we finally got to the main road it was as bare as the small dirt one was, with one worrying exception, there were cars that seemed to be scattered around not moving. You would think maybe there was an accident or a traffic jam or hell, maybe even a red light that was stuck but none of that existed. The cars just seemed to be just sitting there on the main road abandoned.

“I don’t understand what is happening.” Nick said with a new urgency in his voice. I could tell we were all starting to get that panicked feeling.

“Are they all empty?” Howie asked as we all began to jog towards the first empty car.

I stopped at the first one and peered inside as the other guys ran over to some of the other cars that were just sitting there. It was so odd. It looked as if the car has just been left there in the middle of the road. There was a coffee cup from Dunkin Donuts sitting in a cup holder and it looked as if it had a layer of mold on top. “Jesus Christ, how long has this car been here?”

“This one is empty too” AJ shouted from up the road a piece.

I glanced over at Brian, “Same here.”

Howie and Nick were beginning to walk back towards me when that whistling sound came out of nowhere again. It sounded like the wind and it very well could have been except that the whistle was soon followed by a huge bang that knocked me off my feet. I placed my hands over my ears and closed my eyes, unsure of what would happen next. The ground shook a little and for a second I was afraid we were about to have an earthquake.

After a few seconds, I stood up, happy that I was able to hear this time. I quickly made sure I checked on all my friends who were in various stages of getting themselves back up off the ground as well.

“Shit!” The panicked way my cousin said that while pointing made my heart stop. I turned to what he was looking at and it was the abandoned barn we had left. It was on fire but even more disturbing than that was the sound that seemed to be coming from the dirt road.

“Kevin…” Nick said as we all started walking up the road to the last vacant car on the street.

I ran up to the driver’s side and opened the door, hoping I’d find the keys somewhere in there and not too shocked when I saw they were in the ignition.

“Get in,” I sat down and quickly turned the key as everyone else piled into the car.

The car made a coughing type sound and then died. “Come on!!!” I said again as the whistling got louder and the ground started to briefly shake under us.

“Kevin hurry!!!!” Nick cried out. They all were yelling at me to get the car to move but I tried to remain calm. I tried it again and once more it did the same.

“Kevin, we have to get out of here now! God…” Before Brian could finish his sentence the engine finally turned over. I took the car out of park and pressed the gas to the floor. We zoomed down the road just as the sound of another explosion hit in the background.

I wouldn’t allow myself to look back but I did glance out the rearview mirror and saw a fireball not far from where the dirt road met the main one.

“What the hell is going on?” Howie screamed.

He was met with the silence of four people who had no answer to his question.


	12. Chapter 12

**~ 12 ~**

**The Middle of the Road**

**Place** : **20 miles or so outside of Philadelphia**

**\+ AJ +**

Even though we know he was driving as fast as he could, we all still felt the need to scream at Kevin to drive faster. The ground was shaking beneath us as our car sailed down the road at speeds which would have brought the entire police department out in force, but like I said, it still felt like we were going a little too slow and what ever was on our tail was going to catch up to us. That’s the thing; we didn’t know what was chasing us exactly. We didn’t see anything, but the sound was scary as hell. I have never heard anything like it before and believe me; I’ve heard a lot of interesting sounds.

“What the hell is going on?” Howie asked again. He has said that about fifteen times in my estimation.

We all swayed when Kevin made a very sharp right turn onto another big road. There were no other cars driving at all, in fact on this particular road there weren’t even any left abandoned. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

“Do you hear it anymore? I don’t hear it anymore.” Brian said, answering his own question but he was right. The horrible sound that seemed to be chasing us, was gone…for now at least.

“What the hell is going on?”

“I wish I knew…” I don’t like when Kevin sounds as flustered as he does now. When he was panicked or nervous about something it usually meant we all should be. Not that I wasn’t already perfectly aware that we needed to be alarmed by what was going on because…what the fuck, right? But still, it would have been a little helpful if Kevin seemed to think he at least knew what was going on since I can tell you I have no freaking clue myself.

“We’re just going to keep driving until we see some sign of life. There has to be someone around who can help us out.”

“Where is everyone?”

“AJ, I wish I knew.”

“I mean, you can’t tell me the entire state of Pennsylvania isn’t home.”

“Something big must have happened while we were in the air.”

Kevin looked back at me through his mirror, at least let’s pretend he was looking at me and not looking for whatever it was that was following us earlier. Either way, I didn’t like the look.

“If something that big happened, don’t you think we would have heard about it before we even took off? It’s not like the trip to Philly took 10 hours or something.”

I was thinking exactly what Rok just said.

“Brian, I have no clue, we’re just going to have to be patient for now.”

Howie was in the front seat next to Kevin and was once again trying his cell. “Still no signal,” He closed it and put it back in his pocket.

Glancing out the window, things looked normal to me. The trees were still green. The sky was blue, well minus the snow falling to the ground in May, which was odd. “Can you put the heat on Kev?”

He answered by turning the heat on full blast. “I don’t get why it’s snowing.” I muttered under my breath.

Brian who was sitting next to me just kind of gave me a shrug. I could tell he was freaking out but also trying not to let on that he was. The half eaten fingernails told the whole story. Nick was sitting on the other side of Brian and was looking out the window. I noticed that since we got into the car, he has said nothing.

“You okay Kaos?”

When he didn’t answer, Brian gave him a little nudge. I could see Kevin once again look at us through the mirror. “Yeah.” Was the only answer we got but at least he said something and that was a plus?

A sign pointing right said Philadelphia 20 miles, so Kevin took a very sharp turn in that direction. He was driving as if he has never driven a car before. If the circumstances were different I would be making fun of this, or if not me, definitely Nick, but nobody said a word.

“I hope we have enough gas to make it.”

“How much is there in the tank?”

“Less than a quarter.”

It’s been so long since any of us have had to drive ourselves around I had no clue if that was enough for 20 miles or not. In fact, I wasn’t even sure how much it would be to fill up a car. Not that we’d be able to do that anyway, what with everyone mysteriously gone and all.

“People!” We all looked out the window where Howie was pointing and sure enough there were about five people roaming on the road. When they saw the car they scattered and ran off into the woods.

“Why are they running?”

Kevin pulled off the side of the road where the people were last seen, “I have no idea, but I think we should go look for them.”

“Really, because they seem to want no part of us.” I wasn’t about to go out on some goose chase only to find ourselves smack in the middle of Deliverance or Misery. Unfortunately Kevin didn’t seem to have the same concerns. He got out of the car and gave us one of his “well what are you waiting for,” looks.

I wasn’t really looking forward to getting out of the car and back into the snow. Yes, I’m trying to ignore the fact that it’s fucking snowing in May. There are so many things I’m trying to ignore right now.

Once we were all out of the car, Kevin felt the need to pick up his pace to a slow jog. Yes, let’s jog in the snowy woods off of the highway. What could go wrong, right?

“Where do you think they were going?” Howie asked as he tried catching up to Kevin who was now moving at a slightly faster pace.

“I think the better question is _why_ do you think they were going?” Brian moved passed me and quickly did the same to Howie.

I stopped and turned around to see if Nick was going to pass me as well but he was still standing by the car and looking completely lost and out of it. “Nick?” I yelled back. Only then did he start moving towards us at a really slow pace. Maybe he was thinking what I was thinking as far as the woods were concerned.

Kevin stopped and Brian almost ran into him. It looked comical from here and I actually let out a small laugh. Funny how we all have different ways of dealing with stress seems like mine is laughing inappropriately.

“Let’s go guys!” He was shouting at Nick and I because we weren’t running into the unknown like the rest of them.

“Come on Nick.” I gently urged almost grabbing onto his arm and walking him towards the rest. Not sure why I felt the need to be so nice to him, but he seemed like he needed it.

“This all can’t be happening AJ.”

“We don’t know what’s happening.”

“I know, but whatever it is, it’s not good. This isn’t right. It’s like we’re not where we’re supposed to be. That’s what it feels like to me that we’re not really here.”

As much as I wanted to tell him he was being stupid for thinking that way, I kind of had to agree with him. I was feeling it too. I came to the conclusion that this wasn’t a dream but it felt nothing like reality either. Even as we walked further and further into the woods it felt more like a set of a movie than what it was. I almost wanted to bend down and feel the grass under the snow. Maybe it was Astroturf, maybe the snow was Styrofoam. Maybe this was a set or something. 

I felt him staring at me so I looked up and smiled, “Dude, I have no idea. I wish I could tell you something, but I got nothing.”

“We shouldn’t be doing this. We should go back to the car before it’s too late.”

I was inclined to agree with him again, this was another thing highly unusual, when Nick and I are on the same page about something. I felt myself suddenly slipping as the slope of the small hill started to decline. Instinctively Nick grabbed for my arm and caught me before I fell on my ass.

“Thanks.”

“Are you guys coming or what?” Brian asked at the bottom of the hill waiting for us to catch up.

“Brian, I don’t think we should be following those people.” Nick was making his case again, not that Brian had any more pull than I did.

“We have to do something; they were the first sign of life we’ve seen since we landed.”

Nick nodded as we all began walking towards Howie and Kevin, “Yeah maybe…I still have yet to see a bird or a squirrel.”

We really should have seen at least something now that we were smack in the middle of the woods. “Something isn’t right…” Nick whispered again, just in case we hadn’t heard him the last fifty times.

Kevin and Howie stopped walking and once again we were all caught up to each other. “Do you hear that?”

I nodded at Howie. The sound of people talking started wafting through the air just out of reach to where we were. That’s when my nerves really kicked in.

“Hello? Is anyone there? We need help!” Kevin yelled before any of us had time to second guess this whole plan of his.

The talking came to a sudden halt. They heard us, but said nothing. That’s probably not a good sign.

“Our plane had an emergency landing and then blew up. People are dead. We just need to call for help and let our families know we are okay. Hello?”

Again silence.

“Maybe this isn’t a great idea Kev. Maybe we should just go.” Howie urged when he saw Kevin growing impatient with the obvious disregard for what he was saying.

Instead of listening to D, he started moving even closer to where the people were hiding. “I know you can hear me, please…we really just need a land line. Our cell phones aren’t working and we need to call the police.”

I felt Nick staring at me so I turned to see the look of apprehension on his face. I was feeling it too, just as a middle aged man stepped out from behind the trees holding what looked like a rifle in his hands.

“Whoa…” Kevin said as he quickly put his hands in the air and stepped back, “We don’t want to cause any trouble…”

“I don’t care what you want. You all best just turn around and get out of here. If they find us because of you I swear to God I’ll hunt you all down and kill you!”

The viciousness in his tone as he held the gun squarely pointed at Kevin was enough for me to almost wet myself. He was freaking aiming a gun at one of us. What the HELL?

“I’ll give you to the count of ten to turn around and get out of here. I’m not asking again.” He looked over at me that time and I am sure I winced and backed up.

“Okay, sorry…” We all turned and started toward the hill but I was afraid at any time I’d hear the blast of a gun behind us.

None of us said anything until we were back in the car and moving. Brian was the one to break the silence.

“Where are we?”

“I wish I knew,” came the solemn answer from the driver’s seat.

“He was acting like he was scared for his life.” Howie added.

“Maybe they are on the run from the police or something.” As the words came out of my mouth, I didn’t believe them.

“Oh great, is that water in the middle of the road?” We looked in front of us where it seemed like the road was almost non existent it was so covered with water. Although it was hard to tell under the layer of snow that was beginning to pile up on the road.

Kevin slowed the car to almost a crawl as we got closer to the flooded area, trying to access if it was safe to drive on.

“Jesus Christ.” Howie whispered in almost a cry.

“What?” I asked before I saw it for myself.

Kevin stopped the car and we all just sat there for a few seconds. No one really wanted to get out but we all knew we had to. This was something we had to really see with our own eyes. From a distance in the car wasn’t good enough.

“There are so many of them…” Nick said as we all got out and ventured closer.

It wasn’t water that was under the snow. It was birds, a massive amount of them, and all lying dead in the middle of the road like they had just dropped from the sky. There were so many of them we couldn’t even tell where the bodies ended.

None of us had one word to say as we just looked out at the sea of dead birds in the middle of the road. After a few minutes, I took my eyes off of the scene and looked past the road where there was a green sign that originally said Philadelphia 15 miles, but someone had spray painted over it. What it said now, is what I was really beginning to feel.

This is the end.


	13. Chapter 13

**~ 13 ~**

**The Long Walk**

**Place: Outside of Philadelphia**

**\+ Howie +**

Just one more step Howie, you can do it…one more….

If I were to walk into an office of a regular business and start talking to myself, I’d be considered a nut case. It’s different when you are a celebrity. When you’re in the music business it’s all about mantras and chanting to yourself to get psyched for a performance. Whether it’s a “Let’s do this!” or “Backstreet’s Back All Right!” to the more obscure, “Did everyone shit before they dance?” ß long story how that one came about, but yeah, it actually became a chant for a good month after the ‘Nick ate too many burritos’ incident. Anyway, mantras have become a very natural and almost soothing thing for me.

Just one more step Howie, you can do it…one more….

That was my new one. I needed it because if I didn’t keep saying it to myself, chances were I was going to just lie down on this never ending road and die.

After finding all those dead birds, we figured out it was best if we just left the car and walked since running over a ton of dead carcasses didn’t seem like an option we all wanted to take.

Having to walk through so much death is something that will haunt me until the end of my days. Every time I close my eyes, I will hear the sound of crunching bones under feet. There was so many of them, it was almost impossible to not have to step on them to make it through.

I can’t even tell you how long we were walking before we actually cleared the birds. My guess is over two hours. I wish I knew what was going on. Why were there so many dead birds and where were all the other animals? Just that thought alone sent a huge chill down my spine. Birds I could deal with, walking through a dead sea of deer or furry creatures, not so much.

And what about the people? We haven’t encountered any since the ones hiding in the woods, weird how none of us would even discuss that. After we started our walk, we all just kind of stopped talking. There are no words for what we are witnessing today. Why bother harping on it. Besides, we’re all probably busy saying our own mantras in our heads to focus on anything else.

I looked over at Brian who was walking even with me. His head was down and he was biting on his bottom lip as he had his arms wrapped around himself. The weather wasn’t really helping any of us. I found myself sniffling to prevent any more mucus from running out of my nose.

“Do you think they’re dead?”

What a somber way to be broken out of silence. I turned to AJ as he caught up to me. His nose all red and eyes all watery, white smoky breath came out of his mouth as he continued, “Everyone we left home. You think they are dead from whatever this was?”

“I doubt it. I mean for all we know this is just something weird happening here.” I wish I believed myself.

“Really?”

Brian cut in, “What good is it to even think that way? We need to stay positive.” The sharp tone in his voice told me he was yelling at himself for doubting what he had just said. I’m sure we were all thinking it.

On impulse, I reached for my phone yet again. I had checked it less and less because the disappointment wasn’t worth the few seconds of hope I felt while waiting for a signal of any kind.

“My battery is dying.” I shook my head looking at the one bar of light. Of course it didn’t even matter because once again, there was no signal.

This realization was followed by more silence. The three of us continued to walk in a line together. Just having them on either side was a little comforting. Kevin was still leading the way occasionally looking back and stopping while we caught up.

Nick was slightly behind us, only by a couple of feet, but occasionally we would do the same for him.

One more step Howie…you can do it…one more…

I started shivering about an hour after the last conversation we had. At first it wasn’t a big deal but now I was shivering so badly that it was actually making my jaw hurt. If we didn’t find shelter soon, I wasn’t going to make it. None of us were. I could tell by the way we all slowed our paces, except for Kevin who kept getting further and further ahead of us.

“We need to find somewhere warm.” I finally managed to blurt out once he stopped and waited for us again.

This time he let us catch right up to him before he spoke, “I am aware of that D, but I don’t see anywhere to stop, do you?”

His lips were slightly blue and his face just like the rest of us was rosy. Under other circumstances, you’d just think we all had bad sunburns. That would make most sense since it was May after all.

“I’m just saying…”

He nodded and then glanced behind us at Nick who was now walking at a snails pace. We all turned and watched him slowly make his way even with us. His legs were red and shaky as was his entire body. I forgot the kid was just wearing shorts. He had his arms wrapped around him and tears running down his eyes. He might not have even been crying. It could have just been the weather, but doubtful.

“We need to get ourselves warm.” He said now witnessing Nick up close.

“Are you okay Nicky?” I asked him once he finally caught up to us.

He didn’t say a word and just shook his head.

“I can’t believe we haven’t even passed one single abandoned car.” Brian said through a small shiver. Talking was becoming a chore for us which was another reason we were all being so quiet.

“Maybe we should venture into the woods again. It’s possible someone else is hiding who can help us.” Kevin actually sounded hopeful as if the last people we encountered invited us in for tea and biscuits. He did have a point though and I was so cold and exhausted, I was willing to try anything.

We walked over to the guardrail. “I’m going to go check it out. You guys should stay here.”

“No way are you going by yourself. I’ll go with you.” Brian said, not allowing his cousin to go alone. I was grateful because if he didn’t say it, I would have and I am too tired to even think about moving.

He nodded, “Okay, you guys stay here. We’ll be right back.”

“Be careful.” I urged as the two of them went over the rail and into the woods.

I sat on the guardrail knowing how cold it was going to be but not even caring. I needed to rest and I quickly motioned for the other two to do the same. Nick sat next to me and by instinct I put my arms around him and started to rub his arms as if he was a baby and I was toweling him dry. I was really beginning to worry about him when I saw how much he was shaking. He was almost convulsing.

“Don’t worry Nicky, we’ll find shelter soon.”

He nodded as he continued to shiver. I then glanced at AJ who was watching with a look of horror on his face. I have never seen him this scared before. We were all terrified.

“It’s gotta stop snowing soon.” I said under my breath.

It needed to stop snowing soon. Something good needed to happen. Any kind of break would be just what the doctor ordered.

“Maybe we need to get off the highway and walk on a side road.” AJ suggested.

“The last sign we passed said the next exit was about 5 miles away.” That seemed like so far away to me. There was no way I’d make it ten feet, let alone 5 miles. Not in the condition I was in now, we were all in. Hunger was also starting to set in, which wasn’t a good thing. I had been trying to ignore it for the last hour but now that we were still, the growling was there.

Not sure how long we just sat there in silence before AJ spoke up.

“What time is it?”

I glanced at my watch and noticed the second hand wasn’t moving. “Don’t know. It stopped at around 9:00.”

“It has to be late afternoon by now, don’t you think?”

I shrugged. “If I had to guess, I’d say it was around 3 maybe?”

“Yeah, seems about right.” AJ glanced back at the woods, “You think they found anything?”

I was getting annoyed by the constant questions. I knew as much as he did, I wish he’d stop asking.

“No idea.”

“How long have they been gone?”

“I don’t know, thirty minutes maybe?”

“What if something went wrong? Maybe we should go look for them,”

I sighed, wanting to send him so he’d shut the fuck up! Yes, when I’m overly stressed I lose my cool. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it happens. Instead I took a page from my mother’s book and calmly answered, “We’ll give them a little longer and if they’re not back I’ll go looking for them.”

“We all should go.”

“No, Nick needs to stay here.”

“Not alone.” The blond whispered; his first words in over an hour.

Luckily it didn’t have to come to that because Kevin and Brian emerged from the woods a few minutes later, looking tired and dejected. I didn’t think they’d find anything out there, but part of me was semi hopeful.

“We need to get moving again.” Kevin said as he made his way over the railing. “There’s nothing out there, but we did see a few dead squirrels. They look like they just dropped dead right where they were standing.”

“One even had a nut in its mouth and looked mid chew.” Brian added as a grim footnote.

“AJ thinks we should get off at the next exit and I’m inclined to agree.”

When I stood I almost fell back down as a wave of dizziness swept over me. I felt someone’s arm grab my own. It was Nick, “You okay D?”

I nodded at him, “Just stood up too fast. Thanks.”

“No problem.” I tried to give him a small smile, but it probably looked like a grimace.

“What did the last sign say about Philly? We should be getting close.” Kevin glanced at his wrist and then rolled his eyes.

“Did your watch stop too?”

He nodded, “At 9:10.”

“Same here.”

“I think the last sign said maybe 10 miles?”

We had walked about that much already, halfway there yet so far left to go. You know, 20 miles wouldn’t be all that big of a deal if the weather wasn’t so horrible, but I’m honestly not sure if I could do another 10 miles.

“We’re not going to make it before it gets dark, I don’t think.” Brian said, grabbing a handful of clean snow and putting it into his mouth.

“Don’t! What if it’s contaminated?”

“We need to stay hydrated Howie, you should take some too. We did it in the woods and are still alive.”

I nodded and quickly did the same, grateful for the feeling of something going down my throat besides cold air and mucus.

“I think we’ll be able to get to the next exit before nightfall and then maybe the first house we see we can get some help.” Kevin started walking up the road, “We need to get moving though.”

“Don’t you think you need to rest?” I worried about Kevin because when he was this focused he often forgot about his own health and well being.

“I’ll rest after we find shelter. What about you Brian?”

His cousin nodded while staring at Nick, “I think we need to go.”

“Let’s go then.”

As we all started the trek to the next exit, once again a silence took over. New thoughts looming like would we reach our goal before dark, because we would all freeze to death if we didn’t? It’s not like we could just start a fire out here, not in the middle of the snow which had started to pick up slightly in intensity. Also what if there was no longer any food available? And what about that weird buzzing noise? What if that returned? Being out here in the open we were just sitting ducks. There would be nowhere to hide.

I bent down and took another scoop of snow into my mouth, afraid it might kill me, but also starting to welcome the idea.

One more step Howie…. You can do it…just one more


	14. Chapter 14

**~ 14 ~**

**The Boogeyman**

**Place: 2 miles outside of Philadelphia**

**\+ Nick +**

I have never felt like I was going to die before. I know I tend to be overdramatic and always drop to the floor after hours and hours of rehearsals would make my legs turn into jello but, that was all just me being me. I’d whine, “Oh my God, I think I’m dying!” to the eye rolls and head shakes of my fellow band mates but it didn’t matter, I was having a moment. It wasn’t until today that I realized how many times I have actually used those words. I said them way too much, took my life for granted. I put death in the same category as the boogeyman. Somewhere just out of reach. If I couldn’t see it, then it didn’t really exist. There was always a chance that one day he would come out of the shadows and swallow me whole so I just slept with the lights on. No shadows, no boogeyman.

Problem solved.

I glanced over at Howie who was sleeping beside me covered with a tablecloth. I don’t know how he could sleep. None of the others were able to. They were all just sitting around the small table, not saying anything as they ate. I wish I was hungry but I was too cold to even think about food.

I’m someone who likes the heat and I can honestly say I’ve never been this cold before. Kevin is concerned that I may have frost bite, but what’s the use in worrying about that when there’s nothing we can do anyway. My legs are killing me though; they feel like they are sun burnt. I’m still shaking but not as bad as I was when we found this RV.

We had been walking for too long choosing not to get off the main highway when we hit the exit. The main reason for the decision was the ramp leading off of it was destroyed, blown away by whatever it was that attacked this place. There were gaping holes all down the road and with the snow falling steadily and it getting dark, we didn’t want to take the chance of falling into a hole. We had no choice, so we kept on going.

Every step I took I thought was going to be my last. I found myself not being able to breath and the pain I was feeling in my legs was almost unbearable. I didn’t even realize I was groaning until Brian actually offered to carry me on his back. That’s when I knew I was in trouble because instead of bitching at me to stop being a drama queen, Kevin offered as well. I must have looked that bad.

I almost took them up on it, but the inner man in me wouldn’t allow it. So, I sucked it up and continued to walk, very slowly.

Within about three miles, we saw a mobile home, just sitting in the middle of the road like a big metal mouse trap. Its door was open, daring us to venture inside. We stopped around it and stared for a few minutes.

“I’ll go in first.” Kevin said, looking at all of us, maybe hoping we’d reject his offer and volunteer ourselves. When that didn’t happen he moved slowly inside the RV and within a few seconds gave us the all clear.

I couldn’t make it up the two steps to get inside so Kevin graciously pulled me in by my arms and led me to the couch which I haven’t moved from since. The first thing they did was look for blankets, grateful to find a handful of them and plopping most on me. I wanted to protest and say everyone deserved to warm up but I was shivering so fiercely all I could do was get out a small thank you.

“This was like a Godsend.” Brian said, sitting next to me.

“Or it could be a trap. I mean isn’t it odd that there’s absolutely nothing for the last 7 miles and then suddenly a perfectly good, abandoned RV in the middle of the road?”

Leave it to AJ to play Dr. Killjoy.

Howie was looking in the fridge, “There’s some stuff in here but it looks like it’s spoiled. Weird, why would it be bad?”

“Maybe it’s been here for awhile.” Kevin said, while sitting in the driver’s seat trying to figure out how to make this thing move.

“But that would mean it’s been sitting here for awhile then.”

We all just kind of let those words sink in. Up until now we were all just under the impression that whatever happened just recently occurred. There was never a possibility in our minds that it could have happened way before our arrival because how could we have not heard about it.

“I think I can drive this baby the rest of the way to Philly, if I could only find the keys…”

Howie gave up on the items in the fridge and went for the cabinets instead. “Here we go!”

He pulled out a few cans and quickly found a can opener. “There are some pears, fruit cocktail and a can of chili, anyone hungry?”

“I’ll eat anything right about now, I’m starving!” AJ said, taking the can of pears and opening them up for all of us to share.

By the time we had found the RV, the sun had already begun to set and the temperature went down as well. If we hadn’t come across this thing, we’d be dead. At least I know I would have been. Even though we were safely inside, as long as the RV wasn’t running, the cool air was seeping in. At least I had blankets and pants. Luckily there were also clothes in here. It seemed like before it was abandoned it belonged to three guys, maybe friends going on a trip cross country. Brian pointed out that the plates were from California.

“They came a long way to die.”

“They probably aren’t dead.”

“Okay…just keep telling yourself that.” Was pretty much the somber conversation AJ and Brian had about the topic.

Whatever the case, one of them was about my size and that suited me just fine. I was now wearing a brand new pair of pants and a flannel shirt and sweater over that. Suddenly the lights went on followed by a small cheer from up front. “I knew I’d get this to work!”

“You found the keys?”

“Uh huh, they were lying on the floor by the gas pedal.”

Kevin joined the rest of the guys at the table, “This will do for the night and then maybe we’ll be able to drive this thing into Philly proper and find out what the hell is going on.”

He reached over and grabbed the can of chili, “Are there any utensils in here?”

AJ jumped up and found some forks sitting in a drawer and handed one to everyone. “You want some of this Kaos?”

I shook my head even though my stomach was beginning to whine at me.

Most of the guys had changed into the warmer clothing this mobile home had to offer, all except for Kevin who was just focused on getting it warmer in here. I looked out the window and the snow was still coming down pretty hard. The sky was a dark pink. Under other circumstances, I would have felt almost cozy, but not now, not here in the middle of an abandoned highway in May.

I felt unsettled.

“How you holding up buddy?” I was zoning out and actually jumped when Howie spoke.

I looked over at him and smiled, “I’m okay.”

He handed me a small packet of crackers, “You should eat something. It’ll help you get your strength back.”

I grabbed them but didn’t have the strength to open it. Seeing me struggle he grabbed the crackers, ripped the plastic and handed them back while yawning, within minutes, he was asleep.

“Do you think it’s ever going to stop snowing?”

They all looked over at me, surprised to see I was still awake.

Kevin stood up and started walking over towards the bedroom area, “One can hope.”

He pulled out a few pairs of pants and looked at the sizes. Deciding on a pair of sweats and a Cal Tech hoodie, he walked into the bathroom and shut the door. I sat up and moved my legs off of the couch, wincing at the pain I still felt but afraid to look down and see if there was anything to be concerned about. Remember, if I don’t see it, it doesn’t exist.

“So, are any of us going to talk about this?”

Brian seemed disgusted and annoyed, “About what AJ?”

“Uh…this Rok,” He held up his arms and swept them across the room, “Everything, the fact that we have no fucking idea what’s going on or how long it’s been going on. The fact that we can’t get a hold of anybody which seems to be fine since there’s nobody to get a hold of, you know…that!”

“Maybe we were nuked.”

They both looked my way again as I continued, “What else would make all those birds drop dead and make it snow in May?”

“Nick, if a fucking nuclear bomb went off while we were in the air I think we’d know it!”

“What do you think happened then?”

“I don’t fucking know!” the can of pears he had been playing with sailed across the room as he stood up and went for the door only to stop himself when he realized the end of this tantrum couldn’t result in the usual storm out of the room and slam the door shut behind him scenario. “I just want fucking answers!”

“We all do AJ.” Howie who was asleep, now sat up and stretched. “Of course we all want to know what’s going on, but the thing is, none of us have the answer, so why bother to keep asking? I know it’s not making me feel better.”

I glanced around the small area, “What about a radio or TV?”

“Jesus, that’s a great idea!” AJ ran over to the dashboard and clicked on the radio.

A wave of static came from the first station he tried, so he tried another and another and another just to meet the same result. I placed my hand on my mouth wanting to scream out in frustration.

Finally just before he shot past another station we heard the faintest sound of beeping. “Turn back J!” Brian urged as he made his way next to AJ.

The beeping sounded like a fire alarm that’s battery was just about to die but since it was the only other noise besides static, we kept it on. Kevin made his way out of the bathroom disguised as a Cal-Tech grad student, “What is the beeping?”

“The only signal we can get on the radio.”

“What about a TV?”

“There isn’t one.” I answered, wondering how you can do a cross country trek without a television.

I was starting to warm up now and took one of the blankets off of me and handed it to Howie so he could ditch the table cloth. I felt a hand on my shoulder and a small squeeze, “You starting to feel better Nick?”

I nodded at Kevin.

“Good, why don’t you go eat something, there’s not much left but I did put a can of peaches aside for you.”

I nodded again and slowly moved to the table. I was walking like an old man, but I couldn’t help it. My bones were creaking and popping as if I was eighty. I didn’t think it was possible for bones to freeze in place, but I guess mine did. This is probably what it feels like to have arthritis. Now I know how my grandmother feels.

Or maybe I should say felt, I guess?

Kevin once again found himself in the driver’s seat. “I’m not sure if we should try to get going now or wait until morning.”

“I would wait Kev, with so much stuff along the roads, it could be dangerous, plus the snow…”

He nodded at his cousin but I could see the sense of urgency he had in his eyes. He didn’t like sitting out in the middle of the road anymore than I did.

“Maybe if we could at least move off to the shoulder, this way we aren’t so obvious?”

“I like that idea.” Brian agreed and a nod from the rest made me breathe just a tiny bit easier.

After a few choice words, Kevin managed to figure out how to make the RV move. The road was slippery below us and even though he was only going about 5 miles and hour and about three feet, I was convinced he was going to topple us on our side. Once we came to a stop, I opened my eyes.

“Well, that wasn’t fun. Not sure how I’m going to drive this thing the rest of the way to Philly.”

Suddenly the beeping that had been our background noise for awhile started to intensify. The beeping became louder and faster and with it, so did my own heart.

“What the fuck…”

“Shh…” Kevin held his hand up to AJ.

Beep beep beep… _wait for message_ …beep beep beep

“Did you just hear that?”

“I said shh…”

Beep beep beep… _wait for message_ …beep beep beep

We all walked over to the front of the RV and stood around just excited to hear someone else’s voice besides our own.

Beep beep beep _…anyone who can hear this, go to spring garden street…Delilah’s…we will regroup there…don’t forget to stay inside after dark.. no fires…no lights, otherwise they’ll find you…_ beep beep beep… _stay off the main roads and stay safe…see you at Delilah’s…_

The beeping suddenly went back to the normal pattern and volume as we all just stood there staring and hoping for more.

Kevin quickly went into action and shut off the lights in the RV and an instant panic flew through the room as we all realized how long those lights had been on and how long we have been sitting on a main highway. Two things we were just warned not to do.

“Who do you think they are?” Howie asked in a whisper.

“I don’t think I want to find out.” Kevin said, now also closing the blinds and shutting off the RV completely. “I’m sorry guys I know its cold but…”

“No worries Kev, I think that’s a good idea.”

We all ventured slowly back towards the couch. Brian, Howie and I squeezed in tight as AJ and Kevin sat on the floor right in front of us. We all passed the blankets around and tried to keep as warm and quiet as possible as we just sat there in the dark, hoping the boogeyman didn’t decide to come out of the shadows and swallow us whole.


	15. Chapter 15

**~ 15 ~**

**Say a Little Prayer**

**Place: Philadelphia, PA**

**\+ Brian +**

None of us slept a wink last night. Not even Howie how would snore for about fifteen seconds before waking himself up. I have never had such an unsettled night in my life actually. We were just sitting there in the dark, listening for the slightest sound of trouble. None of us even talked very much, it’s like we were all afraid if we were too loud, we’d be found. All I could think about was meeting up with a bunch of strangers. What if this was some kind of trap? Maybe it was the bad people who sent out that message, trying to lure people like us right to their doorsteps.

“Do you think its aliens?”

“Don’t be retarded Nick.”

“I’m serious AJ. If it wasn’t a bomb, maybe we’re under attack? I mean we haven’t seen anyone yet.”

“It’s not aliens, they don’t exist.”

“How do you know that Kevin?”

My cousin let out a sigh, but he didn’t answer. Truth was Nick’s theory might not be off base. We were all reaching for answers but there were none to be found. Who’s to say there were no such things as aliens?

There were lots of unexplained sounds coming from just outside the RV but with the lights off and blinds closed, none of us were eager to find out what they were. Maybe animals scurrying, but it didn’t sound like that. It sounded more like hail but only with small darts attached to the end of each ice crystal.

I hope my family is okay. I hope whatever this is, didn’t reach Kentucky, maybe only the bigger cities, hell, maybe only this one. I couldn’t handle it if…everyone has to be all right.

I looked down and was able to see my badly chapped hands which meant we survived the night.

“Must be morning.” I whispered, not sure if anyone was sleeping but knowing damn well we were all wide awake.

Kevin stood up and made his way over to the window, “It stopped snowing.”

“Thank God.” I stood up and I swear every bone in my body ached. The cold really wasn’t helping as I also sneezed about three times in a row.

The RV got really cold at one point and I almost was tempted to run the heat for a few minutes, but instead I just sucked it up and pulled my arms into the sleeves of my shirt. That seemed to do the trick for awhile.

I felt Nick shivering next to me so at one point I wrapped my blanket around the little guy. I was really worried about him. He hasn’t been himself since we landed here. Although who can blame him? We were all probably acting weird.

“What now, Kev?”

“We go to that place…Delilah’s. At least there we’ll find some answers.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

I’m glad I wasn’t the only one thinking that way. Nice to know Howie is as paranoid as I am, “I mean, don’t you think the bad guys heard that message too? I mean if we heard, they probably did too.”

I hadn’t even thought about that. I can tell either had my cousin, he sat down across from us at the table with a look of new found concern on his face.

“Maybe they thought of that and it was a secure frequency?” He said after a few moments of quiet contemplation.

“I doubt they had any time to be that sneaky.” AJ stood up and wandered over to the bathroom.

“We can’t just sit here though. I think we should at least get to Philly and then we’ll figure out what to do from there.”

Kevin walked over to the driver’s seat and strapped himself in. I decided to follow him and take a place on the passenger’s side. Things looked really grim out there now that I had a chance to really look and see what lay ahead of us. The road was covered in about three or four inches of snow.

“We’re gonna get stuck.” I didn’t mean to say it out loud but, it was true. It’s not like there were any plows making their way out here to help us out.

“Maybe, but we have to at least try.” He turned on the RV and blasted the heat. It felt good as it hit me full force.

“Guys, you all probably want to sit up here and buckle up, it’s not going to be a fun ride.”

I glanced back at the guys as they made their way over to where we were. “It’s nice and warm up here at least.” Howie said as he took a seat behind me and buckled himself in.

“There’s only one seat. I’ll just sit off to the side here.” Nick seemed wobbly on his feet and I could tell his legs were still hurting by the winces he made as he sat down.

AJ moved behind Kevin. “Nick please brace yourself, this road is going to be slippery. There’s gotta be somewhere you can sit with a seatbelt.”

“I’ll be okay Kev, I have faith in you and that you’ll get us where we need to be safely.”

“Great…” Kevin muttered under his breath and he slowly started to move us off the shoulder and back onto the road.

At first the thing didn’t want to move. The back tires were spinning but we weren’t going anywhere. Kevin pushed on the gas as hard as he could and the next thing you know we were on the road, slipping and sliding all over the place, but at least moving in the right direction. We were going all of ten miles an hour and believe me, that was plenty fast.

As we slowly drove closer to our destination a new feeling of in trepidation hit me. It was an intense feeling that started in my stomach and made its way into my throat. I really wanted to cry but couldn’t. The stillness of everything around us was just to overwhelming for me. I would have to say it was around 8 in the morning. Normally the roads would have been packed leading into a big city like Philadelphia, but yet, ours was the only one chugging up the road. We passed a few more abandoned vehicles but not one sign of life anywhere. I would have given anything to be stuck in traffic about now.

We managed to get off the ramp that led into Philly proper about an hour after we left. We made sure to listen to the radio the entire time, just in case there was another message but the beeping never ceased.

As we drove slowly into town, I was taken back by how beautiful this city was. I have always loved coming into Philly. It reminded me of Boston in a lot of ways, but it had this edgier quality about it. Kind of like Boston’s trouble making little brother or something.

“It’s like a ghost town.”

I glanced behind at Nick who was staring out the window with his mouth slightly opened from shock.

Kevin stopped the RV along the side of the road oddly enough named Pennsylvania Avenue. “I think we should go the rest of the way on foot. All this thing is going to do is draw attention to us. Not sure if we want that.”

I nodded but wasn’t looking forward to going back outside in the bitter cold May air. He shut the mobile home off and quickly moved from his spot. We all followed behind. “Too bad they didn’t have jackets in here with them.” I said looking over at Howie who seemed as happy to be leaving the RV as I was.

Stepping outside, at least it wasn’t as cold as it had been yesterday. I would say we were probably a little above the freezing mark if I had to take a guess. I blew air out of my mouth and was bummed to see it hanging there in front of me but still, it didn’t feel that bad, yet anyway. At least we were all dressed a little more suitable this time. A jacket still would be nice.

We walked about a mile or so down the street when we started to see signs for the Museum of Art. “Isn’t this the Rocky place?” I asked my cousin as we turned a corner seeing the answer for myself.

Off in the distance the steps leading up to the museum were snow covered. I looked over to Kevin as he stopped. “Should we go up there or keep on moving?”

He sounded unsure of himself, this was the Kevin I didn’t like to see, the one who firmly planted his feet on the ground and was no different than the rest of us.

“It probably wouldn’t hurt.”

He nodded at Howie and then proceeded towards the steps.

A cool breeze made the snow covered steps almost shimmer and seem made of rubber. It was a nice illusion. We made our way up the stairs where the blowing snow sometimes felt like tacks on my skin. I buried my face as far as it would go into my shirt wishing I had a scarf and some gloves.

I wasn’t really paying attention to where I was walking, so I was surprised to bang into AJ with such force that I almost knocked the two of us off our feet.

“Holy shit.”

I pulled my face out of my shirt and made the mistake of looking up. There right in front of the Museum of Art, was what appeared to be gallows with a bunch of nooses hanging down.

“What the fuck?” I heard the words coming out of my own mouth as we all continued to walk slowly towards the gruesome site.

“Kevin are those…I mean they can’t be…this has to be…” Nick kept discontinuing his thoughts and I couldn’t blame him. I wish I was able to stop my brain from any further contemplation.

My cousin pat Nick’s shoulder, “It’s probably some kind of exhibit…let’s keep moving.” He answered rather unconvincingly.

It looked too real to be some kind of display. Maybe if it looked a little sturdier and not quite so hand made, I might have bought into it, but no, this looked like the real deal. There were small triangular flags floating down from a few ropes which were probably meant to direct visitors towards the entrance. They all seemed to be in various stages of disarray. Some seemed ripped while others looked as if they had been burned.

We all just kept looking at each other feeling as if we should turn around and run but yet, couldn’t help but want to continue to examine our surroundings.

“Look at that!” AJ pointed over towards the Rocky statue. We hadn’t even noticed it at first because of the gallows but the statue had spray paint all over it. Words like DIE! KILL! And ROT! Were tattooed all over the famous fighter’s body.

“I don’t get what’s happening here.”

And I really didn’t. How could this, I mean we would have heard about it. This instance of vandalism would have made national news.

Another breeze blew the snow all around us and litter from underneath was swept up in the air. There were a ton of papers under the snow so I decided to bury my hands under to grab one. The first one I picked up was so wet it fell apart on contact, but the second one was a pamphlet.

“What is it?”

I looked over to Nick as I opened it, “No idea, there are a ton lying around though.”

The inside read like an instruction manual on how to hunt people. I had to double check and make sure I was reading it right, but yes. It was how to hunt and…

“Guys we need to get out of here now!” They all looked at me as I dropped the paper.

“What’s wrong?”

I gulped back the urge I had to scream as I turned towards the stairs we had come from hoping they would follow.

“Brian?”

Kevin picked up the pamphlet I had been reading and his expression was horror filled. “Brian’s right, we need to go now!”

The other three wanted to ask questions but didn’t. We all just started to walk back towards the stairs as fast as we could. There were three men coming up so we turned and went the opposite direction. Figures now that we didn’t want to see anyone, they’d start popping out of the woodwork and sure enough just past the gallows a few more men showed.

“Oh God.” Kevin muttered to me as the others were still confused why we would suddenly be running away from the first real sign of life we’ve seen since we’ve been here.

“Kevin…”

“Guys, let me do the talking, all of you keep your mouths shut.”

The men started coming closer and they didn’t look friendly in the least.

“Why?” Howie asked.

“Because that’s a pamphlet on how to hunt and kill celebrities!”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Do I look like I’m fucking kidding you AJ? Now you all shut up and let me do the talking!”

The men were surrounding us now. There were about fifteen in all. They made a circle to prevent us from being able to run away. We were surrounded and as they all started to pull out weapons I found myself saying a prayer. I didn’t see a way out of this. Not this time. All the praying in the world wasn’t going to help.

They were going to kill us.


	16. Chapter 16

**~ 16 ~**

**Home Sweet Home**

**Date: May 29th 1999**

**Time: 5:30 A.M**

**Place: Philadelphia, PA (9 days after the emergency landing)**

**\+ Brian +**

The last thing I remember was hearing Kevin scream my name, telling me to run for cover and then the sound. It’s a sound I’ll never forget. A whistle so loud it sounded like one of those fireworks that shoot way up in the sky and explode. What are they called? I think Roman Candles? Something like that. My dad used to always take us to the fireworks every July 4th and whenever those things shot up in the sky, I covered my ears. I hate loud sounds. This thing definitely sounded like a firework only instead of being shot up in the sky it was coming directly at us.

The sound of the whistle intensified as I reached the door of the stairs leading to the basement where my cousin was already at the bottom as well as one of the brothers. I still get them confused but I think it was the older one. The whistle suddenly stopped just for a split second and then my feet were taken off the ground as I went sailing down the steps against a huge wave of heat.

When I opened my eyes the air was still and it was so quiet I thought I was dead for sure. It was dark, pitch black and the smell of smoke was all around me. It’s that smell that made me realize that I was alive but wasn’t sure how long that was going to last.

I tried moving my arms and was pretty successful but I also could tell there was something on top of me preventing me from moving anything else. I wanted to yell for help but then I remembered what got me in this position in the first place. Whoever just bombed this house wanted us dead. I wasn’t about to call for help to let them know they did not succeed.

That got me thinking about Kevin. Was he as ‘lucky’ as I was? God, I hope so. I don’t think I’d be able to make it knowing my cousin was dead and I had survived. I felt tears streaming down my face but I couldn’t’ really move my arm comfortably enough to wipe them away. How does this happen? How does it go from being one of the best times in your life to contemplating why you are alive and kind of wishing you weren’t? Just those thoughts alone were enough to make me full on start to bawl. I have never thought about suicide ever! Whenever I heard people talk about when they almost tried to kill themselves or wished they were dead, it would really piss me off.

I can’t even tell you the number of arguments Nick and I have had about this very topic. When he would go on and on as an angst ridden teen about how he wished he was dead. Even now, at the happiest time of our lives, or at least WHEN it was the happiest time in our lives, he would talk about ending it all if he had the chance. I would just shake my head at him and wonder how anyone could really feel that amount of despair.

Until now…

Now, I get it because so help me God, if I had a way to do it, I would. I tried to squelch my sobs but they were long and hard but mostly loud. I bit on my bottom lip to try to prevent anymore noise but then that part of me that stopped caring about if I lived or died wanted them to just find me and put me out of my misery already. Just make it quick.

“Brian?”

I stopped crying when I heard my name. A sudden fear hit me. It was one thing to think I wanted them to find me but another to know they actually did.

“Brian?”

But if it was them, how would they know my name, unless Kevin told them?

“Brian, can you hear me?”

That’s when I snapped out of it and realized it was my cousin saying my name.

“Kevin?” I said as loud as I could. My voice sounded horse as if I hadn’t spoken in months.

I heard a shuffling and then his voice came through loud and clear. “Brian, are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“I don’t think so, I can’t really move.”

“Okay, hold on. We’ll get you out of there.”

I sniffled away a new round of tears before they started and felt a giant sense of relief. I have never felt as worry free as I did right at this second. Now I know why people might enjoy roller coasters. This is probably what it felt like falling down. A release of adrenaline and your endorphins go a little crazy. I went from wanting to die to feeling more alive then ever in less then twenty seconds.

I heard Kevin and someone else moving things around and slowly I began to see a sliver of light. It made me wonder how long I had been laying here in the dark.

“We’re almost there buddy, hang on…okay?”

“Yeah.” I wondered if I was the only one trapped.

I took a few deep breaths trying to control myself and my emotions. The last thing I wanted was for Kevin to see me a blubbering mess. I don’t cry in front of anyone. I never have and never will. It’s not like I view it as a sign of weakness or anything, I just find it embarrassing.

It’s not something I even realized until it was brought to my attention. My brother is the one that pointed it out to me at my uncle’s funeral. Everyone was crying and consoling each other and I was just standing there seemingly unmoved by what was going on.

I did cry, but after we all came home and I had a chance to just sit in the dark and think about things. My brother came in all pissed at me and telling me it was okay to cry. It didn’t make me less of a man. It’s just how I roll I guess?

I was finally able to see Kevin’s foot in front of my face as they tried to lift whatever was on top of me, away. My guess is it was more than one thing. For all I know it was the entire house! Luckily I wasn’t hurting so it couldn’t have been that bad, unless I wasn’t hurting because I couldn’t feel anything.

Great, now I found myself going from sad to anxious that maybe I was seriously hurt. Funny how a few minutes ago I probably would have welcomed that and now the thought of dying here under a pile of house was the last thing I wanted.

Finally I felt something really large being hoisted off of me and I was able to really let out a big breath as the sun shone down on me from above. It was definitely sky, no sign of house anywhere.

Kevin knelt beside me and threw off the small debris that was on my stomach, “Are you okay?” He asked softly as he gently pulled me to a sitting position.

I nodded, happy to know that when I moved it didn’t hurt. I just felt stiff, as if I spent the entire night sleeping on a very uncomfortable couch. I gave my cousin the once over and apart from a nasty looking gash above his right eye, he seemed to be fine.

I shook my head and a whole slew of dust came off the top. I probably looked horrible, but it didn’t matter because I was alive. “What happened?”

I asked as Kevin gave me a hand standing up. I felt a little wobbly on my feet but quickly balanced myself out.

“We were lucky.” He answered.

I looked around at what was left of the house. Some of the first floor by the kitchen was still intact but pretty much everything else was gone. The basement remarkably was untouched besides all the debris that landed on top of us.

“The fireplace and that bar saved our lives.” He pointed to where I was. I had managed to land right in the crook of the bottom of the fireplace that was the only thing left standing above us and he and Scott managed to duck under an old bar that had been built into the basement wall.

“What about the others?”

Scott walked away. I knew my answer. “Did they come in here looking for us?” I asked after a few seconds.

“I don’t know, by the time I woke up they had gone. My guess is they didn’t think anyone could have survived the blast and moved on.”

I was kind of baffled how anyone could survive after seeing all the destruction myself. I walked over to Scott, trying to find some kind of consoling words, but not really knowing what to say, I turned and started walking in the opposite direction.

“So, what now?” I asked my cousin, but it was Scott that answered.

“Now we go to Clara and Randy’s place before these people decide to come back and check on things.”

Kevin and I looked at each other, “Okay.”

“Scott, I’m so sorry…”

“Save it…” He cut me off and walked away.

“Maybe they’re alive, did you guys find them?”

Kevin nodded, “Ralph is over there. It looks like he broke his neck and well…the other one never made it down here before the blast. Scott found part of him over there.” He pointed off in the distance.

My heart broke for a second and once again the tears started to flow. I felt bad for this family but most of all I felt guilty. This was our fault. If we hadn’t lit that fire, they would be alive right now.

“It’ll be okay Bri.” Kevin pulled me into a hug and that’s when I really started to full on cry once again.

“We’re going to make it out of this place and find the others.”

I pulled away and wiped my tears, “How do we ever make it up to him?” I asked looking over at Scott who was standing there and staring at his brother’s body.

“We can’t,” Was his honest answer.

I did know something we could do, however small of a gesture it would be. I walked over to Scott and put my hand on his shoulder, “Do you want to bury them before we go?”

At first he ignored me as he continued to stare. His eyes saw his brother but when I looked down I saw mine. For all I knew my family was laying under a heap of their own. We were all victims. Just as I was about to walk away he answered, “Yes, that would be nice.”

He glanced at me as tears fell from his face. I wanted to hug him but for some reason I just nodded and walked away, leaving him to grieve in peace.

I sat down on a piece of wood and watched as Kevin helped our new friend carry his brother outside and continued to watch as he grabbed a shovel from the debris and started to dig a grave. When I offered to help I was told to sit down because he wasn’t quite sure if I had hurt myself and he didn’t want to take any chances. I pulled my shirt up and saw a huge bruise forming on my stomach and couldn’t’ help but wonder that myself. I did feel okay though.

Once the grave was dug and the earth was thrown I made my way over with the only thing I could find that was close to a gravestone. It was a plaque that probably used to hang on the wall of the kitchen, welcoming home the family that this place once belonged to. Now it was going to be a makeshift gravestone for someone these people didn’t even know.

I handed the sign to Scott as he stood over the new plot and despite all that happened he actually laughed when he saw it.

“Ralph and my Uncle would have liked this. They were just twisted enough to find the irony.”

He bent down and placed the plaque on top of his brother. Because there was so little left of his uncle, he decided it was best to just leave him be.

“Should we say a prayer or something?” I asked.

“No, we aren’t exactly religious.”

“Okay.”

“Rest in peace,” was all he decided to say.

I looked at my cousin who had tears in his own eyes as he stared down at the words “Home Sweet Home.”

Scott turned off his emotions, wiped away the last few tears and took a deep breath. “Let’s get going, I don’t know how much time we lost but we need to get to Randy’s before it gets dark!”

He started to walk away, never looking back and we were quick to follow. I did look back though, seeing the Home Sweet Home sign in the distance as we continued to walk. Snow once again started to lightly fall from the sky.


	17. Chapter 17

**~ 17 ~**

**When Paths Collide**

**Date: May 29th 1999**

**Time: 7 A.M.**

**Place: Philadelphia, PA (9 days after the emergency landing)**

**\+ AJ +**

I dreamt that I was in my house with my mom and we were sitting in front of the TV just flipping the channels. No matter how hard we tried to land on something decent to watch, there was nothing to be found. In front of us on the coffee table was a pizza from Dominoes and a 2 liter of Mountain Dew. Nothing of major notice took place in this dream. There were no bad guys, no being chased by fans, no naked women, (that part bummed me out a little) and no sign of trouble anywhere. It was peaceful.

When I felt her shaking me awake, I didn’t want to open my eyes. I wanted to stay in that time and place. If I opened my eyes I would have to come back to this new reality, one where most likely I’d never see my mother again.

“Get up, we have to get moving!”

The shaking became more violent and I was forced to finally open my eyes to see her hovering over me. I still didn’t know her name, even though we spent all afternoon and evening together.

We walked for a little while longer after we encountered our Canadian friends yesterday but the snow started to fall pretty hard shortly after. My ankle was also really starting to hurt to the point that I was slowing us down majorly. I have to admit, she could have left me there to fend for myself but instead, she put her arm around my shoulder and led us down the road until we found an abandoned house to sleep in for the night.

She told me that this has become the normal way to survive here. You walk until you can’t walk anymore than you find some place to sleep. Almost all the houses are empty. No one is stupid enough to live in the city anymore. Only the people like her that refuse to let bullies drive her away from her home and me because I’m an idiot, according to her at least.

“Are you hungry? It’s not much but it’ll have to do.” She threw some really stale Oreo cookies at me. So stale and soft they were almost crumbling in my hands as I popped them in my mouth.

“We should get going pretty soon, how’s your ankle?”

I looked down at the ankle in question. It was a little swollen but otherwise it didn’t feel that bad. Of course I haven’t started walking on it yet either.

“I’ll live.”

She looked at me and snickered. “For now at least.”

I noticed she was wearing brand new clothes and her hair was wet. “Did you shower?”

“Yeah, the water is actually running in this place and it was a little warm, at least not freezing cold if you jump in and then out it’s not too bad. You might want to consider going clothes shopping before we leave.”

“You mean stealing?”

“Whichever you prefer, it’s not like they’re going to care. I’m sure they’ve moved on to a better place.”

I really wanted to like this girl and in fact I kind of did, but when she said crap like that I wanted to get as far away from her as possible. So, I did. I went upstairs, took a very cold ‘shower’ that I had to say actually felt good after over a week of not washing myself much at all. I found something new to wear and a little warmer. I even found a nice jacket and then we were off.

“Where are we going?”

“A friends.”

“More specific please?”

“Why, it’s not like you’re going to know who it is.”

“Even still…”

She sighed and picked up her pace, probably because she knew it would cause me pain.

“It’s this nice couple I met after it happened. They took me in and nursed me back to health.”

“You were hurt?”

I could tell she didn’t want to go down that road with me. She was letting me in and not liking it very much. “Yeah, I don’t know many people who weren’t.” She looked at me suspiciously.

“How hurt were you?”

“I don’t even remember. I was totally out of it but when I woke up, she was standing over me and telling me everything was going to be okay. Her and her husband treated me like I was their daughter. Her name is Clara, and they live about another two miles down that way.”

“Are you sure they’re still there? I mean you said yourself, everyone is leaving.”

“They are. They would never leave.”

“But what if…”

“We’ll have to wait and see. So, what’s your story?” She asked popping a piece of gum into her mouth and signaling that we were done talking about her.

I wasn’t sure what to say. Kevin was the one that usually did the talking and we kind of just nodded in agreement. “We were visiting here when it happened and we’ve been here ever since.”

“Who are we?”

“My friends and I, well really more like brothers. We all are really close.”

“Were,” she was quick to correct.

“ARE!” I yelled at her. I didn’t mean to but her negativity was not something I felt like I could deal with at the moment.

She shrugged as I continued on, “Anyway we ended up over by the Museum of Art…”

“Oh shit!”

I nodded, “Yeah.”

“Did you see anyone hanging?”

“No.”

“You’re lucky.”

“Yeah we were. Anyway we ended up meeting this guy named Charlie who was leading a resistance movement.”

“Charlie Epps? Oh, I know him. He’s a good guy. Well, was before they killed him.”

Once again I nodded, trying to forget about that part of my story. “Yeah, he really helped us all out until we parted ways. We were heading to New York when that last explosion separated us all.”

She nodded but didn’t say anything. I’m not sure what I was expecting. We walked on in silence for a little while, occasionally ducking out of site when we thought we heard a noise.

“Why do people hate celebrities so much here?”

“They didn’t where you were from?” She seemed surprised by this.

“A little, but not to the point that people hunted them down.”

“Because, this is their fault.”

“I thought it was Canada’s fault.”

“Canada wouldn’t have even been able to do this if it wasn’t for our stupid fascination with celebrities. They run for office, we vote them in, they get in over their heads, make deals with the devil and then run.”

“Trump.”

“Trump.”

“I can understand hating him, but why everyone else?”

“People need someone to blame. You know the only reason he got elected was because of his money and fame. All those famous idiots got on board and gave money to the Canadians thinking they were backing Trump The whole united North American front garbage…Anyway when he ran we needed someone to blame, so famous people it is. Works for me.”

“Yeah.” I tried to sound like I didn’t care one way or the other.

We turned a corner and started heading down a small path, “Not too far now.”

I was happy to hear that because my ankle was slowly starting to scream at me. We were going to need a break soon and I didn’t really want to tell her that.

“Shit…” I was so focused on my steps and not hurting myself further that I wasn’t really looking.

“What?”

“There are people up ahead.” She pointed at them as she started to walk us off the path and into the wooded area beside it.

I glanced at them just as we moved off the road. I had to be seeing things. I had to be.

“Kevin?” I asked when I was sure I recognized him as they walked towards us.

She pulled at me but this time I ignored her and screamed “KEVIN!!” as loud as I could. I knew I was taking a chance but I had to. If this was Kevin and I…right then he put his hand to his eyes, probably to get a better view.

I quickly started waving my arms at him, “It’s AJ!” I screamed.

Brian was with him as well as one other guy. The two of them started running towards me while the other stayed put. Meanwhile I had totally forgotten about the pain in my ankle and did the same leaving my travel mate in the dust as well. It probably looked comical, the three of us running at each other like two distant lovers meeting after a long time. All we needed was some sappy music and slow motion action.

Kevin grabbed me into a huge hug, “Thank God you’re okay. We thought you were dead!”

“I thought you were too.”

Brian joined in the hugging as my unnamed friend made it next to us. “I take it these are the friends you were talking about? Guess I was wrong. They are alive after all.”

I got a good look at Kevin and Brian once we all let go of each other. Neither of them looked all that great. Kevin had a big gash on his head and Brian just looked pale and unwell. Judging by how they were looking at me, I’m sure I didn’t look all that hot either.

“Howie and Nick?” I asked hopeful.

The cousins looked at each other and my heart immediately sank. I prepared myself for the worst. “Not yet, we’re still looking. We found you! Now we’ll find them.”

“Well we need to get moving or we’ll all be found by the bad guys.” She said as she moved ahead of us.

“Who is she?” Brian asked as we approached the guy they had been walking with.

“Hey Syd.” He said to my female friend, thus ending my quest to find out her name.

“Hey Scott, where’s the family?”

The man took a deep breath, “They didn’t make it.”

She nodded but didn’t show any sign of emotion. “Sorry.”

“Scott this is our friend AJ, AJ this is Scott.”

“Hey.” I held out my hand and he shook it.

“And this is Sydney.” I smirked at her and gave her a wink. She hated the fact that I now knew her name.

Kevin and Brian both went to shake her hand but just like me, she brushed them off. “We were heading towards Clara and Randy’s.” She said to Scott, acting as if Kevin and Brian were figments of her imagination.

They all looked at each other and I knew to expect some bad news. Scott is the one that answered, “Don’t bother, we just came from there. They’re gone.”

“What do you mean gone?” It was the first time I have ever witnessed her distressed and maybe even a little sad.

“I mean gone. The shack was empty; it looked like it was ransacked. It looks like the whole neighborhood was.”

I went to put my hand on her shoulder. I could tell these people meant something to her, but the second I tried to show her some sympathy she pulled away. “Well, we better come up with a plan B because if they did raid that street, then they’re probably not too far away.” She had the same very cold tone of voice when I first met her. She managed to put her wall up again, I could tell.

“Thank God you’re safe.” Brian said giving me a hug as we started walking the way we had come.

I nodded, grateful that I had found my friends and hopeful that we would soon find Nick and Howie and be reunited.


	18. Chapter 18

**~ 18 ~**

**Brave New World**

**Place: Philadelphia, Pa (1 day after the emergency landing)**

**\+ AJ +**

When people surround you and you’re never quite sure what they’re going to do next is something I’ll never get used to. Girls screaming and crying uncontrollably are so unpredictable. You know the last thing they’d want to do is hurt you but when they are caught in the moment, they very well might. Our bodyguards were excellent when it came to crowd control. We had the best in the business and I firmly believed that because in all the jams we had found ourselves in, they managed to get us out of them really quickly with minimal damage done.

I wished we were surrounded by fans now because this didn’t feel friendly at all. These people didn’t want our autographs or to touch us, hug us etc… no, they had a different intent and sadly, our security was nowhere to be found.

They were circling us like we were their prey. A nice early afternoon snack to keep them satisfied until later. There was nowhere to run. Even if one of us were to break through, where exactly would we go and what would happen to the rest of us? It was much better to stick together and face whatever it was we were up against. I think we all had that same feeling.

“Put your hands up the air.” Kevin whispered to us as they closed in.

“We aren’t armed, we mean no harm. We crash landed about five miles away and were looking for help.”

I was surprised at how calm Kevin sounded. It’s like he has done this before. I think if I had tried to talk it would have come out as a half whine, half cry.

They were so close to use now I could actually see down the barrel of one of the guys shot guns. This was the second time in that many days I have had a gun aimed at me. Before then, the closest I had ever come to even seeing a real gun is when our police escorts would remind people they were armed by putting their hands on the gun while it sat safely in their holsters.

One of the men pushed his way through the crowd and stood directly in front of Kevin, seemingly unaware of the idea of personal space. “Is that so?” He asked raising one of his brows up slightly.

He was kind of short and without the gun would not have looked menacing in the slightest. In fact, I’m pretty sure that I could have even taken him down. Funny what a gun in hand will do to someone.

“Yes, I swear to God. We were coming from New York and crash landed.”

The man put down his gun for a second, seeming intrigued. “What’s it like there?”

“Where, New York?” Kevin seemed confused by the question and I couldn’t blame him, now wasn’t the time to start spouting how lovely it was and boy you need to check out the theater district etc…

“Same as here.” Oh right, that’s what he meant. Once again I was grateful that someone else was doing the talking.

“When did you crash?”

“Yesterday.”

That made the small man put his gun up, “That’s impossible! NO one has flown anywhere for almost a year! Where did you come from?”

“I’m telling you the truth, if you don’t believe me; I’ll even show you the plane!”

I turned to look at Howie and he looked as nervous as I felt as he mouthed the words we had just heard, “Over a year?” 

The man in charge was thinking about this for a minute and then he once again put his gun down. How was Kevin going to do that exactly? Getting here was hell, it’s not like we could just turn around and go back! Not now, especially not with all the weird explosions going off.

Luckily or unluckily he switched thoughts for a moment, “You look familiar.” Great, we go from problem A to problem B.

“I don’t think I know you.” Kevin once again said calmly.

Suddenly two more men shot into view, “We need to get moving they are heading this way!”

The man nodded, “Okay, let’s go, we’ll sort this out later.”

He motioned for his men to follow him and they led us all away from the gallows which I was thankful about and behind the museum where there was another set of stairs waiting for us.

At this point I really couldn’t tell if we were their prisoners or just along for the ride. They seemed to be just as nervous as we were, especially when they found out that ‘they’ were coming. Not sure I wanted to know who ‘they’ are.

We walked for quite a while down side streets and in and out of alleyways. We passed the famous LOVE sculpture that now symbolized anything but its namesake. I wasn’t positive but it looked like a stream of blood was flowing down the words giving it an almost tie dyed look.

“Where are you taking us?” Kevin asked.

We were all doing our best to keep up but Nick especially was having a hard time. He kept falling behind only to be pushed by one of the guys with a gun. “Leave him be, he hurt himself.” Brian said after the last push caused him to fall to the ground.

“Somewhere safe so we can talk a bit more about this crash of yours.” The man said and then turned around to see what all the commotion was about.

“How old is he?” He asked pointing to Nick who was slowly getting off the ground with help from Howie and Brian.

“Nineteen, why?”

“Great…” The man rolled his eyes. “And he’s hurt?”

“Not really, just a little sore from yesterday.”

“Well, he needs to keep up or we’re leaving him behind.”

Hearing that, Howie took one arm and Brian took the other and between them they were pretty much dragging Nick the rest of the way towards our destination which I hoped we’d arrive at soon.

About five blocks later we came upon a warehouse. The man in charge knocked out shave and a haircut which I actually laughed about and when the two bits reply came, the door opened up.

There were at least ten other people in the small space. Judging from the outside, I thought it would have been a lot larger than it was but it was more like the size of a two bedroom apartment than a warehouse.

“Who are they?” One of the guys asked as we all walked in and sat down on crates that were covered with various drapes and blankets to make them more comfortable.

“We found them at the museum; apparently they crashed landed here yesterday.”

The guy laughed, “From where, Mars?”

“Close, New York. Any sign of trouble?”

“No.” the two men walked away for a second to confer leaving the five of us just sitting around while some of the other people stared at us like we were monkeys in a cage.

I glanced over at Kevin who was carefully looking around, maybe trying to figure out a way to make a quick escape if the need arose. “What do you think he meant about no one flying for over a year?” I asked my friends who only shrugged in reply.

The man in charge walked back towards us and squatted in front of Kevin, “So, tell me again about this crash landing.”

He was no longer holding a gun and getting a closer look at him I could tell he wasn’t that much older then Kevin. He might have even been younger than that.

“There’s not much more to tell. We were on our way from New York to Philly when our plane hit some serious turbulence and the next thing we knew we are on the ground.”

“And this happened yesterday?”

Kevin nodded.

The guy stood up and walked away for a second and then turned back again, “What happened next? Did anyone show up? Were there explosions? Did they come after you?”

“They blew up the plane, yes.”

“How did you even manage to get it up in the air? I mean all the airports have been closed since the attacks.”

I could tell this guy believed our story or at least wanted to. Kevin took awhile to answer. I don’t blame him, what the hell was he supposed to say? What attacks? What the hell happened here?

“I don’t really have an answer for that, sorry.”

The guy walked over to Nick and squatted next to him, “And you were hurt in the plane?”

Nick nervously looked over at Kevin unsure of what to say so he took over. “No, when we landed he was wearing shorts and a tee shirt. We walked for hours in the snow and it really took a toll on his legs.”

“Shorts, why on earth would you be wearing shorts? It’s been snowing for a good part of the last year, or is that not happening in New York either?” Before he got his answer he gently moved Nick’s pant leg up slightly and winced, “Looks like you might have some frost bite kid. Larry!” He yelled, “Larry’s not exactly a doctor but he knows a thing or two about first aide. He’ll help you out.” He pat Nick’s head and smiled.

“Thanks.” Nick answered shyly.

The man named Larry walked over and helped Nick to the one real piece of furniture which was the couch. I could tell he desperately wanted one of us to go with him but none of us moved. I think even though all weapons were put away, we still were afraid to do something wrong.

The man then extended his hand to Kevin, “My name’s Charlie. Sorry about the guns and everything, we just have to be careful nowadays. It’s a brave new world out there.”

“Kevin and this is my cousin Brian, and our friends AJ and Howie.” Charlie nodded and smiled at all of us. “That one is Nick.”

“He looks really familiar.” Charlie said looking over at Nick as Larry applied something onto his legs.

Kevin shrugged, “So, who were we running away from at the Museum?”

Charlie sat down on the floor, “Let’s just say there are dangerous people out there and leave it at that.” I could tell he didn’t fully trust us yet.

Larry and Nick came walking back over a few minutes later. “I don’t think its frost bite but I put some cream on it because it was really red and bumpy. I’m going to see if we have any antibiotics to give him to fight off any infections that may arise, just in case.”

“Thanks Larry.”

Kevin looked worried by the infection part of that sentence. Nick always manages to get sick or catch whatever is in a five mile radius of where we are. Now wasn’t the time for that to happen.

“You all look like you can use some rest so find a spot and relax for a bit. We don’t have much food but my brother is working on that right now. My dad makes a pretty mean chicken soup as well. He pointed over to an older man who had his arm around a beautiful girl while he made people laugh.

“Thanks Charlie.” Kevin said smiling as our host walked away and joined the guy he was speaking to earlier.

Now I could clearly see the family resemblance. That was his brother. These people were not threatening, they were a family just trying to survive, but what were they trying to survive? That seemed like the new million dollar question.

For now though, I wanted to take advantage of the offer of sleep so I got up, took the blanket off of the crate I was sitting on and went for a spot pretty close to where everyone was still sitting. One by one they all did the same as we slept in pretty close proximity to one another. I didn’t think I’d actually fall asleep but once I closed my eyes I felt myself drift off. Maybe I’d wake up to find that this was only a dream.

Doubtful, but one could hope.


	19. Chapter 19

**~ 19 ~**

**The Silent Observer**

**Date: May 22nd, 1999**

**Place: Philadelphia, PA (2 days after the emergency landing)**

**Time: Sometime in the morning**

**\+ Howie +**

I woke up disoriented, unsure of where I was and what was going on. It’s weird when you open your eyes to see people’s feet walking by. I sat up and felt a horrible kink forming in my neck. It’s been a very long time since I’ve slept on the floor. I have a feeling it’s something I’m going to need to get used to though.

“Did you sleep well?”

I turned my whole body towards Kevin who was sitting back on the crates and rolling up one of his pant legs. Seems like our new friends gave him a change of clothes and the jeans he was wearing were a bit too long for him.

I stood up and made my way past a still sleeping AJ, Nick and Brian and took a seat next to Kevin. “Surprisingly well, yes.”

“Me too, I think we’re all just exhausted.”

“So, what’s the plan?” I smelled something cooking in the background. It might have been sausage or ham, definitely a meat of some kind. Instantly my mouth started to water. We really haven’t eaten much since we landed here. I was hungry, thirsty and most of all still tired.

“I don’t know D. I really have no clue what the hell is happening. I don’t want to sound like a crazy person but I’m starting to think we aren’t where we’re supposed to be.”

I laughed at that, like really? What clued you in to that one Kevin?

He smiled when I laughed, “I’m going to try to get some answers from Charlie today. Find out a bit more, like what year it is.”

“What year?” I was confused now although, not completely because I was thinking the same thing deep down. We weren’t in Kansas anymore Toto.

He shrugged at me just as Charlie’s father walked over towards us with plates. They were stacked high with eggs and sausage and of course some toast. “I bet you guys are hungry. I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself to you yesterday. Alan Epps.”

I grabbed the plate from Alan and shook his hand, “Howie.”

“Kevin.”

“Nice to meet you boys, we have some coffee over there, help yourself.”

“Thanks.”

He smiled and walked away just as Brian and AJ woke up, probably because of the smell of food. Nick was still passed out in the corner in a fetal position.

“Oh fuck, so this wasn’t a crazy ass dream?”

“Sorry AJ.” I felt for the kid. I think we were all kind of hoping we’d wake up in our hotel rooms in NYC.

Alan waved the guys over for some food and Charlie and his brother Don walked over. At least I think that’s what his name is. I overheard a few people talking before I fell asleep last night and the name Don came up more than once. Supposedly he was an FBI agent before the attacks.

“We’re going out to find some food. Where exactly did you say you crashed that plane of yours?” Don asked almost jokingly. He didn’t even introduce himself to us or anything. He seemed like kind of an ass.

“About 10 miles or so heading away from Philly in a field.”

“Would you be interested in bringing us to it?”

I gave Kevin a warning glance. I didn’t think it was a good idea to leave with this guy.

“Kev…”

Charlie cut in, “Actually I think I’d like to go if that’s okay with you?” He asked his big brother who nodded after a few minutes of contemplation.

“I don’t like you going out, what if someone…”

“Don, I’ll be fine. I learned from the best.”

Seeing how much he cared for his little brother, made me rethink my dislike of Don Epps.

“So, you want to show me this plane of yours?” Charlie asked Kevin. I was really hoping he’d say no.

“I’ll go with you.” Kevin nodded and stood up.

“Great, we leave in about ten minutes.”

Charlie walked away sensing I wanted to talk to Kevin alone. “This is a dumb idea.”

“I need to show them we aren’t lying. Maybe that’ll finally get us some answers. They need to know they can trust us D.”

As much as I hated it, I knew he was right. “What should I do while you’re gone?”

“Keep the others calm but also play silent observer. Try to get as much information as you can without asking too many questions.”

I was good at that game. Better than anyone else. “Okay, please be careful.”

“You too!” He grabbed my shoulder in a reassuring way and then headed to the front door where Charlie was waiting.

“Where is Kevin going?”

I sighed before answering Brian, “To prove that we aren’t lying about the plane.” Before he could object I cut in, “He’ll be okay.”

Nick finally stirred himself awake and just like AJ, I could see the disappointment on his face when he realized where we were. “Hey buddy, how are you feeling?”

He looked over to me. “Okay I guess.” Brian helped him off the ground and led him to breakfast.

“He doesn’t look good.”

It’s not a good sign when AJ notices things like that. I was trying to ignore it myself. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. For now, I have a mission. “I’ll be right back.” I stood up and made my way over to Alan Epps who had just given Nick his breakfast and was standing over by the sink cleaning up.

I walked over and poured myself a cup of coffee, even though I didn’t really want one. When Alan made eye contact with me I thought I’d ask, “Not to sound stupid but what’s today’s date?”

“Believe me, that’s not a stupid question. It’s hard to keep track these days, but I’m pretty sure it’s May 22nd or there about.”

“1999” I said under my breath but just loud enough that he could hear me.

He laughed, “Yup, still 1999. They haven’t changed the way the calendar works yet…and I stress yet!”

Okay so, now we at least knew that we hadn’t lost any time. It was still the same year and day it was supposed to be. Thought I’d try something else, out of curiosity.

“Has anyone heard from Clinton?”

Alan looked up, “Who?”

“Bill Clinton, the President.”

“The President of what?” Okay, now I know why Kevin asked me to be a silent observer because I had no idea how to get out of this one.

“Um… so how long have you guys been staying in this place?”

He seemed fine with the change of discussion. “For about three months or so, you know how it goes we have to just keep moving.”

“Yeah…” I decided to make my way back to the guys before he could start asking me questions.

My head was spinning with this new information. He had no idea who Bill Clinton was, unless he was joking but he didn’t seem to be joking about anything. Do I tell the guys about this or do I keep it to myself? Why freak them out for no reason. I will tell Kevin when he gets back but these guys I’m keeping in the dark.

I went back and sat down beside my friends. As they all ate I just looked around and tried my best to listen in on any conversations I could. There were two guys sitting rather close to us talking about that club Delilah’s.

Just by eavesdropping I was able to tell that it was actually Don that was telling everyone to show up there as a trap for the bad guys. He was hoping to lure as many of them to the club as possible and then take them out at all at once. Apparently they keep that message going on a steady loop and every night like clockwork they show up hoping to take out the enemy. I guess they went last night and found nothing. It’s a good thing we didn’t go there.

AJ and Brian went to go help Amita, one of the only women here, help move some boxes of supplies down to the basement to make more room and Nicky stayed with me, dosing off once more on the floor beside me. I kind of wanted to hunker down for a nap as well but I needed to continue to find out as much as I could so I decided to stroll around the room, introducing myself and seeing if anyone needed any help with anything at all. I ended up helping three people with the dishes and just stayed quiet while they talked. First they went on about how tired they were of the snow and how much they missed the spring and summer weather. They made it sound like they haven’t seen a change in season in quite some time.

Next they talked about a makeshift memorial put up in honor of all of the people they have lost. How much they missed their families and in that conversation Donald Trump’s name came up more than once. I wasn’t sure why but whatever the reason, they hated the Donald. They kept blaming him for something they called the united front.

Finally talk went on about the gallows and how just last week alone whoever ‘they’ were, hung about ten people they considered traitors of the united front. I walked away with goose bumps forming on my arms. If I wasn’t so afraid I probably would have just kept walking out the door and as far away as possible.

“It gets easier.”

I turned towards Don as he followed me into another room where people were just spread out on blankets on the floor making small talk.

“Does it?”

He nodded, “I didn’t think I’d be able to handle it at first, all of us living together like a pack of rats. It’s funny how quickly you adjust to your situations.”

“How long have you all been together?”

“It’s been a long time. I’d say for at least 8 months. Before we took over this space we lived in a farmhouse outside of the city. How have you managed to keep him hidden?” He pointed over to Nick who was once again sleeping on the floor.

“What do you mean?” I was starting to panic thinking that maybe he had figured out Nick was famous and that’s why he looked so familiar.

“It’s hard to keep the young ones without getting caught.”

“Oh, it wasn’t like that in New York.”

“Well you guys are lucky,” He said after a really long pause, “The first thing they did was take the kids. Anyone under the age of 15 had to leave.”

“Where did they go?”

“Somewhere safe, at least that’s what Trump said.”

“Trump.”

“Yeah, before he abandoned us.”

He took a deep breath and sat down, “Then came orders for anyone under the age of 21.”

“Oh.”

“Of course when you’re 8, you don’t put up a fight, you just go, but when you’re 20 it’s a different story.”

He paused for a second to put on the sweatshirt he was holding, “Anyway, as the kids fought, the united front came in and started killing people. If they tried to put up a fight they made the teens watch as they killed their parents or anyone they happened to be with.”

“Jesus…”

“People decided they didn’t want to die and just started willingly giving up the kids, letting the UF know where to find them and ratting on people who helped them hide.”

“That’s terrible.”  
  


“We had a few younger ones with us for a little while.”

“What happened to them?”

Don looked at the people in the room “We were out on a food run about a month ago and were surrounded by the UF. When IDs were checked, they found the under aged kids and we had to give them up.”

Seeing my apprehension Don put a hand on my shoulder, “It’s a scary place, no matter how nice people are. You’ll see that those types of decisions are going to have to be made every day, whether you want to make them or not. We do what we need to do to stay alive. The kid will be safe as long as he doesn’t venture outside, especially alone.”

I smiled at him, “Thanks.”

“Now, I want to ask you something.”

“Okay, shoot.” I was hoping I’d be able to bullshit my way out of anything that came out of his mouth.

“Why are you guys lying to my brother?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you’re clearly not from New York because this all STARTED in New York! All of the things I’m talking about, they happened there before they happened here so, tell me the truth now or I will send your little friend out the door. Remember, we do what we have to do to survive.”

I just sat there staring at this man not having a clue what should come out of my mouth next.

“You have five minutes…”

I changed my mind once again about Don and what an ass he was.


	20. Chapter 20

**~ 20 ~**

**Page Twelve**

**Date: May 22nd, 1999**

**Place: Just outside of Philadelphia, Pa (2 days after the emergency landing)**

**Time: Early afternoon**

**\+ Kevin +**

As Charlie and I plus two others were driving down the deserted streets of Philly heading towards the highway I felt anxious about going back to the scene where this nightmare started. Things were so unbelievable here that I found myself having doubts about my own story. What if when we got there, the plane was nowhere to be found? What if this was a figment of my imagination? Would it be anymore off base than being caught in what started to feel more and more like an alternate universe?

Jesus, I sound like a lunatic.

“Should we take the highway?”

I was broken out of my thoughts by the guy who was driving the van we were in. I was surprised to see the big selection of vehicles we had to choose from for this little trip. They had two motorcycles, three regular economy class cars, and two vans. We decided on a van because it apparently had better traction, which meant less slippage on the ice.

Charlie looked over at me, “How was the highway?”

“Bumpy. We walked most of the way. There were a lot of dead birds.”

“Let’s take the side roads, just go slow and watch for traps.”

“Traps?”

Charlie nodded at me, “They booby trapped some of the side roads. We found most and Don was able to detonate them.”

“Detonate? They hid bombs?”

“They used old school land mines. You probably want to put on your seatbelt just in case though.”

I reached over and did just that.

The two of us were sitting in the back, he was looking out the window as we passed tons of abandoned, and half burned down houses. I wanted to ask him so many questions, starting with who was actually doing all of these horrible things, but I also didn’t want him to be even more suspicious of me.

The van almost spun out a few times as we went from one small road to the next. I wasn’t even sure how to tell them to get where they needed to go from here. “I only know where the plane is off of the highway.”

“If there really is a plane lying in a field, we’ll be able to see it from here. It’s not like you can just miss something like that.”

“True.” Once again I started to doubt myself. So, I dug deep down and thought I could at least ask him an easy question, “So, what did you do before all this happened?”

“Before the attacks?”

I nodded, but was hoping that maybe he would elaborate on what those attacks entailed. Were they nuclear, Germ warfare or just random bombs falling from the sky? And who was doing the attacking? Was it the Middle East? They hated us.

“I was a math professor at Cal-Tech.”

I wasn’t expecting that one. “Cal Tech? Why were you here in Philly?”

He laughed, “I was asked to do a lecture on Quantum Theory and how it relates to the universe in general so I thought I’d make a vacation out of it. I invited my dad, brother and girlfriend along for the ride and then the world decided to end, besides that it’s been a nice long vacation.”

I had no idea what he was talking about and wasn’t even going to attempt to seem like I did.

“What about you?”

I should have expected that. As a matter of fact, as the question was coming out of my mouth I was trying to come up with some stupid answer. I decided on a little white lie.

“I was working as Aladdin at Disney World.”

He seemed amused and surprised by my answer, almost like he was expecting me to mess up or something.

“And why were you in New York?”

“Vacation.”

“With the other four guys?”

I nodded as his questions got a little more rapid fire.

“How do you know them?”

“Brian is my cousin and Howie and I work at the park together.” I wasn’t sure how my brain was doing this. I almost felt disconnected from the lies I was spewing. It was as if they were coming from someone or some place else.

“And the other two?”

“AJ is Howie’s cousin and Nick is Brian’s best friend.”

He smiled at that, “And they all tagged along on your vacation?”

“Just like your family, I guess.”

“And everything was fine and dandy until yesterday when you ended up here.”

I didn’t like how this conversation was going. It was clear he thought I was lying to him and obviously he was a smart guy. I thought about changing the topic of conversation but it was safer just not to talk so I turned away from Charlie and looked out the window instead.

We drove pretty much in silence for the next ten to fifteen minutes before I saw it still smoldering in the field. It’s amazing how fast we got here considering how long it took us to get away. “Over there!” I pointed at the flume of smoke.

“I’ll be damned.” There was a mixture of awe and happiness in Charlie’s voice as we got closer to the plane, or what was left of it. Once we turned on to the small road that led directly to the field, I was really able to see how much damage was done to the plane after we got off.

If there weren’t two huge wings randomly splattered across the field in about five pieces, you might not even be able to tell the thing was a plane at all. Most of it was completely gone except for a little bit of the middle section. Annihilated is the word that keeps coming to mind. I can’t believe we were actually on that plane.

Charlie had a smile on his face as if he was a kid going to a circus for the first time. His look of wonder sent chills down my spine.

One of the guys we were with turned to me, “I don’t understand this, it’s impossible…”

“Nothing is impossible, Jim.” Charlie said as he gained some momentum and ran towards the remains of the plane.

He grabbed out one of those old Polaroid cameras and started taking pictures as the other two joined him. I had no desire to get that close so I just kind of stayed back by the van, nervous that whatever had blown that thing to bits was going to come back and take a shot at us.

After taking his pictures, Charlie started walking towards the van again, stopping briefly to take one last look at the wreckage. I guess the one positive to all this was that I really am not insane, this really did happen.

“We need to have a talk, you and I.” was the first thing that came out of his mouth. He grabbed me by my shoulder, grabbed a paper bag out of the van, and led us to the barn where we had all taken refuge from the snow our first go round out here.

I found myself wondering what was in the bag. I did see him take it out with him when we left but thought nothing of it. Now I found myself beginning to wonder if maybe there was a gun in that bag. Maybe now that I had given him the information he wanted, he was going to take me out back and shoot me. He seemed like he was on that kind of mission as he opened the barn door and led us both inside.

“I just needed to see it with my own eyes.” He said as he pointed to the very same bale of hay I had sat on before.

“The plane?”

He nodded, “Things are making a little more sense now.”

“They are?” I wasn’t sure how seeing the plane made more sense than not seeing the plane.

“Not only that, but this.” He said reaching into his paper bag and pulling out a newspaper.

He hesitated briefly before giving it to me, “Do you have an explanation for this?”

I grabbed it and looked at the front cover. In huge bold letters it said, **“STAR TROOPERS START WIPING OUT FAMILIAR FACES OF POP!”**

And right under that headline was a picture of Mariah Carey, Nsync and us. “I don’t understand…” I whispered.

“Turn to the page where the article continues…” He urged but just by the tone of his voice, I definitely didn’t want to. I looked up at him as he nodded, “Do it.”

I took in a deep breath and let out a sigh as I turned to page 12.

There were more pictures accompanying the small article which I temporarily ignored. I couldn’t help it. There in black and white were four out of the five of us lying on the ground surrounded by masked gunmen. “What is this, some kind of joke?”

Charlie had an intense look on his face, “You tell me, how can you be dead and still be talking to me about random plane crashes?”

“This has to be a doctored photo. I’m alive…” I pointed at myself, “Obviously!”

He grabbed the photo and pointed to my body, clearly bloody around my head where I had just been shot, “You look dead there! They showed it on the news too, it was the trend when this first started, before they took most of the power away. Now they don’t care anymore, no one does. Killing celebrities has become as exciting as shooting pigeons. That’s why they are offering money to people now.”

Even though I heard every word Charlie was saying, loud and clear, I couldn’t wrap my head around what I was looking at. I swear if I didn’t know any better it did look like we were dead. The pictures looked as real as real could be. Brian, Howie, AJ and I all on the ground as the gunmen stood around us.

“Nick is missing in this picture.”

“They took him away because he was underage but he watched you all die first.” He pointed to the picture of Nick they used. He had tears in his eyes and was looking down as he was being led away by someone in a mask. “I knew you all looked familiar, this is why. After you showed up I went back and looked at this paper. I recognized Nick.”

“So, if you knew I was lying to you, why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I had to be sure I was right. When you started talking about plane crashes and just showing up here…I needed to see it for myself.”

“I’m still alive. I don’t understand this picture. It looks real, I’ll give them that but clearly, I am here talking to.”

He grabbed the paper out of my hand, “You are but he isn’t. Don’t you see?”

I wanted to see, but I wasn’t getting it. The more excited he seemed to be getting the more I wanted to get away from him. He was mad scientist crazy at the moment. All he needed was a lab coat and evil laugh.

“See what?”

“Everything I have ever worked for, all the research I have done on quantum theory. You are a result of all that work. To think I was ACTUALLY doing a seminar on this before it all happened. I could have used the five of you as living proof!”

“Charlie, I don’t understand what the hell you’re talking about.”

“You my friend, you are from a different time and place. You have to be. The plane,” he pointed to the article, “This…there’s no other explanation. Admit it Kevin, none of this was happening when you left New York. Am I right?”

For the first time since we landed in this Godforsaken place, I suddenly felt some relief. Maybe finally someone was getting it, even if he was making absolutely no sense.

“Yes, that’s true. We were in the middle of promo for our new CD, Millennium. We had done a ton of interviews and were coming to Philly for some more when all of the sudden we landed here.”

Charlie smiled and laughed, “There was no war or attacks?”

I shook my head at him, “No, we were at peace.”

We stood up and he placed both of his hands on my shoulders, “We need to find a way back to that place!”

Finally, the answer I was looking for.

As we walked back to the car, ready to get in and make our way back to the guys he whispered in my ear, “It’s important that we keep this to ourselves, Kevin. No talk of you not knowing what’s going on and most importantly, no talk of being a celebrity. My people are pretty cool but you never know.”

I nodded, “I won’t tell a soul, except for the guys. They deserve to know the truth.”

“I agree! Now let’s get back so we can come up with a game plan.”

We drove back in silence. I could tell Charlie’s brain was running a mile a minute, but so was mine. Was it really possible, all of the things he was saying? Did I really die here and if I did wouldn’t’ I have been able to feel it? So many thoughts running through my head that it seemed like the trip back to our make shift home took only minutes. I was so anxious to let the guys know about this. Let them know that maybe we weren’t all crazy after all. Maybe there was a way out of this mess.

It was nice having happy thoughts if only for a few fleeting moments because the second we made our way inside we were greeted with a very anxious and angry Howie.

“Nicky is missing!” He said with a look of panic so intense I actually turned and vomited.


	21. Chapter 21

**~ 21 ~**

**Laura**

**Date: May 29th, 1999**

**Time: 5:45 A.M**

**Place: Philadelphia, PA (nine days after the emergency landing)**

**\+ Nick +**

_“Just remember what I told you, Nick. It’s no use, just try to make things easier for the people you love.”_

My eyes popped open once more. This time there was a hint of sunlight coming through to the shed, only a hint but enough for me to know that we had survived another night in this place. Also a horrible reminder that soon Howie and I would be left to fend for ourselves since Randy decided we were too risky to keep around.

I almost left on my own last night. As soon as I heard D snoring softly, I walked to the door, opened it and even took three steps outside before chickening out and coming back. The last thing I ever wanted was to put the people I love in danger. Laura reminded me of that as she took her last few breaths. I should’ve listened to her back then and just went off on my own, but just like now, I didn’t have the courage. So, instead I ventured back to find the guys. They were so relieved when I walked back into the warehouse.

God that felt like such a long time ago, how many days has it been?

“How long have we been here?”

Howie rolled towards me without opening his eyes, “What?”

“How long have we been here?”

“Clara’s?”

“No, in general. How long has is been since we landed in the hell hole?”

Opening his eyes, he sat up and worked a crick out of his neck. “I don’t know, maybe a little over a week?”

“Jesus, is that all?”

“How are you feeling?”

I still felt like crap on a stick but at least I wasn’t shivering anymore. It’s easier to mask not feeling well if you can hide the symptoms. “I’m doing better. I think the aspirin really helped me out.”

“I hope they changed their minds about us leaving.” He was now sitting up and staring at Clara and Randy as they both continued to sleep. I could tell that after I dosed off, Howie stayed awake worrying about what today was going to bring.

“Do you think we’ll ever find them?”

“I hope so, Nicky.”

“What if we don’t’? Charlie said we only had so long before we were stuck here for good.”

“I know, I’ve been thinking about that and I think we need to consider finding our own way to New York and hope that the other guys have done the same.”

Even though I knew that was coming, I wasn’t really prepared for it. By moving on without them, weren’t we just conceding to the idea that they were dead? I didn’t argue with him, mainly because I just didn’t have the energy.

I am so tired and weak I barely am able to move. Just getting up and taking those three steps out the door took everything I had last night. We’re talking a lot more than three steps this time. We’re talking miles and miles of snow covered roads. I’m not going to be able to do this.

“What’s wrong?”

I glanced over at him and saw him staring.

“You look like you’re about to cry. Are you in pain again?”

“I’m fine, just a little tired and overwhelmed I guess.”

He smiled, “I know that feeling.”

A sudden flurry of activity outside made us both suddenly stop talking and look towards the window. Howie quickly stood up and made his way over as did Clara and Randy who were both woken up by the sounds of people screaming outside.

“They found us.” Randy said, stumbling over his feet as he ran for a gun.

“What’s going on?”

Clara turned towards Howie, “You two need to go. They’re here doing random checks and if they find the boy it’s not going to be a good thing. Quick, go now!”

I didn’t have time to process what was happening before I felt myself being dragged to my feet and ushered out the door. The woman who looked so much like my grandmother, pulled me into a hug and handed me a bottle of aspirin, “I’m sorry I don’t have anything more to give you.” Then she turned to Howie, “God bless the two of you. Stay off the main roads and you should be safe. Go to the back of the shed and head into the woods. Don’t let them see you!”

Randy pushed past us and nearly knocked me down, “Clara we need to get inside and act like nothing is going on. Boys, take care, now you best get moving before they see you.”

“Why are people screaming?” I tried to ask but by then we were already out of the shack and heading towards the woods.

Not only were there screams but also shots being fired randomly. The worst part was not really being able to see what was happening. We were too far in the back of the house to catch what was really going on and I think maybe that’s a blessing in disguise.

“Maybe they won’t come back here. Maybe they’ll see that the house was burnt and not think to check their backyard.”

I was hopeful that was the case, and then we could just turn and go back inside. It was cold out here and even though it had stopped snowing, there was still enough of it on the ground to make my feet numb.

“Why didn’t they come with us?”

“Because they are going to be safe, they live here so it’s a matter of just proving it to whoever they are.”

“What if that’s not good enough?”

Howie gave me a look which signaled that I should stop talking. The shots were getting closer as was the sound of a mob. Howie pulled me back by the shoulder and because I was so weak I fell to the ground.

“Sorry!” He said as he knelt down beside me.

We were behind a huge tree just as they came around the bend. There must have been about ten of them, all carrying guns and wearing fatigues.

“Military?”

“Shh”

They didn’t knock but instead kicked down Clara and Randy’s door. That’s when Howie pulled me up pretty much by my collar and got us moving further into the woods.

“We have to get out of here!”

Once again I tripped over my feet and fell to the ground, grimacing in pain when I landed on a broken branch. I felt it dig into my knee and cut it. “Nicky, come on!”

He helped me up again and we continued to move along. I have never seen Howie this scared. His eyes were wide and lips were thin with worry. The screams coming from the shed in the distance didn’t help and neither did the sound of two shots being fired. We both stopped at that point.

“No!” I screamed. I didn’t mean to scream it, believe me, but I couldn’t help it. The fact that maybe Clara and Randy were killed because of us was a too much to deal with. I think we were too far away to be heard at least I hope we were. But the shots and screams…it was all too familiar. My memory wanted to take me away back to Laura, shortly after this all happened to the day after we met up at the warehouse with Charlie.

“Howie…”

“They’re fine, Nicky…”

“But…”

“We have to keep moving.”

He put his head down and continued to walk but at a slightly slower pace. I did my best to follow him as thoughts of Laura once again flooded my mind.

_I had just woken up from my nap and felt like I needed a breath of fresh air. I tried looking for the guys but none of them were around. Frantically I made my way outside, hoping they’d be there. But instead of seeing them, I saw her. She was standing on the opposite side of the street with a deep smile on her face._

_I felt myself drawn to her, so I made my way across the street almost falling on a patch of ice that had accumulated on the ground._

_“Hey!” I tried to sound older and more macho than I was._

_“Hi.”_

_I felt connected to her for some reason. She looked my age and seemed as lost as I felt. I extended my hand out to her, “I’m Nick.”_

_“Laura.”_

_“Nice to meet you.”_

_She smiled but then began to cough. “Are you okay? Maybe we should get you inside.”_

_She put her hand up, “No, I don’t belong here. I just wandered away for a second. That’s not my home.”_

_“Oh.” I suddenly felt uneasy. Up until that point, I just kind of assumed everyone lived in that one place like a happy little communal. I backed away from her just as a sound of a crowd was heard turning the corner._

_“Come with me!” She said, grabbing my hand._

_“I should just go back inside.”_

_“There’s not enough time, they’ll see you!”_

_I had to make a quick decision, something I was very unaccustomed to. I grabbed her hand and let her lead me away from the warehouse and into a small alleyway. From there we ventured to the dead end and climbed over a dumpster. My legs were still really hurting so it took her helping me to get over it. We both fell on the snow covered ground. I was on top of her and rolled off._

_“Sorry!”_

_She quickly stood up, “We need to keep moving, hurry!”_

_I didn’t understand why we were running or who we were running away from, but the urgency in her voice made me forget about my pain and follow her out of the alley and onto another street._

_After running for a bock and a half, I had to stop. “Wait!” I called out to her. She turned and walked back towards me. “We need to keep going.”_

_“I can’t leave my friends. They’re probably looking for me right now!” I was starting to panic knowing the further we got the less chance I had of finding my way back._

_“Friends? There’s no such thing as friends. They don’t exist anymore.” She said that with so much honesty and certainness in her voice I almost believed her._

_“I need to go back.” I started walking towards the alley we had just left when the voices we heard earlier made their way around the corner._

_I managed to stay out of site but it was too late for Laura, so she looked at me, smiled and then ran._

Howie’s hand on my shoulder brought me back to the here and now. “Nicky, we need to keep moving!”

I nodded and followed behind as best as I could. Every step I took became harder then the last. I felt like my legs were made of led. The shivering had returned and I’m pretty sure with a high fever to accompany it. I bent down, grabbed some snow and used it as a buffer for the four aspirin I forced down my throat.

I felt like we were far enough away from the shed that we were safe. I doubt anyone was following us so I found the nearest log and sat down, almost losing Howie completely in the process.

It took only a few minutes for D to realize I wasn’t following him before he turned around and walked back towards me. “Nicky, what are you doing? We have to keep moving. We can rest later.”

“I can’t do it.”

He sat beside me on the log. It was wet and cold but I didn’t care, it actually felt good against my warm body. “Why? What’s wrong with you?” He looked me over, “You’re shivering again.” Then he placed his hand on my head, “You’re burning up.”

“I can’t do it, it’s no use.”

He was looking around frantically. I’m not even sure what for. It’s not like suddenly there was going to be a car or a hotel or something. We were in the middle of the woods. He stood up and made his way over to a few broken branches. “Maybe I can make a stretcher and pull you along.”

I gave him a look and despite how grave the situation felt I couldn’t help but laugh at the idea. “Howie, you can barely open a Snapple bottle without help. How are you going to make a stretcher?”

He didn’t find any humor in the situation, “I can’t carry you. You’re too heavy for me.”

“I didn’t ask you to. I just need to rest.”

He looked over towards the way we came. I know he thought it was a bad idea. If they were following us, there was no way we’d escape. I was perfectly aware of that.

“Okay, just for a few minutes though.” He said sitting down beside me once again. Taking off his jacket and wrapping it around me.

I tried to protest, “It’s too cold for you to give this to me.”

“You need it more than I do at the moment. I’m fine.”

Howie D was always looking out for me, always. As we sat there in silence, I felt this sense of finality. It wasn’t peace or anything like that, just felt like an ending to a chapter or a book. It was weird and I didn’t like it much so I broke the silence.

“Did I ever tell you about Laura?”

He looked over at me as he rubbed his hands together and blew on them to keep himself warm. “No, who is that?”

“Remember when I left the warehouse?”

“How could I forget that?” I could tell he didn’t want to revisit that place but I had to.

“I met a girl, her name was Laura.”

He gave me a knowing and sad nod, “The one who died?”

“Was killed, yes.”

“I know whatever happened to her, you blame yourself, but it wasn’t your fault.”

“Yes it was. I could have helped her, but I didn’t. I just watched…” I felt the tears falling down my face as I remembered.

_They ran after her and I just stood there debating what I should do next. It would have been so easy to just turn around and head back to the warehouse, but I couldn’t do it. She saved my life so I needed to do the same for her. I ran after them. I was pretty slow because of my legs and the snow and ice. I had a hard time catching up. By the time I did, she was already on the ground. They were kicking her and hitting her with baseball bats on the body, mostly her stomach and side._

_She didn’t scream out for help or yelp in pain or anything. She just laid still and occasionally put her hands up to shield her face. Luckily they never aimed for her head._

_I was just about to make my move when I saw them take out knives and begin stabbing. I have never seen anything like it before in my life. Not even in the most horrific gory movies and believe me, I’ve seen my fair share of those. The knives they used weren’t the ones you see the bad guys use in the slasher flicks. No, they were using small knives. The ones you’d use to cut up apples and oranges. They kept jabbing them into her as if she was a pin cushion. Not even caring where on her body they stabbed._

_I just stood there, unable to move and just watched. It’s pretty much like how I pictured hell to be. A paralyzing fear came over me and all I could do was watch them cut her until eventually they stopped. They went into her pockets and took out something and then stole the shoes right off of her feet._

_When they turned to leave, I ducked down so I wouldn’t be seen._

“I walked over to her and there was blood everywhere.” I turned to look at Howie, “It was awful.”

He had a sympathetic look on his face but also he seemed uncomfortable. In a different place and time, he would have pawned me off to Kevin by now. There was only so much gloom and doom he could take. D was used to living on the bright side of life, which is one of the reason’s I love him so much.

“Was she dead?”

I shook my head, “I knelt down beside her and just started crying and held her hand. I didn’t know what else to do.”

_“I’m so sorry, Laura.”_

_She gulped. I could tell it was getting harder for her to breathe. “Don’t be.”_

_“I’ll go find you help.” I went to get up but with the strength she had left, she pulled me back down._

_“Please don’t leave me alone.”_

_“But you need help, you’re bleeding…”_

_“I’m dying.”_

_“No.”_

_“Just stay with me.”_

_I nodded at her. I wasn’t sure what to do. She closed her eyes and her breathing became shallower. I knew she was getting closer now._

_She opened her eyes and said, “The best thing I did was run away from my family.”_

_“Why do you say that?”_

_“Because that’s the way it is. Sometimes you have to make huge sacrifices. You’ll know when the time is right. You’ll need to stand up and be brave.”_

_She took one more deep breath, “Just remember what I told you, Nick. It’s no use, just try to make things easier for the people you love.”_

“After she died, I just kind of walked in a daze. I don’t even know how I made it back to the warehouse…”

I looked over at Howie once more and he had tears in his eyes. It surprised me a little to see.

“Is that why you stopped talking to us?”

I nodded, “There really wasn’t anything more to say after that.”

He pulled me close for a hug but our moment was cut short when sounds of breaking branches and footfalls became very apparent.

“We have to go!” Howie stood up and motioned for me to do the same but my legs were rubber and I just fell over.

He tried pulling me up but I was dead weight.

“ _Just remember what I told you, Nick. It’s no use, just try to make things easier for the people you love.”_

“Howie, you have to go. Just leave me and go!”

“What? No way!”

“You don’t have time to argue, they’ll be here any minute!”

“I’m not leaving you here!”

I took off his jacket and threw it at him. “Go! I’ll be okay. You can find me later, just go!”

He looked towards the sound. They were getting closer. I knew I wasn’t going to make it but there was no way I was going to let him get caught.

“I can try to get you on my back!”

I smiled at him, no matter how hard that was and how scared I was. “Howie…”

He shook his head adamantly as his tears started to flow, “I can’t Nicky, please don’t ask me to.”

“It’s okay. Go and find the others then you can come and find me.”

They were coming into view now. If he didn’t move fast, he was going to be seen. “Go!”

He kissed me on the forehead and ran for cover just as the men with guns came into full view.


	22. Chapter 22

**~ 22 ~**

**Dead Eyes**

**Date: May 22nd, 1999**

**Place: Philadelphia, Pa (2 days after the emergency landing)**

**Time: Late afternoon before sunset**

**\+ Brian +**

“What do you mean you have no idea where he is? It’s not like this place is huge or anything!”

I looked over at Howie as my cousin paced back and forth. He was steaming mad at all of us. I don’t blame him. None of us had a clue what to say. We had managed to misplace Nick. How does that even happen?

“No offense D, but you were the one with him last.”

Howie looked over at me as if I had just stabbed him in the back. “I was helping out. He was sleeping.”

“And no one saw him go anywhere?”

I shook my head, “No Kevin, it’s like he totally disappeared.”

My heart was beating so fast in my chest that I thought maybe I was going to die. It was unlike Nick to just leave and go somewhere all by himself. This is a kid who would drag me to the bathroom with him. He hated being all alone, especially in a new place. Especially here and now, when everything was so off kilter, something bad had to have happened.

“Is anyone else missing? Maybe he went somewhere and forgot to tell you.”

“I don’t know.” D stammered back.

Charlie came towards us with his brother, “He’s not in here at all. We have searched everywhere.”

“Is anyone else missing?” I asked hopeful only to get a firm shake of Don’s head in return.

“We have some people checking outside now.”

Charlie put his hand on my shoulder. I think he could tell that I needed some kind of consoling. After that he looked at my cousin, “I know this is probably not the best time, but we all need to talk as soon as possible about what is going on here.”

Kevin nodded but then looked over my way and bit his lip. Charlie let go of my shoulder and then walked away, leaving the four of us standing there not knowing what to do next.

“Do you think someone took him?”

“There’s no way AJ. He would have put up a fight and someone would have noticed.”

“Unless everyone was in on it…”

“Why would they do that and where would they take him? There’s apparently nowhere else to go.”

“Fuck, I’m only trying to brain storm here, Rok.”

I felt bad, but now was not the time to come up with stupid solutions. We needed to figure out where the hell this kid went to.

“He had to have gone off by himself.”

Kevin walked over to the front door, “I am going to go out there and look for him!”

He opened the door and started to walk out only to be stopped by Don. “If you leave, then we’ll be missing two of you.”

“I can’t just sit here and do nothing.”

“We have people out there looking. If he’s out there and alive, we’ll find him.”

The blasé way he said that almost made me want to walk over and punch him in the face. Why was everyone so ambivalent when it came to people’s lives? The way he said it made me feel like he was hoping we wouldn’t find Nick alive. One less person to worry about that way, I guess. We needed to get out of here.

Kevin stood eye to eye with Don for a few minutes and I thought maybe he was going to do the punching in the face for me, but eventually he turned and walked back towards us, rubbing his neck in frustration.

I looked over at the front door, feeling helpless, hoping that Nick would walk through it at any moment. When he did, I was going to kill him, but I’m sure I’d have to get in line. That’s when Charlie’s words to my cousin came to me like some kind of a movie flashback. There was something that needed to be discussed which meant that something happened at the plane.

“What happened at the plane?”

“A lot.”

“Like?”

“Like, we aren’t…we’re somewhere else…things are messed up here.”

“And you had to go back to the plane to figure that one out?”

Kevin glared at AJ briefly before going on. He told us what Charlie had said ending with the bombshell of us all dying here in this weird alternate universe place. If I had never wanted to drink before, I wanted to right this second. In fact, if there was any rubbing alcohol in this place I was ready to down it.

I’m not exactly sure how one is supposed to take that kind of news, it’s not like he came back and simply said, “The plane wasn’t there.” Which to be honest, I was thinking would happen. Seems weird to say now but considering what he just told us, it would’ve been easier to digest that information than the thought of us being in a different place and time where apparently the end of the world is currently happening.

“Holy shit…” I think Howie summed it up nicely there.

“And Charlie has the proof of this?”

Kevin nodded at me, “I saw the pictures with my own two eyes.”

“We’re dead here?”

“Yes, very dead.”

“What if he’s just playing with our heads, Kevin? I mean what if this is just…”

“Brian, think about this. I know it sounds like the fucking craziest thing that has ever happened but look around you. Nothing has made sense since we landed here.”

“And this is supposed to make sense?”

He let out a small laugh. “No, I guess not.”

I needed to sit down or else I was pretty sure I was going to faint from all of this new information. I plopped down on the ground for a second, lost for words and not wanting to think about a thing.

“Only we could end up in an alternate universe where the fucking apocalypse just happened. We couldn’t end up in a time and place where naked Amazon women ruled the planet.” 

We ignored AJ.

“Kevin this is the craziest…”

“I know Bri…believe me, I know.”

“A little help here!” A man shouted as he opened the door and stepped inside, helping Nick walk.

I stood up and we all ran towards him, thoughts of homicide were running through my head until I actually saw the state he was in. He was covered in blood.

“Jesus Christ…”

“Nick, are you okay buddy?” Kevin asked, grabbing him away from the guy who was helping and leading him towards a chair, guiding him down as gently as possible. “Are you hurt? Who did this to you?”

By now, Charlie’s entire family was surrounding us. Alan bent down and gently moved his hand over Nick’s abdomen where all the blood seemed to be concentrated, “He’s not hurt. This doesn’t appear to be his blood.”

“Nick, what happened?” I asked, bending down beside him.

He didn’t even acknowledge my presence. He seemed to be completely out of it. “Whose blood is that?” I asked softly while still sounding more alarmed than I wanted to, “Nick, you can talk to us, its okay.”

He looked over at me but still didn’t say one word. His eyes almost looked empty, the blue actually dim.

“Tim said he found the kid just walking down a street about three blocks from here. He was all alone.” Don said to his brother but loud enough so that we all heard.

Howie then uncharacteristically stood up and shoved Don, “You probably are responsible for this, you bastard!”

Kevin quickly got himself in between the two men, while the older one laughed, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“He threatened to kick Nicky out if we didn’t tell him the truth about who we were and what we were doing here!”

“Oh please!” Don said rolling his eyes and turning away from Howie as Kevin continued to hold him back. I have never seen D this mad about anything before.

Charlie got involved at that point, “You need to chill the hell out!” He said looking over at Howie, “Both of you!” He warned his brother as well.

“I didn’t kick the kid out.”

“I know that Don, but you shouldn’t have even threatened.”

“They’re blatantly lying about who they are…”

“I know, we have it covered, relax and go for a walk.”

He stood there for a minute and then let out a frustrated sigh, “Fine.” He walked away glaring back at Howie once as he did.

I was still kneeling beside Nick who barely reacted to anything that had just happened. He was in shock. Something really bad must have gone down and no one was there to help him through it.

“I don’t trust him.” Howie said once he calmed himself down a little.

“My brother is very trustworthy and had every right to question you.” Charlie was stern and looked him straight in the eyes when he said that. “All he’s trying to do is keep us safe, the same way you are trying to keep your friends safe.”

Howie nodded, and shook his head, “Sorry, I’m just...I’m not myself.”

“None of you are which is why we have to figure out what to do about it. I think we should head down to the basement where we can talk in private.” 

I looked over at Kevin who for a second looked as lost as Nick did. When he felt my eyes on him he turned towards me and gave me an awkward smile.

“Okay, yeah…good idea.”

“There’s a small cot down there that Nick can rest on while we talk.” He said as I grabbed Nick and helped him to his feet. He was like a dead weight in my arms so Kevin quickly came to my aide.

“It’ll be okay…” I wasn’t sure if he was saying that to me or Nick. We both needed the reassurance at the moment.

Amita, Charlie’s girlfriend came over to us right before we ventured down the steps. She was carrying some clothes, “These are for him. I’m sure he’ll want to get out of those bloody things.”

“Thanks.” I smiled at her and grabbed the shirt and sweats.

We had to start acting like these people were not the enemy, but it was so hard trusting people now. I never felt like that before but something about this place. Trust wasn’t something that was just handed out to everyone who seemed like they wanted to lend a helping hand.

I glanced over at Nick and saw he was staring at me as he firmly held on to Kevin’s shoulder. I smiled at him but all I got back was the same empty stare.

He had dead eyes.

I felt chills.

I’m not sure if Nick was the cause or a simple fear of the unknown or of what was yet to come. I went down every step with a different question pounding in my brain but yet pretty sure that I didn’t want to know half the answers to the questions I had.

They’d be coming soon though, whether I wanted to know or not.

And with that final thought, Charlie sat us all down and laid out what he thought was going on. 


	23. Chapter 23

**~ 23 ~**

**What the Fuck?**

**Date: May 24th, 1999**

**Time: Mid morning**

**Place: Philadelphia Pa, (4 days after the emergency landing)**

**\+ AJ +**

I just sat there taking turns staring at the wall and then staring at Nick. They seemed to be one in the same these days. The wall showed more signs of life than the blonde which was disturbing, but in comparison to all the things that Charlie has been ranting about the last two days, disturbing was the new white meat.

I’m fucking freaking out, to say the least.

When we went down to the cellar, Charlie told us some pretty fucked up things about what he thought was going on. He even had big blackboards down there which he wrote formula after formula, equation after equation, while he kept talking way above all of our heads. We just kept looking from one to another with no clue what he was talking about.

Finally after about thirty minutes, I was frustrated enough to tell him to speak in fucking English and not Mathematics. We were musicians and not fucking scientists. Thus the stream of cussing started and has yet to let up.

He looked visibly annoyed at us for not being able to comprehend what he was saying, but I’m sorry. It’s not like hearing you are from some fucking other dimension and that you were probably sucked through a fucking black worm hole or some other kind of fucking hole is something that sits well with someone who happens to be sane.

The thing is, the other three seemed to be buying everything this fucking guy was saying. Kevin had this almost relieved look on his face. “Phew! A fucking wormhole, well that’s a good thing! For a minute there I thought I was going fucking insane but now that I know we just went through a rip in our universe, everything now makes sense!”

What the fuck is wrong with these people?

Charlie’s plan was to go back to the site of the crash and take some kind of weird measurements with something I have never heard of to see if there was a way we could maybe reverse what had happened and go back through the hole. Why the fuck not, right? I mean, if we went through it once, why not twice, if nothing else for shits and giggles.

He kept going on and on about how he thought for years that there were such things as alternate universes and that one of his goals in life was to prove his theories and now here we were, living proof. Wasn’t he lucky?

I have to admit I just zoned him out completely at that point. He was making me so mad that I wanted to punch his fucking face. I’m so glad this is working out so nicely for him but this is our fucking life and he can talk about wormholes all he wants, at the end of the day we are stuck here in this fucking dump with a bunch of yahoos and people who just randomly hang anyone they fucking want and kill celebrities and kidnap fucking kids.

I glanced over at Carter again; he was lying on the floor on top of a bunch of blankets, in a fetal position with his arms between his legs. Ever since he came back, everyone has tried to talk to him about whatever the fuck happened out there. He hasn’t said one God damned word about it. I haven’t even attempted to try because if he’s not talking to Brian there’s no fucking way he’d tell me anything.

That night, after Charlie fucking freaked us all out, none of us slept one wink. We all decided just to stay down in the cellar because of the cot and because it was out of the way. Charlie told us not to say anything about this to anyone and we all kind of just looked at him like he was insane. As if anyone would believe the shit he just said anyway.

We all sat around on the floor and as Nick slept we took turns looking at the magazine that showed our deaths. Seeing you lying in a pool of blood never gets old. It’s kind of like being able to go see your own funeral. You want to look away but you just can’t. It looked so real, but it couldn’t be.

Charlie tried to explain that to us as well, that everyone has a doppelganger somewhere and unfortunately for them, ours were killed. He went on and on about how there are probably hundreds of AJ McLeans in hundreds of different places and times all throughout the universe.

Yeah and they’re all probably saying fuck right now.

The following day, after getting no sleep at all, Charlie, his friend Larry and a few others took that equipment and went back to the crash site while we ventured back upstairs. Kevin had to literally grab Nick’s hand and lead him up the fucking staircase like he was a five year old.

He was fucking pissing me off too!

I’m sorry, but enough with the poor me crap! I’m sorry if something bad happened but could it have been that fucking bad, really? I am pretty sure it’s just some kind of stunt of his for sympathy. I wasn’t going to buy into it like everyone else did.

Sure enough once Kevin sat him down, Brian went running over there with breakfast and tired to get the kid to eat, which to no one’s surprise, he didn’t.

Fuck him!

I was angry. I have been so angry ever since we’ve gotten to this place but now I just can’t even control it anymore. I just want to punch a wall or scream at the top of my lungs. The only person who could make me feel better was my mother and she wasn’t here. Although according to Charlie, her fucking doppelganger probably was.

I tried napping the day away but whenever I closed my eyes all I saw were those fucking dead birds all over the freeway and Nick walking in like a fucking zombie all covered in blood. So I just sat and stared the whole fucking day away until Charlie came back to let us know what he found out.

He returned just after we had dinner and by the look on his face, it didn’t appear that he found what he was looking for. He took no time at all to usher us back downstairs where I was sure we’d have to endure more of his stupid blackboard equation writing rants. We left Nick in the care of Alan this time because that was easier than dragging his catatonic ass all over the fucking place.

Sure enough, Charlie said that the readings he took showed no sign of any activity which would indicate a place where we could pass through. We’d have to find another place to go and then he said he had a friend who lived in New York City that could probably hel us out. He had supposedly been through this before.

What? Are you fucking kidding me?

Talk then went to how we were going to get to New York when we were barely able to get the ten fucking miles to Philadelphia. Charlie said there was a way. They could take a few of the vans and make a caravan and together we could all attempt to get there. It would be risky but we would have to try. When Howie asked what the alternative would be, we were told a lifetime here in this place.

No fucking way, but thanks for playing. I’ll take my chances and fucking walk to New York if I have to. I’m not staying here any longer than I have to.

“Hey.”

I came out of my flashback from hell and looked over at Brian who came and sat beside me.

“Hi.”

“What’s on your mind?”

Is he fucking kidding?

“Oh, besides all this fucking stuff we are suddenly dealing with, not much.”

“Alright, I was just asking. You don’t have to be an ass about things. I’m going through the same shit as you are.”

Way to make me feel fucking bad.

“Sorry.”

“What is going on with you? You haven’t been acting like yourself at all lately.”

I sighed, wanting to come back with another smartass remark but trying my hardest to edit my emotions. He was only concerned. I’m sure he didn’t mean to be asking the stupidest fucking questions on the planet.

“I guess I’ve just got a lot on my mind right now. I don’t now about any of this shit. It’s fucking bananas.”

He laughed and I smiled for the first time in fucking forever.

“I’m glad you’re finding this so amusing, Rok.”

“You can either laugh or cry, right?”

“Right.”

“I wish he would say something. I’m really worried about him.”

I glanced over at Nick again as Kevin and Howie sat next to him while he silently stared off. Kevin had his hand on Nick’s back and was whispering something to him. It pissed me off. I have no idea why.

Brian could see the look of intense hatred and contempt on my face.

“What’s wrong with you now?”

“He was stupid for wandering off. It’s his own fucking fault.”

He looked like I had just bitch slapped him and I kind of felt like I had. What the fuck was wrong with me? Even I knew I was going too far. Disgusted, Brian got up and walked away from me. Probably preventing himself from saying something he’d later regret.

“Fuck!!!” I yelled as I punched at the wall. I should have never done that because it fucking hurt like a bitch.

And this is how my day has been so far. Four fucking days since we landed here and I don’t think I can handle one minute more. I stood up feeling the need to get out of here. Maybe that’s what Nick was feeling when he decided to just fucking disappear. I walked right past the four of them as they all stared me down. My guess is that Brian had reported back to Kevin and Howie how callus I was.

I was just about to walkout the door when Charlie stopped me, “Where are you going AJ?”

“I need some fucking air.” Great, he’s all I needed right now.

“That’s not a good idea. You saw what happened to your friend when he left.”

“Yeah, but I’ll be careful. I am just stepping outside.”

“It’s completely normal to feel the way you’re feeling, AJ.”

So, now he’s playing fucking psychologist? Someone stab me in the fucking brain please!

“Fantastic.”

“You’re not acting like yourself I bet. At least that’s what your friend Brian has been saying, do you agree?”

So, Brian goes and tattles to this guy?

“I guess.”

“It’s hard to explain but it’s because you aren’t completely you. You are a mix of the you that was here and you.”

I shook my head, “But I thought the me that was here is now dead.”

“That doesn’t matter, you still managed to pick up some of his traits.”

“Wouldn’t his traits be the same as my traits? I mean we are the fucking same person.”

“Not necessarily. Sure, you have the same name and the same face and in this case, same career, but that doesn’t really mean you have the same personality. This AJ was a real bastard, at least it seems that way. I wasn’t a big fan so I didn’t really follow you guys, no offense.”

“So, why do you think I…he…is such a bastard?”

“Just from seeing you…him on various talk shows and being interviewed. He was always very standoff-ish and rude. I think he might have even done jail time at one point for domestic abuse.”

“I was married here?”

“I think so, yes.”

This was all fucking too much. Every time I thought I reached my ‘what the fuck,’ limit, something else came up.

“Anyway, the point I’m trying to make here is that you have managed to pick up some of this AJ’s traits.”

“Well, that’s fucking great. What do I do about it?”

He shrugged at me, “I guess just try your best to fight whatever you feel going on inside of you.”

I nodded and smiled at him, but it was not a very genuine one.

“And also, if you could refrain from punching anymore walls, I’d be grateful.”

“Sorry about that.”

“And don’t go out there. You saw what it did to your friend. It’s a different world here, AJ. I wish I knew what yours was like, but here it’s a vile place full of hate and death.”

“Will Nick be okay?” I suddenly felt some compassion for my friend and I have to admit, I liked it.

“I hope so.”

He walked away from me and I actually started to feel better. Whether what he was saying was a huge pile of shit or not, to me, it worked.

I made my way over to the other guys and sat down off to the side. Close enough that they knew I wanted to be by them but far enough for them to know that I didn’t want to talk. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to tell them what Charlie told me or not.

“Sorry I’ve been such an ass.” I finally said after about fifteen minutes of complete silence.

“S’okay.” came the very silent reply from Nick of all people.

I smiled at that as well as the rest of the guys. Kevin nodded and continued to pat Nick on the back. I guess anything was progress. No one pushed him to say more. We’ll take what we can get, I suppose.

Brian came and sat beside me once again, “Feeling better?”

“Yeah, supposedly I was a real bastard in this world which is why I’m a bastard now, according to Charlie.”

“Because normally you’re all sunshine and rainbows?”

“Shut the fuck up, you know what I mean.”

I could tell he didn’t know what I meant at all but I do appreciate the fact that he didn’t ask. I found myself wondering what the Brian was like in this world. If he was as athletic and God-fearing as ours was. Same with all of them, were they meaner more ruthless versions of themselves here? And we were dead, but what about Nick? If the here Nick was alive what did that mean for our Nick?

I’m fucking freaking myself out again!

I hate this fucking place!


	24. Chapter 24

**~ 24 ~**

**The Coward’s Way Out**

**  
Date: May 29th, 1999**

**Time: 7:56 A.M.**

**Place: Philadelphia, Pa (9 days after the emergency landing)**

**\+ Howie+**

I stood behind the trees just as they came into view. Every bone in my body wanted me to just run and get the hell away from there. Nick told me he’d be alright and to go find the guys. He gave me permission to leave him, but I just couldn’t do it. I’m really disappointed in myself for running away to begin with. This is the second time since we’ve been here that I have taken the coward’s way out.

The first time it happened was a few days ago at the warehouse. Ironically it was just Nick and I then too. We were down in the basement. It was my turn to baby sit him while the others along with Charlie and Larry, concocted the plan that would get us out of here and into New York.

I was sitting on a folding chair as Nick slept on the cot when I heard a lot of rustling coming from above us. I remember standing up and walking towards the steps but just like now, every bone in my body was telling me not to go up there and check it out. If it was something that important, they would come and get us. So, I just stood, staring at the door and praying it wouldn’t open anytime soon.

Just like now, as the men holding guns walked closer to Nick, I stood here staring as if I was watching an action movie. I looked around for something to use as a weapon if it came to that but the only thing I could find was a rock. It wasn’t even that big or sharp and it definitely wouldn’t help me fend off the three people who were now surrounding Nick.

One of them walked over to him and bent down beside him. “What’s your name?”

Nick remained surprisingly calm, “Tony Donetti.” He said without any hesitation.

“We need to see your ID, Tony.”

“I lost it.” He answered sounding really tired and weak.

“Where do you live?”

While he was being interrogated by the one guy, the other two began looking around. I stepped backwards and hunched as low to the ground as I could get.

“I kind of roam around, my place was destroyed.”

“You by yourself?”

“It’s just me.”

“How old are you?”

“21.”

“You don’t look 21.”

“Everyone says that.”

I heard footsteps coming towards me. It was clear that they didn’t believe he was by himself out here. My grasp on the rock tightened. I would have to hit one of them directly in the head if it came down to that. Just like I thought I might have to do when that cellar door actually opened up at Charlie’s.

When the door opened, I jumped out of the way and moved into the shadows. It was pretty dark down there so there was a good chance I wouldn’t be seen. By the time that door was opened, I knew something horrible was happening. At first I couldn’t make out what it was, it actually sounded like someone was letting off firecrackers. I realized after hearing too much of it also accompanied by screams, that it was gunfire.

I never once thought to wake Nick up, not that he was sleeping either. At that point he was just lying on the cot with his eyes wide open. I didn’t pull him to safety, just thought about myself.

It had all happened so fast that day. First the basement door opened and then a bunch of people came running down the steps. I had grabbed a broom and was ready to hit the first one down but thankfully I stopped myself just as Kevin said “We have to leave now!”

I had dropped the broom as the others made their way down the steps, Charlie and his brother the last ones before closing and locking the door behind them.

“What happened?”

Brian had pulled Nick off the cot as Don and Charlie broke the small windows that led to the cars out back.

“Not sure how, but they found us. We don’t have much time.”

Don stood by the window as we all one by one used his interlocking hands to help boost us to safety. Larry and Alan were sitting in one of the vans with the door opened and as we came up out of the basement window, they made sure we all got into the car.

We didn’t have much time before those back doors opened and a bunch of guys with guns came barreling outside taking aim at the van just as Don started it up and we drove away.

It very easily could be the same men that were out here with us now.

“We saw someone else with you. Where did he go?”

Crap, I knew they saw me. I swallowed hard just as one of the other ones started walking very close to my hiding place.

“When I hurt myself, he left me here. He said I would just slow him down.”

Maybe he really believed that. It made me sad.

“Well, you’re going to come with us so we can verify your story.”

The guy, who was kneeling beside Nick, grabbed him by his shirt and yanked him up.

“How are you going to do that?” I was so impressed with Nick. There wasn’t even an ounce of panic in his voice. I was hoping it was bravery and not just him giving in to the situation. Sometimes it’s hard to tell those differences.

Just like in that van with the Eppe’s family, and Larry, at first I was pretty sure it was determination I had witnessed, only to find out it was something else.

“Where’s Amita?” I had asked once it seemed we were safely out of harm’s way.

There was a few minutes of silence followed by a, “She didn’t make it.” from Don as Charlie just stared out the window.

“I’m sorry.”

“Who were those fucking people?” AJ asked. He was sitting right beside me.

“We’re not really sure.”

“How can you not be sure?” Kevin asked while looking over at us making sure we were all okay.

“We heard they were just people like us working for the enemy in exchange for food and clothes.”

“Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with this place?”

“Are we heading towards New York?” I asked, hopeful that maybe we were just one step closer to ending this nightmare.

“You are.” 

“What do you mean? Aren’t you coming with us?” Brian asked. It’s sad that I didn’t care as long as we were going to be out of harm’s way.

“My fight is here. My father and brother will go with you.”

“Don’t be stupid, Charlie!”

“I’m not being stupid, Don. They just killed Amita and pretty much everyone else!”

“If you go back its suicide, you know that!”

“I don’t care!”

“Well, then we’re all going back.”

“No!” When they all stopped and looked at me, I tried to salvage my cowardice. “I mean, what good will that do?”

“So you’re saying if someone killed your fiancée, you’d just leave them be and run?” I’m sure he didn’t want my real answer so I lied.

“No, probably not.”

“Well good, because I’m not going to either. My brother is going to drop me off here.”

“No, I’m not.”

Charlie banged on his window with so much force that it actually cracked. Don stopped the car and my heart stopped as well. Right then I knew we weren’t going anywhere. All hope of getting to New York was gone.

They both barreled out of the car and off the side of the road arguing. “My son is giving up. He just wants to go back and sacrifice himself.” Alan whispered as he watched the scene between his two sons unfold.

“Don will make him change his mind, Alan.”

He looked over at Larry and smiled, “and just when I thought you knew Charlie better than I did.”

None of us said anything because we all felt like it wasn’t our place, so instead we just watched as Don and Charlie hugged each other. The younger brother was weeping into the older one’s shoulder. I felt bad for ever doubting Don. This place was such a hard, cold place to see this much warmth was almost unheard of.

I would witness this kind of warmth a few days after this while watching Clara and Randy as well.

Don and Charlie walked back towards the car and got inside, “Here’s the deal…”

Just hearing those words made me brace for bad news and of course I was right.

“Charlie and I are going back. It’s up to you guys what you all want to do. Dad, I think you should go with the guys, make sure they get to New York. Larry I think you should do the same.”

“No, if the two of you are staying than so am I.” Alan answered, much to no one’s surprise.

“I am too. We’re in this to the end.” Larry didn’t sound as convinced but he was loyal I’ll give him that.”

Charlie nodded, “Are you sure there’s nothing I can say to change your minds?”

Alan reached over the back seat and placed a loving hand on his son’s head, “Where do you think you got your stubbornness from?”

Don handed Kevin the set of keys but he refused to take them, “No, you guys should keep the van. It’s too long of a walk for you. Drive us to a place where we can get a car.”

And that’s what he did. We drove for about another five miles until we came to a small parking lot of a grocery store that had long since ceased to exist. There were a few cars there.

“I’ll hot wire one for you.” Don got out of the car and walked over to a nice Blue Ford Escort.

While he did that Charlie was busy writing down a ton of information and just as Don came back to the van, he handed the notes to Kevin.

“This is everything you need to know about what to ask Matt when you get to New York. Just give him this letter from me first so he doesn’t think you’re crazy.”

Kevin nodded at him and then he went into his pocket and pulled out a bottle of pills. At first I thought they were for Nicky but I was wrong. “If the Star Troopers catch you, it’ll be bad. Take these pills. They’re painless. Otherwise you’re death won’t be.”

He held them out to Kevin for a long while but it was Brian who finally took them.

“Thanks, but we won’t need these.”

Charlie smiled, “Let’s hope not. I really wanted to see the look on Matt’s face when he found out about you guys.”

“We’ll take a picture.” I said, trying to break up the tension.

As we all got out of the car, I took one long last look at Charlie, knowing we’d never see him again. He saluted at me, which was odd and then a minute later they pulled out and left to go fight their battle.

“Think they’ll make it?” I heard Brian ask his cousin as we all crammed into the small Escort.

He didn’t answer.

My attention went back to Nick as he was being pulled along by two of the people with guns now.

“We have our ways of finding out and for your sake; you’d better be telling us the truth.”

If I was going to make a move it had to happen now, but once again I felt frozen in place. I wasn’t sure what kind of a move I could make exactly. All I would be able to do was bring attention to myself and Nick was way too weak to even run away from them. So, I stayed back and followed them as they walked past what used to be Clara and Randy’s shed and onto the main road.

The shed had been destroyed but there was no sign of the older couple anywhere. I didn’t have time to worry about that though. I just had to make sure that I didn’t lose Nick. Once I saw that big black van my heart sank. There was no way I’d be able to manage to keep up with a van.

I had to do something. I was running out of time.

They scooped Nick into the van and I could see that there were a few people in there. Maybe others from the neighborhood, maybe even Clara and Randy. I realized I was still holding the rock in my hand as the van started up. I tried not to think about anything as I ran full force and threw it at the window with all my might.

It managed to break the glass and also managed to make the van come to a sudden stop.

“Shit.”

I had no clue what I was going to do next as the driver got out. Maybe put my hands up in the air and surrender before they took aim. Luckily I didn’t have to think too hard because out of nowhere another van plowed into the one that Nick was in, running over the man who had gotten out of the car as it did.

I jumped out of the way as two people came running out of the van shooting at the other rebels as they all climbed out guns blazing as well.

I knew I needed to get to the van and make sure Nicky was okay but all I could do was just stand there and hope no one would think to shoot me. After a few minutes of gunfire, it all suddenly stopped. It looked like the two good guys had won, if they were good guys. For all I knew, they could be even worse than the bad guys.

One looked in the van while the other started walking towards me.

Once again I took the coward’s way out and ran until I heard my name, “Howie!”

I stopped and took a double take as Don Epps started running towards me.

“Are you okay?”

He looked past me, “Where are the others?”

“I thought you were dead.”

He smiled at me, “Don’t believe everything you hear.”

“Are the others in the van?”

I shook my head, “Just Nick. We got separated…”

Just then Charlie called from the van as he dragged Nick out of it, “We need a doctor. I’m not sure he’s going to make it!”

Don took off and I started to run but my paralyzing fear prevented me from taking another step forward.


	25. Chapter 25

**~ 25 ~**

**Park and Ride**

**Date: May 26th 1999**

**Time: Sometime in the afternoon or early evening**

**Place: Philadelphia, PA (6 days after the emergency landing)**

**\+ Brian +**

The car Don managed to hotwire for us was really small, much too small for the five of us to fit in comfortably. The other big problem with the Escort was the fact that it was already close to empty according to the gas gauge. Our goal was to make it out of the city and try to locate another car before this one crapped out. At least that was one of our many goals. We had too many to keep track of at the moment.

We could have really used one of our managers and an itinerary right about now.

It’s almost ironic, this entire thing. I mean before all this happened when we were handed these itineraries that looked like mini novels we’d moan and groan about it. How many things are we expected to do on one day? We’d all take turns asking as we read our lives planned out, sometimes for weeks at a time.

I would kill for one of those now. We needed our lives mapped out for us because if we strayed too far from this plan, we were all going to die. How much I’d love to trade running for my life for running away from an over excited group of teens. I’ll never complain about any of that ever again, if I’m given that opportunity.

I turned to look behind us, “We’re still not being followed. I think we’ll be safe.”

“From them at least, lord knows what else is out here. I mean look at him.” AJ pointed over to Nick who was just sitting there in the front passenger seat, with his head resting on the window.

I didn’t want to look at Nick. It was too hard seeing him like this. Normally he was a constant ball of energy. This wasn’t Nick. This was just his shell.

“We need to find another car, so let me know if we pass one that’s abandoned.”

“How far do you think it is until New York?”

Kevin didn’t look away from the main road, “2 hours maybe?”

“How far you think we’ll get in this car?”

“Another ten minutes tops.”

“Fantastic.”

The last thing we needed was another hike on a snow covered highway. Even though we were all better suited for it clothing wise, none of us were ready for it mentally or physically. If it had to happen, then so be it. We’d manage, just like always.

“There’s a sign for the Pennsylvania Turnpike.” Howie sounded so hopeful, like a little boy who just saw a big sparkling sign for Disney World.

“Maybe we shouldn’t get on until we change cars.”

“I’m sure there will be a ton of cars on the Turnpike.”

I had my doubts but I decided to just stay quiet and let Kevin do his thing. We slowly made our way to the onramp that led us onto the main highway. I think we were all hoping that things were at least a little better anywhere but here. It couldn’t be any worse.

There were no cars lined up on the Turnpike like we were hoping there would be and sadly we didn’t even make it to the toll booth before the red engine light came on and the car slowly came to a stop.

“Son of a fucking bitch, what the hell do we do now?”

Kevin opened his door, “We walk, AJ.” He said a little too calmly as he got out and walked to the passenger side where Nick was still in the front and leaning against the window. 

“Fucking great!”

I tried to give a sympathetic shrug to my friend but honestly, why was it any harder on him than me? So instead I found myself rolling my eyes at him.

I looked back the way we had come and then forward, just past the toll booth. “Which way should we go?”

Howie did the same, “Maybe if we walk a little ways on the road we’ll find a car.”

“But if we don’t…we can’t make it all the way to New York on foot and these Turnpikes have long gaps in-between exits. We don’t want to be stuck out here in the middle of the night with nowhere to hide, do we?”

I posed my question to Kevin as he walked guiding Nick along, next to us. I could tell he was beyond frustrated but there was also a hint of despair in his eyes. “We should get off this road and head back the way we came.” He finally said after a few minutes of internal struggle.

So, we turned and walked the way we came, back into the city of Philadelphia which seemed almost as enticing as a roach motel at this point.

“We’re never going to get out of this fucking place.” AJ grumbled as we slowly walked back down the road.

In the car, it wasn’t really that noticeable but walking wise, it was easy to tell that we had a long down hill climb back off the onramp. We all decided to walk closely to the edge and hold on to the guardrail that was there to help us along because between the ice and snow it felt more like a ski slope than a highway. Sure enough, AJ lost his balance and within seconds we were all falling on the ground like dominoes.

Once we finally got to the end of the onramp, all wet and cold from falling on the snow, I saw a parking lot off in the distance. By car it seemed impossible to get to but all we had to do was cut across the road and go down a hill.

“Guys, look!” I pointed at all the cars and couldn’t help but smile. One of them had to have gas and keys.

“It’s a park and ride, let’s go.” Kevin took the lead and we followed closely behind.

This place clearly looked closer than it actually was. Getting there was very similar to hiking in the mountains. Just when you think you’ve made it to the peak you see there’s some more left to climb. It felt like every step we took, the parking lot also moved so we weren’t making any progress at all, of course it probably didn’t help that we were all really tired and hungry too.

It was also getting darker and the snow started to fall once again. If there was anything else that could possibly go wrong, I’m sure it would have. Eventually we did make it though, just as the sun decided to fully set on us.

“What the hell do we do now?” I whispered into my cousin’s ear.

“We find an open car and sleep in it for the night.”

“What if…”

“Brian, we don’t have time for what if.”

“There’s a van over here and it’s unlocked!” Howie screamed after a few minutes of us all searching up and down the lot.

We all ran over to him, once again falling as we went until finally we managed to hunker down in the van. Kevin closed the door behind us and even though it was still a little cold, it was warmer than it was outside.

“We’ll spend the night in here and worry about everything else in the morning.”

“There’s blankets!!” AJ said throwing three blankets at us from the very back of the van. “Fuck me, there’s also some bottled water!” Now he was excited and I was starting to feel the same way.

“You know if there are blankets and water in this one, there may be more supplies in some of the others.”

Kevin looked at me and nodded, “There might be, but it’s too dark. I think we should all just stay here and maybe first thing in the morning we’ll go exploring.”

“I wonder if Charlie and the others are okay.”

I couldn’t get them out of my mind. The fact that they went back and fought, knowing that the odds of survival were so slim was just too much to wrap my head around. The grim realization that our odds were just as slim hit my thoughts for a second but I managed to shake them off, for now anyway.

We were in a van, not as big as the RV but big enough to sleep and warm enough to not freeze to death. If it did get too cold, a few of us could easily go look for more blankets. We would be fine; we would have to be fine.

It was that thought and the surmounting exhaustion I felt that helped me dose off and wipe another day away from this place.

**Date: May 27th, 1999**

**Time: Very early morning**

I awoke to a very stiff neck and the sound of coughing. For just a brief minute I thought I was in my parent’s car going on vacation. I felt the same way after driving around for hours, sharing the backseat with my brother Harold who was the biggest backseat hog ever.

Instead it was Howie I saw, holding his hand up against his mouth as he continued to cough. If we didn’t all die from pneumonia it was going to be a small miracle. I sat up and rubbed my neck.

“Morning, did you sleep?”

He shook his head at me, “Not much.”

I glanced over at AJ who was stretched out over the back row of seats. He was snoring which was a good thing and was covered in the blanket that Howie and I had been sharing. Nick was leaning against the window in the front seat covered in two of the three blankets we had found.

“Where’s Kevin?”

“He went to go check some of the other cars to see if he could find food and supplies for us. This one has no keys, so we aren’t going anywhere in this thing.”

“I’ll go help.” I needed to get out and stretch my legs.

“He said we should all stay inside.”

“I don’t care. Two people will make quicker work of it than one.”

Howie nodded at me and then tried to adjust himself to a more comfortable position once I moved.

The sun was very bright in the sky and it felt nice as I got out and started to roam around the parking lot. I was hoping I wouldn’t see any dead bodies. Luckily every car seemed to be empty.

“What are you doing out here?”

I jumped when I heard Kevin from behind.

“I figured you could use some help.” I answered, turning around to see him carrying a cooler and a few more blankets.

He handed me the blankets, “This is about all I could find and I searched every single car. Not one of them had a key, looks like we’ll have to keep walking.”

“We should have asked Don how to hotwire a car.” I joked but it really wasn’t even a joke. We should have done that for real.

“I think our best bet is to go back to the main highway and try one of the car dealerships I thought I saw out there.”

I nodded at my cousin. He was smart. It didn’t even occur to me to try a car dealership. “What’s in the cooler?”

He shrugged, “I didn’t even look.”

We walked back over to the van and hopped in just as the two younger ones woke up. After a quick breakfast of peanut butter cheese crackers and stale popcorn, we once again ventured out on a quest to find a car that would get us the hell out of Philly.

The walking seemed easier this time. Maybe because we actually ate and the sun was making it a little warmer than what we were used to but I have to say that I actually was enjoying the trek this time around.

It seemed like we were all keeping pace a little better today, even Nick who was trailing behind AJ, was walking fairly quickly. We all appeared to be people who had somewhere to be.

We had just made it up a steep incline when a hopeful feeling came over me. There were cars, a multitude of them, some on our level and some on a level up from where we were.

“If we need to, we could probably climb that tree and get to the next level!” Kevin said as he jumped the guardrail to the small batch of trees that separated one side of the highway from the other.

“Finally! It’s about time we got a fucking break around here!” I swear to God, the second AJ said that a slight humming sound was heard off in the distance. The same kind of hum that happened before our plane exploded and then the house. Within a few minutes of hearing it, we all fell to the ground as a huge blast happened not that far from where we were standing.


	26. Chapter 26

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**~ 26 ~**

**A Fluke of Nature**

**Date: May 29th, 1999**

**Place: Philadelphia, Pa (9 days after the emergency landing)**

**\+ Kevin +**

I was feeling grateful. It was a nice change from the despair and hopelessness I had been feeling before AJ came into view. For the first time in a very long time, I started to think maybe we could actually do this.

Honestly, I never thought I’d see AJ, Nick or Howie ever again. As much as I couldn’t bring myself to say it out loud, I had already come to terms with their deaths, secretly grieving in my own way late at night. Crying after I was sure Brian had fallen asleep. I was ready to start my new life here in this horrible place, doing whatever it took to just keep my cousin and me alive.

When AJ suddenly showed up, he brought both Brian and I back to life. The fact that he was alive and had survived on his own, gave me hope that we’d find Howie and Nick alive too. We’d all be able to move forward and find that guy Matt in New York. Everything was going to be fine.

My arm found its way around AJ’s shoulder. Now that we had found him, I never intended to let him or anyone else I loved, go.

He glanced over my way and smiled, but neither of us said a word. We were too busy listening in on our traveling companions’ conversation.

“There’s no way Clara and Randy would just leave.”

“They weren’t there Syd. Believe me, we looked everywhere.”

“It was burnt?”

Scott nodded at her and that’s when she knelt down, holding her hands to her ears as if a loud explosion had occurred. When AJ saw her reaction, he moved away from me and quickly knelt down beside his new friend.

“We’ll find them.” He said as he gently placed his hand on her back. “If we found Kevin and Brian, we can find your friends as well.”

She stayed down on her knees for a little while as a cool breeze came down from above, reminding us all that snow wouldn’t be too far behind. I was trying to be patient but part of me wanted to just pull this girl up and drag her along. The longer we waited, the less time we’d have to find Howie and Nick before nightfall.

Luckily she stood up shortly before I had to do any of that and with AJ holding her hand, we continued on.

“They have to be around here somewhere, right? I mean if AJ was here they have to be too.”

I looked over at Brian and nodded. It seemed like he had a new hope in his eyes as well. After AJ had filled us in on what he had been through after we were separated, we came to the conclusion that maybe Nick and Howie were in close proximity to him. It’s not like the explosion had blown any of us miles away. When the attack happened, we all went scurrying off in different directions. Maybe we were finally heading in the same one that they had. It was my hope they were together. If they weren’t together there was no way that Nick…

I’m not going there. I have to stay hopeful. I know Howie, and he would do whatever he could to keep Nick safe.

“Smoke.” I glanced over to where Scott was pointing. Off in the distance there was a large plume of smoke shooting up from the ground. The scene felt a little too familiar and not in a good way.

We all moved off the road and closer to the wooded area, ready to flee for cover if we needed to.

“Maybe Clara and Randy’s place was destroyed today.” Sydney whispered with a new sound of hope in her voice, funny how it seemed to be contagious. Now that we had found each other, we needed something even better to happen.

“Which means they’re right in front of us.” Scott sounded angry and determined. “Maybe we can actually take them.”

“Take them?”

Scott nodded at Brian, “Yeah, you know, a surprise attack.”

“Excuse me, but we’re not exactly attack ready.” AJ said, with a look or horror and disgust on his face.

Scott pulled a gun out from under his jacket, “Speak for yourself but if those bastards are in killing range, I’m going in.”

“You can’t do that!” I decided to step in.

“You wouldn’t be saying that if they had just killed your family, would you?”

When I looked at him, I saw the face of Charlie staring back at me. Charlie after telling us they had killed his fiancée. Charlie when he decided to go back and fight instead of run like a coward. I suddenly felt ashamed that we didn’t decide to go help the Epps family. That we just let them leave and go to their deaths. It seemed like maybe the only logical thing to do was try to fight the enemy.

“You’re right.”

I didn’t need to see the looks on AJ and Brian’s faces. I felt the stares.

“It’s possible they have Clara and Randy with them.” Scott said as he turned towards Sydney who had already taken out a gun of her own.

“What the fuck? Does everyone carry a fucking gun in this place?”

“If you want to live you do.”

It was a simple and logical answer and it also shut AJ up. Scott bent down and opened up the duffle bag we had loaded up before we left the house. He handed a gun to me and tried to give one to Brian who backed away from it as if it was a cobra. AJ hesitated briefly before taking one and eventually my cousin gave in and grabbed one as well.

After a very short lesson on how to hold, take the safety off and fire our guns, we were ready to go with ready being the over statement of the year. I was hoping that we wouldn’t need them.

We walked for about thirty minutes. As we got closer to the smoke, the smell became more prevalent. There had definitely been some kind of attack here; very similar to the one that had us all separate a few days ago.

It’s weird how it’s only been a few days since we haven’t been together, maybe two or three tops even though it felt like much longer than that. Time in this place is all off kilter. A day feels more like a week in this place. I wonder if it’s always been like that or if it only happened after they were attacked.

“By Canadians?”

“Huh?” AJ looked over at me confused.

“Are you guys sure it’s Canada that did all of this?”

“Who the hell else would it be?” Scott sounded annoyed and quickly reminded me that he didn’t know the truth. I’m sure the girl didn’t either. Sometimes I forget.

“True, it’s just that I still can’t seem to wrap my head around the fact that they did all of this.”

When AJ pulled us aside and told us what he had found out, I was in total shock. Of all the nations that could have done this, it turns out it was one of our own allies. I guess that saying keep your friends close and your enemies closer was really taken to heart by our northern friends.

Once again our little caravan came to a stop, “Do you hear that?”

“People”

Scott nodded at Brian who was holding his gun like a pair of scissors.

“Sounds like they are right around the bend in the road, are you guys ready?”

What a stupid question that was. Of course we weren’t ready.

We made our way closer to the wooded area and decided to walk behind the trees instead of blatantly out on the street, just in case there were more people than we could handle. In my estimation that would be one person, but Scott had more confidence in our abilities than that.

It took about another ten minutes before we rounded the bend in the road and saw the source of the smoke. There were two vans, one of them on its side and the other pretty smashed up. The smoke was rising out of the one that was rolled over.

It was hard to see from here how many people we were dealing with but it seemed like the bad guys were no longer there. In fact, from a certain angle it looked like one of them was…

“That’s impossible.” I made my way from behind the trees and everyone followed.

“Oh my God.” Sydney said as she started running towards the accident scene.

“Is that Charlie, and is he talking to…”

“Howie!” AJ finished Brian’s sentence as we picked up speed and headed for them both.

Sydney reached them first, grabbing an older lady and hugging her tightly. Charlie raised a gun to her and was about to shoot when AJ screamed, “No!”

I could see Howie squint when he heard the familiar voice and when he realized who had spoken, he started running towards us with Charlie and Don following close behind.

I could get used to these reunions.

He reached AJ first and grabbed him in a hug as Charlie and Don both came and shook mine and Brian’s hands.

“I thought you were dead.”

Charlie laughed at that, “So I’ve been told.”

Don smiled at me just as Howie pulled me into a hug, “I thought I would never see you guys again.” He had tears in his eyes, not very D like at all.

“Well here we are.” I said as I pulled away from him, giving Brian his turn.

“Were you guys all together this entire time?”

Don shook his head, “Your friends ran into trouble and luckily we were there to get him out.

Friends…

“Nick?” All three of us said at the same time.

“He’s back there with Clara and Randy.” Howie said pulling away from Brian and even though I wanted to breathe a huge sigh of relief, the way he looked made me intake instead of exhale. Something was wrong.

“Is he okay?” Brian asked, getting the same sense from Howie that I got.

“He’s been sick, really sick and then the crash…he doesn’t look so good.”

I found myself running towards the site of the crash with everyone close behind. Now that we were all finally together again, there had to be a happy outcome.

Larry, Alan, Sydney, Scott and another older man who I figured was this Randy person, were standing and looking down. I could only assume it was Nick and the older woman they were staring at. I made my way past them, giving a quick nod of my head to our old friends who had managed to survive whatever they went back to at the warehouse. I knelt beside Nick who just as Howie said, didn’t look so good.

His eyes were closed, his eyelids casting a slight blue paler along with his lips. His face was a very pale white except for his overly rosy cheeks. He had his head on Clara’s lap as she gently and lovingly pat his head. “He’s got a very high fever.” She said to me in a surprisingly soothing voice. I could instantly see why that girl was taken by her. I wanted to hug her myself and I didn’t even know her.

I grabbed Nick’s hand as my fellow band mates gathered around us.

“Holy shit, he looks like crap.”

Brian was kneeling beside me and took his friend’s other hand. “Nick, it’s Brian, can you hear me buddy?”

Hearing Brian’s voice made Nick open his eyes. Thank God to that. He seemed confused, “Am I dead or something?”

I could tell his eyes were searching for Howie who was standing directly behind me, “Nope Nicky, I told you we’d find them.”

He was shivering really badly and I found myself by instinct, taking off my jacket and placing it over him, “You’ll be okay Nick. We’re going to give you some medicine and you’ll be good as new. Does anything hurt?”

“Pretty much everything.” He said between shivers and huge swallows. I could tell he was having a hard time talking.

I looked him up and down, grateful that I didn’t seem to see any signs of bleeding or bones sticking out of places they shouldn’t be. I think the pain was just coming from the flu or whatever he had at the moment. “Did he break anything?” I asked Larry as if he was a doctor.

“I don’t believe so.”

“We need to talk.” That was Charlie who had that stern and serious look on his face that I had almost forgotten about.

“Okay,” I turned back to Nick, “I need to talk to Charlie, but I’ll be right back.”

Howie took my place as I followed Charlie away from everyone.

“What happened?”

Charlie shrugged, “I don’t know, we were following this group of military as they went street by street cleansing people.”

“Cleansing people?” I was horrified. I hadn’t heard that expression since history lessons about the Holocaust.

“We recognized Nick as they brought him into the car so we decided to attack them. We killed all of them, but one managed to escape. That’s why we can’t really stick around here that much longer. They’ll be back and they’ll bring reinforcements.”

“Nick needs medical attention. There must be somewhere we can bring him for help.”

Charlie sighed, “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Good, so you know of a place?”

“No, I mean I’m sure there are hospitals around here that operate secretly out of people’s houses, but it’s not going to help him.”

“I don’t understand…”

“He’s not sick, this is something else.”

I suddenly found myself angry. “Do you think he’s faking this or something?”

It’s weird that I was so flustered by this considering I was constantly accusing our youngest member of faking illness to get out of things. I guess it was different when a stranger did it though. Plus, you could clearly tell he wasn’t making this up. Nick was very sick, anyone could see it.

“No, nothing like that.”

“Then what?”

“It’s hard to explain.”

“Try.”

“Okay, remember when I told you that the four of you were killed?

“Uh yeah, how could I possibly forget that?”

“Well, Nick survived.”

“Okay…and?”

“And have you noticed that you haven’t really felt like 100% you since you’ve gotten here? Maybe you’ve acted weird and how you normally wouldn’t act?”

“Sometimes, but considering the circumstances we have been thrown into…”

“It’s more than that. You’re dealing with what I’d like to call a fluke of nature. What’s happening here is very unnatural and fate doesn’t much like it.”

“Please get to the point, Charlie.” I glanced over at my band mates feeling like I should be there and not listening to Charlie ramble on and on.

“You guys just by being here in this world have taken on the traits of your counterparts. They managed to meld with you even after they have died.”

“Okay, well I can understand that.”

“Nick is still alive…”

I can tell he was waiting for me to have an ‘Ah Ha!’ moment, but it never arrived so he continued.

“It is unnatural to have two of the same human being living on one plane at the same time. It’s a doppelganger effect. They are making each other sick. My guess is the real Nick, the one that is supposed to exist in this universe is as sick as this one is.”

“So you’re saying what, exactly?”

“We can give Nick medicine, try to keep his fever down but in the end it’s not going to help much.”

“You’re saying he’s not going to get better?”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m saying.”

I put my hands up to my face, suppressing the urge to scream in frustration. This was another friggin nightmare.

“Are you sure?”

“Nothing is certain; we’re dealing with something no one has ever dealt with before. There’s no documented proof of anything I’m saying.”

“So, you could be wrong then?”

He nodded, “I could be, but honestly, I’m pretty positive I’m right.”

“Well that’s just great. What the hell are we supposed to do?”

He took his gun from his back pocket and handed it to me, “We need to find the Nick Carter from this world and kill him. It’s the only way your Nick will survive.”


	27. Chapter 27

**~ 27 ~**

**1,000 Ways to Kill Nick Carter**

**Date: May 30th 1999**

**Place: Philadelphia (10 days after the emergency landing)**

**\+ Nick +**

I was having a hard time figuring out what was real and what was a dream. Everything seemed like a big blur after Howie left me in the woods or should I say ‘If’ Howie left me in the woods. I was pretty sure I did see him leave and then the guys with guns came but the next thing I knew I was laying on the ground staring up at Kevin. How the hell did Kevin manage to get there or maybe he has been there this whole time. And while we’re on the subject, where the fuck is there? Where the hell am I?

Opening my eyes stung like hell but I felt like now was the time. I needed a drink so one at a time I opened my peepers. I’m sure I had one hell of a hangover or something.

“He’s waking up again.”

The southern accent I had so grown to love made me smirk.

“How are you feeling Frack?”

I swallowed hard hoping that maybe whatever was wrong with me would be enough to get out of rehearsing or even performing. Surely we had to be rehearsing or performing somewhere tonight, but then why were Howie and I in the woods?

“I think he’s out of it again.” Brian sounded concerned.

“Fuck! What the hell is wrong with him?”

“I don’t know AJ.”

“And what the fuck was Kevin on last night, talking about killing the other Nick.”

“I don’t know AJ. You know as much as I do.”

“Your cousin sounded like a fucking crazy person.”

Were they talking about killing me? Shit, I knew I did something wrong. Maybe I overslept or…oh God! I wonder if I missed a concert or something because I was too drunk. We did drink a lot on the balcony…

“Nick?”

Actually I didn’t drink at all. Kevin wouldn’t let me. I can’t be drunk, can I?

“Nick, can you hear me buddy?”

I felt his hand on my shoulder as he gently shook me. Maybe I should just keep my eyes closed and pretend I can’t hear any of this. I don’t know what the hell is going on anyway.

“How’s Nicky doing?”

Brian pulled his hand away, “The same. Did you get any sleep last night? You look like hell.”

There was a long pause. I’m sure Howie probably shook his head because Brian said something like ‘that’s not good, you need to sleep we all do’ or something to that effect. I’m not sure; I was starting to lose it again. Their voices were sounding as if they were off in the distance.

They all gasped when I shot up into a sitting position. I wasn’t crazy about doing it, but I also knew I didn’t need to fall back to sleep. Lord knows I missed too much already.

The three of them stood staring at me almost comically.

“Hey there.” Brian said after what felt like too many minutes of an awkward silence.

“Hi.” I swallowed hard again, “Water?”

They looked at each other as if I had just asked for milk from a magic goat or something. I am so thirsty even that sounded good. Magic goat milk, anything is possible.

It was Howie who actually moved first, “I’ll go see if I can find you some water.” He smiled at me and it brought me back to a shed with Clara and Randy. Who were they and why did they keep popping up in my memory?

“Where am I?” I didn’t ask anyone in particular as I tried to take in my surroundings. I’m pretty sure we were in a tent and not a big one either. It was pretty small, like Boy Scout small.

“Are we on a camping trip?”

AJ and Brian looked at each other before answering, “What’s the last thing you remember?”

I sighed, not sure if I should mention the nonsense about the woods. Maybe I should just stick to the hotel and that horribly boring party, which seemed like the safest answer. Before I had a chance to lie, I had the oddest feeling in my gut. Something was off, we were off.

“We were on a plane, weren’t we?”

They both nodded.

“We crashed?”

They both nodded again.

Then I saw a flash. We were all together and the men with guns came and one at a time they were all shot right in front of me. I saw AJ and Brian standing before me but this time they were covered in blood. How is that possible?

“What’s wrong Nick?”

Then it hit me, maybe it wasn’t them but Kevin. I haven’t seen Kevin since I woke up! Oh my God!

“Kevin’s been shot! Where is he, I need to see him!” I tried to stand but for whatever reason, my legs wouldn’t oblige so I was wriggling around on the sleeping bag like a worm.

Brian and AJ tried holding me down which made no sense since I wasn’t going anywhere anyway.

“What the fuck is he talking about Rok?”

“I don’t know but go get Kevin!”

I felt AJ let go of me and he darted out of the tent. If he was going to get Kevin then that meant Kevin wasn’t dead, or shot, or anything. I stopped struggling and went limp into Brian’s arms.

“I am so confused, Brian. I saw him…I saw all of you. You were all dead.”

“It must have been a dream from seeing that picture of us.”

I tried to remember what he was talking about but I had no idea. I can’t tell you how frustrating it is when all you want to do is remember but you can’t.

“What’s wrong with me?” I heard the whininess in my own voice and rolled my eyes.

“Nothing too bad kiddo, you just have the flu or something. You’ll be fine.”

Just as he finished saying that, his cousin barreled into the tent so quickly he almost knocked it over.

“What the hell happened? Is he awake?” He looked over at me and then tried to act like he wasn’t a ball of nerves at the moment. As if I didn’t see his anxious entrance.

“Welcome back, are you feeling any better?”

The sickly sweet way he said that made my stomach churn. Charlie was also in the tent now but barely able to get himself all the way in because of the size.

“I’m dying aren’t I?” Where the hell that came from I have no idea but it’s like I had a moment of clarity or something.

The question seemed to catch him and his cousin off guard, but it was that small hesitation that made me know.

“Of course not buddy. You’re just not at the top of your game. You’ll get better.”

He smiled the same fake smile Howie gave me before and then he handed me a bottle of water, or magic goat’s milk. Whatever it was, I gulped it down in a matter of minutes. It was hot and not very tasty but it did the trick.

“Why did you think I was shot?” He finally asked once he found a relatively comfortable position sitting on the floor next to me.

“I just remember seeing you shot, all of you were. It was horrible. I couldn’t do anything about it. I was too afraid.”

“What happened next?” Kevin glared back at Charlie. He wasn’t supposed to ask me that I guess.

What did happen next? I closed my eyes and tried to remember. I was so scared I had wet myself and I was crying.

“They put me in a car and took me someplace…I don’t remember where but it was a really long drive.”

“Was it a prison or a camp of some kind?”

I shook my head, “I don’t know…I don’t really remember.”

“Why are you asking him that?” Brian sounded annoyed.

“Because he might be the key to finding the other Nick, he’s clearly starting to have crossover memories.”

“Clearly.” Brian answered sarcastically.

I thought Charlie was dead. Why am I sitting here talking to him? He wasn’t even at the party in the hotel. But we had crashed, that’s right. We crashed.

“Look, I know you all think I’m crazy but I am telling you the only way to save him, is to kill the other one.”

Do what now?

Kevin smiled at me one more time and then stood up, “Can I have a word with you please?” Charlie nodded and they both left the tent.

“Why the hell are you saying that in front of him? He doesn’t need to hear shit like that!” Kevin screamed.

“Sorry, but we’re running out of time. Do you want to get home? All of you, alive?”

“Of course we do!”

“Then I have to ask those questions!”

“But still, it’s too much information!”

“Kevin, we are running out of time! If we don’t leave for New York by tomorrow or the next day tops, you’ll never get home!”

Brian and I just quietly sat there listening. “They do realize I’m not deaf, right? I mean they’re standing like half a foot away from me.”

Brian actually let out a small laugh. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure there’s not too much thinking going on out there at the moment.”

They continued to argue right outside the tent but I tried to block it out. Hearing things like someone has to kill the other me so I can live and going to New York to find a tear in the universe. I felt like I was living in a Dr. Who episode or something.

“We weren’t together before, how did we find each other?”

Brian seemed happy for the random question and filled me in on what I missed, culminating in us camping out in the middle of the woods off the main highway not too far from where Clara and Randy’s shed used to be. He said it kind of looked like we were at a camp for wayward children with a few pup tents thrown up in a circle. Kevin was my bunk mate but he would move in here with me and make AJ and Howie deal with Kevin.

“And what is this thing about killing the other me?” I didn’t want to ask, believe me but if anyone else heard what I just heard, they would be asking the same thing.

“That’s a little complicated.”

I snorted, “You think?”

He told me about Charlie’s theory of why I was as sick and weak as I was. When I was a kid I saw a movie about doppelgangers and if they saw each other both of their heads would simultaneously explode. I remember thinking how cool that would be. Yeah, now I’m leaning towards not so cool.

“So, the other Nick has to die or I will?”

“I’m sure you’re going to be fine. It’s just a theory.”

Kevin came back into the tent with another bottle of water. He handed it to me and then sat down, “I thought you might like another one.”

“Thanks.” I opened the bottle, took a sip, “So…what are we going to do about this other me situation?”

Kevin shot Brian a look, “Oh please it’s not like he didn’t overhear you guys screaming about it!”

“Nick, I know it sounds far fetched, but we have to try to find him. Charlie seems to think that you’ve been having this other Nick’s memories. He’s hoping you’d be able to lead us in the right direction to try to find him.”

“Are you going to kill me…him?”

“I have to try.”

“How?”

“What do you mean how?”

“I mean how do you plan on killing me?”

I can tell the conversation wasn’t one he wanted to have. “I haven’t really thought about it.”

“Oh come on Kev, I’m sure you’ve daydreamed about the chance to kill me, now you actually get to do it.”

“Nick, the last thing I want to do is kill anybody!”

“Make it cool at least.”

He rubbed at his tired eyes, “Can we stop talking about this?”

I was starting to grow tired again, like can’t keep my eyes opened tired.

“How are you going to find me if I can’t find me?”

“Don is working on that right now.”

“Do you think you’ll actually be able to go through with it?”

He sighed, “I don’t know.”

“Maybe if I annoy you enough…”

He forced himself to let out a small laugh, “If I haven’t killed you yet, I don’t think that would help.” He tousled my hair, “I’m going to go check and see how plans are coming along. Brian maybe we should let him get some sleep.”

Brian nodded and stood up.

“I’ll be back soon. I could kind of use a nap as well.” God bless Brian for realizing I didn’t want to be alone.

When they both left the tent I laid myself down and closed my eyes. I wonder if I would feel it, if Kevin did kill the other me, if it would hurt. I was about to fall asleep when a word came to me. It had to mean something so I blurted it out.

“Pelham Bay!”

Kevin and Brian, who were still right outside, came running in, “What did you say?”

“Pelham Bay.”

“What is that?”

“I think that’s where I am.”

“Where is that?”

“New York. I’m in New York.” I wasn’t sure how I knew that, I just did.

Kevin and Brian looked at each other just as my vision began to get fuzzy. Their voices distant as my head hit the ground.


	28. Chapter 28

**~ 28 ~**

**Little Dark Secrets**

**Date: May 31st (Eleven Days after the emergency landing)**

**Place: On the way to New York City**

**\+ AJ +**

I have always hated long car rides. I used to drive my mother crazy whenever we had to make a trip longer than two hours. She admitted that it got so bad she would actually give me some Nyquil before we left. I always wondered what that disgusting stuff was. She said it was magic syrup. If I took it, the trip would go a lot faster. Apparently I was a very dumb child. I’m sure she was right; the car ride did go faster, for her!

Once she told me the truth and lots of jokes about calling child protective services were made, I would take it upon myself to guzzle down Nyquil to make it through some of the longer rides we endured touring from city to city.

It was one of my little dark secrets.

I glanced over at Howie as he snored next to me. He could sleep through anything. How I envied him for that. Sometimes I wonder if he took anything to knock himself out. The brief thought of going through his pockets was tempered by Brian’s voice. He was doing something none of us have done in almost two weeks.

He was singing.

It started off really quietly, as if he was whispering to himself. I couldn’t even make out what he was saying until I heard the chorus to Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely. Once he reached that, he started belting it out. Even Howie opened his eyes and sat up looking confused.

As much as I would like to say we all joined in and smiled and laughed, thinking okay we are the Backstreet Boys. We can do this! It simply didn’t happen. Brian only made it partway through the second verse before deciding to stop. I think the three dead bodies along the side of the road are what muted him.

This wasn’t a place for singing. This wasn’t a place for anything.

“How long do you think it’ll take before we get there?” I sat up already nervously shaking my leg and knowing we had just left less than a half hour ago.

“Under normal circumstances it usually takes a little under ninety minutes.” Don was driving and he addressed the question as if I was his child who had said ‘are we there yet?’ for the ten thousandth time.

I was surprised by that answer. For some reason, New York felt so far away. Ninety minutes wasn’t even Nyquil worthy which gave me some hope.

“What about these circumstances?”

“I have no idea, it all comes down to how accessible the road is and how many detours we might have to take along the way.”

“Is this the first time you’ve gone there since this happened?”

Charlie was sitting next to his brother in the front passenger seat and when Kevin asked that question he turned his body around to face us. “We tried once before but at that time there were too many soldiers along the roads. When the attacks happened, they would make sure no one crossed border lines between the states. They wanted to keep people confined to where they lived. We were afraid of what might happen so we turned around and headed back to Philly.”

“So, does that mean you don’t think they’ll be guarding the borders of each state this time around?”

Charlie cast his eyes down before he answered, “I don’t think there’s any reason for them to. Most of us are dead or prisoners by now.”

He turned back to the front and the conversation died.

Looking out the window, it had started to snow once again, only lightly this time. One thing I hated more than long drives was making them in bad weather. “When the fuck is it going to stop snowing?”

“We’re still waiting on that one.” Don again in his, shut the hell up already, tone.

I shifted my weight from one leg to the other and started rubbing at them because for some reason it calmed me to do so. I know I was annoying Brian and Howie, who were sitting next to me, but I didn’t care. I hope Sydney will be alright. I found myself suddenly missing my new and very odd friend. Saying goodbye to her was harder than I thought it would be.

Knowing that the other Nick was already in New York made staying in Philly pointless for us. We needed to find that other fucking guy who supposedly would be able to help us get back home. Since they were both in the same state, Charlie decided we should leave first thing in the morning. Naturally, I just kind of assumed that meant all of us, but I was wrong.

When morning came, and most tents were being broken down, Sydney came over to me and smiled.

“So, I guess you’re excited to be leaving, huh?” She didn’t really know the real truth but just by overhearing some of the conversations going on between the Epps family and Kevin made her understand that there was more to my story than I was letting on.

“Excited seems to be a useless word here. Let’s just say eager.”

She nodded and pulled her hair back into the baseball hat she was wearing, “Works for me.”

I turned to face her, “I know you’re probably wondering what the fuck…”

Placing her hand on my mouth she smiled, “I’m not sure I want to know. Maybe one day you can fill me in.”

Once she removed her hand I smiled back, “You got it….Maybe on the way.”

“I’m not going with you.”

“What? You can’t stay here.”

“Why not, this is my home.”

“Alone?”

“No, Clara, Randy and Scott are staying too.”

“But, their place was burned down to the ground.”

“We’ll find another one. It won’t be the first time and sadly, it probably won’t be the last.”

“It’s dangerous here.”

“It’s dangerous everywhere. This is my home, AJ.”

I wanted to understand how someone could choose to live like this, but I couldn’t do it. Why would anyone make the choice to stay in a place like this when there was some place so much better waiting for them? Of course she didn’t know that. It’s not like I was about to explain the tear in the universe thing to her at that moment. Even though she knew there was more to my story then I was letting on, this little dark secret wasn’t ready to come out yet.

“It might be better there.” I urged, not wanting to let her go, even though I barely even knew her.

“I’m not willing to take the chance and neither are they.” She pointed to her friends, and that’s when I got it. I’m sure this wasn’t a spur of the moment decision. Chances are they spent all night discussing it and making up their minds as a group. The same way we did everything. They were more than just a bunch of friends, through this ordeal they had become family.

“All or nothing, is that how it happened?”

She nodded at me, “Yeah, kind of.”

“What did you want?”

“To stay, we all did.”

I gave her an understanding nod, “And there’s nothing I can say to change your mind?”

She shrugged at me, “I’m stubborn.” And with that being said she pat my shoulder and walked back to her tent.

As Charlie, Don and I were putting some things into the van, I glanced over just in time to see Howie hug Clara and then shake Randy’s hand. The older woman then pulled Nick into a hug and kissed his cheek. I was kind of sad that I didn’t get the chance to really get to know them. They seemed like the kind of people I’d really love. 

Kevin and Brian were talking to Scott, probably saying their goodbyes as well and then within an hour we were on the road, most likely never to see any of them again.

“Will you stop fidgeting? You’re worse than a little kid.” Brian finished his thought with a ‘friendly’ kick to my leg.

“Sorry, I’m restless.”

He tried to move himself away from me but there just wasn’t that much room so he let out a sigh instead. We were kind of packed in the van like a can of sardines. Besides Don and Charlie in the front, there was Kevin, Larry and Alan in the first row of seats, Brian, Howie and I in the middle row and Nick in the back with all our supplies and equipment.

I decided to check on Nick because he had been completely quiet ever since we left. His eyes were closed but he was far from having a restful sleep. He was shivering pretty badly even having a few sleeping bags on top of him to keep him warm.

He’s not going to make it.

That was my other little dark secret. The fact that I was so certain we were going to lose Nick. It was just an unsettling thought that lingered in my stomach, long before I even knew about this doppelganger nonsense. It’s horrible that even though I love him to death, my first thought was about the band. How on earth would we still be able to go on without the cute, baby blonde one?

I’m sure it was the ‘other’ AJ who would dare to think that way; at least I’m hoping it was. Just to make amends for my thoughts I reached over and placed my hand on Nick’s forehead. He was very hot to the touch.

“He’s burning up.”

Within a beat of my statement, Kevin reached over and handed me an aspirin, “Give him two of these and some water.”

“Hey buddy.” I gently tapped his shoulder as I handed Brian the water bottle to hold, “Nicky, wake up.”

He opened his eyes and looked disoriented before a light of understanding hit him. “Are we there?” He managed to squeak out in a very hoarse voice.

“Not yet. I have some aspirin for you. You’re running a fever again.”

He sat himself up and grabbed the aspirin and water. “Thanks.”

He let out a horrible sounding cough. “Jesus Christ kid…” Once again I felt that ‘friendly’ kick.

“It’s freezing in here.” He pulled one of the sleeping bags up almost over his head. “Can we put the heat on?”

“It’s already going at full blast buddy.”

Yeah waking up Nick probably wasn’t a good motivator for the rest of us. He kind of reminded us of how grim this situation was.

“Crap!” 

I looked ahead just in time to see what had Don so upset. A line of cars pretty much blocked the rest of the highway. They were all scattered with some laying on their sides, others completely burned up and in pieces.

“Now what?”

“We’re going to have to back track, get off the highway at the last exit we passed.”

He turned the car around and started heading back the way we came. Because of the median, we had to drive on the wrong side of the road and even though we were the only car, it still made me wince.

“This is going to take forever.” I didn’t mean to say it out loud but there it was.

“Be grateful we’re getting there at all.”

Once again I shifted in my seat just as the snow began to fall a little harder. Fuck you Mother Nature!

We had been driving for well over an hour and the last exit we passed was at least thirty minutes away which meant another thirty minutes just to get off the exit but now with the snow it would most likely take even longer.

“If it keeps snowing this heavy we might have to stop for a little while.” Alan said just like the over protective dad he seemed to be, “After all we can’t let ourselves get into an accident.”

I know I hate cars but it was a sense of urgency I was feeling. The more time we let pass the less time we had to get out of here for good. We were running out of time, especially Nick.

I wish I had some Nyquil.


	29. Chapter 29

**~ 29 ~**

**Sharing Spam with the Living Dead**

****

**Date: May 31st, 1999**

**Place: Close to New York**

**\+ Howie +**

The trip to New York has been anything but smooth, not that we really thought it was going to be an easy journey or anything. One thing we have all learned from this experience is that nothing is easy in this new world of ours. Even finding food and water is a challenge. Because of Nick’s illness, our supply of water has all but been depleted just trying to keep him hydrated. We are now down to our last bottle of water and we have very little food, maybe enough for two more very small meals.

That’s why we had to resort to robbery.

Since we had to get off the highway and travel side roads, we decided to loot a store. I have to say it was all new to me. Before today, the closest I’ve ever come to stealing was when I pocketed a pack of baseball cards from a grocery store when I was about five or six. Even then, I felt so bad about it I cried hysterically while giving them to my father. Begging for his forgiveness and hoping he wouldn’t send me away to jail.

The kicker of that story is, my dad actually kept those cards. He never brought them back to the store. My mother was so mad at him but he said, “Eh, I can always use another Tom Seaver…”

“What’s wrong, D?”

I glanced over to the worried face of Kevin. We were sitting in a parking lot as Don and Charlie tried to find a map we could use from the store we had just robbed.

“Just thinking about my dad.”

He suddenly seemed down, “Oh…”

“Thirsty…” We both turned to look at Nick who was shivering again.

“I know buddy, but we have to make this water last until we can get some more.”

“I can’t believe there was none in that store.”

I nodded at AJ, “I’m sure that was probably the first thing to go, along with all the bread, milk and eggs.”

Brian stepped out of the car as Nick continued to groan. We all felt so helpless. There was nothing we could do to make him feel better. We had run out of medicine and now we were withholding water from the poor kid. His fever kept going up and even the few aspirin he was taking weren’t doing him very good.

“Do you think we’ll actually be able to find the other him?” I whispered to Kevin who was just staring at Nick, wishing there was something more he could do.

“I hope so.”

“And what about this Matt guy?”

“At least we have an address for him.” Alan threw himself into the conversation as he handed me another washcloth he had placed down on the snow to let soak. “That might help bring the fever down.”

I placed the cold cloth on Nick’s head and he immediately took it off, “I’m too cold!”

“We need to get your fever down, buddy.”

“I am thirsty!”

“Here ya go, Frack.” Brian came back into the van with his hands full of snow, placing it in a cup he handed it to Nick who quickly started to slurp it up.

“I know it’s not ideal, but it’s all we have for now.”

I glanced back to the grocery store.

We were all so elated when we saw the Shop Rite in the distance. I don’t know why we thought it would be stocked to the brim with food. I should have realized by the Epps collective lack of excitement, that once we got inside we would be disappointed.

After we ran the shopping cart through the window, the smell of rotting food hit us with such force, AJ actually vomited so we sent him back to the car to watch Nick with Alan.

There was rotting meat, fruit and vegetables all over the floor and crawling with bugs. I closed my eyes as we passed the produce aisle hoping that as we moved along things would start looking up.

They didn’t.

The scene just grew more and more grim with every aisle we passed. Most of them were completely empty, except for a random generic brand of cereal here or a can of vegetables there. We couldn’t afford to be picky so we grabbed whatever wasn’t spoiled and moved as fast as possible.

“You know, this feels like it could be a scene from one of those zombie movies, doesn’t it?”

I nodded at Brian. He was right. In fact, at any moment I was just waiting for a zombie to come out of the shadows and eat our brains. I might have even preferred that. I guess if we ever do get out of this place, that’s one thing I can let everyone know. There are no such things as zombies in our post apocalyptic future. 

“There’s no medicine anywhere in here!” Kevin sounded frustrated as he ran up and down the aisle that was supposed to contain pain meds and cold meds. There wasn’t even a bag of cough drops to be found.

I glanced over to my right where there were about two dozen cans of Spam sitting on display as if nothing bad had ever happened here. I almost laughed…almost. I have never eaten Spam in my life. Even after all the numerous trips to Hawaii we had, whenever anything Spam related was passed my way I would graciously decline. Why? Because it’s Spam! But yet, here it was. Mocking me, saying “Now what are you going to do Howard? All you have to eat is me! Who has the last laugh now?”

Damn Spam!

“Did you just say something?”

I shook my head at Brian as I collected the cans in my shirt. “Looks like we have plenty of this.”

He seemed as excited as I was. I wondered if the can was mocking him too.

My mind jumped back to the present as we still waited for Charlie and Don. I was starting to get a little worried. What if I was wrong about the zombie thing?

“Thanks Brian.” Nick was barely able to get out as he continued to slurp at the snow and ice mixture. I tried not to think about how dirty it was or how many chemicals were mixed in with that snow. It’s not like he could get any worse than he was now.

The way his health was rapidly deteriorating scared me to death. He looked over at me and smiled, as if he knew at that moment, I was thinking about him. He had developed huge black circles under his very pale eyes. I didn’t realize that eyes could get dull, but his were. I smiled back but decided not to give any words of encouragement. Why bother? It’s not like he would believe me anyway.

Kevin opened the van door, “I think I’m going to go in and see what’s keeping them.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

He shook his head, “I’ll be right back.”

“Hey D, do you remember that one time we were stuck in traffic in LA?”

“Who could forget that one AJ?”

He rubbed at his face as he laughed at the memory of the two of us just sitting in the back seat of our car for close to five hours in bumper to bumper not going anywhere anytime soon, traffic. It was a nightmare!

“Doesn’t this kind of remind you of that?”

“Oddly, yes it does.”

Kevin, Brian and Nick were in another car and I was grateful. The thought of being stuck for five hours in a small space with Nick wasn’t ideal. I was suddenly wracked with an enormous sense of guilt which also signaled how badly off Nicky was. Anyway…it was one of the worst driving experiences we have ever had. This one does top it though. This just about tops everything.

“Here they come, finally!”

I sighed with relief as the three guys made their way back to the van.

“We think we know where we’re going now.” Charlie said the second he got in the van. I was happy to see him carrying a map and a bag of some more groceries we must have missed. “It’ll take us a little longer than we expected but the good news is we’re actually a lot closer than we thought we were.”

A glimmer of hope, a slight one, but I’ll take what I can get at this point.

Don started up the car and happily we were once again on the way. The sky was getting darker and I was pretty sure that soon we’d end up having to stop for the night. None of us were too keen on driving in the dark because of all the unforeseen obstacles that might be in the way.

“We’ll have to eventually get on the George Washington Bridge, but we won’t worry about that until morning.”

I suddenly felt revitalized. “Anyone want Spam?”

I grabbed a can and held it in the air. I was starting to get hungry and while I was on a small high, I figured no time like the present. I flipped the can open and dug my finger into the goo surrounding the meat.

“Lesson number one…” AJ said disgusted, “If there is slime surrounding something, it’s probably not meant to be eaten by humans.”

“You should give it a try, it’s actually pretty good.” Alan was quick to chime in, taking the can out of my hands and grabbing a piece with his fingers. “It tastes like ham, kind of.”

Once Alan took a piece we all followed suit and honestly, it wasn’t that bad. A little too salty maybe, but not as gross as I thought it might be. I’ve eaten far worse. Okay we can check this off the list too. No zombies and Spam is tasty.

We were driving for about two hours as the sun slowly set behind us. Once again we didn’t encounter one person on the road but did see a few abandoned cars. We stopped briefly to siphon some gas out of those tanks before journeying on towards the bridge that would lead us home.

“GWB 2 miles…” Brian read the sign with gusto. This was the happiest we have all seemed in a long time.

“How easy do you think it will be to find your friend once we get into the city?”

“I know exactly where Matt lives. Let’s just hope he’s still there.”

“Or even alive.” Don had to add of course bringing the upbeat tempo in the van down to more of a dirge.

“Guys look, do you see that?” AJ asked, suddenly sitting upright and pointing ahead.

“Jesus, there are so many of them.”

There were people milling about on the road, out of nowhere just as we came around a bend. Don had to bring the van to a sudden stop to avoid hitting a guy who seemed to be roaming aimlessly.

“What the hell is going on?” Kevin asked, looking and sounding anxious which instantly made me feel the same way.

None of them approached the car or even acted like they cared we were there. We all sat motionless for a little while, not sure if we should get out and investigate or stay put. Eventually Kevin opened the door and most of us followed. Alan stayed in the car with Nicky who was sleeping.

The coldness in the air was sharp and crisp but it had a different feel than the air by the grocery store or in Philly. It might have been because we were so close to the water, but it almost felt refreshing.

We walked closer to the mountain of people who were camped all along the road. It felt like one of those massive rock festivals almost. There were pup tents and people lying inside cars with fires going every few feet.

We walked up to a small group who were sitting around one of those fires. They were staring at the flames as if they were under a spell; another classic movie type scene. I was almost expecting them to turn and be all bloody and gross.

“What’s going on here?” Kevin asked one of them after we were ignored.

The guy wasn’t much older than we were. He looked up, “Huh?”

“What’s going on here? Why are you all just camping out in the middle of the road?”

“What else is there to do?” He turned his head and continued to look at the flames.

“Okay…” AJ looked over at me and shrugged.

“Aren’t you afraid you’ll be caught?”

“It’s only a matter of time.” Another one answered. Maybe it was the father of the younger guy. It was hard to tell, they all kind of had the same distraught, lost look on their faces.

“What do you mean by that?” It was Don’s turn now but I had already heard enough. I wanted to go back to the van.

“This is the end of the road. No going forward, no going back. We’ll just wait here, for now.”

That‘s when it dawned on me with all the fierceness of a lion’s roar. “The bridge…” I said as I tried to look in the distance. “Shouldn’t we be able to see the bridge?”

“It’s gone. All of them are gone. There’s no way to get to over there. They blew all the tunnels and bridges a long time ago.” A woman answered in a very monotone way.

We walked past the crowds of people all sitting in a daze and made it to where the beginning of the George Washington Bridge should have been. “Are those fish?”

I heard AJ’s question but was too numb to answer. They weren’t fish; they were people trying to swim their way across. Many of them were flailing and screaming for help. Some of them were just bobbing in the water and some were floating face down, lifeless.

“Jesus…” I turned my head away and took a few deep breaths. I suddenly felt faint.

There were such things as zombies after all. Only they aren’t flesh eating monsters. No, they are people just like us that have lost all hope. These people sitting right in front of us; had no soul or drive left. They were empty shells of their former selves. Zombies, just like we were going to become.

“What the hell are we going to do now?” was the last thing I heard before my knees buckled and my face hit the ground.


	30. Chapter 30

**~ 30 ~**

**Paying the Ferryman**

**Date: June 1st, 1999**

**Place: Where the George Washington Bridge used to be**

**\+ Brian +**

Since we’ve been here, there have been a lot of hard nights. The very first one, not knowing what was going on, but sensing whatever it was wasn’t good was pretty rough. Then there were the nights back in Philly at Charlie’s, when still unsure if they were trustworthy or if at any moment they would turn on us.

That feels like a lifetime ago.

Of course we can’t forget the nights when we were separated and the anxiety that came along with not knowing if our friends were dead or alive. All of those were horrible but they paled in comparison to how it felt last night.

Getting to the bridge only to find a dead end was heartbreaking on every level. Then seeing those people in the water, swimming for it, knowing they were going to die and then watching them slowly drown. I know I will never get that imagine out of my head ever. Even with my eyes wide open, I can still see this one person who was bobbing helplessly in the water. It was clear he knew how to swim. He wasn’t panicking at all, just bobbing as if at the beach on any given day having fun in the water. He looked over at the crowd of us and then went under and never came up again. He made the conscious decision to drown himself because it was supposedly better than the alternative.

That’s all I could think about last night. What was the alternative? What was coming that was so horrible that people were willing to die?

Howie passed out shortly after the guy went under the waves. He scared the crap out of us. It was all too much for him. He fainted and both Kevin and I vomited. I think I would have preferred to pass out. Don, Charlie and Larry just stood there dumb struck as they continued to watch the people in the water and then the people on the shore just sitting around.

We decided not to go back to the van right away. AJ and Alan would be eager to know what was going on and I know none of us wanted to tell them. Maybe because by saying it out loud, it would become a reality.

There was no way out of this.

Kevin gently laid Howie down by someone’s fire to keep him warm and then he turned to me, “We need to find a way to get across the water.”

I nodded. Of course we did but if there was a way, I’m sure these people would have thought of it by now.

He kept talking, “There has to be a boat we can steal or someone we can pay to help us get across. We can’t give up Brian, I know you want to, but we can’t.”

Placing his arms around my shoulders, he pulled me in an embrace which I wasn’t expecting. The shock of warmth and love made me cry. I needed that hug so badly at that moment and he knew it. I pulled him closer and we stood there for a good five minutes like that. No one cared or even noticed. I think everyone else around us wasn’t capable of those emotions anymore.

We stayed over by Howie until he opened his eyes. He felt like an idiot for losing it like that until I reminded him that he was only human and looking around at the people we were surrounded by, I think it helped.

When the three of us finally made our way back to the van, Don had already given his father and AJ the bad news, which I was grateful for. Nick was still asleep in the back, snoring lightly.

Very similar to the night we spent in that RV, none of us slept but none of us said a word either. I know for my part, I just kept looking out the window, trying to block out the faint cries I would hear every now and again. Wondering when at any moment if a sound from above would become deafening until the point where a fireball came from the sky and we were all obliterated.

By the time the sun came through the clouds, my mind had wondered all over the place at least twice. I felt the bags, thick under my eyes and tried to avoid itching at the hair that hadn’t been washed in days. We all smelled and looked kind of ragged at this point and I’m sure it’ll only get worse.

My cousin was the first to get out of the cramped van and everyone soon followed. “What’s the plan for today?” Howie asked.

“We find a way to get over there.” Kevin pointed across the river.

“I heard a few people talking about a guy who has a small ferry.” We all looked over at Don, “Supposedly he sneaks people over.”

“Why are they all still here then?”

He shrugged at me, “When I asked, they said the price was too high.”

“Do you guys even use money anymore?”

Charlie answered, “No, money is almost obsolete. I would say I haven’t even seen a dollar for a good two years now. We all operate on trade; although it’s more like a take what you can find type of world these days.”

“So why would he want money then?”

“That’s the interesting question. I would guess that he’s a Canadian working both sides of the coin. They have plenty of money. They use ours now. They got rid of that stupid looking crap they used to use.”

“I think I actually still have some Canadian money on me.” AJ laughed in spite of himself. “Isn’t that a kicker?”

“Maybe we should go try to find this guy.” Kevin seemed very focused and when I saw him glancing in the back of the van at Nick who was shivering and moaning, I realized why.

“Don and I will go look for him, its best if you guys keep a low profile. Remember you were celebrities here and the last thing you need is to be recognized. It would be a great way out for any of these people, especially since you are supposed to be dead already.”

Great, I had forgotten about that.

“We’ll pay whatever you need us to. Just make sure to make a deal. We’re running out of time.”

Don nodded at Kevin and then the two of them set out down the road towards the water. Alan watched his sons disappear from view and then turned to me, “More Spam? We need to keep up our strength.” He placed a hand on my shoulder and smiled.

“Sounds good.”

“I wonder if one of these people will allow us to use their fire. It tastes much better cooked.”

As he walked away with his can of Spam, Howie came up behind me, “I wonder if he is aware how dire the situation is or if he’s just that willing to accept it.”

“He’s probably just used to it.”

“I’ll never get used to this.”

I sighed, “Me either.”

“We’re not used to it.” We both turned towards Larry who was stretching, “Believe me, this is killing him just like it’s killing you.”

“He just seems so well adjusted.”

“We’ve been living like this for years now. It’s amazing how the mind is so willing to adapt to situations. You know, if Amita had died before the attacks, it would have taken Charlie months to even get out of the house most likely. Now, it seems as though she never even existed, and such is life on this realm.”

“How can that be?”

“It just is, my friend…it just is.”

“Hi…”

We all looked over to Nick as he ventured out of the van and towards us. He was wobbly on his feet but at least he was awake and strong enough to make it, just barely, outside. He had the blankets wrapped around him as he plopped on the ground beside us. “Are we in New York yet?”

I did my best to fill him in, leaving out the more intense parts and ending with the guys trying to find us a way out of here. It was hard to tell if he was registering what I was saying. He was usually so full of emotion but he just sat there, nodding occasionally and trying to fight sleep.

When Alan showed up with our fried Spam, Nick refused to eat, claiming he wasn’t hungry just thirsty. He tilted his head back against the van and closed his eyes. AJ shot me a troubled look and all I could so was shrug.

It seemed like forever before Don and Charlie showed up again. I tried not to get my hopes up; I think we all felt the same way.

“We found him.” Until we heard Charlie utter those words.

“And?”

He knelt down beside us, “He said he can get us across tonight after the sun goes down.”

“What did he want in return?”

They both looked at each other, “That’s the thing. The only way to do this is if he takes one of us in afterwards. He does work for the Canadians. He’ll sneak us in but using the guise that he caught someone. It’s the only way to justify his going across the other side.”

“So, one of us has to go with him?”

Charlie nodded.

“I’ll do it!” We all turned to Kevin, “Let me go with him.”

“No way, one of us should do it.”

“You can’t. You need to get everyone to Matthew.”

“And you are part of everyone! You’ll never be able to break out of there.” Don argued.

“Let me go.” Alan Epps said as he cut a slice of Spam for his oldest son and handed it to him in a paper towel. “It makes the most sense for me to be the one.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Why?”

“Dad…” Charlie stood up and started pacing. “First of all, you’re old and who knows what will happen to you when you’re in there.”

He lovingly put his hand on his younger son’s shoulder, “Exactly, I’m old. I’ve lived a good life and there’s less chance they’ll hurt me.”

“No!”

“Look, we can’t send any of you,” He said pointing at the five of us, “And you are the only one who knows how to get to Matt’s. You need Larry to help you figure out a way to get these guys back home and Don is the only chance I have of getting out of there.”

I could see the pain in Charlie’s eyes as he realized his father was right. Alan was the only one that made sense.

“I know you don’t like the idea, but I have complete faith that if there’s a way to get me out of there, Don will be able to find it and while I’m there I could look for Nick. Since he’s famous I’m sure he shouldn’t be too hard to find.”

“Dad, you won’t be able to kill anyone.”

“You’re right. But we can at least break him out and then take it from there.”

It actually seemed like a rock solid plan, if it worked. “We are running out of time and options kids. Let me do this, please.”

Charlie walked away as Don gave his father a nod, “Okay dad.”

I’m pretty sure the Epps family hates us for all the sacrifices they’ve had to make on our behalves. I wouldn’t blame them one bit if they just turned the five of us in and went home. It kind of makes me sick to my stomach to think that maybe that’s what I would do.

“He said to be there right as the sun sets. If we’re even a minute too late the deal’s off.” Don then turned to his father. “And we have a lot of planning to do.” He walked his father off a bit and sat down beside him.

The rest of the day, plans were concocted and reworked until Don thought we had come up with the best possible solutions. There would be two teams of us. The one in search of Matthew and the one staying behind to break Alan and the other Nick out of their prison camp. None of us knew what to expect once we got into New York which made the planning ten times harder.

In the end, I was going with Charlie, Larry, AJ and Nick while Howie and Kevin were going with Don. We’d be separating once again which didn’t make me too happy but Don needed help and Kevin and Howie seemed like the best candidates for the job. My cousin insisted I stay with the two young ones. My job was to keep them calm, but I knew it was because he didn’t want me in harm’s way. I’m sure if he had his way D wouldn’t be going either.

We made our way down to the water just before the sun went down. I really wasn’t looking forward to being so close to all the death and despair. The smell as we approached the small ferry was hard to deal with. It was a mixture of rotting fish and bodies, so much death everywhere around us.

The guy signaled us over right as the sun fell and we ran as best as we could. He let us aboard and told us to lie on the ground on our bellies. It was then a horrible thought came to me. What if this was a trap? What if he just decided to take us all in? Was there anyway to know if he was true to his word?

As we were halfway across the river he finally spoke, “When I tell you to, you’re going to have to jump off the boat and swim the rest of the way.”

“You never said that!” Charlie protested.

“Your choice, but whoever stays on this ferry is being brought to the camps. They’ll inspect every inch of this boat. You need to jump and stay hidden, just under the docks until I give you the all clear.”

The boat started to slow, “Best say your goodbyes now.” The ferryman said as he began to steer towards the docks.

I glanced over at Alan and gave him a smile. There was a very good chance I’d never see him again. Don grabbed his father’s arm as did Charlie. “Just come and find me.” He said as calmly as always.

“Time to jump boys,” the Ferryman said as he brought the boat to almost a complete stop.

“Nick you jump with me.” Kevin said as he grabbed our youngest member and gingerly placed him in the water, before jumping in after him.

AJ was next, followed by Howie and I. Before I jumped, I gave Alan one more smile and mouthed the word “Thanks.”

When my body hit the freezing cold water, I almost screamed. Luckily I had enough sense to keep my mouth shut. Once we were all cleared from the ferry, he sped up again leaving us all bobbing in the water like the guy I saw yesterday. I was so tempted to just go down and never come up. It would have been so easy to do that and I think it’s something that ran through all of our minds as we started to make the long swim to the docks.


	31. Chapter 31

**~ 31~**

**In Search of Matt**

**Date: June 1st, 1999**

**Place: Manhattan**

**\+ Nick +**

****

****

The water was freezing cold. Unbearable almost, and I have to say I found myself just sinking down as if I was made of bricks. I’m a pretty good swimmer and have always been so when my arms decided not to work I did the one thing that every good swimmer should never do and that was panic. My head went under and I glanced up at the distorted view of the night sky only to see an arm reaching for me.

Once again it was Kevin to the rescue.

He grabbed me by my collar and pulled me up. I briefly went from the sensation of drowning to the sensation of being hanged before breaking through the water and choking out some breath.

“I got you buddy, just hang on.”

I nodded, much too weak to say thanks. We swam for the shore as fast as possible. All of us were in a sudden state of shock due to the coldness of our surroundings. Have I mentioned how friggin’ cold it was?

Not only was it cold but it was dark as hell as well. Once the boat took off, our only light source was gone. That is when your mind plays tricks on you. We were just kind of bobbing up and down in the water for a few minutes, making sure that we couldn’t be seen from the shore by the lights of the ferry. I got the sense at that moment that we weren’t alone. I bet if the sun had been out we would have seen a ton of bodies floating all around us or just out of reach underneath us, bloated and frozen.

At that precise moment, I felt something hit my leg and I screamed, not meaning to. On any given day and in any other situation it felt just like seaweed, but not the here and now. It felt like human hair to me.

“Shut the hell up!”

Even though the threat was to me, Don was looking at Kevin when he said it. At least I’m pretty sure he was. In the darkness, it was hard to make out faces, but the inflections were crystal clear. If this guy could drown me himself and get away with it, he would.

It wasn’t the smartest thing to scream so close to the shore where the very people you are trying to hide from can most likely hear you. We were that close and his father was about to make the ultimate sacrifice for us all. If I blew that, he wouldn’t have to drown me because I’d gladly do it myself.

“We better keep moving.”

I heard the lilt of Brian’s accent and shortly another grab of my collar as we headed towards the docks. The plan was to hide right under their noses until they were out of reach. It wasn’t going to be a pleasant experience and we were also unsure if the dock would be completely unprotected once they took Alan away.

The ferry guy told us that usually when he brings them someone there are only two people who greet the boat. They search it from top to bottom, pay him and ask him to wait there as they transport the prisoner to the camps. He said we’d have about fifteen to thirty minutes to get out of the water and make our way to safety before they came back.

Kevin, Howie and Don would have to get out faster so they could follow the guards and see where they took Alan. The rest of us would just have to wait in the water until we got the all clear.

We made it to the docks just as the two guards were making their way onto the boat. I knocked into the wood and winced. It was slimy and cold. The smell was awful. It was a mix of salt and rancid fish and mold. My gag reflex kicked in and I almost puked right in the water.

“Easy.” Kevin whispered to me as he placed his arm under mine for added support.

There was a lot of loud talking but we couldn’t really make out what was being said. A few minutes later, Alan was being led off the ferry at gunpoint followed by the two guards. He briefly glanced in our direction before he was pushed forward.

“Dad…” Charlie sounded like a little kid as he saw his father being pushed around.

“We’ll get him, he’ll be safe.” His older brother tried to sound reassuring.

“We need to move now!”

At that Kevin let go of my arm and pulled me into an embrace as we were in the water, “Stay strong little man, I’ll see you soon!” His grip was so tight to me that I couldn’t breathe for a few seconds.

He handed me off to Brian as he grabbed his cousin in a hug, “If we don’t come back by the time you’re ready to leave, you know what to do.” He tried to whisper into Brian’s ear but sadly, I heard every word.

I felt Howie’s arm on my back, “Love you Nicky.” He said as he did the same to AJ and then Brian as they made their way out of the water with Don. I didn’t like the finality in those words. He sounded like a man who didn’t plan on coming back. I wanted to tell them to forget their stupid plan and just come with us, that Don could handle this alone and that there was no need to find and kill the other me, but before the thoughts had finished running through my head, they were already up the ladder and gone into the shadows.

We heard them running away but couldn’t see them. My eyes focused once more on the ferry man. He was nervously pacing back and forth on the dock and then when he saw the coast was completely clear he waved.

“Let’s go!” Charlie said as he made his way up the rickety ladder.

The ladder felt like it was going to give way and I had a really hard time boosting myself out of the water and using my legs. They were rubbery and useless. “I can’t.” I said before almost letting go and falling back into the murky blackness below.

Just like Kevin did earlier, Brian reached his hands down to me and managed to yank me the rest of the way up with help from AJ below. It felt good to be out of the water, but unfortunately the chills had come back. I started shivering violently and just wanted to stay on the dock and take a nap.

Brian gave me his hand, “You okay Nick?”

“Peachy.”

We were up and heading towards the ferryman. I’m not sure how I managed to jog but I did. Once we were there he pointed us in the right direction, away from where Kevin and everyone else had just gone, away from the danger.

“Thanks!” Charlie gave a nod and off we went down the longest street I have ever seen in my life.

I was still shaking and felt my fever literally going up with every step. I was getting pretty good at being able to tell when it was spiking. The tingling sensation in my ears and overall lightheadedness were signs that I was about to go down. I grabbed on to the closest person I could find. In this case it was AJ.

“What’s wrong?” He asked but I had no strength.

“Shit! Guys wait!” He grabbed for me but he went down as I went down.

Brian knelt beside me, “Nick, can you walk?”

As much as I wanted to say yes, I knew I wouldn’t make it. I could barely keep my eyes open so I shook my head. I felt so useless. They should just leave me here. I was nothing more than a hindrance to them.

“I don’t know if I can carry him.” Brian was trying to be the problem solver since both Howie and Kevin were out of the picture.

“Maybe if you grab and arm and I grab an arm we’ll be able to carry him that way? You know between us?” AJ suggested. I could see from the faint light of the docks we had just left, that Charlie and Larry were looking at each other. I wouldn’t have blamed them if they left the three of us right here.

I felt myself being lifted off the ground. “See, we did it!”

My feet were dragging behind me as we were going at a fast pace down the street. I know if it was up to them, they would be running and in the back of my mind I knew we were running out of time. At any moment those guards would be showing up again and here we were still on this block where they would plainly be able to see us.

“We have to go faster!” Larry’s panicked voice came from slightly up ahead of us.

“We’re trying,” was followed by a few choice mumbles from the man on my left.

I felt like my arms were going to completely dislocate from my body if we didn’t reach safety soon but luckily, we rounded a corner shortly and just as we did, they dropped me to the ground.

“Well I got my workout for the next few months. Nick, two words buddy…Jenny Craig!”

Brian let out a little nervous laugh and I rolled my eyes. In the meantime Larry and Charlie were staring at a map using a small flashlight one of them had packed. “We need to go up about twenty blocks and it should be on the left.”

“There’s no way we can carry him twenty blocks.”

They both looked at each other again, “Fine, we’ll go and you guys stay behind. When we find Matt maybe he’ll have a car or something we can use to get Nick to his place.”

“That sounds like a good idea. Maybe we can find a place to hide.” Brian suggested as he ran a little ways down the street, looking for a place where we could go.

He whistled and pointed towards a door.

“Do you expect me to carry his fat ass alone?”

I love how sensitive and caring AJ was. Yes, my eyes rolled.

Charlie and Larry helped this time, giving AJ a break since he was so fragile and within a few minutes we were safely sitting in the corridor of an abandoned apartment building. Larry handed a spare flashlight to Brian, “We’ll try not to be too long.”

“Be safe.”

“You too!”

And with that being said, they were off.

“I bet the really rich used to live here.”

I looked around at my surroundings and AJ was right. The lobby was pretty extravagant. It looked more like the lobby of a hotel than an apartment building. I’m sure there was a doorman, bellman and valet as well. Maybe this would be a place I would have liked to live in some day if I ever got a place in Manhattan. I’ve always wanted to live in a place where a doorman named Jeeves would greet me every morning when I’d leave for work. I guess his name doesn’t have to be Jeeves. Jeeves is more of a butler’s name. I never really wanted one of those though, unless it was a monkey butler. Those things are cool!

“Nick?”

I looked up at the very blurry face of Brian. Why was Brian blurry? I’m feeling fluffy again…

“Nick?”

“Is he okay?”

“I think his fever is going down. The snow worked.”

I opened my eyes and looked up at the face of AJ, always a scary sight to see. Especially when I realized I was using his legs as a pillow. I shifted slightly and tried to sit up but the world was spinning so AJ’s legs it is.

“Welcome back kiddo, you were out of it for a while there.”

“How long?”

“At least two hours.”

“Have they come back yet?”

Brian answered from his position by the door, “No.”

“They should have been back by now, right?”

“Unless they got lost.”

“Or ran into trouble.”

Brian shot AJ a look.

“What? Can’t I be realistic?”

“And what about Kevin and Howie?”

Once again Brian shook his head, “They don’t know where we are.”

I was able to sit up this time without feeling woozy. I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe Kevin had managed to kill the other me and that’s why I was suddenly feeling better.

“Do you think when it happens; I’ll suddenly feel great again?”

“When what happens?”

“You know, when the other me bites it?”

Before AJ could answer we heard a puttering sound coming from outside. Brian moved from the window and motioned for AJ to turn off the flashlight. My heart started beating really fast as the sound came to an abrupt stop right in front of the building.

The door opened and I felt relieved to see Charlie standing there, “We found Matt and he thinks he can get you guys home! So, let’s get out of here!” He said smiling as I once again felt myself lifted off the ground but this time minus the fat jokes.


	32. Chapter 32

**~ 32 ~**

**Worst Case Scenario**

**Date: June 2nd, 1999**

**Place: Pelham Bay Prison**

**\+ Kevin +**

The lack of proper food or sleep made it hard to keep up with the guards as they transported Alan from the docks to the prison. We weren’t sure if they were going to the big one that supposedly held everyone including famous people, or if he was going to a smaller place. Really there was even the smallest of chances they could have shot him right then and there because of his age.

Luckily the small car they were using had a huge PB on it. They were going to the Pelham Bay prison camp. That’s the one where we also hoped Nick would be held.

Two birds with one stone.

Even though we lost the car after only two blocks, the guy on the ferry was able to give us pretty solid directions to the actual camp. It was still a pretty long haul and by the time we had the place in our sites, I was ready to pass out from exhaustion. Even the added adrenaline from the idea of breaking into and out of a prison and killing someone, didn’t help.

Don told me that if we did find Nick, he would take care of him. I have to admit that made me feel a lot better. He told Howie and me that we needed to stay the hell out of his way and only interfere if he ran into trouble.

I have to admit, at first I was annoyed. I wanted to actually break into the camp with him and help get his father out of there, but now that we were within arms reach of the place, I was happy to do nothing but be ‘on the lookout’ for any signs of trouble.

From a distance, the place looked kind of nice, actually. You can tell that before the attacks, it was a park where people used to bring their kids after school. If it weren’t for the high fences with barbed wire at the top, you might even think it still was a nice place to visit. Eerily, there was a slide and swing set within our view. Two people were sitting on the swings wearing plain drab grays and slippers on their feet.

“Do you think this is how it looked at the concentration camps?”

I jumped at Howie’s words, so entranced by the scene in front of me that I forgot I wasn’t alone. I had been thinking the same thing.

“I don’t know, but I hope not.”

“It’s kind of feeling that way though, isn’t it?”

“I don’t really want to think about that right now.” And I didn’t. My head wasn’t ready to go somewhere as dark as that. As it was, I already needed a flashlight to get through some of my thoughts.

Don squatted down beside us and once again mapped out his plan. I think he was verbalizing it more for himself than for us. He needed to get past the fence and into the actual camp without being detected. There was supposedly one blind spot that the guards ignored. He should be able to dig his way under the fence and get in at that spot. The fence was supposedly electrified but the guy on the ferry said that it was just a sign to keep anyone from trying to escape. This is something we didn’t totally trust. So he would have to make sure before he moved forward with his plan because one wrong move would mean the end to him and most likely us because it wouldn’t take long for the guards to search the surrounding area for intruders and there really was nowhere to hide here. Once the sun came up, we were pretty much sunk.

We had to move fast.

Judging by how tired I was and the night sky, I would guess it was already close to 3 in the morning or so. It took us that long to get to this place by foot. I hate not having any idea what time it is. For all I know, I could be way off and at any minute the sun would begin to peek through the horizon.

Once Don was done rambling off his plan he looked at me, dead in the eyes, “If for some reason this plan back fires, you need to get out of here as soon as possible.”

“And how will we know if it backfires?”

“If you hear those alarms go off, you’ll know they found me.”

I nodded at him.

“Wait just a few minutes to see if my father comes out, if not just go and meet up with my brother.”

This was surreal. How did we get to this point? We were pop stars for God’s sake. We weren’t meant to be doing this kind of crap.

“Okay.” Howie answered when I didn’t think there were any appropriate words in response to what he was saying.

He nodded at us, checked to make sure he still had his gun and then hesitated slightly before making a run towards the gate. I watched as the two men on the swing set still sat there and hoped that they wouldn’t blow it. The ferry man was right though, since we have been here, not one guard had passed by.

“If he gets in, how do you think he’s even going to find his dad or Nick?”

I shook my head, “I have no idea.”

We both watched as if it were a movie. Don was now at the gate and hunched down as low as possible. It was hard to make out in the total darkness but I’m pretty sure he was trying to dig his way in which meant he had checked the gate and it wasn’t electrified. Within a few minutes he disappeared from view only to show up on the other side of the fence. My eyes went directly to the two people on the swings at that point. Clearly they would see him once he made it out of the dark and into the area where they sat.

The lights were bright within the park itself. I wasn’t sure how he was going to make it past the playground area without being detected. He had said this would be the trickiest part of the plan. I could see him lying on the ground just out of the light’s view.

One of the people on the swings suddenly looked in his direction.

“Shit!”

The guy stood up and walked into the shadows while the other guy just sat there staring.

“He’s gonna get caught. Won’t they notice the guy missing? And the other one needs to stop staring.”

Howie’s play by play was beginning to annoy me, probably because my own stress level was beyond what would be considered normal. I actually felt my blood pressure rising. I was just about to tell D to shut the hell up when the guy showed up again. He went over to his friend, said something and then they both got off the swings and walked out of our sight, leaving the dark figure of Don all alone.

“What do you think is happening now?”

I turned to Howie, “He might be trying to figure out how to get to the main tent over there without being detected.”

“Maybe he got those guys to help him out?”

“Finding an ally was part of his plan, so maybe?”

“I just hope we don’t have to use that.”

He was looking down at the gun I had forgotten about. I hated guns and vowed never to use them. Now here I was, in the dark right outside a prison camp with the possibility of having to not only shoot a gun but possibly aim it at another human being, worse case scenario being someone who I actually loved and cared about. Whether I knew this Nick or not, he was still Nick. Thank God I don’t have to worry about that.

My thoughts traveled to our Nick for a second. With everything going on here, I hadn’t had time to think about the others and how they made out. I hope they were able to find Matt and were working on a way to get out of this place before it was too late. I hated being separated from them again, seems like we just found each other and now here we were apart again. It’s funny to think that just a week or so ago, I would have paid good money for some alone time. Now, the only time I felt at ease is when I had my four band brothers with me.

Crisis situations really do put things in perspective, don’t they?

I remember less than a month ago, Howie and I were sitting on the tour bus and bitching about not being able to get a first class ticket on a flight to Germany. They had accidentally overbooked the flight and couldn’t accommodate us with anything besides coach. I was outraged to the point that I marched right into the offices at Jive and threatened to cancel our appearance all together. All the guys had agreed, except for Nick who didn’t care one way or the either, barely looking up from his videogames to pretend to care. I was persistent and by the end of my argument a few nasty phone calls from management later, we were on the flight in first class. I never once thought about the ramifications of anyone else. Maybe my ranting resulted in five innocent people losing their seats. It didn’t matter to me though, I got my way and we were nice and comfortable. What an ass I was. It’s one of the many things I plan on changing if and when we get out of here.

“He’s gone. I didn’t even see him leave.”

I glanced over to where Don had been hiding to see no one there.

“That’s a good thing. If we didn’t see him move then chances are neither did anybody else.”

“I wonder what time it is.”

I was wondering the same thing. I looked down and was able to see my hands pretty easily which meant either my eyes were adjusting to the darkness or it was beginning to become a little lighter out. The moon was still out but the smallest inch of reddish pink outline was starting to show.

“We’re running out of time.”

“He didn’t say what to do if the sun came out before he got out of there.”

“Let’s hope we don’t have to worry about that.”

Suddenly there was a dark shadow moving very quickly towards the fence. It was only one. That’s not a good sign. I was preparing myself for the sound of alarms, but luckily none came just as the dark figure made its way under the fence.

“Is that him?”

“I don’t know.”

From this distance it was hard to tell if it was Don but it really didn’t look like him. The person stood up and looked all around before staring at us. I know he couldn’t really see us from here but he definitely knew we were there.

“It has to be him.” I said as the guy started to make his way towards us at a slow jog.

“What if it isn’t?”

I felt for my gun, hoping I wouldn’t have to use it. I’m not even sure if I would be able to do it. I didn’t have the best aim.

But as the figure got closer, I knew I’d have to be using it after all. I couldn’t believe how similar they looked. Right down to the confused expression on his face.

“Holy shit, he said you’d be out here but I didn’t believe him…how is this possible?” The other Nick said to me as he pulled me into a hug.

He then let go of me and grabbed Howie, “This is like a dream…I saw you both die. Thank God you’re okay…” He pulled away from D and wiped at his tears, “Oh before I forget…That guy said for me to tell you it was going to be harder than he thought it would be to get his dad out and that you’d know what to do…what does that mean?”


	33. Chapter 33

**~ 33 ~**

**The Other Nick**

**Date: June 1st, 1999**

**Place: Just outside the Pelham Bay Prison**

**\+ Howie +**

The resemblance was amazing but even more amazing was just how similar they both appeared to be. When this other Nick pulled me into a hug, he even smelled like our Nick. I’ll get back to you on whether that was a good thing or not. He looked back and forth between Kevin and me with tears rolling down his face. He seemed so happy to see us alive and well. In the meantime here I was thinking, okay Kevin take out that gun and shoot him right in the head before he has a chance to talk. I could tell Kevin was possibly thinking of doing just that. As Nick’s back was turned to him I saw him feel for his gun, but he kept it in his pocket.

“So?”

I glanced away from Kevin and back to the young blond standing in front of me with the same look of confusion and impatience on his face that I had seen so many times before.

“So what?”

“What did that guy mean by you know what to do? And who is that guy? I have so many questions; I don’t even know where to begin.”

Kevin closed his eyes briefly, “He’s just a friend we met.”

“What do you have to do?”

He was just about to ask another question when he suddenly started coughing so fiercely he actually began to drop. I reached for him just before he hit the ground.

“Are you okay?” I asked a little more concerned than I wanted to be. In my mind this was the puppy my mother told me not to get too attached to. The more you get to know him, the more it’ll hurt when you say goodbye, or in our circumstance, murder him.

That’s when it hit me for the first time. This was a living breathing human being and we were going to have to murder him, so that someone else can live. It’s like something you find in those books of hypothetical questions. Would you kill a stranger if it meant your brother would live? This shit is not supposed to happen.

“I’ll be okay. I haven’t really been feeling well but I think it’s because of the cold. They didn’t give us any blankets or heat at that place.”

I had forgotten I asked the question as he was responding, but I nodded sympathetically at him just the same. Kevin reached over and felt his forehead.

“You have a fever.”

“I think I’ve had one for at least a week now.”

I could tell that Kevin was stalling. Hoping that maybe Don would be out shortly and do what I knew he wouldn’t be able to do himself. Not that I have room to talk because there was no way I would be able to kill Nick either.

“What was it like in there?” I decided to ask as a distraction for all three of us.

“Hell.”

A simple answer that should have sufficed, I mean I could tell he didn’t want to elaborate at all and that was probably a good thing. I couldn’t leave it alone though.

“What did they do? Did they torture you?”

Kevin gave me a look of disapproval. I know it was mean; kind of like toying with your prey before you move in for the kill. I wasn’t doing it to be mean. I was curious and I felt bad for him. I needed to know what was happening in that prison just in case we didn’t make it out of here and ended up in there.

“Not physically, no. It was more of a mental thing.”

“How so?”

“After you guys were…well after I thought you were dead, they dragged me into this car and put a hood over my head and just kept laughing about how the world was a much better place without you.”

I felt my stomach lurch, just a little.

“And then they kept talking about all the different ways they were thinking about killing me. They wanted to make a spectacle of my death. Shooting me in the head would have been too boring. They said they’d throw me into the ocean and let the sharks eat me. That was one of their ideas.”

He glanced down at his hands as he worried his fingers at the base of his shirt. The same thing our Nick always did when he wasn’t comfortable talking about something.

“They locked me in this dark room with nothing but a dirty old mattress and a bucket to pee and shit in. They said this was the kind of life I really deserved.”

He coughed once more, this time followed by a few droplets of blood that fell from his mouth. He took his sleeve and wiped away the blood before continuing on.

“All I wanted to do was die. I couldn’t’ help thinking about you guys. You haunted me almost every night. The way you all looked right before they shot you. I still don’t understand how you are here talking to me. Was it some sort of mind game?”

“Not exactly,” Kevin answered. He kept glancing over towards the prison gate, hoping to see any sign of Don and Alan emerge from the shadows.

“They eventually allowed me out of my cell for an hour a day. Still isolated from everyone else but at least I was able to be in the light.”

I placed a hand on his shoulder, just because it would be something I’d do for our own Nick. He looked at me and placed his head on my shoulder once again meriting a look from Kevin. 

“Then they let me out longer and longer until I think they actually forgot who I was and why I was there. I just became Nick, the normal kid.”

He closed his eyes and coughed once more. This Nick was definitely sick, not as ill as ours but still he wasn’t well. Chances are if we had enough time we could let nature just take its course. Unfortunately though, I think it’s our Nick who would be on the losing end.

I thought it was a good time to take some direction from Kevin. He was staring at Nick with a look of disbelief and sadness. Once I caught his eyes I mouthed, “What are we going to do?”

He felt for his gun again and my heart actually started to beat faster. I wanted to wake Nick up and tell him to run before it was too late. This would be the perfect time though. While his eyes were closed so this way he’d never know what happened. Now was the time.

Kevin slowly went for his gun. He took it out of his pocket and looked at it with trepidation. “I don’t think I can…” He whispered.

I felt the heat of Nick’s fevered body as his head rested on my shoulder. His breathing was rhythmic as he fell into a restful sleep. I would have to move him off of me for this to work, so I carefully moved my body and guided him down to the ground, removing my jacket and placing it under his head.

“God forgive us…” I felt for my cross. The one I always wore around my neck. It’s weird that this was the first time since we’ve been here I found myself really looking for it. Now more than ever, I needed to feel some sort of salvation for what we were about to do.

“Howie, I can’t.”

Kevin’s hand was shaking very badly just as he was trying to unlock the safety like Don had shown him so many times. I know he wanted me to take the gun out of his hands and with it the burden of murder, but I couldn’t do it either. He was our best chance.

After taking a few deep breaths, he managed to unlock the safety and then aim it at Nick’s head. I moved as far away from him as possible. I placed my hands over my ears and closed my eyes so tightly that they actually hurt.

“What the hell are you doing?”

I opened my eyes when I heard Nick’s urgent voice. He was suddenly sitting up as Kevin still aimed the gun at him.

“Kevin, why? What are you doing?” He asked once again in a half screaming, half crying tone, and one that I will never forget as long as I am living.

“I have to Nick.” Kevin responded, in tears himself.

“Is that why you’re alive? They kept you alive just to kill me?”

“No, it’s not like that.”

I didn’t know what to do as they had this macabre conversation. My brotherly instinct wanted to shield Nick from what was happening, and then that same instinct wanted me to grab the gun and just get it over with.

“Then, what is it like?”

“We aren’t who you think we are.”

It seemed like Kevin was going for the truth. When Nick once again gave that confused look as his reply, I took over.

“Nicky, we are from a different place and time. The Kevin and Howie you knew from this world actually did die along with AJ and Brian. I’m so sorry you had to live through that.”

His mouth was slightly opened in an amazed silence.

Kevin continued, “I know it sounds ridiculous, but it’s true. You said so yourself, that you didn’t understand how we could be alive. We landed here by accident and we are trying to get back home.”

“Why the gun?” He wiped away a few tears.

“Because our Nick is very sick, just like you.”

“Your Nick?”

“Yes, he’s here with us and because you are both here, you’re making each other sick.”

As hard as this was to buy, I could tell he actually believed what we were saying. Maybe he was able to sense our Nick’s presence here.

“I still don’t understand why you’re fucking aiming a gun at me!”

I placed my hand on his shoulder once again but this time, he backed away from me as if I was the plague.

“Because you have to die for him to get better.” I said frankly.

“Excuse me?”

“You are both making each other sick; if you die he will get better.”

“The plan is to kill me so ‘your’ Nick can live? Well isn’t that the fucking sweetest thing in the world!”

I’m not sure what reaction I was expecting. It’s not like he was going to take the gun and blow his own brains out just for his doppelganger’s sake.

“Basically, yes.”

“Well, fuck you both!” Nick tried to get off the ground but staggered as he did. I once again grabbed for him and helped him to his feet.

Once he gained his balance, he shoved me and I ended up falling down. “I was so happy to see you both. You were the first sense of hope I had since I saw you die and now this…” He started crying once again. “Well you know, fuck it! Maybe you should just fucking kill me! What the hell do I have to live for anyway?”

He turned towards Kevin and got in his face, “Go ahead, kill me Kevy!” He grabbed the butt of the gun and held it to his chest, “I looked up to you like a father, so I guess it’s only fitting that you be the one to kill me. My own father was a piece of crap too! Did you know it was HIM? He’s the one that told them where we were going to be that day. Yes, my father is the reason that your fucking doubles are dead…so go ahead; please put me the fuck out of my misery!”

I had tears in my eyes as I watched what was happening. Kevin did too. We both didn’t see this kid as the other Nick. He was our Nick. The way he felt betrayed by his own father was pretty much the same kind of conversations we would have with Nicky late at night after Brian and AJ had gone to bed. It was the two of us he would cry to about his parents and how horrible they were.

“Do it!! Please!!” He was crying hysterically now and once again fell to his knees on the ground, holding his head in his hands and rocking back and forth, “Can’t live like this anymore!” He kept saying over and over again.

Kevin looked at me, so hopeless. At that point I knew…

Kevin placed the gun on the ground and knelt down and embraced Nick as tightly as he could, “It’s okay…I’m so sorry Nick.”

I knew our Nick wasn’t going to get better and the only way he was going to survive was if we got the hell out of this place. I put my arms around Nick as well and for a second or two the three of us all huddled close like a litter of kittens about to be split up.

“Are you going to kill me?”

Kevin shook his head, “I can’t.”

“What about the other me?”

“We’ll have to figure something else out.”

We heard some commotion from the prison so I nervously looked over to see two shadows running towards us. “They’re coming!”

Kevin nodded at me and handed the gun to Nick, “You have to go! If you don’t go now, Don will shoot you.”

“Go where?”

“I don’t know, anywhere but you need to go now!”

Kevin helped Nick to his feet and then kind of pushed him in the opposite direction of Don and Alan who were now close enough to see Nicky running away. 

Before we could tell him to stop, Don aimed the gun at Nick’s back and fired a shot. Kevin’s quick reflexes pushed the gun in an upward direction just as it fired. Nick looked back at us and then took off running.

“Why the hell did you do that?” Don asked, furious.

“We need to get out of here before the guards come and check out why there was a gun fired.” Alan said. He looked wiped out and a little bruised.

“You let him go! I can’t believe that. You just signed your friend’s death certificate. I hope you realize that!”

As we ran off in the same direction Nick had, I felt such a deep sense of loss. He was right, by letting this Nick go, we just condemned ours to die. How could we do that?

“We’ll just have to make sure we get the hell back home.”

Kevin answered as the other Nick completely disappeared from view.

“We’ll just have to get home.” He said once more.


	34. Chapter 34

**~ 34 ~**

**A New Hope**

**Date: June 1st, 1999**

**Place: Matt’s Place**

**\+ Brian +**

I felt something I haven’t felt for a very long time now, and that’s hope. It was a nice change from the total sense of desperation that I have been feeling since the plane landed in this place. When Charlie showed up I almost cried and once we got to Matt’s place the feeling only intensified.

It was odd, almost like Matt never got the memo that the rest of the world had gone to the crapper. His place seemed untouched by everything going on. He still had working electricity and a pantry full of food as if he lived right down the street from a fully stocked grocery store.

The first thing that struck me was the smell. It made me realize how horrible the rest of the world smelled once I got into his apartment. The scent of an air freshener wafted through the entire place. It’s funny how fixated AJ, Nick and I were on that.

“Is it strawberries, because it kind of smells like strawberries?”

“It’s actually called morning bouquet.” Matt extended his hand to us and an instant friendship was born.

He led us inside and sat us down on his clean furniture. No dust or mildew anywhere. Everything was clean and fresh. If I didn’t go over to the window and look out on the murky surroundings I would think we actually walked through a portal that led us home.

“How are you managing to keep things so…”

“Normal?” He finished for me as he handed me a glass of iced tea, nice and cold with ice cubes in it.

I nodded and took a gulp. My manners were way past casual sipping. It was nice to drink something that didn’t taste like it had just gone bad. The small notes of peach went down my throat and made me miss home.

“I was prepared for this.” Was his simple answer as he refilled my glass and smiled.

He then did the same for AJ. “I saw the warning signs and chose to do something about it, unlike other more stubborn people.” He winked at Charlie who was sitting at the kitchen table and staring at some kind of chart that looked like it could have been made by aliens.

“Well excuse me for not being as pessimistic as you were.”

“I decided to start storing things before the attacks and had a pretty nice stockpile when it happened, including lot’s of back up generators. The only thing I really miss is the taste of real good old fashioned beef but you know if you marinate rat meat a certain way, you can barely tell the difference.”

The old me would have thought he was kidding and that it was some kind of sick joke, but I knew better. Maybe it was best not to look in the fridge and just pretend I didn’t hear that.

“How have you gone undetected?”

I was wondering the same thing but was so consumed in my peach tea and now pretzels that I didn’t think to ask. I’m glad AJ’s curiosity did it for me.

“He’s Canadian.” Charlie answered, still not looking up from what he was studying.

“Born and bred in Ontario. I work for them; at least that’s what they think.”

“Doing what?”

“All kinds of things, mostly on their technology. I keep the power going for them.”

I suddenly wasn’t sure if we should trust this guy or not. “Will we be safe here? Do they pop in unannounced?”

“You’ll be fine. They pretty much leave me alone and I have three screens to monitor if anyone is coming. We’ll have plenty of time to hide you if need be.”

He walked over towards his bedroom door where Nick was lying asleep on a nice, warm bed. “We’ll try to get you home before your friend gets worse.”

I looked over at Nick’s sleeping form and smiled, again for the first time allowing myself the thought of a happy ending.

“Do you think your brother managed to get your dad out of there yet?”

Charlie shrugged; I could tell he didn’t want to think about it. Who could blame him? His entire family was not here at the moment. I found myself worrying about Kevin and Howie. What if something went wrong? How would we ever find out? It’s not like we could just call each other.

“Obviously they haven’t killed off the other Nick; otherwise your friend would be doing a lot better.”

“It would happen that quickly, you think?”

Matt closed the bedroom door and nodded at me, “I’m pretty sure it would, yes.”

“Maybe they were holding him somewhere else.” AJ added, taking a pretzel and putting it in his mouth.

I felt bad that we were sitting in luxury while our brothers were out there somewhere possibly fighting to survive. Although if they stuck to the original plan, it was Don who would do all the work, this is a place that wasn’t predictable enough to count on that though.

“So, tell us how this thing is going to work.” I blurted out, not wanting to worry about things I had no control over.

Charlie put the thing he had been staring at in the middle of the table for us all to see. It really did look like some kind of ancient hieroglyphic thing. I had no clue what anything meant. All I saw were a series of numbers and letters and odd looking symbols.

“Matt, you’re a genius, you really are!”

“I concur.” I almost forgot Larry was there too. He was sitting off to the side almost like he was in a time out chair. He moved forward and took a seat beside Charlie. “These equations are brilliant. I would have never though in a million years…you proved it man. You really did it.”

The look of awe on his face excited me. This was it, the moment of truth. Matt knew what he was doing and as a result we were actually going to get back home. An adrenaline rush shot through my body and I had all to do to try to not start doing summersaults and looking like a complete idiot.

“Thanks man, it’s too bad that no one really cares anymore one way or the other. I probably would have gotten the Nobel Prize for this.”

“We care.” I was quick to reply. “We care a lot!”

He smiled, “Thanks, because you guys will be my first real trial for this. You might not be saying that if it backfires.”

“What could go wrong?”

Matt and Charlie looked at each other, “No way to tell for sure.”

“Is it like some kind of machine we have to go into or something?”

They both laughed and I suddenly felt like a moron.

“It’s not like I have a time and space continuum machine in the basement. It’s more of a being in the right place at the right time type thing.”

“So, we have to find the right place to be?”

Charlie pointed to the large paper in front of us, “Think of this as a map. He pointed to an equation, “This is where you were when you first got here.” He then moved his fingers over to another equation, “And this is where you need to be to get home.”

“I don’t even understand…all I see are numbers.”

“They are calculations and they help determine where the tears in our universe are. I’ve been studying them for years along with Charlie and right at the place where you came through was one of the many places I predicted them to be.”

“Where is the closest opening?” AJ asked now standing over Matt’s shoulder.

Charlie looked at the map and pointed to another equation, “Here.” He said as if the numbers staring back at me were the only answers I needed.

“And that would be, where?”

All three of them laughed causing AJ and I to both feel like we were in Revenge of the Nerds for a second.

“Sorry…ironically enough it’s a big landmark at least it used to be for the people in Queens.”

I still was confused.

“It’s Shea stadium, home of the now defunct New York Mets! If we can get you guys there, we can get you home. We’d just need to figure out the exact location of the tear.”

“How the fuck can there be some kind of tear in a huge ass stadium where millions of people went for games? I mean wouldn’t people be constantly sucked in or something? Wouldn’t it be noticeable?”

AJ had a point.

“One of the reasons I started focusing in on this location was because of all the unexplained disappearances that happen around Shea. I’m not saying it’s somewhere the fans would even be. It might be in a closet, or maybe right outside the actual place. That’s what we have to figure out.”

“How are you going to do that?”

“More math, which means I better get back to the drawing board, Charlie, Larry are you guys willing to help?”

“Of course.”

Matt looked over at me, “Feel free to help yourself to whatever is in the fridge. We have to move down to the basement, that’s where I have most of my things.” He then pointed to one of the cameras. “If you see anyone on this screen, you need to call me on this phone.”

He pointed to a big red phone which I swear to God could have been a prop in the old Batman and Robin shows of the 60’s.

I nodded at him.

“Hey Matt, what about the Bermuda Triangle? Is that one of the tears too?”

Matt smiled at AJ, “Now they’re getting it!” He said as the three of them walked out the door.

“This is finally almost over.” AJ said as he plopped down on a chair in the living room, “We are actually going home.”

I wanted to try to be more realistic but I couldn’t help it, I did a cartwheel and the two of us started bouncing like a couple of kids. We weren’t paying attention to that screen and the people standing just right outside the apartment building trying to get in.


	35. Chapter 35

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**~ 35 ~**

**For Every Action, a Consequence**

**Date: June 1st, 1999**

**Place: Matt’s Place**

**\+ Nick +**

I was bundled under the covers of Matt’s bed. It felt warm and cozy and made me realize I haven’t felt comfort like this in a long time. I swear, after we get out of here, I’ll never take anything like a bed for granted ever again. All I wanted to do was close my eyes and sleep but I was afraid to. I wish I could explain how odd it is to feel like you might be dying. Ever since we got off the boat, I’ve been having trouble breathing. I decided it was best to keep that to myself. The guys all feel so helpless to being with; complaining will do nothing to help the situation.

I took a nice deep breath and sat up; feeling a wave of dizziness hit me as I did. Just sitting up feels about the same as dancing on stage all night long, how is that right? Little things like that make me realize that I’m running out of time. Who would have thought I could die before I even reached 21? How is that fair exactly?

When I’m all alone I try to fight the tears from coming. I’m scared to death about everything. Scared that we’ll never get out of here, or that we’ll get caught, but most of all I’m afraid of dying. I wish I could be brave about it. I mean, in front of the guys I put on a pretty brave face but I’m scared, really really scared.

I shivered slightly when my feet touched the cold floor of Matt’s apartment. I wrapped the blanket around my shoulders and decided to venture out and join everyone else. It would help me get my mind off of things.

A sound I hadn’t heard in a long time hit me as I opened the bedroom door, laughter. It actually sounded like there was a party going on.

“Hey there sleepy head!” I looked over at Brian as he sat on the floor with his arms stretched behind him, just as he always did when we were in our hotel room or bus, about to play a video game. For a second I thought maybe I had dreamed all of this. Maybe we really were in our hotel in New York.

I need to stop doing that to myself.

“You are looking a lot better, isn’t he looking better Brian?”

They both seemed so happy I couldn’t help but smile. I wasn’t about to tell them how I actually felt, so I changed the subject, “Are Kevin and Howie back?”

“Nah, not yet, but I’m sure they’ll be getting back soon.”

I made my way on the floor next to Brian. “Where’s everyone else?”

“Down in the basement working on our escape out of this hell hole. Shouldn’t be too long now buddy, you’ll be feeling back to yourself in no time.” Brian reached over and scruffed the back of my neck gently. He then turned his attention to AJ, “What’s the first thing you’re going to do when you get home Bone?”

AJ fidgeted a little on his chair, contemplating the answer, “Eat a nice juicy burger and have a chocolate shake.”

“Sounds like a plan to me.” Even though I wasn’t the least bit hungry, the thought of a burger made me happy.

“What about you buddy?”

I shrugged. I didn’t mean to be the downer in this group but I wasn’t quite as optimistic as they were about getting out of there. It was hard to think there could be a happy ending to this situation when all I’ve seen so far is one drastic setback after another. For all we knew, Kevin and Howie could be dead. I don’t feel any better which means they didn’t manage to take care of that little problem either.

“Come on, I know you must be thinking about home?”

Brian’s eyes looked so expectant and eager, but most importantly, they looked kind of troubled, as if maybe he wasn’t really believing his own words but wanting to, more than anything else.

“I guess I’d go to a doctor.”

They both looked at each other and burst out laughing. I’m glad my pain brought them so much pleasure, but I couldn’t help it, I suddenly found myself laughing too. It felt good and I found I couldn’t stop myself. Talk about finding comedy in any situation, Jesus Christ.

My eyes were closed and I was literally slapping the floor with my hand when I noticed the other two had stopped laughing. When I opened my eyes the expression on AJ’s face was one I didn’t enjoy seeing. Clearly, the fear was back.

“What?” I started to ask only to be hushed by Brian as he pointed to the small screen that to this point, I thought was a television.

“We need to tell Matt.”

He stood up and helped me to my feet. “What’s going on?” I whispered as he cautiously moved into the kitchen to grab what looked like a walkie talkie.

“Matt!” He whispered as I looked at the screen that was also in the kitchen. “Matt, there are people at your door. It looks like they’re trying to get in.”

Finally I got it.

There were about four men standing at the door and looked like they were trying to pick the lock and make their way inside. This wasn’t a good thing and my lack of being able to breathe made things worse.

“Matt!” He said again this time a little louder and more urgently. “They aren’t answering.” Brian glanced over at AJ who had turned white as a sheet.

“What should we do?”

The four guys managed to open the front door. We heard it open and then close. “We need to hide!” Brian grabbed my arm and led me into the bedroom.

“What’s going on?” Matt’s voice was heard at the bottom of the stairs as he showed up on the screen.

“Why did you not answer your door?” one of the men asked in a very accusing tone.

“I was in the basement, working.”

“We need to talk; you are late with your plans.” The one who seemed to be in charge said as he pushed right past Matt and headed for the stairs.

That’s the last thing I saw before Brian dropped me to the floor and told me to hide under the bed. I crawled under there and tried my best to lay in a fetal position as both he and AJ headed for the closet across from me.

I could see only a small crack from where I was as the door opened while the men were in mid conversation.

“I told you I wouldn’t be done until the end of the week.”

“Plans have changed, we need it now.”

“Are you guys sure it’s what you want?”

All I saw was a set of boots turn to face Matt’s question. “It’s not for you to question our judgment.”

There was a short pause, “Okay, fine. I’ll get them to you by tomorrow.”

“We need those plans now! We are willing to wait here.”

“There’s no way I’ll have them done by today even if I worked straight through the night.”

“You will work straight through the night.”

“Yes, I will but that means you won’t get them until at least tomorrow night at the earliest.”

“My patience is waning…” I was afraid that we were going to bare witness to Matt being shot in the head. The pause that followed was that long and uncomfortable.

“Fine, I’ll let them know but they better be done by tomorrow night or you’ll find yourself in one of those detention centers until completed!”

I heard Matt sigh, “I’ll get it done, just like I always do.”

After a few more minutes there was a door closing and then Matt came into the bedroom, “You can come out now, its safe.”

The closet door opened and then Brian was there helping me get out from under the bed. I was too weak to crawl so he had to pull me out by my feet.

“Who were those people?” AJ asked as we all moved back into the kitchen and took a seat at the table, the jovial mood we were all in now just a memory.

“Not the nicest guys…”

“What are you doing for them?”

Matt looked over at me and I could instantly tell he wished I hadn’t asked the question. “Believe me kid, you don’t want to know.”

I believed him.

“The important thing is now we have to really work on getting you all the hell out of here by tomorrow. They weren’t kidding; they’ll be back by tomorrow night.”

“What if Kevin and the rest aren’t back by then?”

Matt shrugged, “I don’t know what to tell you. I need to get back to work. Time’s going by fast. If you see anything else…” He motioned to the cameras.

We all nodded at him.

After he was gone I turned to Brian and AJ, “How do we know we can trust him?”

“Charlie trusts him.”

“I know, but it sounded like he’s doing some pretty intense shit for those guys, I mean it did sound like that, right?”

AJ nodded. I was glad to see I wasn’t the only one doubting this plan.

“I wonder what he’s working on that’s so important.”

Brian ignored my question, “I hope Kevin and Howie are on their way here.”

“I hope so too.” And I really did.

“You okay, Nick?”

I found myself getting really tired and once again I was having some trouble breathing. I guess it was too hard to disguise it this time.

“I think I need some fresh air.” I said in a few deep breaths.

“Maybe we can step outside for a few minutes.” Brian smiled at me but I saw the look on his face. I probably wasn’t looking very good. “Let me go down and ask them if it’s okay if we go outside for a little while.” 

He glanced over at AJ and then smiled at me, “I’ll be right back.” once again, he scruffed the back of my neck and left.

AJ walked over to the window and looked outside, “This is such a weird place.” He said more to himself than to me.

“Do you think we’ll actually get out of here?”

“I have no fucking idea. Every time I think we’re close something else fucking happens…”

He rubbed his hands through his hair and kept his arms above his head for a minute, his posture speaking volumes of how frustrated he was. My vision was beginning to blur a little bit and I knew if I didn’t either get some fresh air or lie down soon I’d be passing out.

“Maybe we can go outside now and Brian can meet us. I really need…” I couldn’t finish my sentence, I was breathing too hard.

Quickly AJ was at my side, “What’s wrong? Why are you breathing like that?”

“Outside…”

He seemed conflicted about what to do but I guess in the end, he decided that it was best to get me the hell out of there and into the fresh cold air. He helped me out of the apartment and down the steps and guided me out the door and onto the cool stoop where I sat within moments to spare before blacking out.

It was a good call on my part, the cold, crispness of the air worked as the smallest of adrenaline rushes. It felt good. I think AJ was also happy for the change. He sat beside me and placed his hand on my shoulder, “It’s going to be okay Nick, we’re gonna get the hell out of this fucking place and back home before we know it!”

I closed my eyes for just a brief second, I swear to God that’s all it was. It’s funny all the things that can happen in the span of a few seconds.

“Thank the fucking Lord, see? I knew it!” I opened my eyes to see AJ walking away from me and towards Kevin, Howie, Don and Alan Epps who were coming down the block towards us.

“Thank God.” I repeated AJ’s words like a parrot and was about to close my eyes again when I heard my own voice.

“I’m sorry…” it said, “But they said as long as we are both here together, only one of us can live.”

He looked just like me, that’s because he was me. He apologized again, this time with tears in his eyes. I had no idea why he was so sorry until I saw the blood on his knife. That’s when I felt the pain. I have no idea when he stabbed me, it didn’t hurt at first but now…now it does.

He turned and ran away.

I was so focused on him I didn’t see the others running towards me. I felt them though. Their hands on me, I’m so cold. Maybe coming outside wasn’t the best idea. I wanted to turn to face them, I heard their concerned voices but I was too weak. I needed sleep.

It’s getting too hard to stay awake and focus…it’s getting too


	36. Chapter 36

**~ 36 ~**

**The Fat Lady is Singing whilst Surrounded by a Herd of Flying Pigs**

**\+ AJ +**

Time stood still.

Really, there’s no other way to explain it. Seeing the guys turn the corner and walk towards us, I felt the most incredible surge of adrenaline. They were alive. Believe me, I had my doubts. As I sat there on the stoop talking to Nick, inside I was convinced that there was no way Kevin and Howie made it. There was no way we were going to see a happy ending to this. We were forever going to be trapped in this new hell, just Brian, Nick and I having to fend for ourselves. Eventually just Brian and I because Nick was not going to make it and then what if something were to happen to B? I’d be all alone in this horrible place. I’d kill myself if that happened. There’s no way I would want to live here alone.

No fucking way!

All those thoughts went out of my mind as I saw Kevin and Howie coming towards us. Suddenly I saw the happy ending I so desperately wanted. Us saying our heartfelt goodbyes to the people we had met here who helped us. Vowing that we would do our best to change our world so it wouldn’t end up being anything like this one, even if it meant hunting down Donald Trump and killing him myself. Looking back one last time as we stepped right through the tear in the universe and back to our home, I’d be Grateful for the experience and even though it was a nightmare, it also changed me for the better. I liked this scenario much better then the first one!

I grabbed Howie and Kevin in such a big bear hug that I almost knocked them both over. I didn’t care though, I was just happy to know they were okay. Everything was going to be okay.

Yeah, right.

“It’s nice to see you too!” Kevin said as he pulled away from me and grabbed the back of my neck in a loving manner.

“We weren’t sure if you…I mean we…”

Howie smiled this time, “I know, but we’re okay.”

“Did you kill the other Nick?”

Kevin looked concerned, “No, we…” He squinted to get a closer look at something which made me turn around, “No! Nick, don’t!”

Time stood still.

As we all watched the drama unfold. There were two Nicks staring at each other. Our Nick was standing on the stoop staring at the other one who was holding something shiny in his hand. Before my brain had time to process it was a knife, it was being plunged into our Nick’s stomach.

This time it was Kevin who almost knocked me over as he pushed past me and towards Nick who was holding his stomach and looking shocked; the other Nick looked at us before he took off down the street.

“Jesus Christ.” Howie whispered as he looked at me and then slowly started to jog towards Kevin who had grabbed Nick as he fell to the ground.

“No.” I stopped where I was. I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to get any closer to what was happening, hoping that maybe if I stayed just far enough away, it would play out like a movie and nothing more.

It was Alan who broke me out of my frozen state. He grabbed my shoulder as his son ran past me. He didn’t say anything because he knew there was nothing to say, so we both stood there and watched as Kevin held Nick while rocking back and forth.

With the aide of Alan, who seemed to be pushing me back towards Matt’s house, I kept saying “This can’t be happening,” Over and over again.

There was so much blood, too much.

Howie ran after the other Nick, not sure why. It was clear that one was just a cold blooded murderer. No, not a murderer because if he was a murderer that would mean that, “He’s not dead is he?”

Kevin was still rocking Nick in his arms, blood all over his already dirty shirt. He didn’t seem to hear me. It was as if he was in his own little world. Nick’s eyes were closed; he wasn’t moving and was very pale, almost gray.

Nick was dead.

Nick, the kid who always followed me around and tried to steal my things just to be funny, the one who got on my very last nerve every chance he had. He played so many pranks on me that I used to have dreams of revenge. I probably have stabbed him more than once in those dreams. This was not a dream though. Nick, the kid who always told me he wanted to be like me was laying dead less than a foot away from where I was standing.

Brian, Charlie, Matt and Larry came running out of the building just as Howie made his way back towards us, all alone.

“No no no no no no no…” Brian was mumbling to himself as he sat beside his cousin, staring at his dead best friend cradled in his arms.

“I tried to get him but he was too fast.”

“Guys, we need to get inside. We’re bringing too much attention to ourselves and if anyone sees…”

Matt didn’t mean to sound cold. That was the way it was here. People were in the tattletaleing business. No one moved. We all just stared down at the body of someone who was much too young to be dead. It didn’t matter if anyone saw us. I could care less if we were caught. Nick was dead; soon we’d all be dead. Let them just come now and get it over with. I’m pretty sure that was the thought we all had. Maybe not the others who were used to living in this place but I could see in my brother’s eyes, that we had just given up.

Game Over.

“Guys, we need to go inside, now.” This time it was the more commanding voice of Don who walked past us and opened the front door.

This time Kevin nodded, still in a state I’d never quite seen him in before. He stood up with Nick in his arms and almost went down because of the dead weight. By instinct I grabbed for Nick before he fell to the ground and caught his shoulder. His limp arm fell beside me and I let out a cry.

I’m not sure what happened next. It’s all one big blur but we managed to get inside and back up to the apartment. Nick was placed on the bed where Kevin and Brian sat vigil. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t bring myself to go in that room and neither could Howie.

The others just stood around the kitchen trying to let us grieve but running out of patience. Losing people was routine for them, but it was all new to us, well, almost all of us. Howie went through this not too long ago with his sister. At the time, I tried to imagine the pain he was going through but just couldn’t do it.

Now I know.

“Why were you outside?”

It took me a few minutes to realize Matt was talking to me. “I told you to stay put.”

“Nick needed some air. He wasn’t feeling good. We just stepped out for a few minutes.”

“A few minutes is all it takes.” Charlie answered, clearly with a sad edge to his tone.

I wanted to punch him, but he was right. My eyes wandered back to the bedroom and Nick as Alan continued the conversation. “He must have watched where we were going and followed us back here.”

“I told him he should have killed that kid.”

“I doubt he ever thought something like this would happen.”

“Yeah, well what they need to realize is, they aren’t in Kansas anymore. You can’t tell someone that he needs to die so that his double can live and not expect that his own will to survive wouldn’t kick in. Stupid!”

“Maybe it was stupid, but he was a human being.” Howie was now standing so close to Don it looked like he was getting ready to punch him in the face. “He was just a kid who didn’t deserve to die anymore than our Nicky did.”

“Well, now _your_ Nicky _is_ dead and you can be happy that the other one will now live to a nice old age, unless he’s caught again which is the most likely scenario. And this time they will just kill him. What a waste!”

With that being said, Howie did what we have all wanted to do since Don came into our lives. He punched him right in the face. I probably would have high-fived him if I wasn’t numbed by grief.

I have to give Don credit because I’m sure he could have easily torn D a new asshole. I could tell it took every ounce of his being to not hit him back, but he didn’t. Instead he wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth with his sleeve and walked away.

Howie turned toward Alan, “I’m sorry, but he had that coming to him.”

Alan didn’t say anything, instead he grabbed Howie’s arm and squeezed tightly, nodding as he ushered Charlie and everyone else out of the room, leaving just the two of us and our thoughts behind.

Kevin walked out a few seconds later, blood stains still all over his shirt. “What happened out here? I thought I heard a fight.”

His voice was monotone and scary. This wasn’t Kevin anymore. I think he died with Nick. I think in a way we all just did.

“Howie punched Don in the face.”

Kevin looked over at Howie who defended his actions, “He deserved it.”

“Doesn’t matter…” He sat down at the table and ran his hands through his hair. “Nothing much matters anymore.”

“Is it possible he’s…alive?” The hopeful tone in Howie’s voice made it seem almost possible.

Kevin shook his head as tears pooled in his eyes.

I decided at that point, I needed to go in and see him, so I walked past the crying Kevin and Howie and into the bedroom where Brian sat on the bed, his hand on Nick’s still one. A sheet was covering him up to his neck but there was blood coming through it from his abdomen. His eyes were closed and his lips gray. Any hope I had of walking in and seeing him alive was gone.

Nick was dead.

“He had so many things he wanted to do.” Brian never took his eyes off of his best friend as he talked. “We were going to get houses right next to each other. Our children were going to be best friends. We were going to be in this group until we were so old we wouldn’t be able to walk anymore. He’s not even 21, how is this possible?”

He looked up to me at that point, as if I had all the answers, but I had nothing for him. Instead, I sat down beside my little brother and grabbed his other hand. It was cold and slightly stiff.

I bent down and kissed his forehead, “Goodbye Nick, I love you. Don’t be scared, most likely we’ll see you soon.”

We just sat there in silence for the rest of the day as it turned to night because time no longer mattered.


	37. Chapter 37

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**~ 37 ~**

**Famous Last Words**

**Time: Who knows?**

**Place: Who cares?**

**\+ Kevin +**

The feeling of loss is the hardest thing to explain to people. Everyone thinks they know what it feels like to lose someone you love and don’t get me wrong, a lot of people actually do. But those people who have been lucky enough to never have to bury someone they called mother, father, sister, brother, or best friend, have no fucking idea how hard it is to function afterwards. They have never felt the numbness that comes along with grief. It starts in your fingertips and actually runs its way through your body. Up the arms and right into your heart where you literally feel it peel away layer after layer like a rind of an orange, until there’s nothing left to hold onto. Your heart becomes an open wound for all to see and it stays that way until it slowly decides to start mending itself.

I never thought I’d get over the loss of my father. Just thinking about him, I feel that little sting where the wound for him is still very much opened.

“Did he say anything to you before he died?”

I looked away from the ground that I had become accustomed to watching for the last few hours to the teary eyed look on my cousin’s face.

“Anything at all?”

Just seeing how distraught he looked made me want to take a gun, put it in my mouth and call it a day. This was my fault. Nick wouldn’t be dead if I had the guts to do what I needed to do.

I shook my head at Brian.

I couldn’t let him know the truth. It would be something I’d take with me to my own grave. The last words my little brother said before I had to close his eyes for him. I couldn’t bring myself to repeat them. It hurt too much.

Once again my eyes wandered to the ground. I felt Brian staring at me. I could tell he had something else to say or maybe he just needed consoling, but I was the wrong person for that job.

Eventually, he walked away. Not sure where. Probably back into the bedroom where AJ was. He hasn’t left Nick’s side since I put him in there.

I heard a chair squeak and felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Howie. I could tell by looking at his shoes which were now in my sightline.

“It’s not your fault, Kevin. I know you’re blaming yourself for this but it isn’t…”

“Don’t…”

I know he was only trying to help, but he knew it was my fault. He was there.

“If we knew he would do something like that…” he stopped. I could tell he was also feeling guilty and he should. It was just as much his fault as it was mine, although I should have been the one to kill him. “We never would have let him go.” He finished with his voice cracking as he cried next to me.

I put my head up and rested my elbows on the table, rubbing at my cheeks and trying to prevent my own tears from falling. How do you get over being responsible for a nineteen year old’s death? What am I going to tell his family? How do I even begin to explain this to anyone?

“This changes everything. Even if we get home, nothing will ever be the same.”

This time I had exchanged the scenery of the ground to the kitchen table where Alan had placed some sandwiches for us to eat. I’m not even sure when he did that. I guess I can recall him coming in and trying to make us feel better. Saying we should eat and keep our strength up before deciding it was best to just go downstairs with everyone else and leave us alone with our grief.

“I don’t think we’ll have to worry about that.” 

I nodded at Howie. He knew just as well as I did, there was not going to be a happy ending to this story.

“It’s probably for the best. He’s not suffering anymore and he’s in a much better place.”

That was one of the things that bugged me most when my father died. All the people that said “Well at least he isn’t suffering anymore and he’s in a better place.” I wonder if people realized how little that does to help. How do we know he’s in a better place? How can people be so sure of that, they say it as if they’d been there themselves and are counting down the days until they can go back? If it was such a ‘better’ place, then why aren’t we all just jumping off bridges and rushing to get there ourselves? No one wants to die, that’s why. Who the hell cares if it’s a ‘better’ place? And how do we know that once we’re dead we don’t suffer anymore? Howie should know better then to say that stuff and I want to yell at him, but I can’t. He’s just trying to make himself feel better. If it helps him to think that because we managed to get Nick killed he can be in a better place, so be it.

Two things are for sure.

One: He can’t be in a much worse place than this and

Two: He did not want to die.

I heard the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs and a murmur of voices. Normally, a sense of fear would have come through and I would have given the sign to Howie that maybe we should hide, but not this time. Let them come. Let them find us and do whatever the hell they wanted. We deserved it.

A few seconds later, everyone else came into the kitchen and sat down around Howie and me. Their talk seemed a bit loud and jovial for my taste. How anyone could talk over a whisper right now seemed obscene to me, especially with a dead body in the next room.

“We have some good news.”

I looked up at Charlie who was all smiles. Again, how someone could smile at a time like this…

“Matt thinks he found a way to get you all home. I did the math and it seems like a real possibility.”

“Not all…” was my answer which caused the happy atmosphere of the kitchen to spring back to a dull throb of heartache.

There was a moment or two of silence before he continued, “We think we found a location that may be where you guys entered into our world, a rip in the universe, if you will. I know it sounds a bit crazy, but no crazier than the fact that you ended up here in the first place.”

I didn’t say anything and neither did Howie.

“We pinpointed a few locations on the map and concentrated around the plane crash site. The same spikes that were there were also found five other places…”

At this point, Matt had a map on the table. He was pointing at it and all the mathematical symbols that looked like a smart man’s graffiti.

“One is where you landed back in Pennsylvania. One is in Texas, but look…there’s one pretty close to us.” He pointed to a location in New York.

“Charlie is working on some equations to get the exact location, but we think it’s somewhere right in New York City.”

“So, what does that all mean?”

I was actually angry at Howie for asking that question and for being hopeful that maybe we could leave.

“It means that all we have to do is find the exact spot and then you all just walk right on through.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that.” Charlie said as if he had done this a thousand times.

“If it was that easy to walk through a rip in a universe, don’t you think people would have accidentally been walking through it long before now? That maybe you would have heard news stories of people just magically disappearing into thin air?”

I know I was being a dick, but I didn’t care. I was sick and tired of all of this nonsense. False hope and expectations get you nowhere. Just a few weeks ago we were on top of the world, now it was crumbling all around us.

“I don’t have an explanation for that. It’s probably harder than we think to find the exact location.”

Charlie stood up and pat me on the back. I swear to God if one more person pats me on the back I’m going to fucking lose it! “I’m going to go work on this a little more, but this is good news, Kevin. I know it doesn’t feel like it now…”

“Thanks.” I cut him off, before he had a chance to tell me of better places and no more suffering.

He and Matt walked away and eventually Larry and Alan followed, leaving Howie and I sitting there at the table alone.

“It would be good to get out of here.” Howie said after a few more moments of silence, or maybe it was hours. It was hard to distinguish.

“I’m not leaving.”

“Kevin, if we can get out of here.”

“Then you can go, I’m staying.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

I didn’t expect him to understand. Nick didn’t die in his arms, he died in mine. I closed my eyes and went back to that moment. Seeing the knife going into him, feeling my feet accelerate to get there before my brain even processed what had happened. I grabbed him just before he fell, that’s how quick I was, but not quick enough to avoid it all.

He hadn’t processed what happened to him but he knew it was bad. The look of terror and pain in his eyes spoke loud and clear as he clutched at his wound.

I held him close to me, his head resting on my arm as my other hand fell on his, the one that was holding his wound. He was already pale and weak; before he was stabbed he was dying slowly. This just sped things up.

“Kevin…” He gurgled. He could barely talk at that point, already. Time was slipping away and the world was just a blur going in super slow motion as the others were running towards us.

“I’m here, Nick…you’re going to be okay…just hang on little man…”

“Kevin, I don’t want to die, please don’t let me die!”

He was crying and shaking now and grabbing on to me with his other arm as if I was the only thing preventing him from falling.

“I won’t let you die…just hang on buddy…”

I was panicking. We were running out of time. His breathing was labored.

“I don’t want to die…please….”

“You’re not going to die.” I was lying to him but I didn’t know what else to do.

He took one more deep breath and the look of panic that had been on his face, was replaced with a look of relief.

“I’m so scared…” He said and then looked at me with those eyes.

I shook him a couple of times and screamed his name, but he didn’t respond, only kept staring at me. Those eyes…

I closed them just as the guys reached us.

“It’s not ridiculous,” I finally answered Howie. “It’s the right thing to do. I’m staying here.”

“You can’t. Nick wouldn’t want you to.”

I’m not sure when Brian entered the room. Maybe he had been in there the whole time? It’s hard to say. But it was his voice this time and it was an angry one. “He wouldn’t want you to just give up and stay here to die.”

“How do you know?”

“Because he was my best friend!”

“Your best friend is dead because of me.”

“No he’s not! He’s dead because of this place! This place killed him, not you.”

“If I had killed the other Nick…”

“Then something else might have happened. Kevin we are in the middle of the apocalypse. If there is a way to get the hell out of this place, we are going. All of us are going. There is no way I am letting you stay here.”

“I don’t deserve to make it out of here after this.”

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself! We ALL lost Nick, not just you!”

Now I was mad. Full on, I’m going to kick your ass mad. This wasn’t about me being selfish. This was about me getting someone I loved killed! Why couldn’t he see that?

“Kevin, we need to get out of this place before more of us die.”

“He’s right son.”

I glanced over at Alan. Where did he come from?

“You lost a wonderful kid in Nick, but there are still three more people who need you. For their sake, you need to suck it up and be strong. Believe me; you don’t want to stay here. We’re just about done with our part of this story.”

“What do you mean by that?” AJ asked. I noticed that the bedroom door was closed now. Not sure when that happened. Everyone was back in the kitchen, even Charlie, Matt and Larry.

“The thing I’m working on for the government. Let’s just say it’s almost over and leave it at that.”

It’s funny because even though I’m not a rocket scientist, genius or even that smart really, I understood completely what he meant. Time was running out for this world and when it fell completely apart it was going to be at the hands of Charlie and Matt and probably a huge surprise to the Canadians who had hired him.

“The good news for you, I found the spot. It’s located by the Museum of Natural History. It’s a long shot I know, but at this point, it’s all we have.”

“Please Kevin…”

I looked into the begging eyes of my cousin and gained the strength I needed to see this thing through. Alan was right, Nick was dead. We couldn’t do anything about that anymore, but Howie, AJ and Brian were still very much alive and I had to save them. I had to make sure that they made it. I didn’t care if I did, I almost don’t want to, but for their sake we have to try.

“Okay, fine…”

I sighed and looked back at the closed bedroom door hoping that Nick was in a better place and not crying because he was all alone.


	38. Chapter 38

**~ 38 ~**

**The End Game**

**Time: Late night into early morning after Nick’s death**

**Place: Matt’s**

\+ Howie +

When I was a kid, I used to enjoy sneaking into my parent’s room and sitting on their dresser like I was a cat. I know that sounds kind of weird, but I was small and their windows were high. They had a fantastic view of the ocean and I always missed out on it. The only way I could see it is if I sat on top of their huge dresser. So, I’d open the two bottom drawers and use them as a step ladder and up I’d climb. Once there, I would spend hours just looking out into the ocean until someone, usually my brother, would come in and force me to join everyone else.

The view out this window was drastically different but still, at the moment it held the same peaceful quality I so needed. It was snowing again and this time it didn’t appear that it would let up anytime soon. Everyone had attempted to go to bed but as usual here, no one really was sleeping.

After about an hour of trying to close my eyes and see anything but a dead Nick, I ventured out of the living room and into the kitchen, where I climbed onto the table and sat, draped by a nice comfy quilt and stared at the snow coming down. It was almost deceiving how quiet and peaceful it was.

“You can’t sleep either, huh?”

I shook my head at AJ as he made his way next to me. I knew I wouldn’t be alone for long. I’m pretty sure from now on we will always be sure to never leave each other alone and unprotected.

“I can’t believe he’s gone.”

I sighed, my way of saying ‘me too.’

“Tomorrow is going to be a big day if this works.”

I wanted him to stop talking and just sit there and stare at the snow like I was, but it was clear that he needed to ramble, so I let him.

“Do you think it’ll actually work?”

“I don’t know.”

A few hours ago, Matt and Charlie laid out there plan of getting us back to where we came from. We needed to find the exact spot of the tear and all go through at the same exact time. We couldn’t hesitate, not even for one second or there was a danger of the tear sealing up and the universe we were entering collapsing in on itself. I had so many questions and still do. How the hell would they know that first of all? This is all speculation on their parts. The whole scenario seemed so implausible that I would swear it was nothing but an elaborate practical joke.

“I mean he said if we did one thing wrong…”

“I know I heard what he said.”

“What do you think about that?”

I’m not sure what AJ wanted me to say. I used to be so good at guessing those types of things with all the guys. That’s why they always came to me for advice or when they needed reassuring. It’s a gift. I can read them all really well, especially him. Not now though, maybe not ever again.

I finally looked over at him, “I think it’s a crap shoot and we won’t know if we don’t try.”

He let out a small grunt that sounded like a half laugh, “That’s a pretty crappy crap shoot, don’t you think?”

“It’s gotta be better then being here though. I think I’m willing to take the risk of a universe falling in on itself then stay here one more minute.” And that was the truth. I was done here. I don’t care what happens on the way out, I need to exit.

“I don’t know, I just think that maybe it would be best if we stayed.”

I couldn’t believe what he was saying; after all we had been through. All the hell he had witnessed. Our baby brother was dead because of this place yet, he wanted to stay? That had to be the nerves talking.

I wanted to say all of that, but I didn’t. What was the point? I knew we were going to leave. I could tell by the look of determination on Kevin’s face. After Brian convinced him to not give up, a light went on and it was all operations a go. In fact he was in one of the other rooms just going over the plan again and again out loud, his eyes closed and his hands going as if he were conducting a symphony. It was creepy and I couldn’t stand to watch it anymore.

Even creepier was the fact that Brian was sleeping in the same room as the dead body of Nick. He said he knew Nick wouldn’t want to be left alone. He hated the dark so he decided to sleep on the floor next to him.

Lord help us all. If we didn’t leave, we’d all end up going insane.

“We could just stay here.”

“And do what? Live in hiding? Hope no one finds us and kills us?”

So much for staying quiet.

“I just can’t picture going back without him. What are we going to tell his family? What are we going to tell our fans?”

“I don’t know, AJ.”

The sound of the refrigerator door opening, made us both turn around. Charlie was standing there and staring before grabbing out some water and shutting the door. He walked over and looked out the window, “I really hate snow. That’s why I live in California. Amita was asked to teach at NYU but she turned it down because the thought of having to drudge through snow was unappealing to her.”

He sighed and then took a sip of his drink. I had forgotten all about Amita. He has just lost someone too. “How are you holding up?” He placed a hand on my shoulder and just for a second I saw his father. They were so similar in some ways and so different in others.

“As well as can be expected,” I finally answered when AJ said nothing.

“I’m thinking it’s a mistake to leave.”

Charlie moved to the window and put his back to us so we could see his face clearly with the help of nothing but the snowy, pink sky.

“You need to leave. To stay would be the mistake.”

“But if we leave there is a good chance we might not make it.”

Charlie sighed, “If you stay I can tell you that you definitely won’t make it.”

“That’s a pretty definitive answer. How could you know we wouldn’t live if we stayed?” I was tired of this guy making everything seem so definite.

But…

The way he paused and put down his drink, then slightly turned back to look at the snow actually gave me chills. He knew because they were going to make it so.

“What are you planning?”

AJ looked confused by my question as I turned my complete attention to the man by the window.

“The end game.”

“Which is what exactly?”

“You don’t need to know the details but, we’re about to start the beginning to what hopefully will be the end of this thing.”

“By doing what?”

“We’re sending them a message that they will read loud and clear.”

“And what will that be?”

Now AJ was slowly getting it.

“We’re going to use the weapons that Matt was commissioned to make for them, ON them.”

“You and what army?” I sounded so sarcastic; I wanted to apologize as the words came out of my mouth.

“No need for an army, just a few crazy men and a button or five. He’s been working on it for months now and it’s almost done. The entire city wired. All they need are some people to be situated around the different boroughs and then boom.” He opened his hand in a big gesture as he said boom.

“You’re blowing up New York City?”

“Not just the city but all five boroughs.”

“What about the people that…”

“They know. They all know. Anyone who wants to get out has by now. That’s why it’s so dead here.”

“And what about the prison?”

“They’ll probably be better off.”

It dawned on me just then that he was going to be one of the people to stay behind and hit a switch. A further realization hit me that they all were. “You can’t do that, its suicide!”

He laughed a real genuine laugh. “There is a bigger picture than me and my life.”

“What about the resistance?”

“They’ll still go on and probably be even stronger because of this.”

Charlie and his family wouldn’t even be in New York if it wasn’t for helping us. More people were dying because we happened to get on a plane and end up in the wrong place at the wrong time.

“You can’t die for this.” AJ sounded distraught, “If you die, they win.”

“That’s not true AJ. If we don’t do anything, they win. They have been winning for too long now. All of their major operating sites are right here in New York. Once we do this we’ll be disconnecting them from their home and leaving their defenses down. This is the only way.”

“All of you? Even your dad?”

Charlie looked over at me and nodded, “We all know what’s at stake. We’ve all made peace with it. Matt said it was God’s will that you ended up here. Without you bringing us here, he didn’t have a way to go through with this plan.”

I couldn’t believe we were witnessing bravery to this extreme. Up until this point, I had only ever thought these people didn’t exist. They were made up so we had someone to look up to. I felt small for not offering myself. Jesus, when Nick was being captured by those soldiers I hid.

“So, that’s why you have to go. You’d be stuck here and you wouldn’t have time to leave.”

“When is this all going down?”

“The day after tomorrow.”

He knew that in two days he was no longer going to be alive and he seemed so incredibly calm about it. “It feels weird knowing this and still leaving you guys behind. Why don’t you just come with us?” I asked.

“We’re not meant for your world. It might cause a disruption and we can’t predict the outcome for something like that and besides, just like you all had doubles in this world, we would in yours.”

“How are we expected to just leave knowing you’re going to die? How do you think we could go on without blaming ourselves everyday?”

It was a good question and I was glad that AJ was the one who asked.

“By not letting happen in your world, what has happened here. Take our mistakes and learn from them.”

AJ and I exchanged a sad glance as Charlie moved away from the window and back towards the fridge. “I need to go help Matt out with some more equations. We need to make sure we have things down perfectly for you tomorrow. I suggest you both try to get some sleep.”

Right before he left the room I stopped him, “Charlie…” He turned to me and I smiled at him, “Thanks for everything.”

He nodded and left.

I stood staring at the empty entrance to the kitchen, still trying to digest everything I just heard when AJ brought me back, “Son of a bitch! I can’t believe that bastard is here.” He took off to the drawer and grabbed a butcher knife. “I’m going to go kill that no good mother fucker myself!”

“AJ, what are you talking about?” But all I had to do was look out the window and there was my answer staring up at me looking cold, scared and alone.

I ran after AJ as fast as I could down the steps and into the snowy night.


	39. Chapter 39

**~ 39 (a) ~**

**The Smell of Loneliness**

\+ AJ +

I have never been so angry in my life. It almost scared me how much anger I felt rush through me in the span of a few short minutes. When I saw him standing there, just staring up at us, I lost it. My entire body started shaking and I knew what I had to do. I had to kill him. Kill him for killing one of my best friends. I couldn’t believe he would show his face here, not after what he did.

I grabbed a butcher knife. Would I have ever in my life thought I could kill someone? No, but I was actually looking forward to it. I was looking forward to seeing the life go out in his eyes just like he made the life go out in Nick’s.

“AJ wait!” I heard Howie’s urging voice behind me as I ran down the steps. Why was he telling me to wait? Maybe he wanted to kill him instead.

“You can’t do this!” How could he possibly not want me to kill that asshole after what he did?

I didn’t stop, just kept going and chose to ignore him. I wasn’t going to let him stop me. I burst out into the cold air. The snow was falling at a pretty quick clip and I instantly felt chilled to the bone. I was barely dressed. I wasn’t even wearing shoes. None of that mattered though. All that mattered was this prick was alive and Nick was dead.

“AJ!”

The other Nick turned to the warning sound of Howie’s voice just in time to see me coming at him with the knife.

“What the fuck?” He yelled as I ran at him and threw him to the ground.

The amount of hate I felt made me think I was possessed. I wasn’t even myself anymore. I had become someone else, someone who was about to willingly murder another human being.

“Get the fuck off of me!” He screamed as he rolled slightly and made me lose my balance for a second. I landed on the snow and he tried to stand up, kicking me when I tried to grab at his ankle.

Howie had run out the door just as I sat up and lunged for Nick’s leg, knocking him back down to the ground. I had dropped the knife and it managed to sink into the snow but the shine of the handle made it easy to find again.

With one hand holding on to his kicking leg, I grabbed the knife with the other and managed to jab at the leg I was holding just as Howie jumped on top of me, causing me to drop the knife once again.

“Jesus, you fucking stabbed me!” Nick cried out in pain as he crawled out of my grasp and close to the steps he had killed OUR Nick on.

“Howie get the fuck off of me, that bastard is going to get away!”

“AJ, calm down!”

“Don’t tell me to calm down. I am going to kill that mother fucker!”

Howie was sitting on top of me, pinning me down by the shoulders, “AJ, you are not going to kill anybody. You need to calm down.”

I was struggling to get out of his grasp but he was strong. That’s one thing about D. He’s small but really strong. I couldn’t break free and I was starting to get numb, so I just stopped moving. “I’m fine now. Get off of me.”

He looked down at me, trying to assess by my face if I was telling the truth or not and when he saw I was, he let go of my arms and I pushed him off of me and stood up. I brushed the snow off of my soaked pants and followed the line of blood droplets in the snow to where the other Nick sat holding the knife I had just dropped.

I took a step towards him and he actually lashed that knife out at me. If I was a little closer he would have stabbed me with it.

“AJ, easy!” Howie was up and standing behind me now.

“Don’t come any closer or I’ll fucking kill you, I swear!” Nick said. He was clearly in pain, tears streaming down his face but the anger in his voice told me he meant it. He already killed once, he had no problem doing it again, after all I was already dead to him, wasn’t I?

“Nicky, put down the knife…” Howie walked past me and towards Nick with his hands up in the air. “No one else needs to get hurt tonight.”

Nick’s hand was shaky as Howie approached and I was afraid for just a second that he was going to stand up and shove that knife right through Howie’s heart but instead he dropped it on the ground and placed his hand on his wound.

Howie grabbed the knife and threw it into the bushes, “We need to get you inside and tend to that cut.”

“What?”

He turned to me, “He’s hurt.”

“Yeah, I know. He would be dead if you would have just let me…”

“This is Nick!”

“This monster is not Nick. To call him Nick is insulting our friend’s memory. This bastard is just a no good murderer.”

“You were going to murder me, so what does that make you?”

“I guess it takes one to know one then.”

Howie gave me a look as if what I had just said was stepping over the line. How could I step over a line? There were no more lines. This world was a kill or be killed type of world. We saw what happened when you don’t kill. Now it was time to see what happens when you do!

“We are being too loud out here. We need to get inside!” 

I nodded as he helped Nick up and we all walked in and back up the stairs. I couldn’t believe we were helping this ass. Suddenly all my anger went from Nick to Howie. Really it was his fault the real Nick was dead. Kevin and Howie dropped the ball and because of that we should feel bad for this kid?

Surprisingly, despite how loud we were, no one had come in to see what had happened. Even knowing Kevin was awake and in the other room, he was so focused on working on our escape he hadn’t even noticed all the commotion. That kind of terrified me.

“Sit down.” Howie gingerly placed Nick on a chair. “I’m going to go find some antiseptic and bandages.” He then looked at me, “unless you want to.”

“No, I’ll stay here.” I wasn’t going to let this punk out of my site. I didn’t trust him.

“You know, they were going to kill me. I bet you had no problem with that though.” The disdain in Nick’s voice made me want to strangle him.

“No problem whatsoever.”

He smiled. I hated how he looked so much like the real Nick. I hated it!

“AJ…my AJ would have said the same thing. He hated me almost as much as you do.”

“It must be your charming disposition.” I walked over to the counter and grabbed a dish rag and began wiping myself with it. I was soaking wet. He was too but he could catch pneumonia for all I fucking cared.

“I still don’t understand how you guys got here.”

“You know what? Shut the hell up. I don’t want to hear your fucking voice.”

“You mean his voice.”

I closed my eyes and bit my lip. “Say it, it’s really the fact that I sound and look like your friend that is driving you crazy.”

I glanced over to that utensil drawer and briefly thought about taking out another knife and having a go before Howie came back.

“I didn’t want to do it you know. I had no choice; it was either him or me.”

“Shut the hell up!”

“You would have done the same thing.”

“I said shut up.”

“If you knew that as long as this other AJ was alive and well you would end up dying, don’t tell me you wouldn’t hunt him down and kill him. Especially after your friends or at least people you thought were friends just tried doing it to you.”

I started to walk out of the room, stopping myself from totally exiting because I was not leaving him alone.

“You don’t fucking know me.” I said in barely a whisper but he heard me loud and clear.

“I know you. You’re the fucking douche bag who just stabbed me.”

He sounded so much like Nick at the moment I actually laughed. I could see Nick say those very same words as he rolled his eyes slightly and ended with a lick of his lips. I laughed, how could I fucking laugh? This guy was an enemy and very far from a friend. He looked and sounded just like Nick but he wasn’t Nick. I’m not sure why Howie couldn’t see that.

Speaking of which, he walked in carrying gauze, alcohol and some tape. Kevin walked in behind him. I guess he took the opportunity to fill him in on what happened because he walked over to me and looked me in the eyes, “Are you okay?”

“Fine.”

“You should go put on some dry clothes before you get sick.”

In other words, he wanted me to go away.

I glanced over at the thing with Nick’s face and I nodded. Maybe it was a good idea to get out of here for a few minutes.

I walked past Nick’s bedroom where I knew Brian was and I walked in. It smelled of death and sadness in that room. Not in a gross kind of way. When I say death smell I don’t mean decay, not yet anyway. I’m sure that would come soon and we’d have to deal with it. I meant more of emptiness, if loneliness and loss could have a smell it would be what was emanating out of that room as I opened the door.

Brian was sitting up with his back against the bed, just staring at the wall. “He’s here isn’t he?” he asked as I slid down next to him.

“Yeah.”

“I thought I heard him. What does he want?”

“I don’t know. I was going to kill him though. I still might.”

“Do you remember when Nick was 14 and used to get scared staying alone in hotel rooms? You used to make fun of him for being that old and still being afraid of the dark.” Well, he was too old to be scared in my opinion.

“Yeah.”

“I used to sit just like this and wait for him to go to sleep. He wasn’t afraid of the dark. He was afraid of being alone.”

I sighed. Brian sounded so far away as he was speaking. I could tell he was living in a memory.

“I guess.”

“Maybe it’s the same with this Nick. He’s afraid of being alone.”

“Maybe…” my eyes went to the same place where Brian was staring. I was hoping I could find a nice memory to live in myself.


	40. Chapter 40

**~ 39 (b) ~**

**Suffer the Children**

**\+ AJ +**

I was so angry, I couldn’t even believe it. It wasn’t so much anger I felt as I grabbed that knife and headed down the steps, but more hatred. I hated this guy for killing my friend and I hated him for coming back here. What was he thinking, showing his face here after what he did? Maybe he was asking to be killed. I was more than happy to oblige. I was going to kill this kid and justice would be served.

“AJ wait!”

I knew if I hesitated even for a second, I wouldn’t go through with it so I ignored D and headed out the door where Nick looked surprised to see me and then terrified when he saw the knife in my hand.

I started to run towards him but then felt the impact of Howie’s tackle as I fell, the knife flying out of my hand as I hit the snowy ground.

“Get the fuck off of me!” I screamed.

“Not until you calm yourself down!” D was straddling me like I was a horse. I tried to roll him off of me but he was too strong so after a few seconds of struggling, I just gave up.

“Fine…”

“You sure?”

“Yes, now get off of me!”

He rolled off of me and I stood up. I was sure by now the other Nick would have fled but he was just standing there watching us from the very steps he killed our Nick on. A new wave of hatred for this kid over took me as I walked towards him.

“You better get the fuck out of here before I kill you with my own bare hands!”

He took a step back and fell onto the stoop. “Look, I’m sorry…” He put his hands up as if he was surrendering. “I just came back to say I’m sorry.”

Howie was standing behind me as I took another step forward, “Sorry? Are you fucking kidding me? You KILLED Nick! Sorry isn’t going to cut it!”

“I had no choice.” He was crying now and I hated the way he looked and sounded just like our Nick. “It was either him or me.”

“He was worth it, you aren’t.”

“AJ!”

Howie sounded appalled and acted as if I stepped over a line. Maybe it was harsh, but who cares? This guy wasn’t Nick. He looked and sounded like him, but he wasn’t Nick.

“Maybe you’re right but I’d like to think I was worth it too.”

“You are, Nicky…” Howie walked past me and towards this fucking little murderer. “Of course you are.”

“I just wanted to make things right. I’m sorry for what I did.” He was full on crying now, I’m talking hysterics.

Suddenly I found myself feeling sorry for this guy. He looked and sounded pathetic as he sat there crying on the front steps. Howie placed his hand on Nick’s shoulder, “Let’s go inside before we all bring more attention to ourselves.”

“What?”

Howie turned towards me, “We are being too loud.”

“I know, but we’re not bringing him in the house.”

“We can’t just leave him out here.”

“Yes we can.”

“AJ…”

“Howie, this fucking guy KILLED Nick, doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

I knew those words were going to hurt more than any stab wound but they were out of my mouth before I had a chance to take them back.

“Of course I care about that. You don’t think it bothers me that Nicky is dead and that he did it?” He pointed over at the other Nick who just sat there silently.

“I’m sorry.” I said, going in for a hug only to be pushed away. I deserved that, I guess.

“We can’t just leave him out here.” He turned towards Nick again, “Let’s get you inside and warmed up then we’ll figure out what to do.”

After a brief hesitation, Nick nodded and allowed Howie to help him up and together we all walked into the house and up the steps. By the time we arrived, curiosity got the best of Kevin who was sitting in the kitchen waiting for us.

“Hello again.” He said to Nick as we walked inside and Howie led him to a chair.

I looked down at Kevin’s hands to see if maybe he was holding a knife of his own. Maybe he would finish what he should have done in the first place, but there was nothing there.

“I’m going to go get us some towels so we don’t freeze to death.” Howie smiled and then left the room.

Kevin slowly approached Nick and sat down beside him.

“I wanted to say how sorry I am for killing your friend. I didn’t want to do it.”

“Then you shouldn’t have.” Kevin’s answer was stern and it made me glad. I was happy to know I wasn’t the only angry one here.

He nodded, “But you said if I lived he would die. I had to.”

“You did what you had to do to survive but he was our brother. He was only 19.”

“I know. He’s me, remember?”

How could we not remember? The way he looked and sounded just like Nick. They had the same exact mannerisms and gestures right down to the nervous worrying of his fingers on his sweater and shaking of his leg. How could this be happening? While our Nick, the real Nick was lying dead in the other room.

“You guys look and sound just like my…it’s weird, this whole thing.” He said looking up briefly but then back down at the table.

“What about your family?”

“I don’t know; most of them were dead. All of our families were…” He stopped not wanting us to know the bad news. “Then after they killed the rest of the guys…well you… and took me, I lost all contact with the outside world until your friend rescued me.”

“Why didn’t they kill you?”

He shook his head and ran his hands through his hair, just like our Nick would when asked to remember something he’d rather forget.

“Because I was moldable.”

“What does that mean?” Howie asked as he walked over and gave each one of us a towel.

“They take kids here.”

“I know, but why?”

“When I was imprisoned, I was with a bunch of kids my age and younger. They kept telling us that we were the future of this new country. They played us these terrible videos all day and all night long, showing us people who were being killed for resisting them.”

He stopped for a second to wipe his face with the towel. He wasn’t wet but I think he just needed to pause from the story for a second.

“Kids saw their families being slaughtered just because parents tried to rescue them or fight back. Every day we saw nothing but death and then right before bed they’d always ask us if we were ready to be one of them. Everyone that said yes, were brought out of the room and we never saw them again. The people that didn’t answer just had to endure more videos.”

“You didn’t say yes?”

He shook his head. “I saw them kill my big brothers…” He then looked me right in the eyes, “I saw them kill you. I wasn’t about to say yes to a bunch of monsters.”

“So what happened next?”

“Eventually they stopped with the videos and just wouldn’t let us sleep. All night long they played recordings of animals being slaughtered. It was the worst sounds I have ever heard, the cries and yelps of helpless animals. I would just lie on my cot with my hands over my ears willing it to all go away.”

“Why didn’t they just kill you?”

“I wish I knew.”

“They would feed us only once a day and left the lights on full blast all day and all night long. Five people killed themselves. One of them was only about 13.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“This went on for months and months.” He started crying again but this time, I felt for him. I felt the breaking of his heart and I no longer hated him.

“I couldn’t take it anymore so I said yes. They congratulated me as if it was my graduation day or something and then they led me out of that room and into the main prison where you found me.”

“They just left you alone at that point?”

“No, all day we did nothing but train. I learned karate, self defense, how to use a rifle and…the way to kill someone with a knife.” He placed his hands in his lap and shut his eyes when he said that.

“Every few days they would take a bunch of us and send us out to other places. I don’t know where.”

“So, its kids we’re fighting against, American kids?”

He nodded, “For the most part. One of the older Canadian guys is in charge but yes, its kids they send out to do their dirty work. They feel like we are easily molded for the job and have nothing left to lose.”

“Are you saying that there are a ton of kids still at that prison?”

Nick nodded, “Yes, not as many as there used to be.”

Howie looked concerned, “We have to let Matt know about this.” He turned to Kevin and I. “We can’t let them blow up the city knowing there are hundreds of innocent kids in those prisons.”

“Blow up the city?”

Howie ignored Kevin and continued talking, “I’m sure if he knew about the kids, he’d reconsider.”

“What are you talking about, D?”

Kevin seemed as confused as Nick who once again looked down at the kitchen table for respite from his memories.

“They have this plan, after we go…AJ will fill you in, I have to go tell Charlie!”

Both Kevin and Nick looked over at me for answers so I gave them the really short version. We leave, city goes boom and evil guys lose. Oh and lots of people die in the process.

My version seemed so much easier than the real plan.

When I was done, I was expecting a different reaction then I got. “That seems like a great plan.” Kevin said and Nick nodded in agreement.

“It would really weaken their defenses. As far as I know, everything they do comes out of New York. If they managed to really blow everything up, it would give the people a chance to fight back.”

“If they go through with the plan, everyone will die. Charlie said so. This place is wired to do the ultimate amount of damage. No survivors anywhere in the five boroughs, including Charlie and everyone else.”

“And me…” Nick whispered as the realization of his impending doom hit him like a ton of bricks.

“Of course not you, you’re coming with us…” Kevin said so matter of factly that I actually got angry.

“How is that going to work?” I asked.

“We take him with us; that’s how it’s going to work.”

“And what about our Nick?”

“What about him?”

“You know the plan Kevin, everything is timed to the second it has to be the five of us.”

“Yes,” He pointed to Nick, “He makes five.”

“We’re just leaving Nick here?” Ever since he died, the plan was to still take him home with us, home to his family, who deserved to give him a proper burial.

“AJ…” Kevin paused and rubbed at his temples, “Nick is dead.”

“Because of HIM!” I said pointing to the kid who I once again hated.

“Maybe so, but still…we can’t just leave him here to die.”

I wanted to. Lord knows I wanted to just leave him here to die, but Kevin was right. I hate myself for even fucking agreeing with him, but he was.

“If I could bring your Nick back I would AJ, I really would.” He whispered in his stupid Nick voice.

The moment was broken up by everyone walking into the kitchen. “Tell us everything you know!” Don said taking a gun and pointing it at Nick.

“You don’t need that, Don. He’s on our side.” Kevin said as he got in the direct line of fire.

“How can you say that?”

All eyes turned to the bedroom where Brian emerged, “How can you say he’s on our side? He killed my best friend.”

“We’re running out of time. We need answers now.” Charlie said looking at the clock and then back at Nick.

“Tell us everything you know.”

“I can only tell you what I’ve heard them talking about.” Nick said while looking directly at Brian. They seemed to be having a staring contest.

“Fine.” Don answered, lowering his gun.

Nick nodded and began to tell us the story of how it all began


	41. Chapter 41

**~ 40 (a) ~**

**The Thin Sheet**

**\+ Brian +**

I felt for this other Nick who was in the kitchen. I wanted to hate him, even wished him dead, but I just couldn’t. He was Nick. I laid my head against the bed where the body of my best friend lied just beneath a thin sheet. I felt his cold hand at the base of my neck but I still didn’t move. I know I was acting weird. I know it’s not normal to hang around a dead body but to me, it’s Nick. I can’t leave him all alone. I have never been able to do that.

Ever since I have known him, he has hated being alone. I’m not sure when it became my job to keep him occupied and feeling safe, but it’s a job I have always taken very seriously and without much complaint. I loved him.

“I hate him for coming here.”

I had forgotten that AJ was in the room with me. It seemed like I had lost all sense of time ever since Nick’s death.

“I want him to leave.”

“Kevin won’t let that happen.”

“I know.”

I moved off of Nick’s hand and sat up again, rubbing my eyes as they further adjusted to the dark room. The murmuring coming from the kitchen was growing louder and I could make out a few words here or there but I tried my best to block it out. I didn’t particularly want to know what was being said. More importantly, I didn’t particularly care.

“He killed Nick.”

“AJ, I know.”

He nodded, “Sorry, I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that…” He drifted off. Nothing more needed to be said.

The bedroom door opened and in walked Kevin who decided to turn on the light, not allowing us to swim in the darkness of our own thoughts. “We have to start moving.”

He said to us although he was looking directly at that thin sheet as he talked. “We have a very small timeline we’re dealing with.”

“We’re really going?”

“Of course we are. We’re getting out of here, Brian.”

He walked over to the bed and stared down at Nick as AJ and I gradually stood up. “It’s weird knowing he’s in here while there’s another one out there.”

“What about that other one?” AJ asked. I could actually here the conflicted hate in his voice.

“I don’t know.”

Kevin put his hand on Nick’s leg in a loving, heartbreaking way. The look on his face cried out a vulnerability that was forever going to a part of him. “I don’t know…” He straightened himself out and put on his tough face once again, trying to hide his real emotions under a thin sheet of his own.

“Be ready in less than an hour.”

He looked at both of us then once more at Nick, before walking out the bedroom door.

“I don’t see how this is even going to work.” AJ said as he moved to click off the lights.

“I guess we have to at least try though.”

“Yes.”

A knock on the door made us both jump. “Can I come in?” There was that all too familiar voice.

AJ looked to me for permission before opening the door and letting Nick in. I think he was hoping I wouldn’t allow it, but I needed to see him as much as he needed to see me.

“Kevin said I could find some dry clothes in here…” His voice drifted off as he saw himself laying on the bed, only that small thin sheet covering up what he had done.

“I’m going to get ready, you gonna be okay, Rok?”

I nodded at AJ and then glanced over at Nick who was staring down at himself intently. I walked over to the small dresser in the corner and pulled out some sweats, a tee shirt and socks. “These will probably fit you.” I handed them to my best friend’s look a like and then actually took a few steps backwards as if I had just fed a lion.

“Thanks.”

He smiled, but it wasn’t a genuine one. “The two of you were…”

“He was my best friend.” I wouldn’t allow him to finish.

He nodded, “Same with my Brian and me…”

“He was like a little brother to me and I loved him very much.” I looked right at him when I said it, wishing that it was my Nick standing there. If I only had the chance to let him know how much he meant to me when he was alive. I hope he realized that. I hope he understood how important he was to my life.

“I did what I had to do.”

His tone went very standoffish suddenly as if I had said something to offend him. Maybe it was because I had made eye contact. But it wasn’t that. Just like my Nick, this one was swimming in his own guilt. He hated himself for what he did. I think he hated himself in general. As much as I wanted to tell him it was okay, I couldn’t. I know he wanted and needed to hear those words too. How could I tell him it was okay? There’s no way, so I just let an awkward silence fall between us for a few minutes.

“You really think this Matt guy is going to get you home?”

“I hope so.”

“It seems like an out there type of plan.”

“Yeah, it does, but we have to try.”

“Thanks for the clothes.” He put them under his arm and started for the door, “I bet your Nick was a much better person than I am. I apologize for taking him away from you.”

When he walked out the door all the emotions I had been bottling up since Kevin said “Nicky is gone.” Finally came out in a huge way. I dropped down to the ground and started bawling, making fists with both hands and jamming them in my eyes to try to hold back the endless stream of tears that seemed to be flowing.

I know everyone had to hear me. I wasn’t exactly being quiet, but no one came in. They allowed me time with my grief and I appreciated that. When I had cried my last tear, I ventured over to the bed, sat down beside my friend and removed that thin sheet, revealing his slowly graying face. He didn’t look like he was just sleeping anymore. This was clearly a dead body and soon it would start decaying, but at the moment, it was my best friend.

I grabbed his hand in my own and tried to ignore how cold and stiff it was. “Nick…I love you buddy. When we get back, I’m going to tell your family and everyone else how brave and strong you were. We’re leaving in a little while, I need to go get ready but I’ll be back soon, okay?”

I wiped a small piece of hair off of his face and then put the sheet back on top of him.

When I turned to leave the room I was greeted by the face of Howie, staring at me as if I were a crazy person. “You okay?” He whispered. He did think I was nuts.

“Fine.”

“We’re going to get him home, Brian.”

“I know.” But I didn’t know anything, except grief.

I brushed past D and ventured into the living room where there seemed to be a bustle of activity. It’s weird how one room could be so quiet and calm while another is the complete opposite. Once inside, you knew something was going down. Butterflies started flittering away in my stomach as I moved to the corner of the room to listen to what was being said while changing into something that smelled a little less of death.

“We really need to make sure you guys are in this exact spot and all walk in together.”

“Walk in? We just walk in?”

“That’s the plan.”

“We don’t have to be in the plane or anything?”

“No plane.”

AJ seemed flustered as he continued to question Matt. I was just focusing on the turtle neck I was putting on.

“Doesn’t it seem weird if we don’t enter our world the same way we left it?”

“I can’t construct a plane from scratch. This will have to do.”

Matt was getting annoyed but it’s not like AJ was asking stupid questions.

“When we come through the other side, will we be at the Museum of Natural History or somewhere else?”

This time it was Kevin’s turn.

“I wish I could give you answers. The truth is, I have no idea. I would think you’d end up at the Museum, yes, but there’s no telling for sure. It might take you back to Pennsylvania, or you could even end up somewhere else.”

“What about some time else?”

Everyone looked over at Nick as if he had ten heads. “I mean, isn’t there a chance you enter this tear and end up in another world and not your own?”

Up until now, I’m not sure if anyone even thought about that. I take that back, I’m sure it crossed the mind of all the geniuses in the group but it clearly failed to cross any of our minds.

“Could that happen?” I asked Matt and Charlie who seemed to be a little apprehensive to delve deeper into that question.

“Guys, anything is possible, but whatever the case, we need to make our move soon. Are you still willing to do this?”

I glanced around the room at everyone. Each face held a different expression. Howie’s was full of hope. AJ’s was full of doubt. Kevin had a look of intensity. No matter whatever happened he would deal with it then and there. Don’s looked annoyed and ready for this thing to end. Larry looked determined, both Charlie and Matt looked anxious. Alan just looked tired, but Nick’s face said it all. He had a look of acceptance. As long as he wasn’t alone, he would be okay, no matter what happened, whether it was this world or the next.

My Nick would look exactly the same.

“Let’s do it!” I was the first to speak, which I think surprised everyone.

“Would you like to bury your friend before we go?”

I could tell Don was trying to be sympathetic but if the answer was yes, he was going to be annoyed. I’m not sure why he would even say that because…

“We’re taking him with us.” Kevin answered.

“He’d just be dead weight we’d have to carry all the way to the museum.”

“I don’t care. He’s coming home with us, we owe him that much.”

“Well, I’m not carrying him.”

“I will.” All eyes turned to Nick as he continued, “I’ll carry him for you.”

Nick looked over at me and smiled, this time a very real one, “It’s what my best friend would want me to do.”

A fresh batch of tears started to form in my eyes as everyone started to move and get this plan in motion.


	42. Chapter 42

**~ 40 (b) ~**

**Confessions in the Dark**

**\+ Brian +**

I just stood there in quiet disbelief as that murderer talked on and on about how the USA managed to go to hell in a hand basket. Society was to blame for this. Greed and fame were held responsible as well. America was tired of how things were being handled by regular old politicians so they took a stand. They wanted change, someone that everyone knew and looked up to, and someone who had taken nothing and made something fabulous out of it. Donald Trump was the most vocal celebrity. He kept saying that if America would just elect him, they couldn’t go wrong. He had the finances, connections all over the world and most importantly, he understood what Americans wanted because after all he was no different than your average Joe. If that average Joe were a multi billionaire.

So, America revolted and refused to vote for any of the politicians really running for office. They wrote Trump’s name on the ballots to the point where it couldn’t be ignored. He won by a landslide and things were good for a very brief period of time.

“There were no more Republicans or Democrats. Trump refused to let us be labeled anything but Americans. We were proud and once again we were on top. Other nations looked at us and learned.”

He took a deep breath and suddenly looked over at me again. I turned my head away from him. I’m not sure why. I could tell he was disappointed that I didn’t acknowledge him so he sighed and then continued.

“We didn’t know he was making deals with all these other countries. He had a lot of back door trades going on. Things like weapons and land but most of all natural resources were being sold to the highest bidders. Basically America was on sale and he was making all of the profits.”

“I over heard some guys talking about how one day he made a bad trade with the Canadians. He agreed to sell them pretty much all of Alaska which you would think was almost a bad joke, but it was the truth. Trump had actually sold Alaska to Canada but didn’t let us know. That was the stipulation. Canada wasn’t allowed to let anyone know what had transpired until he could figure out a way to smooth it over. He knew we’d all be pissed! Especially the Alaskans considering their nationality would be changed.”

“The Prime Minister jumped the gun and told everyone about what had happened. This got Trump furious so he called the guy a liar and the next thing you know, we are fighting with Canada.”

I looked over at Charlie to see what his reaction would be and he seemed to be nodding in agreement. It’s funny but no one could ever tell us exactly what happened, just that The United States of America became the United Territories of North America one day with little to no explanation.

“What happened to Trump?”

Nick looked over at Kevin and shrugged. “The rumor going around the prison was once he got word that Canada was going to attack the US, he fled to Europe.”

“Why did people go after celebrities?”

Nick sat down and placed his hands on the table, putting one elbow down and using one arm to hold up his head. He looked exhausted. I could tell he hadn’t slept in days. He looked just how ours used to look when he was sleep deprived….used to…

Charlie took over this part of the story. “The Prime Minister had a field day when Trump left. It was pretty easy to take over the country when its leader runs away. He spun it to look like the whole thing was a ploy and that celebrities were the main culprits. Since Americans couldn’t lynch Trump, famous people like you were the next best thing.”

“That explains why Americans would hate us, but why did the Canadians go out of their way to hunt us down when they knew the truth?”

“To try to ally with the Americans, you know…stand firm and hate the same people.”

“My friends were killed just to keep up a lie.” I could hear his voice crack but I wasn’t about to give in to his tears. That wasn’t Nick. That was the guy who killed Nick. I decided to use that as my cue to go back into the bedroom and close the door.

I thought about putting the light on for just a second, but decided it was best to just sit in the dark. In the darkness, it was easier to pretend that he was just sleeping. I could talk to him and it would be no different than all the other times I used to do that while I sat on his floor keeping vigil by his bedside. After he was asleep I’d tell him my deepest, darkest fears. Things I would never tell anyone during waking hours. I basically used sleeping Nick as my diary. I would confess my inner thoughts without worry of anyone ever finding out.

“We’re going to go through with this hair brained idea and I’m scared to death.” I confessed in the darkness to my dead friend.

“Honestly, I’m not even sure if we should try. Maybe it would be best if we just stayed here and die together. Charlie and Matt are going to blow up the city and themselves. Maybe we should too.”

It felt good verbalizing that. “I want to just give up, Nick. Does that make me a bad person for just wanting to give up?”

“No.”

When I heard his voice I jumped to my feet and threw on the light switch. I’m not sure how I managed to do it all in one step but I did, only to find my Nick still very dead and the other one standing in the doorway staring at me.

“What do you want?” I was disappointed, not that I expected any miracles here, but even still just for a split second it was a nice thought.

“Can I come in for a minute?”

I looked over at my Nick for permission and had to smile at the thought of him thinking two of him in the same room would be ‘uber’ cool!

“I guess.” I moved back to the floor and sat down across from the bed, facing the body.

Nick slowly walked into the room, moving cautiously closer to the bed and sighing, “I needed to come in and see him.”

“You already saw him when you killed him. What’s the matter didn’t get a good enough look that time?”

I folded my knees and held my arms around them; mostly because I was so worked up I wasn’t sure what else to do with the energy surge I was feeling. Once again I thought of my younger friend. He often sat in this position and I always made fun of him for it. Now I know why he did it. If anyone had too much energy, it was Nick…was.

He was standing directly over the body now and looking down. “I am really sorry. If I could do it all over again, I would have never hurt you. I was just scared. I thought I was going to die and you were the only thing standing in the way of me living.”

I stared at him biting my lips. I wanted to lunge or scream or cry, but all I managed to do was watch.

“I’m a coward. I’m sure you weren’t though.” He went to put his hand on my Nick’s arm but stopped, rubbing his other arm instead.

“Were the two of you close?”

It took a few seconds for me to realize he was talking to me and not his dead double any longer.

“Very.”

“I was close to Brian too. He was like my big brother. I mean all the guys were but Bri and I had a special bond. We…”

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to be alone…” I cut him off and once again I could see the hurt in his eyes.

“Sure…”

“Do you mind turning off the lights on your way out?”

He started to leave and clicked off the lights but then stopped and turned back towards me, “You know I used to be afraid of the dark and Brian would sit by my bed just like you’re doing now. He’d stay with me until I’d fall asleep.”

“Is that right?” I tried not to sound curious or surprised, but I was.

“Yeah…” he started walking towards me and sat down. I guess he wasn’t leaving me alone after all.

“When he thought I was asleep, he’d start talking about his life and all his problems.”

I was glad it was dark in there because the way my eyes widened would have let him know he was getting to me. Is it possible that this Nick and the other me were almost identical?

“I never let him know I was awake and listening, but I was. I wish he would have trusted me enough to tell me those things when I was awake, but I got it. I was just a dumb kid. I’m sure he saved those things for his real family and friends.”

“No, he never told anybody, just you.”

“What?”

I can’t believe those words just came out of my mouth but I needed to continue, “He loved you like a little brother and he wanted you to look up to him. He was afraid that if you knew he was as scared as you about most things, you wouldn’t look up to him anymore.”

I glanced over at my Nick feeling sorry that I never told him that and hoped that he just heard it loud and clear from wherever he was.

“Really?”

Now I looked over at the living version and nodded. “Brian loved you Nick. They all did.”

“I don’t know… I’m pretty sure AJ hated my guts.”

I laughed as I wiped away a tear. I have no idea when I started crying. It just kind of happens now without my control.

“I’m sure even AJ loved you. You were their little brother.”

“We were family.” He added looking at me the very same way I had been looking at my Nick. I had forgotten I was as much of a ghost to him as he was to me, both doubles missing our friends.

He came close to me and mimicked the way I was sitting. “It’s okay to want to give up, Brian. I have been there too many times to count. It’s hard to want to keep going, but you have to. Your friends and family love you too much to have to live without you, but its okay to not want to.”

“What about you? Do you want to give up?”

I glanced over at his profile in the dark. He was my Nick now at least that’s what I was trying to convince myself of.

“No, I just want to be forgiven.”

There it was. He wanted me to tell him it was okay that he killed my best friend. “Do you forgive yourself for doing it?”

“No, I’ll never be able to do that.”

“Well, until you can, no matter how many people tell you otherwise, it won’t matter anyway.”

And that was the truth. I knew it first hand.

A sudden commotion in the living room broke up the quiet that had settled in the bedroom. We looked at each other and then stood up and rushed to see what was happening.


	43. Chapter 43

**~ 41 (a) ~**

**Falling into the Blackness**

**\+ Kevin +**

It’s almost over.

There’s so much uncertainty going into this, it’s nice to know that’s one thing I can say and actually know it to be true. Normally I would never be a part of something like this, where the outcome wasn’t guaranteed and no one really knew for sure what would happen. I’m not really that much of a risk taker. With all the crap that has happened, all I care about is having this come to an end. Whether that end is a good one or a bad one, I need a finale to this thing.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. I’m actually terrified. I mean planning it out and talking about it is one thing but seeing everyone all together now, en route to the museum, this was something else entirely.

I glanced over at Don and everyone else sitting across from me in the van we were traveling in. Knowing some of them were going to be dead soon made me sad, if I had any room left in my heart for that kind of sadness. My eyes purposely skipped over Nick’s body which was lying in the middle of the van floor between us all as a reminder of what happens when you trust people who are supposed to take care of you.

I will always blame myself for his death, always and forever because it is my fault.

The van we were traveling in was army issued thanks to the Canadian government for entrusting it to Matt who was supposed to be using it to transport the weapons and ammunition he was working on to various points in the city. Little did they know he was also using it to transport the bombs that would blow this city to bits in a few hours from now.

I wish there was a way to know if this plan of his was going to be successful. Once we went through that tear we’d never know how it all played out. If everything managed to go off without a hitch or if it failed would forever be left to our imaginations. 

As if hearing my thoughts, Matt spoke, “We can probably go about another ten miles or so but then we’ll have to move the rest of the way on foot. If someone saw us, even in this van that close to the museum it would definitely draw attention we don’t want.”

I realized that was the first time anyone said a word since we started our macabre ride.

“About how far away will we be?”

“I don’t know for sure but my guess is it’ll be a good half hour walk.”

After asking the question, Nick just nodded and once again blended in with the quiet. I found myself staring at him. How much he looked like Nick, felt like him. What was going to happen to this kid after we left? He was going to die, idiot, that’s what was going to happen to him. There was no room for him in this plan. Maybe if there were more time. I wonder if he realized that. If it hit him yet that this was also going to be his last night on this earth? Maybe it would be best if he didn’t figure it out and it just happened.

There’s just been too much death.

It was eerily quiet out there on the streets of New York where in our world they would be packed with people going to and from shows and restaurants. It was almost as if we were in rural Kentucky, minus the farms and green.

The weirdest part was the stop lights. They were still working as if those people and cabs were running around the city like crazy. The lights turned red, the do not walk signs turned to green but there was no one anywhere. It felt odd running through those lights, even still.

“How come there aren’t tons of abandoned cars here like there seem to be everywhere else?”

“They cleared them all out of the way when the attacks first happened. There were so many bodies and cars, our own men couldn’t get through to fight.”

Bodies just like the one lying at my feet.

“Where did they put them?”

“Subway, I can’t even begin to think about how many dead bodies there are right under our feet.”

That chilling thought brought the van to another round of quiet until it finally came to a stop. “Time to get out boys,” Larry who was serving as our driver said.

The doors opened as we all began to pour out one by one with Nick being the last one carrying his doppelganger. “This is where we say goodbye gentlemen.” Alan looked at me and smiled. I didn’t realize we all wouldn’t be making the trip together. “We have other places we need to be.” He added as he placed a loving hand on my shoulder.

“Thanks for everything.” What else could I have possibly said? Anything else would have just cheapened the moment.

I watched as the father said goodbye to both of his sons and then Larry did the same. One was heading to the Bronx while the other was going to Brooklyn. Both were never coming back. Their exchange was brief but full of emotion. Hearing the words, “See you soon,” almost made me lose the little bit of food I had in my stomach.

Alan jumped in the passenger side of the van and they took off, leaving us abandoned on the dark street. It was cold out but thankfully, it had stopped snowing. It felt like a colder autumn night as opposed to the dead of winter, even though it was nearly summer.

“We have until midnight.” Don said, brushing past me and taking the lead even though he wasn’t sure where he was going. He probably wanted to get this over with as much as I did.

“Let’s go but quietly. I have no idea if there are people out patrolling or not.” Matt whispered as we continued to walk down the block.

“How are you holding up?”

I turned to Howie and shrugged, “I’ll be okay. What about yourself?”

“I don’t know…I guess I’m okay as long as I don’t think about it.”

We took on the appearance of a class on a field trip. Matt and Charlie the teachers were walking at a fast pace, occasionally looking back and making sure we were all still with them, going over the plans out loud. Don was slightly ahead of them, one of the impatient parent chaperones. Howie and I were next in line with AJ and Brian directly behind us and pulling up the rear was Nick gently carrying his dead body over his shoulder at a very slow pace.

“Don said midnight, how long does that give us exactly?”

I wish I could answer AJ, but I had no idea what time it was. Maybe once we went through the hole, my watch would start working again. Maybe when we went through the hole, Nick would start working again too. We were all thinking it, even though no one said it out loud. I was holding out hope that maybe by going through that rip in the universe we would make everything that was wrong here, right which meant bringing Nick back to life.

We stopped when our other Nick let out a few choice words followed by a thump. I knew what had happened before I even turned around but even still I was angry when I saw the dead body of my little brother on the ground.

“I’m sorry, he’s really heavy. I need to stop for a minute.”

The line stopped, “We don’t have time for this. I knew taking that body was a mistake!” Don huffed and I wanted to jump on him. Nick wasn’t a body, he was a person. How he could just refer to my friend as a ‘body’ gave me pause.

“Let me carry him for a little bit.” I offered as I moved close to the other Nick and helped him pick up my Nick.

“Thanks.” He answered in a whisper.

Nick was very heavy and stiff. It was a lot harder carrying him than I thought it would be. I didn’t want to carry him over my shoulder. I felt like he deserved more respect than that but once I felt the weight, I knew the only way I would be able to handle him was by carrying him like a sack of potatoes. I just had to pretend he was alive and just sleeping. I used to always carry him like this when we’d horse around. Over the shoulder and then toss him into a pool or a pile of leaves. He used to hate it when I picked him up. He always said it made him feel small but he always had the look of ‘do it again’ in his eyes. I found myself missing him even more now and wondering how life will manage to go on without him.

We walked for about another ten long blocks or so before the huge museum came into view. “I can take him back now if you want.”

“No it’s okay. I got him.”

The other Nick nodded and rubbed the back of his neck and then stopped walking. “Maybe this is where I should say goodbye then.”

Once again our line stopped short.

“You should come all the way with us.”

“Why? So, I can watch you jump away to freedom?”

He did realize what was happening, of course he did. The sound of hurt in his voice broke my heart. “I just think you shouldn’t be alone.”

He nodded and started walking towards the museum again which filled me with a temporary sense of relief, it was selfish of me but I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Nick again. Not just yet.

“Do you think it’s locked?” Brian asked as we made our way up the many steps to the main entrance.

“I guess we’re about to find out.” Don said as he went for the front door.

It opened up with no problem.

Two things struck me as we entered the museum. One was how incredibly cold it was inside. It was almost colder in there than it was outside. The other was the smell. It was almost as if you walked into a giant closet that hadn’t been opened in years. It was a weird cedar smell kind of mixed with mothballs. You would think in an area as big as the main entrance, it wouldn’t feel so claustrophobic, but the second we walked in I wanted to run out.

Charlie and Matt walked past the check in points and stared at their map and I put Nick gently down on the ground.

“I always wanted to come here as a kid.” AJ confessed looking around and seeming unimpressed.

I glanced at my cousin who had remained very quiet for the entire journey. He was staring at his dead best friend on the floor and then at the living replica of him standing off to the side. Our eyes caught briefly just as Charlie motioned for us to follow him into another room.

I bent down and grabbed for Nick but was stopped. “I can take him from here. Thanks for helping before.” I nodded and let our other Nick take over. I could tell he felt like it was his duty or his penance.

Each footstep we took echoed through the long, tall hallways so intensely it was almost as if we were wearing tap shoes.

“I think it’s up the steps and to the left.” Matt’s voice rang out just as we entered the hall of the dinosaurs. We were instantly greeted by a huge replica of a T-Rex. I sighed thinking how much Nick would have loved to see this.

“Nicky would have loved this.”

“I know.”

I nodded at Howie and smiled. It was nice to know we were both thinking the same thing. Once again I found myself looking over at this other Nick who despite everything that was happening had the faintest trace of a grin on his face. I walked over to him, “It’s pretty spectacular, huh?”

“I wonder if they are alive and well in heaven. You know, if dinosaurs roam around like dogs and people can have them like pets and stuff.”

It was such a Nick thing to say I actually rolled my eyes at him, “I have no idea.”

He laughed and shrugged, “Guess I’ll be finding out soon enough.”

And just like that we were thrown back into the reality of the situation.

As we passed the remaining dinosaurs, we came to a fire door which Don had already opened and was just waiting patiently for us to pass through.

Once up the steps we ended up in a baron hallway with an arrow pointing to a King Tut Exhibit.

“It should be right around this corner.” Charlie whispered with apprehension in his voice. It was the first time he didn’t sound sure or brave. He sounded like someone who knew the end was coming and maybe was starting to realize it.

As we walked down the hall my thoughts started coming at me a mile a minute. My heart was beating rapidly, saliva was gradually making its way into my mouth and I actually started gagging. I was sure I was going to vomit, but it never came. The walk felt like one to a gas chamber or electric chair with each step closer to uncertainty or maybe even death. If this didn’t work, we were going to die. It was as simple as that. No second chances. Once it hit midnight that was it.

Then there was Nick. Not our dead one, but the living breathing one. Could we really just leave him behind knowing we were condemning him to death? It was bad enough we were doing that to our new friends, but this felt more like murder other than the sacrifice they were willing to pay. Was it really his fault he ended up the way he did and in this circumstance? The poor kid has already lost so much, why were we going to let him just die.

We stopped in front of a random purple colored wall. “This is the place.” Matt said with certainty. “Right here.” He pointed to a part of the wall that looked no different than any other part.

“It’s a wall.”

“Yes, it’s definitely one of those.” Howie agreed in a very comical way.

“Do we go through it or something?” I didn’t mean to sound dumb but I wasn’t exactly sure how it was we were supposed to end up going through some portal in time if all it was, was a wall.

Charlie put his hand on the wall and I have to admit I was expecting it to go right through, but of course it didn’t work that way. His palm settled on the wall and he started moving it up and down.

“I don’t get how this is going to work.”

AJ sounded frustrated. I was too.

Don walked over and opened the small black bag he was carrying. Inside there was a hammer and a crowbar. “We do this!” He took the hammer and plunged it into the wall. The sound it made echoed through the entire building. If anything was lying dormant in there, it would be awake now. That of course included anyone we might not want to run into.

After making a small hole in the wall, he used the crowbar to pull at the plaster. I should have offered to lend a hand but I was just kind of in a frozen trance, watching and waiting for something magical to happen. Waiting to see a glowing orb or rainbow or hear angels singing, something.

When it was all said and done, it was just a big gaping hole in the wall that seemed to lead to nowhere which was kind of anticlimactic.

We were going to die.

“Now what?” I asked as both Charlie and Matt bent down to examine the hole his brother had created.

“Now you go through.”

“Just like that? We just crawl through the hole and supposedly we’ll end up home?”

He shrugged, “I know it seems almost too simple but yes, that’s the plan.”

Matt had some kind of weird instrument in his hands which he placed in the hole. “I’ll be damned; I really think this is going to work!” His smile was so wide it almost made me cry. How could someone so close to death be so happy about anything?

He stood up and nodded, “You have to go now, the readings seem right but I don’t know how long that will last.”

“Were you able to see what’s on the other side?” Brian asked, his voice cracking as if he was going through puberty.

“No, it was too dark, but it definitely leads somewhere.”

“I guess it’s time for goodbye then.” I took a deep breath knowing that if anyone was going to go first it was me. Let me fall apart or get swallowed up by the earth before they have a chance to. Of course would that be better than knowing you were going to blow up? Who knew or cared anymore. I just wanted this to be over.

Charlie smiled at me and I grabbed his hand, “I don’t know how to thank you.”

“Just don’t let history repeat itself. Do whatever you need to do to stop something like this from happening in your world.”

“Whatever it takes!” Don added letting me know he meant it.

I looked over at Matt and nodded. He did the same. I then turned to my brothers, my best friends. After this experience we were going to be inseparable. No one else would ever understand this. We’d have to be each other’s support systems for the rest of our lives.

“Are you ready for this?” I asked, making sure to look each one of them in the eyes, just in case.

“This needs to be over.” AJ finally answered on everyone’s behalf.

I found myself looking back at Nick who was now just kind of staring at the wall as tears freely flowed down his face. He had placed Nick on the ground and put his jacket on top of him.

I walked over, not exactly sure what I wanted to say, hoping that the words would come when I needed them to. I placed my arm on his shoulder and he tried to move away. “In another time and place…”

“I know.” He squeaked out, “It’s okay…”

He smiled at me through his tears and in that instance I realized what I needed to do. I bent down next to Nick’s body and removed the jacket. He looked like he was sleeping except for the gradual graying under his eyes. “Nick, you know we love you, but we have the chance to save someone here. We will never forget you. You will always be with us, always!”

I then turned to the boys who were watching and starting to understand what was happening.

“No!” Brian pleaded.

“Brian, we have to.”

“But he killed Nick!”

“I know that AJ, but…”

“We can’t just leave him here!”

They were going back and forth crying and I totally understood. But leaving Nick behind didn’t make sense. Maybe with us he would have a second chance. He would be able to live a semi normal life. We could see to that! I would see to that!

“It’s the right thing to do.” I finally said after a few more minutes of silence.

“Kevin is right guys; Nicky would want us to do this.”

They all walked over to him and one by one they said their farewells to our dead friend. It took the living Nick awhile to get what was actually happening. It wasn’t until I grabbed his arm and led him to the hole that he got it.

“I don’t get it. Why aren’t you taking him? Why are you choosing me?”

“Because you’re alive and I truly believe you deserve a second chance. We all do!”

I got down into a crouch, ready to go through the hole and into the unknown, but before I did, I took one last look at my dead little brother and all of my best friends and mouthed the words, “I’m sorry.” I then grabbed Nick and together we fell into the blackness.


	44. Chapter 44

**41 (b)**

**The Lives of Many**

**\+ Kevin +**

“Please stop doing that.”

I looked over at Howie with pleading eyes. I tried not to say anything but after about fifteen minutes of him tapping the table with his fingertips, I had to say something. Thank God there were no pens in sight otherwise it would have been the relentless clicking on and off. Those were his nervous habits and I couldn’t really blame him for being nervous. I was a wreck myself.

“Sorry.”

“That’s okay.”

“I just want to get this over with.”

“You and me both.”

It was enlightening hearing the events that brought this world to the breaking point from Nick. To think how quickly this place turned into what it is now made me actually shudder.

“Do you think this will actually work?”

AJ walked over and sat down. He had been pacing back and forth between this room and the living room where Charlie and his family were, stopping briefly to try to eavesdrop on Brian and Nick in the bedroom.

“I don’t know.”

He bit his bottom lip and stood up to start his pacing once more. A sudden crashing sound in the living room brought us all to our feet behind him as we ran to see what was going on.

When we reached the sound of the kerfuffle, Alan was laying on the ground with Charlie right by his side. Don was pacing and both Matt and Larry were standing behind them not looking very hopeful.

“What happened?” I asked walking over to Larry and whispering into his ear.

“He was complaining of chest pains and then just collapsed to the floor.”

“Shouldn’t we call an…” AJ stopped when everyone looked at him incredulously. Of course there would be no one to call. They couldn’t take the risk of calling for help and getting caught, not after all they had worked for.

“Dad, please….” Charlie pleaded with his father who looked up at him and smiled.

“I have horrible timing son…” He was barely able to get out.

Charlie smiled back at his father and then gave his brother a glance. “It’s okay dad.”

“I love you both.” He whispered before closing his eyes for the very last time.

The silence hung in the room, thick with emotions and regret. Charlie hugging his father and Don standing over his little brother, hand on shoulder. He looked vulnerable just for a moment before trying to resume that stoic tone of his.

“At least he didn’t have to blow himself up.” He said as he glanced our way and resumed the role of hardass.

We watched as Don walked out of the room, pausing by Nick and Brian who had snuck in amidst all the commotion. He turned around and said, “We leave in ten minutes.”

“But what about Alan’s post?”

Matt asked, seeming anxious and unsympathetic. It annoyed me until I realized that Alan just happened to die a little earlier in the day then he had originally planned. What an odd thought that is to try to wrap your head around.

“We’ll just have to make due with what we have.”

I cleared my throat. This was the time to step up and do something. It’s odd how I knew exactly what I needed to do. I remained silent though, even if I knew in my heart that I needed to take Alan’s place. What good would it be to announce it to the world? The guys would try to talk me out of it and I might just let them. I took a deep breath and sighed, it’s not every day you make this kind of decision.

The lives of many were worth more than the life of one. Within a few hours I would be dead but maybe I would have succeeded in saving so many more people.

“Kevin?”

I looked up to the concerned face of my cousin. His hand was on my shoulder. “Are you okay?”

I swallowed hard before I answered, “Yes.”

“We should get ready. He was serious about ten minutes and I think Charlie needs some time alone with his dad.”

We both looked over at Charlie as he hugged his father. I nodded and led everyone out the living room door and back into the kitchen. Nick lingered behind, not able to take his eyes off of the somber scene.

“Come on little man.” I found myself calling him my Nick’s pet name. Although at this point, what did it matter?

Don was in the kitchen sipping on a cup of coffee when I walked over to him, out of earshot of the rest, “I’m in.”

He glanced at me, “What do you mean?”

“I mean I’ll take your father’s place.”

I wasn’t sure what kind of reaction I was expecting. Maybe I was hoping for a huge argument, but all he did was shrug, “Yeah…okay.”

“We can’t tell the guys though. They would never go through with leaving if they knew I was going to do this.”

“Fine.”

“Good.” I said, surprisingly calm since sealing my fate.

“I’m going to get my brother and then we’re going to roll. After they go through the portal, we’ll fill you in on the plan.”

I nodded, “Okay.”

It’s funny how quickly an attitude can change when one knows he’s going to die. I felt a sense of peace come over me once the initial shock of my decision was over and done with. Before we left the house we all took turns saying our goodbyes to Alan.

Larry came out of the room in tears, choosing to look down instead of meet my gaze.

When I walked into the bedroom, he was laying on the bed that Nick had occupied earlier. He had a look of peace on his face. For him this nightmare was finally over. It would be for me too.

“Don’t worry Alan; I’m taking care of it.” I promised him, “It’s the least I can do for all you’ve done for us.”

I walked out of the room and to the beginning of my destiny.

***

The ride to the museum was eerily quiet. I think maybe the presence of Nick lying dead on the floor was part of it; a grim reminder to those people who were not going to escape tonight, that soon they would be looking just like him. I know that was my thought whenever I allowed myself a glance at the floor of the van. We originally were going to leave him in the house with Alan, but truth was, none of us were ready to say goodbye to him just yet so we decided to take him with us. Leave him at the museum. Nick would have thought it would be cool to spend eternity with dinosaurs in the next room.

Once I made up my mind to do this, I made sure to let Nick know I’d be seeing him soon. I whispered in his ear and asked him to leave me a place at the table and to please let my dad know I was coming. That’s the other thing that I kept thinking about, the idea of seeing my father again. I pictured both he and Nick greeting me as I made my way up to heaven. 

The van came to such an abrupt halt; I thought we might have hit something. We all lurched forward slightly and Howie almost completely came off his seat if not for the instincts of Brian who pulled him back he would have ended on top of Nick.

“We’re here.”

Matt climbed out of the car and we all followed. I felt my heart beat just a little faster and my brain racing with doubt. My survival instincts were kicking in and with every step closer to the actual museum, I felt my bravery waning. I didn’t want to die. I wanted to go through that portal. I found myself walking slowly, behind everyone else as we approached the steps and started our assent up the building. It was huge and beautiful but eerily quiet.

“My brother told me what you plan on doing.”

I almost jumped at the sound of Charlie’s voice.

“It’s a very courageous decision but not wise.”

“Why is that? It’s what you’re doing.”

“I know, but like we’ve said, it’s imperative that five you of go through since five of you showed up here.”

“You’re not sure if that’s true or not though, right? I mean we’re not even sure if there is a portal in there in the first place.”

He nodded, “Maybe so, but you could be risking your friend’s lives by staying here.”

“That’s why I plan on letting Nick’s body go in my place.”

“That could work.” He said after a few moments of contemplation.

“I’m sure it doesn’t matter who goes through but more the mass, right? I mean according to your calculations.”

He nodded again, “I suppose…”

“Then let me help you.”

“Okay.”

At the front doors, Don did a quick scan of the place before opening them, “Stay together and keep your eyes out for other people. We should be safe, but just in case we need to be prepared for anything.”

“Yeah, this place is so bat shit crazy I wouldn’t be surprised if the dinosaurs came to life in there.” AJ added. The scary part is, no one laughed or argued otherwise. It very well could happen. Maybe that’s how they became extinct in the first place. They took a wrong turn and ended up here.

We walked in and the first thing that hit me was the smell of the place. It smelled like the inside of a closet, complete with mothballs. The place was so big. It felt claustrophobic to me though. Our footsteps echoed across the room, bouncing off the walls. The acoustics in the room were pretty impressive. It was probably a great place to maybe record something, funny where your brain goes sometimes.

We were all following Charlie who held the map in his hand and would randomly stop and look around before leading us in one direction or another. He stopped once more giving me time to say the first of many goodbyes. It would be tricky saying goodbye to people without them realizing it was the end. I had to though. I had to let them know how much I loved and cared about them.

I grabbed AJ’s shoulder and he jumped, just like I knew he would.

“How you holding up?”

“I think before this is over I might just crap my pants a little.”

I laughed. I’ll miss his sense of humor.

“Look, I just wanted to tell you that I’m proud of you for getting out of that hole and finding us. We thought you were dead and you managed to do everything in your power to survive. I bet you didn’t even know you had it in you.”

“Funny what thinking you’re going to die, can do for someone.”

“As long as you keep that attitude, you’ll be fine. Can you promise you’ll do that? Keep that kind of drive, no matter what happens?”

He thought about it for a few seconds and then nodded, “I’ll try my hardest.”

“That’s all I can ask.”

“This way guys, up these stairs and to the left.”

We nodded and continued to follow Charlie.

I caught up with Howie next, “Hey man.”

“Hey.”

“I’ve always admired your positive attitude D. I don’t know if I’ve ever told you that. Sometimes I wish I had your patience when it came to dealing with things. Never lose that, okay?”

“That seems random. Why are you saying that now?”

I shrugged, “I don’t know. It just came to me.”

I wanted to tell him that he needed to step up and take the leadership role in this group now, but I couldn’t. He would know. D was always the most perceptive of all of them and as much as I wanted to say goodbye to them, I couldn’t handle it the other way around. Instead, I’d just have to trust it would happen naturally. I know Howie will step up because that’s what he does. If they do decide to continue on as a group without me, they’d need him to keep them all in line, even though I’m sure this experience has matured us all beyond our years.

“It’s right around this corner,” Came Matt’s voice just as I stopped my cousin.

“Brian…”

I felt my voice cracking; this one was going to be hard.

“What?”

There was so much I wanted to tell him. So many things flowing through my mind but especially I wanted him to be the one to let my family know how much I love them and how sorry I was that I didn’t come back.

“Kev, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just wanted to say I love you buddy. You know, just in case…”

“Kevin, don’t think that way. We’ll make it through this.”

“I know.”

I smiled and wiped away my tears. I was really going to miss these guys.

“Okay we just need a sledge hammer but I think this is it.”

We all looked at the wall in disbelief. It was a wall, no biggie, nothing special about it. It’s not like it had a blinking, neon sign over it saying “Portal to another world” I was having my doubts until the hole Don made, revealed a slight humming sound. I actually had to cover my ears.

“This has to be it.” Charlie said, smiling at the guys before looking over at me and nodding.

“I’m not sure how much time you have but you might want to get going now.” Matt said, looking at me to make some kind of move.

“I think I’ll go last. Brian, why don’t you go first, you’re the adventurous type.”

He seemed kind of surprised by that. They all just naturally assumed I’d be the one to test it out. When he saw I wasn’t kidding he nodded, took a few deep breaths, kissed Nick on the forehead and crawled inside the hole. My heart caught in my throat when the humming suddenly intensified but then quickly diminished.

“AJ go!” I said giving him a gentle tap. “It’s okay.”

“How do you know that?”

“I just do!” and I did for some reason, I knew they’d be just fine.

“I trust you.” He went down on all fours and did the same thing, once again hearing an intense humming and then a duller version.

Howie looked over at me, “Go D. I’ll be right behind Nick.”

“Okay.” He looked over at me and then the other Nick before joining AJ and Brian in the unknown.

I let out a sigh of relief, knowing that they were out of this world and would be okay. I had to believe that anyway.

“You don’t have to do this.” Nick said staring intently at me.

“Do what?”

“Stay behind.”

“How did you know?”

“I just had a feeling when you started saying your goodbyes.”

I take that back, Howie wasn’t the most perceptive one. It actually always has been Nick.

“I have to, it’s the only way.”

“No it’s not. Let me stay. I already told them I would as soon as their dad died.”

I glanced over at Don, feeling dumb. “He told me not to tell anyone, just like you did.” He said walking back to his brother, annoyed at the holdup.

“No.”

“Kevin, that isn’t my world anyway. I would be taking your friends place. I would never be able to be me. I’ll always be him. As much as I hate this place, it’s my home. You deserve to be with your friends and family. Let me do this one good thing. It’ll be my way to make it up to your Nick and myself.”

He went and picked up Nick’s body and gently handed it to me, “Go!”

I looked over at Charlie and the rest, unsure of what to do.

“Time is running out.” Don warned.

I looked Nick in the eyes, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, now go!” He had tears in his eyes. I could tell he was scared to death but I could also feel how much he needed redemption.

“Thanks for everything.” I said to everyone standing there. My eyes landing on Nick last.

“Your friends and family would be so proud of you, Nick.”

“Just remember not to let your world make the same mistakes we made.” Charlie said as Nick stepped back and was met by Matt’s hand on his shoulder.

I place our Nick down on the ground gently as I crawled through the hole, pulling him just as I was enveloped by darkness and a blaring sound of humming and chimes.


	45. Chapter 45

**Epilogue (a)**

**Grant us Peace**

**\+ Nick +**

I have never been as scared in my life as I was crawling on all fours in that little space for what felt like hours. It was dark, moldy, dirty and claustrophobic in there. Every time I put my hand down I shuddered to think what I was actually feeling beneath my palms. Kevin was behind me, at least I was pretty sure he was but I didn’t even have enough room to turn around to check. When I tried calling out his name, I was met with silence. I didn’t even hear my voice. It was the sensation you feel when you cover your ears and try to talk. All you hear is a small murmur. Maybe that was the price of leaving my world for this new one. I’d be deaf.

Something weird happens to you when you are ready to die but suddenly and unexpectedly given a second chance. I should have felt exhilarated but all I felt was anger. Maybe I was ready to die. Maybe I had made peace with my fate. I kind of did. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t want to actually die, who does? But I came to terms with it. I was even looking forward to it in some way. To be able to see my family and friends that has already perished.

It was all yanked away from me when Kevin pulled me through this hole. Now I was forced to have to make do with whatever was waiting for me on the other side. I’d live my life as if I was someone I’m not. I’d have to pretend to be this other person. Sure we were the same in some ways, but not all ways. I guess I could tell people it was me. Go on about the different dimensions and other Nicks etc… but that would just make me sound crazy, so once we were out of this hole, I’d be dead anyway. The new me, being the kid I killed. Perhaps that’s my penance.

There was a cool breeze coming through as I continued my long crawl through the darkness. My feet were falling asleep and my knees were really hurting. What if this tunnel led us to nowhere? Obviously we were no longer in the museum which was clear about an hour of crawling or so went by and there was no light at the end of this tunnel. If Charlie and Matt were wrong, we would have quickly emerged in another part of the museum by now.

They weren’t wrong.

Even though I couldn’t see where I was, I knew that we were in a different place and time. It felt different, the air, my body, just everything in general. I tried calling out again, hoping that it would work this time but no such luck. The only positive this time around was I heard my own voice just a little bit better. Another good sign, the small hole started to get a little bigger. I tried standing up and fell back down to my knees because my legs were numb. I decided to lean against the wall and rest for a minute or two. Maybe Kevin would catch up with me by then. It was nice being able to stretch my legs for a bit. I rubbed at my sore back as well. My eyes were adjusted to the blackness of the area so I was able to see that it had turned from a small hole to a tunnel. It still wasn’t that big, more like something you see when you picture people mining for coal, but it was a hell of a lot better than before.

My mind went racing yet again to this second chance I was given. What do I do with it exactly? Do I try to become a better man? I don’t think I was that bad of a man to being with. I have always done the best I could under the circumstances I was given. I made it into the Backstreet Boys despite not the best family life. I managed to survive even after seeing my brothers all die. I was proud of the person I had become; only to now be forced to become someone else.

I won’t do it.

They’ll just have to understand that as long as it’s me they are dealing with, the other Nick is dead. I can’t bring him back. I feel horrible for making him go away in the first place, but I still deserve to be me, not him.

I opened my mouth wide to try to get my ears to pop. It felt like I had spent hours on a plane and we were landing. I wish I had a piece of gum or something. It would help with the sensation I was feeling but also with the small pang of hunger my stomach was experiencing as well. 

With that thought, I forced myself to stand up and get moving once again. This time I was able to walk without falling, my feet finally feeling like themselves again.

“It’s about fucking time!”

I stopped when I heard my own voice loud and clear. I wasn’t deaf after all; another good thing to know.

“Hello?” I called out, this time hoping that one of the others would finally be able to hear me.

The breeze picked up a bit and the air felt nice and cool. I was sensing that the end of the tunnel was coming soon. Also there was the slightest bit of light coming from the bend.

“Hello?” I yelled once more.

“Nicky, is that you?”

I jumped at the sound of Howie’s voice as he slowly walked towards me, trying to adjust his own eyes to the darkness of where I was standing.

“Howie? Thank God. I was beginning to think I’d never see any of you again!”

He walked slowly towards me as I inched closer to him.

When he was right beside me, he put his hand to his mouth in disbelief before pulling me into a hug. “Thank God. I knew it. I was hoping it would work. That you’d come back to us!”

He was crying as he hugged me so tightly, I thought I was going to break in half. Then he pulled away and grabbed a hold of me as we started to walk towards more voices.

“It is him! I thought it was his voice!” D said just as Brian and AJ came into view.

The light was both beautiful and ominous, like a huge door you had to open and go through before you could leave the tunnel.

Brian pulled me close to him and I felt AJ’s hand on my shoulder. “It’s you! This is really a day of miracles.” They were all crying.

They thought I was their Nick. Didn’t they remember what happened before we left?

“Guys, it’s not…I mean it’s me, not the one I killed.”

Just like that, Brian let go and wiped at his tears. “Right, of course, I forgot that we…”

I felt horrible. I can’t describe what it feels like when someone is disappointed that you are alive. The knowledge that people secretly wish you could take the place of someone who had died. It’s not a great feeling but it’s one I’d be cursed to live with for the rest of my life.

“Have you seen Kevin?”

AJ asked, walking back towards the darkness.

“No, but I think he was right behind me. He should be showing up soon. What’s on the other side of that light?”

Brian, who was still trying to regain his composure at the thought of losing his best friend to me again, finally answered, “We don’t know. We wanted to wait until we all were together and then we’d find out at the same time.”

“This is kind of like those stories you hear about when someone describes what it looks like after you die complete with the tunnel and the bright light at the end.”

I nodded at AJ. It was the thought running through my mind as well. What if we were dead? What if going through that hole actually killed us? It’s not like it’s out of the realm of possibility or anything.

“Maybe we should backtrack and find Kevin.” Howie said getting closer to the darkness we had recently ascended from.

“No need, I’m right here,” his welcome voice came out of the dark and joined us in the light. All three boys rushed over to welcome him and I stood awkwardly behind. Another thing I’m sure I’d have to get used to, my new job as the third wheel.   
  


He gave me a small smile and then quickly turned his attention to the bright light blocking our way to freedom. “None of you have gone through?”

“We were waiting for you.”

He walked up to it and we all followed. There was a heat radiating off of it. That and the sound of chimes as if we were on a porch on a windy day. Kevin placed his hand right up to the light and pushed it through. The ringing intensified to the point that I had to cover my ears.

He took a deep breath and stepped back for a second, “Well, what do you say guys?”

“Maybe we should throw something through first?”

AJ said as he bent down and grabbed a small rock. “I mean better safe than sorry, right?”

He threw it into the light. The humming intensified and the light brightened for just a second before going back to normal.

“Well, that didn’t prove much I guess.”

“Except that you still throw like a girl.” I said it before I had a chance to edit my thoughts. They all laughed but I felt bad because I wasn’t talking to this AJ. I didn’t even know this AJ. I was talking to mine and he was long dead.

“I say we all go through together on three.” Kevin grabbed his cousin’s hand and in turn we all did the same to one another, AJ reluctantly taking mine as we stood in a line facing this huge light.

“One…”

So many thoughts ran through my brain. What if we just ceased to exist once we went into this thing?

“Two…”

What if we ended up somewhere else?

“Three…”

What if they didn’t accept me?

We all walked forward and right through the sound of the chimes and the brightness. At one point it felt as if the light was going right through me. It felt incredible, like I was being reborn.

Maybe I was.

I opened my eyes when the sound of chimes suddenly stopped and found myself standing in a hallway. We all were still holding hands and dropped them quietly down to our sides.

“Where are we?”

“I don’t know, but it looks familiar.” Kevin said as he broke our line and started walking down the hall. “I’ve been here before.”

Once again we followed closely behind. It was very quiet, wherever we were. Not a sound was being made which seemed weird since the hallway kind of reminded me of something you’d find in a business.

As we rounded the corner, I realized it looked familiar to me too. It was a place I used to frequent often, before the attacks started and one final time, trying to escape, unsuccessfully.

“The airport.”

Brian said as we walked the baron waiting area. There was no one waiting for flights to leave because there were no flights to leave. This was my airport, not theirs.

“I don’t understand…where is everybody?”

Howie asked as they all continued to walk around, puzzled.

I did understand though, it all made perfect sense to me. I let out a sigh and once again felt a great sense of relief, because this time around I was going to get it right.

“We need to go outside.”

They all turned and looked at me, “What do you mean?”

How do I tell them? Should I tell them? It’s probably best for them not to know what’s going to happen next.

“I’m so sorry.”

Kevin walked towards me, “About what?”

This was it. The five of us, knowing we were being hunted trying to escape only to be found outside the airport. They are killed and I am carted off to prison until I am found by these guys. Same plot, different characters.

“I just am.”

Then the sirens came out of the distance, a ton of them, lights flashing as they raced towards us.

“What is happening, Nick?” Kevin asked but I think in his heart, he already knew.

They all did.

“We can try to make it back to the hole.” Howie said in desperation.

“To what? That world is probably long gone by now.”

Brian was standing quietly biting his lip and looking out the window and AJ was doing the same. Howie nodded at Kevin and they all went and stood together. “It’s done then…we tried everything.”

“Should we go out there?”

“No, let them come in to us.”

“I love you guys.” Kevin said just as the police busted through the door.

They dragged us to the car, and pulled out their guns. There was one news van there with cameras ready to record everything. They wanted to make sure that everyone witnessed what was going to happen. I wasn’t afraid this time, I was ready. Funny how things change when you once again realize you are going to die.

“Me first!” I insisted.

“You’re too young; we have other plans for you.”

“I don’t care. Me first!” I said with authority as I grabbed the gun out of one of their hands.

“Nick, NO!” I heard one of them scream but it didn’t matter, at long last there would be peace, if not in this world, then in the next.

I felt the bullet hit me and I dropped to the ground.

This was it, the end of my story.

The end of all of us.

I closed my eyes as I heard the other shots ring out. One at a time and then at long last, silence.


	46. Chapter 46

**Epilogue (B)**

**A Light at the end of the Tunnel**

**\+ Howie +**

I felt odd. Like almost in a state of sleep but I was wide awake. I think I was awake. My eyes were opened and I was able to look around, even though I couldn’t see very much at all. It was dark but not pitch black as I had feared it would be. When I went through the hole in the wall, I was most afraid of that humming sound. Rationally, I knew a sound couldn’t hurt me but it was so menacing that I couldn’t help but fear what was on the other side.

At one point, it was almost unbearable. I knew I had to crawl to reach my destination but I also knew I’d have to block out that sound to be able to move ahead. Talk about your double edged swords. It’s impossible to crawl and cover your ears at the same time. So, I would move a little, then stop and shield my ears from the intense vibrations coming from all around me. That’s what it turned into as I continued on. It was less of a noise but more of a sensation. It was going right through me and at one point I was certain it was going to rip me apart.

It was not an enjoyable experience but thankfully, it stopped.

The silence was welcome and terrifying. It was an extreme to go from intensity to nothingness. It felt like I was in space. A place between sleep and dreaming and that’s where I was right now.

At one point I thought I was dead. The thought occurred to me when I felt as though I was in space. I even closed my eyes and tried to float. Of course it didn’t work and I just laid there on the ground on my stomach like an idiot. Nicky would have done the same thing.

My thoughts shifted to my dead little brother. How much we had been through together the last few weeks. How much we had become closer just because there was no one but him and me. I didn’t take the time to grieve like everyone else did. I wouldn’t allow myself but here in this small hallow place I was overcome with sadness for my friend.

Things were going to be different from here on in. Nick was coming back. Not ours but this fake one. The worst part was the fact that it would just have to remain a secret between the four of us. I acted like I was okay with it, but secretly, I’m not sure if I would be able to accept this kid as one of us. He’d forever be the one who killed Nicky. I’m not sure how he’ll even adapt to our world. For all we know, once he gets here he might bail on us. I need to shake that thought off though because as of right now all I should be worrying about is getting out of this hole.

I glanced over at the walls surrounding me to see they were shimmering. It looked as though they were made of coal with bits of crystals shining through.

“What is this place?”

My voice sounded odd. Like how you sound after swallowing helium. I actually found myself giggling as if I was in the back of our tour bus and not some weird vortex between worlds.

I was getting angry at myself for acting the way I was. This was a serious situation, actually perilous. I had no idea how everyone else was or if they even made it through in one piece. Lives were lost, chances are Charlie and Don were already dead and yet here I was giggling about the sound of my voice?

I hated having all this time for self-loathing and reflection so I picked up my pace. The quicker I got to the end of this hole, the better it would be.

It felt like I had been crawling for hours and going nowhere. What if this was all there was? Maybe I’d be resigned to a life of forever crawling around this place looking for an opening that just didn’t exist? I mean sure, Charlie and Matt knew this was a way out of their world but they never said anything about an opening into ours. I wish I had thought about that earlier.

“Crap.”

This time my voice sounded more like me and less like Latino Mickey Mouse.

I also noticed that the hole was gradually becoming bigger as the walls moved further away and the ceiling grew a bit taller with every few feet I travelled. Soon I’d be able to stand up and walk. I wish I knew where the others were though. It made me nervous that I hadn’t caught up with Brian and AJ yet. I knew that Nick and Kevin were behind me but those two were ahead of me.

“Brian, AJ?” I shouted as loud as I could, finally standing up and allowing myself to stretch.

“Guys, can you hear me?” I yelled once more.

I was just about to give up hope when I heard AJ loud and clear, “D, is that you?”

Within a minute or so he came into view, standing there rubbing at his neck with Brian by his side. All of us were able to stand comfortably but Nick and Kevin would definitely have to duck for a while at least.

“Thank God! I was afraid I had lost you guys.” I embraced both of them, happy for the company.

“It’s been a pretty trippy ride so far, huh?”

I nodded at AJ. “I’ll be happy when it’s all over.”

“Have you seen Kevin and Nick?”

I shook my head, “They were right behind me though. Maybe we should just wait here.”

AJ and I sat down while Brian chose to just lean against the wall. My eyes had adjusted to the dark but it was slowly becoming lighter. It reminded me of twilight. A time I had become very accustomed to witnessing.

“How much longer until we’re out of here you think?”

Brian squatted down beside me, “I walked a little further down and saw a really bright light. When I heard AJ I turned around and came back this way and then we found you.”

“A bright light?”

“Yeah and it was humming just like the one we went through to get here.”

“Fantastic.”

“I think it’s the entrance back to our world but I wasn’t about to go through alone. This time Kevin can go first.”

“Do you think they succeeded?”

Brian was now on his feet once again and taking a few steps towards where I had just been.

“Charlie and the rest?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know if they’ve even tried yet. I have no idea how long we’ve been down here.”

“Feels like a fucking year.”

“I know AJ, but it can’t be more than an hour at the most. They would have needed longer than that to get in place.”

“Think we’ll feel it when it happens?”

“I don’t know.”

“What if we haven’t cleared the area by then? What if this all falls on top of us, what if…?”

“AJ please stop. Worrying about this crap will do none of us any good.”

Thank you Brian! I swear this kid has a way of being the voice of doom in any kind of situation. I had all those doubtful thoughts swimming in my head to begin with. I didn’t need his too.

“I hope they’re okay. They should have been here by now.” Brian inched his way closer towards the smaller area of the tunnel.

“I’m sure they’re fine.” I tried to sound optimistic, but I wasn’t.

So many things could have potentially gone wrong starting with Nick trying to come to our world. Maybe there would be repercussions for that. Maybe the hole would swallow him and then Kevin would be stuck on the other side. I hated thinking that way, but seriously, this kid wasn’t from our world. A greater power out there had to know that. The same power that wouldn’t allow the two Nick’s to live together in harmony in the first place.

“I see them!” Brian said as he ran out of our view and into the small darkness.

I sighed and gave AJ a quick ‘see? Everything is okay, I told you so,’ look.

After a few minutes Brian and Kevin emerged, carrying Nick.

“I knew it.” I whispered as AJ ran over to help.

“What happened?”

They managed to carry him to where we were originally and then gently laid him on the ground. Brian looked somber as did Kevin. AJ seemed confused but I knew instantly.

“Is he okay?”

“AJ, this is our Nick buddy.”

Brian gently placed his hand on Nick’s face. “What happened, Kevin?”

“He stayed behind to take Alan’s place.” Kevin said with tears in his eyes.

“He did?”

Kevin nodded, staring down at the body of our friend. The shimmering light in the tunnel made it look like he was asleep instead of dead.

“Why would he do that?” AJ sounded angry.

“Because he knew it had to be done.”

And there it was, once again we had to mourn the loss of our friend. Not only the one we had known for years but the one we had yet to know. The one who turns out was braver than all of us combined.

“What’s up ahead, do we know?”

Kevin broke us all out of our thoughts. I’m sure he had this entire journey to let what happened sink in but to us, this was all new. We once again went from a world with Nick to one without him and that really sucked.

“We encountered a bright light which I think is our exit.” Brian stood up and moved away from Nick and back towards the main goal, getting out of here.

“Well, then let’s keep going. Who knows how long this tunnel will be stable for?”

Kevin bent down to pick up Nick but when I saw how physically drained he was, I quickly moved in to help. I can only imagine what it was like for him to have to drag the body along through that small, dank hole. AJ and Brian quickly came to my aide and the three of us carried him all the way to the light while Kevin lagged a bit behind.

Brian was right about the light. It was really bright and the humming coming from it was making my insides hurt. If the other one didn’t tear us apart, this one was more than likely to.

“Holy shit.”

It was a very appropriate exclamation.

“So, do we just go through or maybe we should test it out first?” AJ walked over and tossed a rock into the light before any of us had time to object.

The humming and the light both intensified and then went back to normal. We didn’t hear anything explode which was a good thing but we didn’t hear anything land either, which was a bad thing.

“Well that did a big fat nothing to ease my mind.”

We all looked over at AJ and nodded.

“I say we just go through together on three.”

Kevin thought about it for a minute before agreeing with me, “We started this journey together, let’s end it that way as well.”

“Whatever happens…” I added.

“I love you guys.” Brian said as a perfect period at the end of my sentence.

The three of us still held on to Nick but now Kevin placed his hand on my shoulder and the other one on Nick’s leg.

“On three…”

I nodded as my heart began to race.

“One…”

I wasn’t sure if I should close my eyes or leave them opened.

“Two…”

Suddenly the ground began to shake as we were thrown off of our feet and into the light before Kevin had a chance to say three.

~*~*~*~*~

My head hurt and I felt dizzy, like I had the worst of hangovers. Maybe I did? Was it possible that this was all some alcohol induced dream? If that was the case I’d be forever grateful and never tell another soul about it as long as I lived. The horrible smell made me realize it wasn’t a dream though. It was the most rancid thing I have ever smelled. I didn’t want to open my eyes, too afraid of what I might find.

Against my better judgment, I did open my eyes to be met with piles of garbage. It took me a second to realize where I was. I pulled myself out of the dumpster and tried not to vomit as I did. I was all gooey and just gross. Lord knows what I had all over me. It was covering my hair and everything.

“Guys?” I yelled trying to get as far away from the smell as I could.

It seemed as though I was in an alley of some kind. I walked closer to the sound of humming. It intensified the closer I got to the end of the alleyway. The sun was out and there was a nice breeze coming from above.

“Guys?” I said once again before leaving the safety of the small space I was in.

The humming got loud to the point of almost a growl and then a huge shadow appeared right over my head. I ducked down for protection until I figured out what was happening. It was a plane taking off. We were at an airport.

That realization was all I needed. My adrenaline kicked in and I found myself running out of the alley and around the corner where I saw one of the main terminals, but more importantly I saw AJ standing by an empty cart looking as gooey and confused as I was.

“AJ!” I yelled as I ran towards him.

“D? What the hell?”

I shrugged but couldn’t help but smile as another plane passed overhead.

We both walked into the terminal to find Kevin standing by some chairs with a look of awe on his face. He was all gooey too. “Kev!” I shouted just as Brian walked out of the restroom looking less gooey then the rest of us.

When all four of us were together, Kevin managed to grab a newspaper that was sitting abandoned on a chair. “We’re back.” He said not really believing himself. I grabbed the paper out of his hand, aware for the first time of the stares from passersby coming our way.

“May 22nd, 1999!” It’s the day we left.

Brian grabbed the arm of an older woman who was walking past us, “Excuse me ma’am but where are we?”

“Get your hands off of me!” She bat him away.

“Sorry…are we in New York?” He asked not caring that he seemed like a crazy person.

“Of course you are. Do I need to call security?”

“That’s okay ma’am, we’ll take care of it.” 

I glanced over shocked to see Matt standing there. Not the one we had just left, but the one who died in the plane. I didn’t realize it until now, but they were one in the same. That’s why he looked so familiar. You could tell we were all thinking the same thing.

“What the hell is all over you guys? Have you been dumpster diving or something?” He seemed annoyed but I didn’t care. I walked right over to him and gave him a hug.

“Good to see you, man.”

“Whatever. We’re running behind schedule and the plane will not wait forever. Where’s Nick?” He looked at his watch in disgust.

That’s when the reality of the situation hit us all like a ton of bricks.

“I’m going to track him down!” He let out a huff and then took off in search of Nick.

“Brian?” Our heads turned to the sound of Leighanne who was standing there staring at us all like we had ten heads.

He ran and grabbed her in a huge hug, twirling her around and kissing her and telling her how sorry he was. She was embarrassed and pulled away from him. “What has gotten into you?”

“I can’t find him!” Matt interrupted the reunion looking more perturbed than ever.

“That’s okay. We’re not going to take this plane anyway.”

“Excuse me?”

“We aren’t going to take this plane. We’ll take a bus, no more planes.”

“What do you mean no more planes?”

“Just…trust me.”

He looked at Kevin and shook his head, “I will never understand celebrities.” He walked away to call someone from our management that would most likely try to force us on to that plane, but good luck because there was no way. Not in this lifetime. Not in any…

“Guys…”

It couldn’t be happening, but it was. There he was standing there looking confused with goo all over him, his arms out to his sides as he walked trying not to slip on the slime that was congealing around his ankles.

“Jesus Christ…how is this possible?” Kevin whispered in awe as Brian ran to his best friend and pulled him into a hug with so much force they both ended up falling to the floor.

“I guess this story has a happy ending after all.” AJ said as he turned to me and smiled.

“Guess so.” I was barely able to get out, overwhelmed with gratitude and love for being given this second chance.

I went to help my brothers up and we all embraced, not knowing how we were back and not caring.

A news report on the TV above our heads showed a very angry Donald Trump complaining about the state of affairs in our country and how if he had the power to make a change he would and that change would be coming soon.

He guaranteed it.


	47. Chapter 47

**Epilogue (C)**

**The Author bows out gracefully and says thanks for everything!**

When I started writing this story, I knew it was going to be my last novel, but I’ll get to that in a minute.

All bets were immediately off. All the rules I had set for myself when I decided to start writing a thousand years ago were all thrown out the window. From the very beginning I knew I’d be killing off Nick and all of them at the end at least as one or two of the options. I just wish I could have made this story as I truly intended it to be, a real choose your own adventure.

I really tried to do it a bunch of ways in my head but it just didn’t work out. Writing those things is a lot harder than what you might think. So, I went with choose your own ending instead. You voted and these were your results. Just so you know, if you had picked the third option, they would have never made it through the hole in the first place and you would have seen what happened in the world right before Charlie and his posse blew it up.

This story was so different from anything I have ever written and I wanted to thank you guys for sticking with me through it. I wasn’t sure I was going to do this kind of fic, justice and to be honest, I’m not sure if I succeeded or not. LOL It’s kind of a crap shoot. I do know I wouldn’t have even tried if it weren’t for you.

So, thanks for everything!

I wasn’t planning on making a big announcement but instead decided to reserve it for those of you that have truly stuck with me since the beginning of time, willing to read anything I have written, some really good and some really bad! Not sure where this one falls. lol

This isn’t a total goodbye, I might write a short story here or there but it’s time for me to move on. My love for the BSB has waned and because of that it’s been really hard to channel them in my writing. So, it’s the world of original fic for me now. I’ll still be around on AC all the time.

So, there ya go!

Dang, I tried really hard to get my title into this but failed miserably! D’OH!!

Ah well, *raises a glass*

To whatever the night may bring!

HA!! Did it! You’ll miss this won’t you? LMAO

Adios!


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